


Wait For It

by KnightInRainbowArmour



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 143,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7566697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightInRainbowArmour/pseuds/KnightInRainbowArmour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"All through her life she’d worked so hard to make herself happy, faking it and putting on a mask for those around her. Raven had always hoped that if she’d pretended long enough then maybe one day it would become true. Life unquestionably dealt her an unfair hand but Raven knew that faking it and trying to make happiness happen wasn’t the way things were meant to work for her. </p><p>All she had to do was wait for it. ”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Music Box

**Author's Note:**

> So I wasn't actually planning on uploading this, however, a certain lady who has been scrambling my brain lately has convinced me to do so with that damn smile of her's. It's kind of intimidating that she's going to read this, actually, because her work is completely amazing.  
> But anyway, here goes nothing. This is going to be pretty long, too, so expect a lot more chapters.

 

Chapter 1

Music Box

“Are you sure this is going to be okay?” Raven enquired once again, already finding her own question annoying and repetitive. She gripped the steering wheel a little bit tighter, her palms sweating nervously. She would have complained about being up so early if her heart wasn’t in her throat. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair before reaching down to fiddle with the clasp on her leg brace with her right hand. A nervous habit she had picked up during her time in high school.

Groaning, Clarke tipped her head back in exasperation, “Raven, I’ve told you. You’re coming, mom’s okay with it, she would have invited you even if I hadn’t suggested it. Out of everyone, she probably favours you the most.” She pulled her phone from her back pocket, most likely to text Lexa, and half-heartedly waved Raven off when the brunette went to argue. “Octavia is spending the day with Bell and I just don’t want you to be on your own, okay?”

When it was safe to do so, Raven snapped her head round to glare at Clarke for a second before turning it back to the snow covered road ahead. “So you only wanted me to spend the day with you because you felt sorry for me?” It was rhetorical, she didn’t want Clarke to answer, maybe only a little scared of the actual answer she already knew despite her voice being playful. “Gee, thanks.”

“No,” Clarke grumbled. “I want to spend Christmas with my favourite people. Octavia would have been invited, too, and she would have agreed that you shouldn’t be on your own.” Turning her body to finally face Raven for the first time since they set off over ten minutes ago, she readied herself for an argument. “Please try and relax. This is the first time my mom will be on her own for Christmas since dad died, I’m leaving later on, I know it’s hard for you too.” The soft tone to Clarke’s voice pulled at a broken string in her chest. “If anything, being around people who understand may make for a better Christmas?”

Guilt immediately rose in Raven’s chest causing her to slump in dejection. “Okay.” She nodded in affirmation and allowed the silence to swallow them up. It wasn’t for another five minutes that Raven spoke up again. “What time is Lexa picking you up?” She asked curiously, her brain jumped to calculate the amount of time she would be spending alone with Abby. Raven gulped as though it would remove the blush from her cheeks and quench the burning in her heart.

“Not until one. Anya likes to eat late.” Clarke was glued to her phone once again and Raven rolled her eyes. _Women and their girlfriends._ Raven wanted to mutter something sarcastic in response but she thought better of it. Clarke would only get wound up in the end and she didn't want an argument on Christmas. 

They finally pulled up outside the Griffin household – the tires of Raven’s car only slid a couple of inches – it was nothing fancy but it was definitely something Raven could never afford, with its front lawn and painted walls and trimmed grass. There was a cute little flower bed along one side of the fence that was drowned in white snow, shaded by a small, what she assumed to be a bare apple tree, she wasn’t one for gardening and she’d never paid any attention in her biology classes in high school to be able to recognise specific breeds of plants and trees. Raven peeled her hands from the steering wheel, her skin sticking almost painfully to the leather material.

Clarke helped with some of the bags they had packed, it was mostly food for lunch that they had agreed to help Abby prepare but mixed amongst the plastic food containers there was the odd gift from the pair, either for one another or for Abby herself. After all, it was only polite of Raven to have a gift for the woman that had kindly offered to put her up for the day. Maybe it was a little more than polite considering she’d spent that last few weeks building it with her own two hands, creepy maybe… She didn’t have time to dwell on it for too long, though, because Clarke tapped her hand against the door two or three times before entering as if she owned the place.

Raven couldn’t help but think about how she hadn’t had that. A real family. She’d never had her parents around when she was younger, she’d lived with her grandmother from the age of twelve until she was sixteen before she moved in with Wick, got herself a good job and saved enough money for herself to afford college. Sure she’d had to borrow some from Wick leaving her in a shit ton of debt, but she was slowly paying that off. Raven refused to touch the money that her grandmother had left her, promising to keep it until she had a family of her own.

She cautiously followed Clarke down the slightly familiar hallway, her eyes, like they often had before, followed the proudly framed photos hanging on the wall. She traced the happy smiles with deep focus, always landing on one in particular. “Clarke!” Raven jumped as she wandered into the back of the blonde’s body, her attention snapped to the scene in front of her. The woman in question was engulfed within strong, tanned arms, causing the bag in her hand to dangle precariously as Clarke tried to hold her mom in a one armed hug. She smirked at the sight in front of her. “You’re not missing out, Raven, come on.” Abby, who had managed to catch her wandering eyes, waved the brunette over with a bright smile, one that mirrored those in the pictures, and wrapped her arm around her neck, locking her into a headlock.

Raven couldn’t recall why she had been so nervous. She felt just as welcome and accepted in Abby’s home as she had the first time Octavia and her had been invited round for dinner one evening at the beginning of Clarke’s first year of college.

She didn’t mind one bit, the warmth and affection was welcomed, she wouldn’t ever admit that, and she allowed her head to drop into the crook of the older woman’s neck as she inhaled the scent of cinnamon and coffee. “Mom, you can let go…” Clarke’s grumble was muffled by the opposite side of Abby’s head.

Chuckling, Abby released the two women with a beaming smile. “Sorry.” The smirk on Abby’s face said otherwise, however, and the laughter that broke through Raven’s lips - a genuine sound that was few and far between since Finn - was apparently the reaction Abby was hoping for. “How was the drive here?” she directed the question towards Raven, her warm eyes holding Raven’s dark ones.

“It was-”

“We only live half an hour away, mom. It’s Christmas. The roads were empty.” Clarke cut Raven off before the brunette even had a chance to answer causing Abby to roll her eyes playfully.

“You’ll be sorry when I’m too old or I’m not here anymore and there’s no one to care for you.” It was a teasing comment, one Raven had often heard from her friend’s parents but this time there was a heavy weight to Abby’s words, something underlying the statement that caused the hairs on the back of Raven’s neck to bristle.

“Mom.” Clarke snapped.

“What? I’m just saying, I’m getting old and you’re growing up far too fast.” The older woman walked into the kitchen, Clarke hot on her heels leaving Raven to stand awkwardly in the doorway, bag still in hand. She wasn’t sure whether or not the subject would be dropped or if it would even be acceptable for her to intrude on such a topic. While it had been a few years since Clarke’s father had passed away, it was still a touchy subject for both women, and Raven during such conversations, had found herself chocking up on more than one occasion. “What have you brought for me?”

Abby had turned on her heels, her back pressed securely to the counter. The smell of ham finally caught up to Raven tempting her forward and over to the oven. “Food and things…” The younger of the two brunettes dropped the bag to the worktop beside Abby before crouching down to peer in the oven. Abby moved towards the bag curiously and a jolt raced down Raven’s spine when she saw the movement reflected in the glass, causing her to jump up to her feet faster than humanly possible and faster than her brace should have allowed. “Wait!” Clarke nearly dropped her own bag at Raven’s outburst, like a dear caught in headlights. Abby’s hands paused in mid-air, hovering over the bag with intrigue written all over her face. “You can’t see the gifts I’ve got for you both.” Defensively, she pulled the bag from the counter and hugged it to her chest as though it were her own child. Raven would argue the contents of the bag were exactly that, perfectly engineered contraptions.

“What?” Clarke asked from the other side of the kitchen island.

“ _What_?” Raven shrugged obliviously.

She avoided Abby’s eyes but could feel the older woman shift beside her and then a warm, soft hand landed gently on her shoulder. “Raven, you didn’t have to buy us gifts.” Her words floated into her ears like a melody, causing a shiver to run through her body.

“I didn’t.” She replied as nonchalant as she possibly could. When both women sent her a quizzical look all she could do, without giving everything away, was supply them with a passive shrug. “I made them.”

Abby beamed excitedly, taking a step back to preserve the mystery of the gifts and wandered over to the sink where she lifted freshly rinsed vegetables out of the colander and onto the chopping board. “I suppose we better hurry up with the food then, I’m looking forward to these gifts.” The two younger women dropped their bags to the island and pulled out the essential food needed to prepare their Christmas dinner.

\----

She’d never been one to celebrate holidays, purely because she’d never had a family to celebrate with. After moving in with Wick, they’d made a show of celebrating big sports events and hadn’t really given any effort towards Christmas or Thanksgiving and the likes of, Finn had tried, but she’d just never been interested. It just wasn’t her thing. However, during college, building relationships with her friends and in theory, building her own close family, she’d been more open to the idea, particularly because Octavia was obsessed with the holiday.

The year previous, she had returned home from Wick’s garage to find the apartment she shared with Clarke and the other woman completely covered from floor to ceiling with tinsel and fake snow, the sparkly irritable kind that you somehow managed to find in your underwear three weeks after January 1st. But despite the itching, she had managed to appreciate the sentiment and relaxed into the idea that Christmas wasn’t so bad, nor were the other holidays, as long she could celebrate with some alcohol and people who she didn't mind seeing her having a good time.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about Clarke leaving her later that day, slightly betrayed maybe? She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the sentiment, she was quite thankful for that, in fact, but she couldn’t help the feeling at the back of her mind that she was been given charity. She’d spent enough Christmases on her own to be okay with a McDonalds Christmas offer and _Pulp Fiction_. She glanced over towards Abby, her hands chopping half-heartedly at a carrot while Abby calculatedly poured some sort of liquor into the stock. She followed the smoothness of her bare arms, up her neck and towards her face where her brow was dipped in concentration as she measured the right amount into a jug-

“Shit!” The knife in Raven’s hand had long since reached the end of the carrot and was now digging angrily into the side of her thumb. She dropped the knife and slapped her hand to cover her mouth as though she could pull back in the vulgar language that had just escaped. “Sorry.” She remembered during her first two years of high school, how her teachers had always yelled at her for using such language. One had even gone far enough to say that it was only the less intelligent of people who swore and cursed. Raven had proven her wrong the day she graduated from high school top of all of her classes, well, almost, all but biology, but she didn’t fail.

Raven was too busy being embarrassed about saying ‘shit’ that she didn’t notice Clarke hoisting her arm in the air, away from the ruined carrot and Abby swiftly and expertly wrapping a wet cloth around her hand. “Dude, I don’t think I’ve seen you move so fast in my life. Well, maybe other than that time I set the bathroom on fire…”  There was a rumble that rose up from her belly, up her chest and bubbled out into deep, throaty laughter. It could be the scene unfolding in front of her, the way both women rushed to her aid or it could be the hilarity of their heights. All three women reaching the same height and with Raven’s arm waving in the air meant that Abby had to reach right up onto the tips of her toes. She probably would have brought her arm down but the vice like grip that Clarke had on her wrist made it next to impossible.

That was what she told herself anyway, Abby smirked down at her, it could be a smirk or maybe the soft smile she had seen in the framed photos, she didn’t really catch it before Abby was going back to work on her hand, instead her eyes were glued to the loosely buttoned blouse that Abby was wearing. She tried not to make it obvious, her eyes flicked in as many directions that were physically possible, she even stared at the sink for at least two seconds before her eyes snapped back to their desperate destination. At least it kept her eyes from going to the trail of blood down her arm. She didn’t cope well with the red liquid. No matter the amount.

If she could have, Raven would have rolled her eyes straight into the back of her head if it meant she would stop staring at the very obvious and very appealing cleavage right in front of her face.

“How is it, that you always manage to hurt yourself?” Abby teased playfully as she wiped at the blood leaking from Raven’s thumb in order to see the extent of the damage. “It’s pretty bad…” it was muttered to herself as an observation. Clarke, after a moment or so released her wrist which allowed Abby to pull it down to her own level, consequently removing the view from Raven’s line of sight. “What was it last time?” The humour in Abby’s voice was more than alluring to Raven’s ears. “Bump on your head when the bonnet of Callie’s car fell on you?”

She beamed at the other woman, the memory flashed behind her eyes of the barbeque that Abby had hosted earlier that summer. Callie’s car had been making a rattling sound on the way over and Raven, being the gentleman she was, offered to check it for her. Abby wandering past the car in shorts and flannel shirt had caught her eye and before she could stop herself her head was bouncing off of the hood of the car. “You don’t have to do this.” Raven spoke softly, her voice quiet as she did so. “I’ve had worse.”

Chuckling, Abby nodded in agreement. “I don’t doubt it.” She smiled sweetly at Raven as she pulled an antiseptic wipe from a first aid kit that Clarke had handed her before going back to work on the food, leaving Abby and Raven on the other side of the lengthy kitchen. “This is going to sting like crazy.” Abby gave her a warning glance before dabbing firmly at the sliced skin.

Raven didn’t flinch, she didn’t even blink. She had her fair share of accidents especially working in a garage, so injuries were expected. She often came home with more cuts and bruises than she knew what to do with. “I’m tough.” She joked while the last of the blood was wiped up and a strip, a butterfly strip she thought she remembered them being called from the last time she had been in a hospital, was placed over the deep cut followed by a band aid.

“You certainly are.” Abby patted her arm affectionately. “You can’t be using knives anymore, though.” She smirked as she wound Raven around the island and towards a draw, “You wouldn’t mind setting the table would you?”

“I can still help…” Raven trailed off, she waved in the direction of Clarke bashing something violently with a rolling pin, the look that Abby shot her daughter was something Raven recognised well but had never been on the receiving end of. The amount of love that could be expressed through a single look astounded Raven in every way possible and she knew that was only because she’d never had a mother who could have looked at her like that. “Actually, no. She’s doing just fine on her own.” Raven jested then turned to pull open the draw with her pointer finger, allowing herself a second to take in a welcoming breath, Abby’s eyes began burning a hole in the back of her body a second later. Her chest felt uncomfortably hot and heavy, however, and she knew it was because her mind was drifting back to _that_ place and she didn’t know how she was supposed to deal with that. Raven Reyes didn’t do feelings.

“Mom, I don’t know why you’re making all of this food.” Clarke called over her shoulder, her hand still smashing at whatever was on the chopping board and with each smack to the wood Raven couldn’t help but flinch ever so slightly. “Lexa is coming for me in like two hours.” Raven wouldn't be eating whatever the blonde was preparing. 

“I don’t understand the question.” Abby blinked innocently causing Raven to sputter out a laugh. Clarke snapped her head round to shoot her a glare but the brunette shrugged sweetly and carried on placing the knives and forks down onto the table.

“I’m saying that I’m going to Lexa’s for dinner too, I won’t be able to eat this much.” Clarke explained. Raven would have given a disbelieving look at the fact that Clarke had referred to herself and only herself as the one to be eating _all_ of the food, however, living with her and Octavia, Raven had grown used to consuming this amount if not more in the space of minutes.

Sighing, Abby pulled the possible weapon from Clarke’s death grip and waved her off towards the oven to pull the cooked ham out. “You have your father’s appetite, which means you will eat an unlimited amount of anything even if you don’t like it,” The aforementioned man drew Raven’s attention once again causing her to shift awkwardly on her feet on the opposite end of the kitchen. She felt far too intrusive for her own good and rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly. “So please excuse me if I don’t understand your absurd statement.” Abby teased as she brought the vegetables over to the table in big, hot steaming dishes.

Raven wandered over to the fridge where she had placed the bottle of the most expensive alcohol she could find in the shop and carried it over to the table with three equally expensive looking glasses. She should probably be given a sippy cup with her track record of being far too clumsy for her own good. Following her with the ham, Clarke sat down at the table opposite Raven leaving the only remaining seat for Abby at the head of the table. She presumed that was where Jake used to sit.

True to Abby’s word, Clarke piled her plate high with food. “Help yourself, honey.” Abby gestured towards the range of food that had scattered the table. Raven figured it would only be polite of her to do as Clarke had done. “Poor Octavia.” Abby grinned at Raven.

“What’s wrong with Octavia?”

“What’s Octavia done?”

Both girls replied in unison around their mouthfuls of food, sending one another questioning glances. Abby could only chuckle at the sight in front of her as she took her first bight of food.

“She has to live with the both of you, how does she get any food into herself?” Abby laughed out loud at their incredulous expressions.

“Mom!” Clarke jumped to interject.

“Abby, you don’t understand…” Raven cut the blonde off with the beginnings of her own laughter. “We have to eat this much because if Octavia gets her hands on it first she will devour the whole apartment.”

Abby’s laughter ricocheted off every surface in the room as her head fell back in delight. Raven could’t help but grin at the sight knowing that she had been the one to elicit such a sound. “No way?” The younger woman nodded in all honesty while Clarke piped up about eating something along the lines of a horse and then changing her mind to a whale… she wasn't really listening because she was watching the way Abby was staring intently at her daughter, a beaming smile on her face as they both ate and talked at the same time, without a care in the world. The faint lines around Abby’s eyes and mouth were one of the most beautiful features on the woman’s face, second to her eyes.

She gulped, the thought was almost like a slap across the face. She reached for her glass and downed the contents easily. She rubbed at her face before picking her knife back up and cutting a slice of the ham. She was going to have to get over this stupid little crush she had. Abby was Clarke’s mom, her best friend’s mom and everything about what she was thinking was dangerous if she wanted to keep the blonde in her life. It wasn’t like she had always made a habit of such things, in fact, her past experience consisted of only Finn and that had gone to shit. She was only kidding herself here and maybe, well not really, but it could be okay to be attracted to her but anything more, to Raven, was just a dead end and a silly fantasy world evolving inside her head.

“You okay, Rae?” Clarke asked worriedly. Apparently she’d been sitting staring at her food without eating it for a while.

“Erm,” Raven shook her head and sat up straight. “Yeah, sorry…” She smiled at Clarke and then Abby in apology. “It was a long drive.” She lied. Their plates were empty while hers was only half of that. She tucked into her food and finished it in silence while the other two women waited for her to clean her plate. The small amount of tension that had formed quickly dissipated with a loud crack and a cheer from the opposite side of the table. Abby had pulled a Christmas cracker by herself, the faint scent of burning sulfur wafted over to Raven’s nostrils forming a grin that split her face.

“Merry Christmas!” she applauded placing the paper crown atop her head. Clarke rolled her eyes but couldn’t tame her own smile as she lifted another Christmas cracker up off the table and held it in Raven’s direction for her to pull. She did just that, however, with slightly less enthusiasm than Abby, but grinned when she held the bigger section. “Put the crown on, Raven.” Abby urged, her words laced with excitement.

And of course, she did as she was told. There was a joke about a penguin that was both hilarious and disturbingly unfunny.

They laughed anyway. 

Once everything was finished she helped Abby take the dirty dishes into the kitchen to be washed later and wrapped the leftovers which would likely feed a small village… Clarke would probably take them back to their apartment to be eaten in one sitting. Clarke carried their bags through to the living room where they had decided on exchanging presents. 

Raven turned to place one of the containers of food into the fridge, she had to shift a few items around but easily made space in the almost overflowing fridge. Jumping when something hard hit the back of her head, she couldn’t hold in the yelp that parted her lips. “What was that?” Raven raised a daring eyebrow, taunting the older woman to do whatever she had done again.

Abby had her arms behind her back, an obvious but teasing smirk on her face as she glanced in all directions around the room but at Raven. “Nothing…”

“Abby.” Raven warned as her hand reached into the fridge, her eyes glued to dark brown orbs that dared her to make the next move. Glancing down at the floor, a small orange baby carrot caught her eyes and that was it. She snapped her arm back, a container of Brussel sprouts in her hands.

All hell broke loose.

Small vegetables began to fly across the kitchen as Abby squealed and took cover behind the island while Raven chased her, screaming out what could only be described as a war cry. Handfuls of still warm brussel sprouts flew, missing Abby by inches and slapped against the wooden cabinet behind her head. “Work on your aim, Reyes.” She teased aiming a carrot straight between her eyes.

It hit her square, almost effortlessly. “You’re going to pay for that, Doc.” She reached into her bowl, only to halt when the tips of her fingers hit the bottom. Raven regarded the bowl and her enemy with calculating eyes before abandoning the item on the work top and almost jumped into a sprint as she reached out for Abby in front of her. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now, the older woman wrapped within her arms, but Abby didn’t fight, she only turned to face her with a beaming grin that Raven easily found herself getting lost in. There was no movement bar the heaving of their chests as the excitement wore off but that didn’t stop the odd giggle from breaking the silence between them.

“What the hell?” Raven leaped away from Abby, the older woman’s arms dropped from her shoulders where she hadn’t realised they’d been wrapped and her attention shot to Clarke. The blonde woman was stood in the doorway, her jaw dropped almost to the floor as her eyes took in the scene around her. Green vegetables up the walls and cabinets while carrots scatter every flat surface. “I was away for three minutes!”

Raven curled her lips inward, trying and failing to suppress her laughter as her shoulders bounced up and down.

“Five and a half…” Abby added only to receive a burning glare. “Sorry.” She whispered under her breath loud enough that only Raven could hear it. Before the brunette could give any input, however, there was a bowl being squashed onto her head, or rather the remaining carrots still in the bowl were being squashed onto her head and the bowl was keeping them in place. “I couldn’t resist.” And then Abby was running out of the kitchen and into the living room squealing as though she were as young as her daughter and her friend.

\----

Abby had been kind enough to offer Raven the guest room shower while she wiped up the mess in the kitchen. The younger woman had only protested mildly, feeling the vegetables harden against her head.

Raven towel dried her hair before she tied it up, her hair rid of the mushed carrot that had probably stained her scalp orange. She entered the living room to be met by Clarke staring up at her intensely, legs crossed beneath her while her hands clutched what looked to be her first unopened gift, picked from the pile of others all with her name labelled to the top of them under the tree. “You’re here.” Clarke stated, keeping her eyes glued to Raven’s.

She nodded in confirmation. “I am.” She eyed Clarke wearily, familiar with ‘Christmas Clarke’ where she would revert back to her six-year-old self, hyper and over excited. Clarke’s knee bounced impatiently as she waited for Raven to take a seat on the couch, Abby walked in from the kitchen and took a seat beside the younger brunette, perhaps a little closer than she should have considering it was the longest piece of furniture in the room. She didn’t mind, however, Abby was close enough for her to smell her perfume causing a smile to form on the corner of her lips.

“She’s been itching to tear that open since you went up for a shower.” Abby explained with a burst of laughter. “You can open it now honey.” With that, Clarke tore the paper, throwing it over her shoulder while yanking the ribbon haphazardly over the other. “Clarke,” Abby warned as the bent over to pick up the strewn paper.

“Thank you, mom.” Clarke held a new set of paints, Raven presumed they were oil but she couldn’t be sure, they all looked the same to her. “I love it.” She reached up to wrap her arm around her mother’s neck. Raven understood why Clarke had wanted to invite her now, the way Abby was watching her intently, as though the blonde was still her baby, so full of love and her own excitement. She guessed that Clarke didn’t want to see that look fade when she had to leave. Especially with Abby living on her own, it must have been a common occurrence. “Your turn.” Clarke declared excitedly to her mom. She reached into the bag that was sat just to the left of her and pulled out a small but neatly wrapped box. It was clear to Raven that whatever was concealed was some item of jewellery. “It’s nothing amazing, Lexa helped me pick it out, but…” Clarke waved her hand dismissively as she urged Abby to open the gift.

The older woman, a complete contrast apparently to that of her daughter, delicately pulled away the paper and the tape holding it together, and folded it by her side. Raven began to chuckle, her shoulder’s bobbed in delight as she eyed Abby, a warmth spreading through her chest when she turned to face her. “Just because my daughter has a grudge against the paper doesn’t mean I do.” Patting the paper flat, she grinned at Raven. “Less mess.”

“Cute.” Raven involuntarily blushed at her own words and if it hadn’t been for the ducking of her head, she would have noticed the redness that crawled its way up Abby’s neck and the glare that Clarke shot her. Abby flipped the lid of the small box open, something to take her mind off of Raven’s words, it would seem, and was met with the sparkling bracelet that held three small charms. The brunette couldn’t get close enough without seeming nosey to see exactly what they were, but as Abby gasped, one hand shot to cover her mouth, she knew it must have been personal.

“Clarke…” It was chocked like she was attempting and failing at keeping down a sob. The urge to reach out to comfort the other woman was an almost burning pain inside Raven’s gut, but despite the feeling, she sat still, her hands clamped together in her lap as she waited for the feeling to pass. “This is beautiful…”

Clarke shrugged but the smile on her face was enough to convey the pride she felt in that moment. “I’m glad you like it.” But it was clear that Clarke didn’t do emotional situations, which to Raven was the reason for their friendship, because a moment later she thrust a gift in Raven’s direction. “Here.”

“Gee thanks.” Raven deadpanned jokingly as she gratefully took the package. It was heavy and rectangular. She thought for a moment that it could be another item of jewellery and shook it beside her ear, listening for any movement. It was silent and became apparent that it wasn’t hollow.

“Just open it, for crying out loud, Raven.” Clarke muttered in frustration, her head tipped back in exasperation.

“Don’t leave us waiting, Clarke might explode.” Abby teased from her side, nudging the younger woman with her arm. It surprised Raven just how close they were causing her to jump ever so slightly. She covered the movement well, however, removing the paper in one swift tear.

She blinked blankly down at the item in her hands. “It’s a book...” she didn’t move her head but her eyes flicked upwards in a questioning glance.

“Look at its name!” she did as she was told.

“ _How to get a girlfriend in ten easy steps.”_ Abby’s laughter broke the instant of silence. “Just what I need…” Sarcasm. It was her go to emotion. Was sarcasm even an emotion?

“It is actually.” Raven’s face must crinkle in discomfort, she definitely felt it, more so because Abby was eyeing her curiously and probably with amusement, too. Clarke smirked up at her from her position still on the floor. “Wow, I haven’t seen you looking this uncomfortable since that time you blew up half of your room with the toaster and had to wear Lexa’s clothes for a week.” Clarke paused as she added off handed, “mind, the uncomfortable faces you pulled that week were probably because you had to wear Octavia’s thongs…”

Raven’s eyes bugged out of her head as she gasped desperately for words.  “That’s not…” she snapped her eyes over to Abby who had her hand balled up against her mouth to hold in her laughter causing her shoulders to bob up and down almost violently. “She’s lying.” Raven held her hands up in defense as though she could hide her embarrassment behind the apparent lies.

“I am not!” Clarke threw some balled up paper at Raven’s head, insulted at the brunette’s accusation.

“You don’t get to have your gift now.” Raven huffed as she reached into the bag to hide the scruffily wrapped present behind her back.

Clarke dropped back down to the floor, her butt hit the ground with an uncomfortable sounding thud. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Abby finally allowed the laughter to break through the silence that had accompanied the death stare that Raven was shooting Clarke. “The way you both behave; I’m surprised your apartment hasn’t blown up yet.” She mused to herself with a chuckle unaware of the almost panicked glances that the two younger women shot one another. Their minds flashed to the time only three months ago when Raven had tried to repair the fifty odd year old fuse box in the basement of their building only to have it blow up in her face. Octavia had been so distraught by the lack of electricity that she had gone after Raven with a crow bar out of her tool box and had ‘accidentally’ smashed the boiler. They were lucky Clarke was good with her words, or they would have surely been evicted by their landlord. “I don’t want to know…” Abby apparently caught the tail end of their glances and shook her head. “Now hurry up, Clarke’s leaving soon and the anticipation is killing me.”

Obliging happily to Abby’s request, Raven handed over the small gift to Clarke who took it gratefully. “Don’t get your hopes up too much, I’m broke and I could only use what I could find around the apartment and the garage.” She shrugged passively but the blush creeping up her cheeks suggested that she was feeling more than she was letting on. “O got one too. We both pitched in for your birthday present which will be ten times as awesome as this.” she gestured to the small gift uncomfortably.

Clarke tore the paper open and pulled out a small bracelet. It was a thin black string looped round and connected at the other end by a small silver nut, it had been polished to give off a shine. The blonde ran her thumb across the small chunk of metal before she slipped the piece of jewelry onto her wrist. “Rae…” the indentations in the side caught the blonde’s eye, her name had been etched and filled in with a bronze looking metal. Clarke was about to say something but she was cut off as Raven jumped to hide her embarrassment.

She rubbed at the back of her neck as she felt Abby’s eyes flicker between them. “You, O and me have one each, see.” She rolled up her sleeve to expose her own, identical to that of Clarke’s. “I figured you’d need something to remember me by when we all finish college.” She only half joked, after all she would be staying in New York to run the garage with Wick, Clarke was planning on moving to Paris to join a fancy art school and Octavia was planning on travelling the world with Lincoln for a while. Of course she knew that they’d always stay in touch. Friendships like the ones they had formed didn’t just disappear overnight, but there was a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that was telling her that eventually, after a few years, texts and calls would be few and far between and visits would be even less. “It’s not much I know but erm…” Raven reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out a white envelope. “I got you this, too. To say thanks for inviting me round for lunch and all.” Clarke accepted the second gift gratefully and pulled out a voucher.

The few seconds of silence that followed confirmed to Raven that Clarke was feeling the same. But as the blonde lifted her head up to face her, a smirk tugged at the corners of her lips, she knew there would be no need for an awkward conversation. “You’re such a nerd.” She held up the gift, it really wasn’t much, Raven had had to ask for an advance on her wages to be able to afford it but she was sure that Clarke would enjoy the all-expenses paid art class nonetheless.

“Shut up.” Raven muttered but was unable to suppress her own smile. She did notice, however, how Abby had grown awfully quiet, she glanced to her side to find the aforementioned woman staring at her with something in her eyes, something deep and echoing as though she was watching the scene unfold before her but thinking intensely of something else. The tug in Raven’s chest was almost unbearable as their eyes met, a flicker in Abby’s eyes, a flash of something familiar, it only lasted for a second but it was gone before she knew it. The pink hue didn’t go unnoticed by Raven as it crawled up Abby’s cheeks.

“My turn.” Abby called, breaking the tension that had formed around the three of them. She stood abruptly, wiping down her jeans before she wandered out of the room only to return a moment later with a heavy looking box. It was wrapped within the same neatly folded paper as Clarke’s had been only this box was at least four times the size. Big enough that Abby needed to use two hands to carry it. “This is for you.” Abby placed it on the coffee table in front of Raven with a heavy, metallic thud and a beaming smile splitting her face in two as she stared down at the younger brunette.

“You… You got me a gift?” Raven was genuinely shocked as she blinked between the gift and the other woman, her eyes were wide and her mouth hung on a slack jaw. She even chanced a glance at Clarke, silently questioning her friend as to whether or not this was real or not.

“Of course.” Abby nodded in confirmation.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Raven reached out and ran her fingers over the top of the wrapping. “You didn’t have to do that…”

“I wanted to.” Abby finally sat down beside her and placed her hand on Raven’s shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“Thank you, Abby.” She sounded dazed, her voice coming out in soft wisps. The truth was, she hadn’t ever received a proper gift since she lived with her grandmother, and even then it would have just been a gift card or something small. Clarke and Octavia were the same, always something small or joking, something she could appreciate none the less. And when it had come down to Finn, well, she had her necklace but other than that the both of them had been unreliable, forgetting birthdays and not bothering with Christmas at all. However, she could not remember the last time she had felt this way when receiving a gift.

The laughter eased her shock as Abby nudged her shoulder with her own. Her body was closer than it had been before, close enough that both of their arms were flat against each other causing the heat from their skin to melt together. “You haven’t opened it yet, don’t thank me until you see what it is.” She hadn’t, she was too scared to actually tear the paper. Well, not scared, that was maybe the wrong word. Cautious perhaps was a better and more accurate term for what she was feeling in that moment. Because her heart was hammering in her chest at a million miles per second and her ribs were straining to keep her lungs tightly inside her body. Abby’s eyes were trained on her, where they flickered every now and then back to her unmoving hands. Raven knew that she was over thinking things far too much. It was only a gift after all and Abby was her best friend’s mom. But it occurred to her then that her silence and stillness may be interpreted as her being ungrateful so Raven shook her head, removing all thoughts as she carefully tore the sticky tape holding the paper together. Beneath, a sheer, metallic red metal was exposed that allowed the light spilling in from the window to reflect from the surface, inch by inch. She was milking it. Savoring every moment. Relaxing under the gaze of the woman next to her.

“For crying out loud.” Raven’s head snapped up just in time to see Clarke reach out and yank the paper from the metal box in her lap. “I will shove that up your ass if you don’t open it and tell me what’s inside.”

Raven only gawked for a moment before her own impatient mind got the better of her. She knew that what she was holding was a tool box, a rather expensive one at that. She’d seen this exact one not too long ago, too, and had begged Wick to save up and split it with her. “Oh my god.” She chanced a glance in Abby’s direction to find worried eyes flicking between her and the gift, to Clarke and then back to her.

“Is it the right one? I wasn’t sure if it was… Clarke mentioned it one day in passing.” She waved her hand, gesturing between the tool box and her daughter. “I still have the receipt if it’s not the right one.”

“No, Abby, this-” Raven cut herself off before she knew the break in her voice could be heard. She choked it down with a deep frown, filled with annoyance and confusion. She rubbed at her chin with the tips of her fingers. “This is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.” She hated the way her voice involuntarily went soft, how the scrapes of emotion she was feeling was seeping out to the surface.

Abby grinned, beamed in fact, her perfectly white teeth shining at her with glee. “Good.” She bobbed her head, almost as though she was trying to keep her own emotions in check. “That’s good.”

“Dude!” Clarke snapped, reaching over to wave her hand in front of Raven’s face. “My gift was totally cool.”

“Yeah… for you maybe. I don’t need any help with the ladies.” Raven puckered her lips as she waved the blonde off.

“I’m not the one who’s single.” The glare Clarke shot her caused a cold shiver to run down her spine, she had no doubt that the blonde could kill with her ice cold death stare and wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of it if she ever truly had angered her friend.

Raven gently placed the tool box to the ground noting its weight and momentarily cataloguing its contents as she flipped the lid open to glance inside before she reached over to the dull, in comparison, bag filled with the gifts Clarke and herself had brought along with them and pulled out an oddly wrapped present. “This one’s for you.” Raven’s heart stuttered at the genuine gasp of surprise that escaped Abby’s lips.

“I told her she didn’t have to get you anything but she insisted.” Clarke interjected with an eye roll.

“She’s right, you didn’t have to get me anything.” For a moment Raven thought she had maybe made the wrong decision, that she’d gone and embarrassed herself but as a delighted smile tugged at the corners of Abby’s mouth she knew she hadn’t. “But I love presents as much as Clarke does so thank you.” Abby laughed whole heartedly as she squeezed Raven’s hand.

“Raven’s been locked away in her room banging around for the past two weeks and wouldn’t tell us what she was doing.” Clarke started as Raven’s heart began to race in her chest. She stayed quiet, her eyes were glued to her hands and she couldn’t help but desperately hope that Abby liked it. It had taken her a while to get it working and to even find the parts she needed. Don’t get her started on welding it all together, she wasn’t perfect when it came to using a soldering iron but she damn well tried her hardest to make it so. Abby chuckled as she glanced between the two younger women. “O and I actually thought she was building a rocket for a while…”

Raven rolled her eyes and slouched against the back of the couch with a huff. “You’re being dramatic.”

“I am not!” Clarke screeched defensively before she threw a cushion off the love seat at her head. “We had to remind her to eat!” she gaped at her mom, her hands were outstretched waiting for a response from the woman.

“That was one time! And only because I was working on that project with Sinclair, too.”

“Whatever. You still forgot to eat.” Clarke muttered beneath her breath. Raven decided not to mention the time she forgot to sleep and only realised when a pigeon flew in through the window she had left open, she’d spent an hour or so that morning, half asleep, trying to coax the bird back out from where it came.

Huffing out a breath Raven leaned forward with a teasing glare. “Just because food is your life doesn’t mean it will always be on my mind too.”

“Food isn’t my life.” Clarke snapped.

“Oh yeah, I forgot that was Lexa now.” While her words were only teasing, the playful lilt to them palpable between their quick banter, it didn’t stop the angry flush from rising up to Clarke’s cheeks.

“ _And_ I think that’s enough.” Interjecting, Abby held her hands up to silence any other comment from being shot in either direction. “I want to open my gift.” She wiggled excitedly in her spot close to Raven causing their skin to rub together. Between that and the grin on her face, Raven couldn’t decide whether or not she was about to implode or explode. Something with an ‘ode’ for sure… Abby turned to beam at Raven as though she was waiting for conformation. Smiling back Raven nodded causing the other woman to tear the paper, a completely hilarious contrast to how she had acted before.

While she was nervous to see Abby’s reaction, she couldn’t help the bubble of excitement that shimmied its way up her chest, splitting her face into an inhumanly wide grin. “It’s not as big a deal as Clarke is making it out to be…” She rubbed at the back of her neck as she caught the first glimpse of deep bronze coloured metal. Clarke muttered something but she didn’t catch it. Abby’s eyes had her attention, sparkling and gleaming with excitement as the last of the paper was torn away to reveal what Raven had made. “It’s really for both of you I guess.” She added as an afterthought. She'd originally meant for it to be for Clarke's birthday after realising how important it was to the blonde. However, when she'd been invited to join the Griffin women for Christmas, she'd thought of a better use for it.

“What is it?” Clarke asked bluntly, tipping her head to the side curiously. Raven watched as Abby inspected the spherical object within one palm, tracing the tiny holes with the tip of her finger along the small pin sized bars and onto the small star shaped segments of metal that were perched on the ends. Raven hoped silently to herself that Abby didn’t shake it.

She cleared her throat and drew Abby’s attention towards her. “Can I?” she held her hand out waiting for the object to be placed within it remembering its weight and stroking her own fingers across the cool metal. With her left hand she leant to the side and pulled out what looked to be a small key from her pocket and placed it within a small hole in the side. “I remembered Clarke telling me about how Jake used to…” she trailed off when music started playing and glowing light escaped through the tiny holes that scattered the surface lighting up her hand and the stars attached to the sphere.

The sound coming from the music box was soothing, at least it should have been but all that Raven could feel was the eyes of the other two women on her. Burning deeply into her soul. It had never been a song Raven had recognised before the second anniversary of Jakes death when Clarke, Octavia and herself had gotten particularly drunk and the blonde had played the recording of him singing it to her. It had been an old recording, as though it had been burned from a CD or even a tape, his voice had been scratchy but the tune was clearly eligible amongst the static. Raven had sat watching countless videos on YouTube on how to build the cylinder for a music box but due to the complex design it had taken her twice as long to adapt it.

She was proud none the less and as the music came to an end she couldn’t hold back the beam, even when the light faded and silence enveloped the room. Clarke and Abby watched. Raven gulped. “Raven…” Abby’s voice was unexplainably soft and gentle as she reached out to take her hand.

“Well shit.” Clarke muttered. Her voice sounded teasing but Raven caught the crack and the undertone of something sore and painful. “I need to go and get you another gift.” Abby laughed a watery laugh, keeping in her own tears that Raven could plainly see flooding her eyes.

“If anyone starts crying I’m leaving.” Raven joked. “This wasn’t meant to make people sad.” She explained as her smile dropped, worry and panic grew in her chest. Maybe she should have just gotten her something practical like a stethoscope or Starbucks gift card… “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-”

Raven was surprised to be cut off when a ball of blonde was hurled at her, arms engulfed her shoulders as Clarke tackled her to the couch. Abby was only just able to catch the box as it fell from Raven’s hands. “You’re going soft, you idiot.” Clarke laughed heartily into her neck. “Thank you.”

“No I’m not.” Raven chocked out around the death grip Clarke had on her. “I’m solid as a rock.” Their laughter filled the room around them as Raven patted the blonde’s back. She was glad that she had been able to bring such happiness to Clarke, especially during what had previously been a sad time for the woman. She grinned to herself more than anyone in particular, her eyes flickered over to Abby and the grin and the happiness she had felt literally boiling up inside her dissipated.

Abby’s eyes were downcast, she clutched the music box in her hand as she traced over the key protruding from the side. Raven couldn’t help but feel that the gift hadn’t had the impact on the older woman that she was hoping for. When Clarke pulled away to retreat back to her place on the floor, Raven turned to Abby. She wanted to ask the woman if she was okay but the dark shadow that seemed to have ghosted over her face told her that she should probably keep the question to herself. It was pretty obvious to her that Abby was far from okay and the thought that she had caused that made her feel sick.

The doorbell sounded from the other side of the house drawing their attention to Clarke who jumped to her feet, far too fast for it to be humanly possible, and most likely giving herself whiplash. She leapt through the doorway and into the hall where a new voice could be heard. “I guess that’s the last we’ll see of her.” Raven joked as she clambered to her feet, her brace only slightly locking from being still for so long.

Abby offered her a half-hearted smile, immediately brushing off the past couple of seconds like they hadn’t just happened. “Come on.” She ushered Raven towards the hall. “I want to make Lexa squirm.” She chuckled, allowing the negative feelings to float away. At least that was what it had looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Beautiful Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can definitely relate to both Raven and Abby in this chapter. Damn you women and your smiles. Or specifically only one woman...

 

Abby wasn’t lying when she said she was going to make her daughters girlfriend squirm. “Lexa.” She greeted the taller woman with her head held high. While her voice definitely would have sounded friendly to any outsider, someone who hadn’t known Abby for more than at least two years, there was an undertone of something else. It made Raven shiver and she wasn’t even on the receiving end of it. It was almost threatening but not quite, more along the lines of ‘I know you’re dating my daughter and I know what that entails.’ Raven gulped. “How are you?” Which would probably translate to, ‘give me a reason to disprove of you.’

Clarke wound her arm round Lexa’s waist protectively with an eye roll. “Mom.” She warned clearly with a bite to her tone. “Be nice.” She shot a pointed glare towards her before turning to Lexa who looked more than uncomfortable with her yes apparently finding more interest in her shoes and scuffing her toes against the rug. Raven felt for the other woman, she did, but Abby was in her element here and she found that more amusing than ever.

“I was only being polite, darling.” Abby grinned at her daughter but there was an evident tint in her eyes, teasing.

“I’m very good thank you, Dr. Griffin.” Lexa spoke up a moment later, her cheeks were burning red as she looked anywhere but the older woman. Lexa’s expression reminded her uncomfortably, if for only a moment, of the first time she had brought Finn back to meet Wick. Lexa even made eye contact with Raven for a moment, pleading with her eyes to save her. Raven wanted to feel guilty, she did, but this was good ammo for later. She knew that Lexa was scared of Abby, terrified, in fact, Lexa had stated as much on multiple occasions. It was something she teased her over whenever Lexa would stay the night with Clarke, it was light hearted of course, but it was more than satisfying to see her blushing like this instead of the teasing being directed at Raven herself over the tiny crush on the older woman. “Are you enjoying your Christmas?” Lexa was good at shielding her emotions in most cases, more often than not Raven had no clue what she was thinking or feeling. However, now, it was plain for all to see, she was petrified. Her back was ram rod straight and her voice was stiff.

Lexa wanted to leave.

“Oh, it’s going quite well, thank you. I’m not happy about Clarke leaving, though.” Abby scowled at Lexa, her eyes were level and her shoulders were square as though she was waiting for the taller woman to challenge her. Lexa gulped audibly and shrank back towards Clarke’s protective arm, her eyes popping and Raven would have sworn that there were beads of sweat forming around her hairline. “I never get to spend as much time with her now that you’re in the picture.” Raven glanced between them both and then to Clarke who was stood with her head tipped to the side, her jaw gritted in frustration with an annoyed expression. If Raven wasn’t so observant of the Griffin women, she would have feared for Lexa’s safety and mental wellbeing, though it was the smallest of smirks on the edge of Abby’s lips that reassured her and she found herself relaxing and joining in with the teasing.

“She’s so devastated that I have to stay and care for her while Clarke is off gallivanting with you.” Raven inputted revelling in the amused grin that Abby shot over her shoulder.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say I needed cared for… just-” Abby deliberately made her voice crack, her fist flew to her mouth in order to bite down on her finger to either stifle her laughter or to fake her sobbing. “I’m so lonely now that Clarke has a girlfriend.”

Raven stepped to Abby’s side with a scowl plastered to her face, one that was alarmingly similar to Abby’s. She didn’t think much about what she was doing, enjoying the role she had taken on too much. She gently placed her hand on Abby’s shoulder. “Look what you’ve done, Lexa. I mean I know you’re in love but… _how_ ,” The older woman span towards Raven and let out a wail before she buried her head in her neck. The shock pulsed down the younger woman’s body but she tried not to let it show. “How could you be so selfish?” Raven was thankful that the squeaking of her voice could be passed off as her acting rather than an actual reaction to the woman in her arms. She subconsciously tightened her grip on Abby, pulling her closer to her. She tried desperately not to focus on the hands gripping her waist.

Lexa looked about ready to pass out. Her knuckles where white as her fists balled at her waist despite Clarke trying to weave their fingers together. “I’m sorry, Dr. Griffin.” Lexa started.

“Don’t apologise, Lex.” Clarke stepped forward with a disgruntled huff. Apparently she was used to this behaviour from her mother and now Raven finally understood why Lexa was so scared of Abby. She had never believed either of them when they had told her that Abby had given them a rough time. From her own experience Clarke’s mom was the politest person she had ever met.

She liked this side of Abby.

A lot.

“We can cancel, Anya won’t mind.” Lexa proceeded to ramble out in a nervous rush. “Clarke you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. Your mom needs you.” The fake crying in the crook of Raven’s neck subsided and was immediately replaced by quiet laughter that ghosted across her neck causing a very notable shudder to run down her spine. Abby pulled away after a second or so of composing herself but her laughter only grew in volume when she saw the flustered expression on Lexa’s horrified face. “Clarke, I think I broke your mom...” Lexa whimpered waiting for an explosion or the apocalypse.

“You’re too easy.” Abby wheezed. “I’m just messing with you.” She reached out and took Lexa’s clenched fist in her own, easing the fingers into relaxed position. “Haven’t I told you to call me Abby?” She shot an amused but pointed look at Lexa before leading them through to the living room where she took her seat back on the couch beside Raven. Clarke dragged Lexa down onto the carpet where they proceeded with the present opening. Well Clarke and Abby did, Raven and Lexa sat politely by, smiling and grinning when gifts were opened. Raven tried not to revel in the emotions that Abby exuded but she found herself mirroring Lexa’s own goofy, doe eyed expression as she watched Clarke.

It took a few minutes but eventually Lexa eased into the easy routine that they had found themselves in for the most of that morning. Clarke and Abby had a few too many Christmas champagne drinks, their excuses being that they didn’t have to worry about driving, which of course meant that tipsy laughter filled the house up until the point when it was time for Lexa and Clarke to leave.

Abby visibly deflated in her seat beside Raven at the thought of her Christmas being over so soon.  But regardless, she stood, albeit with a slight sway, and walked her daughter and her girlfriend to the door with a smile on her face. Raven could see it plain and simple, the facade that often found its way into Abby’s expression, hiding what she truly felt to keep Clarke happy. She admired her, she truly did, but she couldn’t help but feel an ache in her chest that was bubbling into something else Raven did not want to even address at that point in time.

She knew it was there nonetheless, though.

\----

It was strange to Raven, how she had hoped it would be awkward when Clarke and Lexa left. Awkward she could deal with, it was what she was used to, hell, her whole life was awkward and uncomfortable. But as she sat perched on the couch, her good leg tucked beneath her, and her arm stretched along the back, she felt all too comfortable as It’s _A Wonderful Life_ played on the TV. Abby told her it was a Griffin Christmas tradition so of course Raven had wasted no time in finding the DVD for the older woman while she made up a bowl of popcorn.

They were only halfway through the film and already both women had shifted towards the centre of the couch and with Raven’s arm already thrown across the back, they were far too close for it to be considered casual. But the natural air that had filled the minimal space between them felt too good to just move back to her own side of the couch so she stayed where she was, close enough to Abby to feel her body heat against her bare arm.

“Thank you for my present.” Abby spoke up when a lull formed in the film. Her hands were clasped together in her lap as she stared down at them, deliberately avoiding looking at Raven.

The younger woman gulped, her brow involuntarily dipping into a concerned frown. Abby had been awfully quiet and not just because they were watching a film. Raven couldn’t help but feel that she was the cause of the negative mood but tried to ignore the heavy weight that that thought caused to settle in her stomach. “I’m sorry if I upset you, that wasn’t what I was trying to do.” Raven offered, her voice sounded small, smaller than she would ever allow anyone else to hear it. She would be embarrassed if she hadn’t been so concerned for Abby’s emotional wellbeing.

“Oh, no. No.” Abby finally turned to face her, her own concerned expressing mirrored Raven’s. “You didn’t upset me.” She didn’t elaborate, however, and they fell back into silence.

It wasn’t for another two minutes that Raven piped up again. “You just looked a little sad when you heard the music, and-”

“Raven,” Abby placed her hand, for only a moment, though it felt like a life time, gently on Raven’s thigh, the one tucked beneath her leg. “You didn’t upset me.” That left plenty of room for interpretation and only caused the dip of her brow to deepen. “It was just,” Abby let out a rough sigh, it almost sounded painful as though she were trying desperately hard to form the right words.

Raven wasn’t sure how she was supposed to help Abby feel more comfortable, she didn’t want to reach out in case it made things worse and she damn well didn’t trust her own voice in that moment. She instead turned to face the woman fully, giving Abby her unabridged attention.

“It’s hard when you realise how much you miss someone, especially when you try not to remember-” Despite the topic, Abby had managed to keep a collected and calm demeanor, her back was straight and her hands were clasped together in her lap as though she was sitting in a meeting or something equally formal. That didn’t sit right with Raven particularly because she could relate to the way Abby was trying to keep her emotions in check. “Remember how much time has passed and how much things are changing around me.” The change in pronoun caught Raven’s attention, especially the break in her voice. “I haven’t heard that song in such a long time.”

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Raven moved away from the older woman ever so slightly, her back hit the arm of the couch as she gave Abby some space. “I know it’s hard to talk about that… stuff…” Raven waved her hand as though she could pluck the right words out of thin air, but the farthest her brain could scan in the moment was her kindergarten vocabulary.

“It still hurts sometimes. Not as much as it used to, but it’s still there.” Abby settled back into the couch and pulled her feet up underneath her body.

Raven nodded her head in understanding before she tried her best to relax back into the couch beside Abby. “It doesn’t get much easier.” She muttered thinking back to her own problems. “It’s good to have people to talk to, as much as it pains me to say, Clarke and O have helped me a lot.” She explained shyly. As far as she could tell, Abby didn’t really have that many friends, bar the two women she had meat once at the annual Griffin family barbeque, she hadn’t seen anyone else around. She assumed that perhaps she was close with her work colleagues but even then, the older woman had never mentioned them, not even in passing.

“Maybe I should start opening up a little more.” Abby chanced a shy glance in Raven’s direction, the message not going unmissed by the younger woman.

“You know where I am.” She smiled surely before turning back to watch the TV. “I mean, if you ever want to talk…”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Raven left that night after helping Abby clean up the dirty dishes but not before she gave the older woman her cell number, ‘just in case’.

While she had no intention of opening up to the older woman herself, she did feel a strange and intense need for Abby to do so with her.

\----

Raven sat on the end of their shared couch, her hair was being tugged at from behind as she fiddled with the broken toaster in her hands. Her fingers were coated with grime and grease but she couldn’t care one bit, it kept her preoccupied as Octavia insisted on preparing her hair for the night out as she was adamant dragging her on.

“Keep still.” The other woman pulled a braided section of hair backwards towards the high pony Raven had requested. “What is it with you and that damn toaster?”

Raven could only shrug. She tugged at a few wires and tapped around aimlessly with a screwdriver in thought. “Can you keep it down a bit?” Clarke’s voice sounded from the other end of the couch and Raven could almost feel the rolling of her eyes from where she was sat.

Grunting, Raven finally looked up with an irritated glare. “Look, it’s not our fault you’re underage and have too much work and too many lady problems to fix that its stopping you from coming out-” Octavia yanked harshly on her hair causing her head to jolt back painfully. “Ow, Jesus, O!”

“Be nice.” Octavia warned with a disapproving scowl. Raven was sure that it was a family thing. Bellamy had done the same that time she had bought one too many fireworks for the 4th.

“I’m just saying, it’s not like the age thing is a problem when your brother owns the bar, O.” Raven shrugged.

“I don’t have lady problems.” Clarke snapped irritably. “I’m twenty-one in like a week, can you guys not wait? Anyway, it’s not like you want to go out, Raven.” Clarke muttered as she finally dropped her phone to her lap and picked up her pencil to carry on with her school work.

“That’s true.” Raven nodded in mock agreement. “But I’m not whining about it.” Octavia pulled on her hair again, Raven let out an involuntary grunt of pain. “What the hell dude.” She growled through gritted teeth. “Look, come out with us, let loose a little bit, stop obsessing over Lexa for like five minutes and come and get drunk.” Raven asked though her words came out as more of an order than anything else.

Ignoring Raven, Octavia turned to face Clarke. “Is it really that bad?” Her voice was disbelieving but it still held that typical Blake sympathetic and comforting tone. It made Raven cringe as she fiddled away with the toaster. Raven tried to drown out the conversation by delving into the mending of the toaster but as it became more apparent that whatever she was doing wouldn’t fix the device, she allowed her eyes to wander around the _still_ festively decorated room. The decorations were toned down more so than they had been last year, purely because neither of the three women had spent Christmas at the day before, though there was still tinsel and other decorations strewn haphazardly in every direction and fake snow along the long windowsill that was framed by the long wall. 

Clarke lolled her head back against the arm of the couch. “It’s been two hours!” She whined.

“Quick call the police! Lexa hasn’t been heard from in _two hours_! She must be dead. Someone call the FBI!” Raven mocked, her own displeasure of being dragged out when she had an early start at the garage the next morning had turned her into an irritable mess. She didn’t lift her head, however, from where it was buried inside the dissected toaster.

It had been one day since Clarke had last seen Lexa, and in Raven’s mind, one day since she had spent Christmas with the blonde’s mother. It was only boxing day so it was likely that Lexa was spending time with her family. “Not helping.” Octavia gritted out, though Raven could _hear_ the grin in her voice and couldn’t help but smirk over her shoulder proudly at her best friend.

“The FBI wouldn’t investigate something like this anyway.” Clarke grinned around a sarcastic smirk.

Raven held her hands up in defence. “Sorry, this would be _Fringe’s_ area of expertise.”

The third woman in the room rolled her eyes in frustration. “Clarke, she’s probably just spending time with Anya and Indra.” Octavia soothed calmly as she sat herself down between the two women.

“I know, but it’s just not like her.” Clarke whined like a petulant child but managed to ignore Raven’s comment.

“Well,” Octavia started, finishing Raven’s hair with a pat to her shoulder. “Whether there’s something wrong or not, you should come out, relax and just let yourself go for a while.” Raven wandered to her room to retrieve her clutch, leaving the other two women to bicker. Her eyes caught the bright red metallic paint of the tool box that Abby had given her for Christmas and the familiar welling in her chest was unstoppable as was the grin that pulled at the corners of her mouth. The night before spent with the other woman had been nice, domestic, but nice.

That, that right there was the problem.

Raven had decided that she wouldn’t let her little crush with the older woman get in the way of anything, especially not her friendship with Clarke, however, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t seem to get the older woman free from her mind.

“Raven! Come on, we’re going.” The front door slammed behind the other woman before Raven could even leave her room. She hurried through the apartment after Octavia.

“Clarke.” She waved her goodbye and left to find Octavia.

“Did you call my girlfriend an _experiment_?” Raven just managed to catch before she dived into the stairwell.

\----

Raven hadn’t been informed to the fact that Lincoln would be joining them. If she had, she would have been more adamant on Clarke coming with them or not even going out at all. She sat alone at the bar, spinning the contents of her glass in a whirlpool of ice and whiskey. It wasn’t usually her go to drink, beer being the usual, but Octavia had left her to go sit with her boyfriend with no care for other people’s opinions of PDA in mind so she was going to need something strong to be able to get through the night. That was for sure.

She had hoped Bellamy would have been working, at least then she would have had some company, but as the minutes had ticked by, it had become apparent that she would have no such luck.

Ravelling in the cool liquid that trickled down her throat, Raven turned on her bar stool to scan the area for any potential one night stands. The choice was minimal, almost depressing really, there was a group of girls from Arkadia, she didn’t recognise them, though, but the letterman jacket adorning her college colours draped over the back of one of the chairs gave them away. They’d been drinking for a long time by the looks of it, a tall red head stumbled across the floor as she threw herself into her friend’s arms, sending them both flying into the wall. Her other friends weren’t much better as they gulped down their body weight in cocktails.

Raven took a quick glance down at her phone, it was only a little past seven and the way those girls were drinking they wouldn’t make it to nine. She didn’t want to be burdened with one of them when they passed out or died.

Her eyes carried on scanning around the bustling bar, there wasn’t much to see, nothing that drew her attention or raised any excitement within her uninterested body. Over her shoulder she ordered another drink, she quickly made it a double as a second thought and kept her eyes glued to the people walking around in front of her.

There was a group of frat boys bustling in the far corner around a pool table and a mixed group of middle aged men and women occupying one of the only tables that ran parallel to the left side wall. The former option was a massive no, she could practically smell the sweat of testosterone fuelled men radiating from across the room and the thought of the latter reminded her too much of someone she wasn’t supposed to be thinking of.

Raven closed her eyes, rubbed at the back of her neck and gulped down her drink in one. She was about to start crunching on a piece of ice when someone sidled up on the stool next to her. “You look as bored as I feel.” The rough voice came causing Raven to role her eyes. Maybe she was looking for a one-night stand but the thought of sex with just a random stranger sounded like far too much effort now.

“No one can be as bored as me right now.” She mumbled and chanced a glance up at the man that was sitting beside her. “You should probably leave; you’re only wasting your time.” He was good looking, she’d give him that, with his chin length, shaggy hair and bright smile - despite her bemused demeanor. But he reminded her all too much Finn and the hair on her arms and the back of her neck bristled almost defensively.

Apparently, he wasn’t going to listen to her warning as he ordered her anther double and himself a beer. It was a brave move, especially with the price of her drink, too, but she didn’t feel the need to immediately send him away. “I’m Joe.” Joe held out his hand for her to shake which she took out of respect rather than obligation… but not quite an invitation or anything remotely friendly.

“Raven.” She grumbled and sipped on her drink, taking her time.

“Nice to meet you.” He grinned. It was then Raven knew she had made a mistake, his smile and gleaming teeth were far too inviting and friendly which meant she would need a good enough reason to leave. A death or something equally as world shattering. His cheerfulness and happy personality reminded her far too much of Finn, she could almost see his boyish grin in Joe’s eyes.

“Like wise.” She said with far less enthusiasm as she played with the shells of the peanuts she had been picking on earlier in the evening. Raven was just about ready to get up and leave when the man started talking, she drowned him out as best as she could, nodding now and then to be polite and drank the drinks he ordered for her. She was on her fourth double whisky – including the one she had ordered herself before Joe had joined her – when she felt a hand land on her thigh and a hot and moist breath against her ear.

“Do you want to get out of here?” His grip was far too tight for it to be welcomed even slightly and she was no way near as drunk enough to be able to enjoy it or even want it for that matter. She clutched his wrist firmly, hoisted it up and dropped it to the bar with a thud.

“I think you should keep your hands to yourself.” She laughed dryly, turning passively to her drink.

Out of the corner of her eye, she observed Joe compose himself, embarrassed or angry maybe, she wasn’t sure. “Sorry, I just thought,” he stuttered out in a fluster. Raven couldn’t help but smirk to herself. A one-night stand definitely wasn’t on the cards tonight. Not with Joe anyway.

“Yeah, well,” Raven spun on the stool, “Just because a girl accepts a free drink does not mean she wants to sleep with you, it means she wants the _free_ drink.” She held her hand and tumbler up to accentuate her point. Her glass was far too empty for her liking but the heavy buzz and the way her head lulled to the left ever so slightly stopped her form ordering herself another. Instead she popped a chunk of ice into her mouth and crunched it noisily causing Joe to cringe and lean away from her. “What? Not attracted to a girl that can say no?” she chuckled to herself as she picked out another piece of ice.

“No, I just wasn’t expecting someone like you.” There was something in that statement that made her want to smash the glass in her hand against the bar top, or against his head, either would be fine. “No, I didn’t mean it like that, I-” his face flushed a vibrant red. “I just meant…”

“You’re not good at this, are you?” Raven laughed pitying the man.

“No.” He ducked his head with a shy smile. “This is actually the first time I’ve been out since my girlfriend left.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and took a sip of his drink. “You’re a lot like she was, I guess that’s why you got my attention.”

That caused a genuine laugh to part Raven’s stubborn lips and her head to tilt back. “Well you seem like a nice guy, she’s missing out.” She shot him a soft smile before ordering herself a beer. She wasn’t quite ready to stop drinking yet but she needed to cool off from the heavy stuff. Her mind flashed back to when she was younger when she used to fill her mom’s glass up with fresh ice and the hardest drink she could find. She would have done anything at that age to keep her mom happy.

“You want me to leave?” Joe pointed over his shoulder with a cocky grin, apparently knowing the answer already.

Shaking her head Raven conceded. “No, you’re proving to be better company than I first thought.” She teased, though it wasn’t entirely the truth. Joe could only shoot her an unamused glare as she finished his bottle.

“I’ve been talking about myself all night, I know nothing about you?” It was an open ended statement, a question more so, it left room for an answer if Raven so wished to give him one, not that she did. Her silence was confirmation as much, though she didn’t know how much time had passed since Joe first had sat down, she had ignored him and maybe that made her feel better about not wanting to tell him anything about herself. “I figured as much.” He laughed with a resigned shake of his head.

“Joe!” Joe’s head snapped around to glare in the direction of his distraction to be met by the group of frat boys Raven had noticed earlier on. She should have guessed as much. “We’re leaving, you comin’?” One of them called as they began to climb the stairs to leave the bar followed by the group of drunk girls.

“I better go, he’s my ride home…” Joe signalled towards the exit with his thumb. Raven rolled her eyes at the blatant lie – he was clearly more interested in the women with them - but didn’t respond with the insulting stream of words on the end of her tongue.

“The drunk one?” Raven couldn’t hide her dissatisfaction.

Cringing, Joe nodded. “I could always get a cab…” He muttered to himself as he traced the edge of the bar with his finger. “Would you like to come with us?” Joe didn’t even try to hide his hopefulness and if Raven had been feeling sympathetic she would have hidden her eye role, however, today was definitely not one of those days.

“No.” Raven stated with ease. “I don’t plan on spending the rest of my night with a bunch of sweating, groping frat boys.” She shrugged. “No offence.”

“ _Okay_ then.” Joe held his hands up in defence as he backed away. “I might see you around, Raven.”

“Joe.” She nodded as he left the building leaving her to herself and her drink. She relaxed her hands around the bottle considering whether or not it would be a clever option to go back to whiskey. It probably wasn’t but despite herself she flagged down the bartender and ordered herself her ‘final’ double. Some Katy Perry song started playing over her head, it was one of the songs that Octavia had gone through a phase of being obsessed with for a while. She couldn’t remember the name until Timberland started singing, _If We Ever Meet Again_. She definitely would not be meeting Joe again if she could help it.

Raven could have screamed when the stool beside her squeaked against the wooden floor, realising she just wanted to be alone for a while. “Will you just leave-”

“Raven.”

Raven’s head spun to the side at the sound of the very _feminine_ and very _familiar_ voice. “Abby.” It came out through more of a gasp than a coherent word but it made the older woman who had mysteriously appeared beside her smile. She was more so surprised by the fact that a woman like Abby would be in a place like this and suddenly the song overhead become more ironic that it had a second before.

“Was that a date?” Abby gestured with a tilt of her head as though Joe was still sitting beside them, her eyes were trained down on the glass of white wine in her hands, a soft smile played at the edges of her lips. A tipsy one at that, it was clear to Raven that the glass of wine in her hands was far from her first.

“That?” Raven asked almost incredulously. “Hell no.” She frowned as the thought crossed her mind. “Wait, how long have you been here for? I didn’t see you when we got here?”

“Oh, not long… maybe half an hour or so?” Abby pulled her phone from her clutch to check the time, it was nearly half past ten. How long had Raven been ignoring Joe for? “I got here about ten minutes before you removed his hand from your thigh.” There was a definite amount of distaste to Abby’s tone as the words left her mouth. They caused goose bumps to erupt all over Raven’s body at the thought of the older woman being protective over her.

“He won’t be doing that again any time soon.” Raven reassured with the first genuine smile she had given anyone all night.

“Oh I don’t doubt it.” Abby laughed with a definite nod. “I’m surprised none of his other friends came over to try and have their way with you.” She added as an afterthought, apparently also surprising herself, maybe for speaking the words out loud or even thinking them at all because there was a definite and no doubt about it, tone of what sounded like jealousy. Definitely jealousy.

The thought itself caused Raven’s heart to stammer and thud inside of her chest furiously. Something that hadn’t happened once while Joe had been sat beside her. “Have their way with me?” Raven grinned as she nudged Abby’s shoulder with her own. “Don’t worry, Doctor Griffin. I’m sure you would have fended them off for me.”

Pursing her lips at the nickname a glint of something teasing formed in the dark pools as they stared at Raven challengingly. “Oh yes, the many suitors fighting their way over to the bar wouldn’t stand a chance against me.” Abby announced as she waved her hand around them. The bar was full, of course but no one was paying either of them any attention, even Octavia had now gotten lost in the crowds.

Gasping, Raven feigned offence as she covered her heart with her hand. “Hold down your jealousy, Abby, I don’t see anyone fighting their way over to me but you.”

“I’m not jealous,” Abby smirked, “I came with my friends.” She pointed to the table along the left wall and Raven realised she must have joined the group after she had scanned the bar for potential one night stands. One man, sat with an empty chair beside him caught her attention as he waved up at the two women when they turned to face him. “That, thankfully, is not my date.” Abby muttered under her breath as though the eager looking man could hear them over the crowds and the music.

“Please do explain.” Raven requested with a chuckle, turning to face the other woman fully. The movement caused the bottom of her dress to shift up her thigh revealing a lot more skin than was deemed appropriate in such a bar around certain company. Abby’s eyes, involuntarily, shot down to examine the newly exposed skin.

“Marcus Kane, Callie’s ex. He has a thing for me.” Abby explained, the teasing tone had disappeared and was now serious as she took a sip of her wine followed by a gulp. Raven wondered for a moment whether or not it was awkward for Abby and Callie, being best friends and all. “It gets quite annoying actually…” Abby played with her now empty glass in thought, Raven took the chance to allow her eyes to wander up and down the other woman’s body. She definitely enjoyed the view. It was odd to see the usually sophistically composed woman now dressed casual in very tight skinny jeans and a comfortable but fashionable grey top. Her eyes hesitated for a moment on the cleavage the top framed but quickly snapped back up to Abby’s lightly flushed face at the sound of her voice. “He thinks he has a shot with me, he just carries on trying.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Raven noted that the man was still staring up at them. “Do you have a thing for him?” She knew exactly why she waited intently for the reply, it was the same reason she had wanted to sleep with a stranger, why she was drinking as much as she was. But she was buzzed enough off of the alcohol to feel okay with openly flirting with Abby.

“No.” Abby answered surely. “Never have and I never will.”

“That’s good to know.” It came out sooner than she had intended, sooner than it should have.

“It is?” There was that tone again, hopeful and full of so many implications. “Why?”

She didn’t know where the sudden bold outburst had come from, she had always been quite shy around Abby, and had always pinned it down to her being Clarke’s mom, but that still didn’t quite fit, the whole issue with her having a thing for her, however, did.

Shaking her head, Raven turned back to her drink and emptied the final contents of the glass. Raven stayed silent, refusing to open her mouth and portray any other emotion she had been trying to keep down. The crowds were getting much thicker now and the pair were cut off from the rest of the bar and unable to see the table on the far left side of the room. When it became evident to Abby that Raven wasn’t going to carry on with the flirtatious topic, she spoke up, “I didn’t take you for a heavy drinker.” Abby gestured to the accumulation of empty glasses that the bartender had struggled to clear away with Raven’s fast pace.

“I’m not, but when Octavia demands that you leave the apartment and then abandons you for her boyfriend, you need something to get you through the night.” Raven chuckled as she gratefully took the glass that the bartender had placed down in front of her without a word. It was obvious that Raven wasn’t going to remember the end of the night, whenever and however it may end. She didn’t often drink as heavily as she was that night, her mom hadn’t started off a drinker at all but had slowly progressed into being dependent upon the substance. Usually, if she did drink it would only be one beer, but perhaps on special occasions she would have a little more. However, she couldn’t deny that drinking the way she had tonight, helped to ease the tension in her bones fast than any massage or rest.

“You managed leaving the apartment just fine yesterday.” Abby smiled genuinely, already knowing the answer that was about to come.

“I had good company.” She paused before adding, “the best company.” She whispered, the liquid courage burned through her bones as she gulped at her drink. Raven held her hand up at the bartender, drawing his attention. Two more drinks landed in front of them. “Have at it, Ab.” Raven held one of the glasses up and waited for Abby to mirror her.

“You’re such a bad influence on me.” Abby chuckled as she took a small sip from her glass. However, before Raven could reply with a witty retort there was a body sidling up on the stool beside Abby. The youngest of the two women recognised him as the man that had a crush on Abby from the table of her friends.

“Are you coming back to join us?” Marcus, she thought she remembered his name being, asked without acknowledging Raven. The tension in the air was almost palpable and she suddenly felt guilty for taking Abby away from her friends; even though she knew that Abby didn’t want to be around the man, she felt as though she were intruding on the conversation. So, picking up her glass, cautious of the condensation that had formed on the outside of it, she made to stand. However, she’d been sat down in the same position for too long and her brace had stiffened and become locked causing her to stumble backwards as it jammed. She braced her arms out to the side, readying herself for the cold, hard impact with the ground and the embarrassment that would surely follow. “Shit-”

But before she could even make it halfway, an arm, so obviously Abby’s, circled around Raven’s waist and pulled her back to a standing position. “Whoah…” Raven managed to position herself, with the aid of Abby, against the bar where she could tug in annoyance at the straps and leavers of her brace. “Raven.” Abby sighed out in relief, her eyes scanned up and down Raven’s body to make sure she wasn’t hurt only to find an embarrassed flush burning her cheeks.

“Are you okay?” Marcus acknowledged her for the first time, along with her brace where his eyes seemed to glue for too long.

“Too much to drink.” She grumbled out the lie. The sharpness to her voice snapped his eyes back up to hers and he at least had the decency to look guilty for his leering.

Abby stood alongside Raven, placing two stools between herself and Marcus, obviously craving the distance. “Actually, we were just leaving, Marcus.” She gracefully pulled on her jacket and dropped her phone into the pocket.

Head tilting in confusion, an unbelieving smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “What?” He glanced between the two women as though he’d find an explanation in the space between them both. “I thought that we were going to...” Marcus gestured behind him towards the group of people at the table.

Instinctively, Raven placed her hand on the small of Abby’s back and took a step forward. “Going to what?”

“Raven…” Abby warned, recognising the familiar lilt to her tone when the younger woman got defensive. Raven had only ever shown this side of herself in front of Abby when Clarke’s ex-boyfriend had shown up at one of the family barbeques and had caused a scene. Obviously it had ended with Octavia dragging her friend from his back when she’d pounced on him as he’d made to run for his life. It had been an eventful evening resulting in Abby cleaning up a cut on Raven’s elbow.

“Thought you’d like to dance.” It was directed towards Abby of course, but Marcus seemed to find it impossible to divert his eyes away from Raven’s death glare.

Abby stepped forward, causing Raven’s hand to drop back to her side as she reached out to clutch Marcus’s arm appreciatively. “That’s very nice of you, but like I said, we were just leaving.” Abby turned away from her friend, but not before dropping a few bills down on the bar to pay for their last two drinks, leaving him looking almost shell shocked; as she brushed by Raven she reached out and clutched her elbow to tug her along. “Keep moving, I don’t feel like cleaning up cuts and bruises tonight.” Abby was only half joking but Raven followed regardless.

\----

“I think he’s going to cry.” Raven mused as the bar door slammed shut behind them. Abby didn’t say anything but her laughter filled the air with a cloud of white fog in front of their faces. They began to walk down the snow covered street with no sure destination, but their shoulders grazed with each step reassuring Raven that it didn’t matter where they ended up. The alcohol that mixed with the cold air made Raven feel lightheaded and she almost regretted the amount she had consumed. “Where are we going?” Raven asked around a thick tongue and a slack jaw.

“Over there.” Abby gestured towards an ice rink that was festively decorated with tinsel and holly bells but it caused panic to rise in Raven’s chest for a moment despite its cheerful and festive presence, that was until she released that Abby was pointing towards a hot drinks stand situated just behind the vacant rink. “We should sober you up.”

Raven rolled her eyes, “I don’t need sobering up, trust me.” Despite her words, she allowed her body to lean ever so slightly onto the other woman if only to enjoy the body heat that Abby released against her bare arms.

“Well I could do with a coffee so,” Instinctively, or so it would seem, Abby took a hold of Ravens hand and lead her across the almost empty street and towards the stand. The smell of coffee was stronger than the scent of alcohol as they approached and they ordered themselves two drinks. The smell reminded her of the day before when Abby had pulled her into a warm embrace and the scent of coffee had been lacing the older woman’s skin. Raven refused Abby’s money as the older woman reached into her bag, claiming she was paying her back for the drinks in the bar and led them towards a bench opposite the ice rink. It was colder than Raven remembered it being when they left the bar, the alcohol had been keeping her warm, but as the caffeine entered her system the cold air hit her with an icy force. She crossed her legs so that as much of her skin was touching as possible to preserve heat, after all she was only wearing a dress that was far too revealing for the cold night air.

At the far end of the rink two men climbed over the barrier and onto the ice, Raven watched as they began to circle the edge hand in hand and smiled to herself, not that she’d ever admit to that. She’d always make a show of disgust whenever Octavia and Lincoln were being affectionate and the same for Clarke and Lexa but she’d never mean it, well not all the time anyway, she liked seeing her friends happy. “I’ve never been skating before.” It was whispered, mostly her own thoughts making themselves hear, though Abby had heard her words nonetheless.

“How did it happen?” It took a moment for Raven to pull her eyes away from the two skaters, their movements almost becoming hypnotic. She watched as Abby’s lips puckered to blow the steam off of the top of her drink before she lifted the cup up for a sip, the action itself was almost as hypnotising as the two men on the rink. But Abby was glancing down at her leg and when Raven registered it she sat up straighter, her back almost going stiff. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay.” Raven cut the apology off short. She wasn’t offended after all; she just wasn’t used to having people be brave enough to ask the question. “People are usually too uncomfortable to ask about it or just stare at it. Y’know?” It was a rhetorical question, one that she didn’t expect to be answered but of course, Abby being Abby had an answer for everything and Raven found that endearing as hell.

“Like Marcus tonight.” She stated more than asked.

“Yeah, just like that. Makes me feel like a freak.” She shrugged passively, ignoring the anger that rose in her chest.

Nodding, Abby nudged her body closer. “Is that why you act out?” the statement was no way judgemental or accusing but that didn’t stop Raven’s jaw from clenching more so out of embarrassment than anything.

“I guess.” They fell back into a silence that was neither comfortable nor awkward but tense and watched the two men skate, they were closer to the centre now, facing one another and much closer than they had been before. It wasn’t graceful, the taller of the too would often wobble and rely on the other to keep them steady, but it was romantic the way they just fit together so effortlessly. She ignored the familiar ache in her leg as she took in a breath, “she crashed the car.” Her words broke the silence Abby hadn’t expected to dissipate anytime soon as she gave Raven a curious look. “My mom.” She specified. It wasn’t often she talked about her mother, she had never been a good part of her life but had always been a fixed point. She often found herself thinking about her mom more than she cared to admit, her leg being a key factor of that. “She was high or drunk or something, I don’t think I ever saw her sober for more than an hour at a time.” She inhaled a shaky breath and took a sip of her coffee in hope that it would calm down her racing heart. She’d never told someone about how her leg had become the way it was, just that she’d gotten into an accident, but there was something about Abby, the way she wasn’t worried about asking and how she made Raven feel so calm and safe. “One day she picked me up from school, I think I was eleven or twelve, and she was out of it. I remember her talking and sounding like she was somewhere completely different.” Raven paused, it was only supposed to be for a second but after what could have been five minutes it was evident that no words were going to come out.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Abby reached over and laced her warm fingers reassuringly with Raven’s cold ones. “Do you want to walk?” Raven nodded without saying a word but didn’t let go of Abby’s hand. It only took a moment to realise they were heading back towards Raven’s shared apartment which she was grateful for. The night felt like it had gone on longer than it should have and the pain in her leg was likely going to keep her up all night.

“She didn’t stop at some lights and she hit another car.” Raven felt braver now that Abby was touching her, her hand reassuring her with its warm touch. “She killed a younger couple and-” It was the first time that Raven’s emotions were made audible, her voice cracked and her eyes began to sting with tears that should have been shed a long time ago. She gritted her jaw and clenched it as hard as she could, willing her body not to give up on her.

“Is that how she died?” Abby’s voice was softer than Raven had ever heard it and it made her heart feel like it was being engulfed in warm liquid. They came to a halt outside of her building and Abby side stepped in front of her. Raven had never had any intentions of opening up about, well anything, she had wanted Abby to feel safe and comfortable enough to talk to her but as of yet, her intentions had completely flipped on their head.

“Yeah.” Raven hated how broken and pathetic she sounded, if anyone else had been around she knew she would have been ashamed or at least wouldn’t have gotten herself into this situation in the first place but it was Abby who was standing in front of her, caring, just existing. “When I woke up in the hospital my leg didn’t work.” She shrugged. “My grandmother helped a lot, for a while. I moved in with Wick when I was sixteen when she died.”

Abby, with her free hand, reached up and wiped away the salty tears that had begun to etch trails through Raven’s makeup. “You’re so brave.” Raven was surprised at how close Abby had stepped, their toes were nearly touching and their breaths were mixing in the minimal space between their chests. All Raven could muster was a weak shake of her head. She was anything but brave, always keeping her emotions locked up, picking fights with random men in bars because he looked at her leg funny. No, she wasn’t brave. “Yes, yes you are, you’re so brave, Raven. Look where you’ve gotten to by yourself. You have your own apartment,” Abby gestured proudly up at the tall building to her right. “You’re in your final year of _college_ for crying out loud and you have a job. You did all that by yourself. Without any help.” Abby threw her empty cup into a nearby trash can before cupping both of Raven’s cheeks between her pleasantly warm hands. “You’re so brave and I, just like everyone else, am so proud of you.”

A watery sob cracked through the remains of Raven’s façade as she dropped her face to the crook of Abby’s neck and cried. She had no idea what had come over her tonight, she’d gone out to find herself a one night stand and instead had ended up confessing her darkest thoughts to a woman who didn’t need to hear it. She’d drank too much, that was for sure, and maybe she could blame the situation on that, however, Raven knew that there was something about Abby that made her _want_ to spill ever secret and every dark emotion she had kept locked up inside her body.

Abby hushed quietly into the top of her head and held her securely around the waist. “You’re okay now. You’re okay.” She repeated until Raven’s sobs subsided and she could hold herself steady.

“Jesus, I’m a mess.” She joked with a half-hearted smile that she knew wouldn’t reach her eyes.

“You’re beautiful.” Abby reassured despite the mess of mascara and eyeliner that Raven could see on her own fingers as she wiped her face dry.

“Liar.” She chuckled, albeit slightly watery. “I’m a mess.”

“You are.” Abby agreed, her own laughter easing the tension. “A beautiful mess.” Raven couldn’t help but beam up at Abby’s face, her heart skipping lightly within her chest.

“Thank you for tonight, Abby. I think I needed that.” Raven said honestly, her head ducked ever so shyly as she waited for Abby’s reply.

“You’d do the same for me.” There was so much truth behind her words that Raven couldn’t take her eyes away from hers almost as though they were tethered together by invisible string. “I better go.” Her voice was quiet and it was evident that the older woman didn’t want to leave.

“Okay.” Raven didn’t make a move to step away from Abby, her hands were still on her biceps, clutching almost desperately as though she could keep Abby glued to where she was standing. But before she could stop it from happening, Abby’s arm was waving down a cab.

“Good night, Raven.”

Raven nodded but couldn’t form the words she wanted to. She wanted to tell Abby to stay a little while longer, that she enjoyed being around her, something soppy and disgusting that Clarke would likely say to Lexa. Instead she probably made the most ill-advised move of her life. She leant forward and pressed her lips against Abby’s, inhaling slightly in surprise at her own actions. She half expected Abby to shove her into the trash cans behind them but instead the other woman kissed her back. Gently, she pulled Raven closer to her and relaxed within her arms.

Raven’s mind exploded, spinning out of control but held steady at the same time. She felt like screaming with excitement like a child on a sugar rush whose parents had hired them a bouncy castle for their birthday party. She was bouncing off of the walls of her skull in delight but eventually Abby pulled away, more so for breath if the panting was anything to go by. Raven couldn’t help the cocky grin that pulled at the corner of her mouth.  “Shut up.” Abby mumbled, catching the expression on Raven’s first.

“Make me.” Raven countered with far more confidence than necessary. Abby could only role her eyes as she took a step back from the younger woman but her face was adorning its own shy smile, both women were disappointed by the cold air that wrapped around them.

“I really should go, though.” Abby gestured towards the cab, the meter now running.

“I know.” Raven nodded half-heartedly.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Abby asked hopefully, but Raven knew that wouldn’t be a good idea.

“Clarke’s home.” And with those words they snapped out of whatever moment they had found themselves in.

“Oh.” Abby nodded in understanding her smile only faded slightly. Despite her words, however, Raven reached out and pulled Abby back towards her, catching her lips between her own.

“Good night, Abby.” She whispered against her mouth.

“Good night.” Abby stepped away and towards the cab after pecking Raven’s lips one last time, not taking her eyes off of Raven once until the yellow car was driving away down the street.

\----

Raven must have passed out on the couch because she woke up to Octavia unfastening the straps on her brace. If it had been anyone else they probably would have received a foot to the jaw but with a glance around the room to reassure herself that, yes, it was still night time and she probably did have another few hours to sleep before she had to be up for work in the morning, she dropped her head back down and began to dose. “Oh no, you need to stay awake.” Octavia ordered with no humour or amusement in her voice whatsoever.

“Mhm, why?” She cleared her throat and popped one eye open to pay attention to her friend.

“What happened to you? You just left without saying anything.” The worry was evident in Octavia’s tone which made Raven muster up enough energy to open both of her eyes and sit up straight. A smile tugged at her mouth as that night’s events came flooding back. It didn’t go unmissed by Octavia, of course. “What’s that face for? Oh… did you get laid?” She held a hand out for Raven to take and hoisted the brunette to her feet, holding her steady for a moment before helping her towards her room with the brace in the other hand.

“No. She was cool, though.” Raven mumbled tiredly and pretended like she didn’t jump when her cell vibrated in her hand.

“She was ‘cool’?” Octavia sounded sceptical, if only because Raven never found people ‘cool’, people were just people and nothing more. “Are you going to see her again?” That was a question and a half because the answer was far too complex to think of in her still drunken but slightly hungover state so instead she shrugged and helped open the door to her room. She’d tried having serious conversations in this state of limbo before with her two best friends. The most recent time had only been four weeks prior to that evening when Clarke had dragged to two women out on a serious shopping trip only for them to return home emotional and drunk. The evening had ended in Octavia screaming something about hydrangeas on the shopping channel at four in the morning while Clarke cried over the vine where the raccoon rolled down the hallway because it reminded her of Lexa. Raven had just spent her time trying to mend the toaster, however, and when Octavia tried to lend a hand she had been bashed on the head in response.

It had been a messy night.

“I’m not sure. Maybe? It’s a bit complicated.” Raven dropped down to her bed where she hoisted her leg up to meet the rest of her body.

“Since when have you done complicated?” The idea of anything complicated was more than overwhelming when it wasn’t involving technology. But then again, it was likely that nothing would ever come of the drunken kiss she had shared with Clarke’s mom, after all, they had both been drinking and Raven had been very emotional. So many factors that may very well have lead towards the kiss and the same factors that didn’t make Abby pull away. The idea put a dampener on Raven’s good mood.

“I don’t know.” She flopped back onto the bed and closed her eyes. “How was your night?” She was already drifting off when Octavia began to talk about her night with Lincoln. When she left the room with the promise of breakfast in bed the following morning, Raven turned on her side to check her phone. There were three messages from that night from Octavia asking where she was, Clarke asking if they were having a good night and something about Lexa sleeping over and finally one from Abby. She’d received it five minutes ago as Octavia had carried her to bed.

**Abby** **[Today, 02:32 AM]** Good night, you brave, beautiful mess x

Raven drifted off that night with a beaming smile plastered to her face and a pounding headache that was beginning to form with a furious vengeance.


	3. Surprises, Proposals and Quidditch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is mostly just a filler chapter, the next one will be all Raven and Abby. Figured I better update before a certain someone hijacks a plane and comes to murder me ;)  
> Hope you all enjoy.

 

* * *

**Abby [Today, 13:12 PM]** Does she know?                                       

**Raven [Today, 13:24 PM]** Of course not, O and I are top secret agents.  

**Raven [13:24 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Is everything set up? I can send one of the guys round to help out?      

Raven carried the box of alcohol down to the car that she had promised to take to the party. The box was pretty heavy and caused the muscles in her arms to strain but the distraction was a welcomed one, the texts from Abby were weighing her down and causing her mind to race. They hadn’t spoken properly since Boxing Day, bar for the odd text from the older woman asking her if she thought a surprise party for Clarke would be a good idea. Since then it had been radio silence and the thought of having to see the other woman that night was unnerving and thrilling at the same time. Raven wasn’t sure how it would turn out considering they had both chosen to ignore what had happened between them.

**Abby [13:26 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                               Everything is sorted, Indra and Cece are helping out. Are you sure she doesn’t know?       

Raven rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the affectionate smile that spread across her lips. She typed out a quick text as she slammed the door to the trunk of the car closed and hovered over the send button for a while before thinking ‘what the hell’, pressing send and quickly shoved her phone back in her pocket. She began to climb back up the stairs to her apartment at her own steady pace.

**Raven [13:29 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Abby, you’ve done an amazing job at organising all of this, everything will be fine and it’ll be an awesome night. I can’t wait to see you later, see you soon.

And all the way to her apartment her heart was racing because while it was nothing hugely life changing, she felt as though the words were almost an acknowledgment of what had happened. For the past week Raven had felt like she had been floating between elation and depression because of course she had a crush on this woman and she’d _kissed_ her and Abby had even kissed her back but then again, she’d _kissed_ Clarke’s mom and it was so confusing she didn’t know how to feel. They should talk about it but the idea of Abby saying ‘no’ scared her more than anything and so she’d decided to avoid it at all costs. Though that night she wasn’t sure how she could, if Abby was in the same room as her, surely there’d be _something_. Whether it be good or bad, Raven wanted some sort of inclination towards how Abby felt so that she could either run for the hills or dive right in. Either way, talking scared the hell out of her.

“Where’s Clarke?” Octavia emerged from her room, Lincoln followed close behind her, silently as usual but a soft smile was adorning his slightly swollen lips.

Raven wandered over to the fridge and picked out a bottle of water, sipping slowly at the cold liquid. She was still freaking out over the whole Abby thing and worried that if she didn’t have something in her hands she’d start shaking. “She had to pick something up from the library, she’ll be back by two then we can head off.” Raven tilted her head in the direction of the front door.

“Good, is everything ready?” Octavia asked before kissing Lincoln good bye and promising to meet him at the party. She joined Raven at the counter, opposite where she sat.

“Yeah, we just need to get Clarke there on time.” Octavia nodded in understanding, excitement evident in the way her body was practically vibrating. When Raven’s phone vibrated on the counter top her head snapped down so fast it was almost humanly impossible. The movement was obvious enough to draw Octavia’s attention and with a curious arch of her brow she watched intently as Raven read the text.

**Abby [Today, 13:46 PM]**                                                                                                                                  Thank you for helping, Raven. See you soon x

Maybe it was the mention of her own name or the ‘x’ at the end of the text that had her heart racing once again, she wasn’t sure but she beamed down at the message nonetheless. “Is that the girl from the other night?”

“What?” Raven snapped her head up. “No. I mean…” she gaped for a moment, “no. It’s no one.”

“Let me see.” Octavia reached across the table, aiming for Raven’s phone before the other woman could pull it away in time. “Who is she?” She slid her finger across the lock button but before the screen could properly load, Raven yanked her phone back and pulled it protectively towards her chest.

“No one.” She scowled down at her friend before she stormed off in the direction of her room. Octavia didn’t look like she was about to drop the subject, however, as she began to chase after her friend.

“Why are you trying to hide this?” She called, glad that Raven’s brace was slowing her down enough that she could catch her before she reached the door to her room. “What’s wrong with her?”

Spinning on her good leg, Raven sized Octavia up, it was funny really, they were the same heights and when they both pushed their chests out and squared their shoulders, Raven imagined that they looked pretty damn stupid trying to act all tough when in reality neither girl would have wanted to fight the other. Both because they were friends and because neither would come out very well. “Please just drop it, O.” Raven snapped, before Octavia could mention another word or argue with her, the front door to their apartment opened to reveal a frazzled looking Clarke carrying far too many books that towered over her head. “Whoah, what’s up nerd.” Raven laughed as she moved past Octavia to help Clarke shooting her friend a quick glare to silence any mocking comments.

Huffing out a breath, Clarke dropped the remaining books to the counter top. “Do you think my mom will mind if we blow off this dinner today? I have too much to do and I want to see Lexa later. It’s not like we’ll be getting drunk tonight, anyway.” She moaned as she collapsed down onto the couch face first. Octavia, wide eyed, shook her head in Raven’s direction, panic rising in both of their chests because once Clarke got an idea into her head it took a god damn miracle to change it back.

“Sorry, princess, no can do.” Raven began to tug on Clarke’s legs, shifting her slowly off the couch. “Your mom just texted to make sure we were still coming and I said yes.” Raven could feel Octavia’s eyes flicker towards her curiously but she refused to meet her other friend’s eye’s knowing fine well that she’d end up giving herself away. “We only have to stay for the food and then you can have all the lady sex you want.”

“I don’t want to just have sex with Lexa, I had something else in mind.” Clarke huffed out a breath before she turned over onto her back when it became apparent that neither Raven or Octavia had received the hint. Raven was still yanking at her legs almost dragging her off of the couch. “Wait.” Clarke held her hand up to pause Raven’s actions causing the brunette to freeze as the blonde glared up at her. “When did you get my mom’s number?”

Raven knew the furious blush that was crawling its way up her neck and into her cheeks was more than visible. “She gave it to me on Christmas.” She shrugged like it was no big deal and as though her heart wasn’t pounding in her chest. “Come on, get up and get ready.” Raven yanked Clarke off of the couch before wandering off towards the kitchen to grab her water bottle. “You can’t turn up to your mom’s wearing sweats.”

“Why not?” Clarke looked down to examine her attire. “I always do.” She mumbled sounding personally offended.

“Because you can’t. It’s your birthday dinner and you need to look nice.” Octavia piped up at last. “And right now you look homeless, so…”

“Hey!” Clarke yelped. “I look fine.” The disbelieving glares that both Raven and Octavia shot her were apparently enough for her to change her mind. Huffing out an irritated breath she conceded. “Only if you promise not to flirt with my mom all night.”

“Yeah, Octavia. No flirting with Clarke’s mom.” Raven sneered over the top of her bottle.

Wandering towards her room, the blonde called over her shoulder, “I was talking about you, Raven. You were embarrassing enough on Christmas.” 

“I was not!”

\----

“I hate you guys.” Clarke mumbled from the passenger seat of Raven’s car, Octavia had been demoted to the back seat on the grounds that ‘birthday girl rides shot gun’, however, it was more so that she couldn’t see the confusion and conflict warring inside Raven’s eyes.

“No you don’t.” Raven retorted quickly. “You love us. More than you love Lexa.”

“That is a blatant lie.” Clarke chuckled.

“I’ll have you know; I am personally offended by that.” Octavia muttered as though she were actually offended. As the two women began to bicker between themselves, Raven pulled out her phone on a straight stretch of road and fired off a quick text to Abby, letting her know that they were pulling off of the freeway.

**Raven [Today, 14:56]** Five minutes warning, get ready.

“How does it feel to be able to drink legally?” Octavia grinned through the gap between the two front seats.

Laughing, Clarke turned to face Octavia. “Has that ever stopped me before? You two are bad influences.” She teased with a smirk.

They pulled up outside Abby’s house shortly after, the street was awfully quiet and for a moment Raven wonders if she should have been taking Clarke somewhere else but remembered, when her mind pulled itself out of that uncertain place it so often found itself in now, that too many cars outside the house would probably give the party away. Raven rounded the car to Clarke’s door and held her arm out for the blonde to take. “M’lady.” She gave a short and cheesy bow as she led the way up to the house, Octavia following with the box a few steps behind so as not to make the contents of the box too obvious to the blonde.

“You’ve never done that for me.” The other brunette pouted from behind teasingly.

“It’s not your birthday.” Raven retorted with a smirk. “But if you’re really that upset about it I’m sure I’ll do the same for you when you’re getting old, too.” She let out a chuckle with the shake of her head.

“I’ll just have Lincoln do it instead. More benefits that way.”

“Gross.” Clarke and Raven muttered in unison as they reached the door to her house. Raven could feel her heart pounding in her chest and for a moment she thought it was due to the excitement of the surprise but as she thought about who was standing behind that door, her heart jumped into her throat. “After you.” She croaked out, gesturing towards the door.

“You okay?” Clarke asked, concerned.

“Yeah I’m good, go ahead.” Raven took a step back to stand by Octavia’s side as Clarke pushed the door open.

“Mo-”

“ _Surprise_!” If Raven hadn’t been prepared for it, she probably would have screamed too, but the small jolt of her shoulders mirrored Octavia’s where they stood behind a screeching Clarke, as a crowed, bigger than they had expected stood with party hats, streamers and confetti guns cheered noisily. For a moment she thought the blonde was going to cry, and apparently so did the other forty or so people in the room as they stood waiting with wide eyes for her reaction. When Clarke’s shoulders bobbed with laughter the whole room joined in as the blonde turned on her two friends.

“I hate you guys.”

“No you don’t.” Raven laughed with her but her eyes were glued to the woman just over to the left of Clarke’s shoulder. Abby was grinning with her own excitement as she watched her daughter with glee.

“You love us.” Octavia pulled the blonde into a one armed hug when she passed the alcohol over to Raven to take into the kitchen.

“More than Lexa?” Another voice joined in causing the three women to look up at Lexa who was wandering towards them with her arms stretched out.

“Pfft, of course she does.” Raven retorted as she wandered past the now kissing couple with a cringe towards the kitchen, her eyes flickered back to Abby before she moved out of sight. The room was mostly empty except for the older couple in the corner who she assumed to be Clarke’s relatives of some sort. The man looked uncannily like Abby, with the same jaw and cheek bones. She gave them a polite smile and placed the alcohol down contemplating for a moment if it would be inappropriate to start drinking straight away if Octavia was okay with driving her home. She shrugged and pulled out a beer, it was only slightly warm and figured she’d do herself a favour and stick the others in the fridge for later.

“Starting early?” Raven spun on her heel to be met by Anya’s smirking face.

“I love Clarke but she can be intense when all the attention is on her.” She nodded her head towards the living room where she knew the rest of the party were gathered.

“I feel you.” Anya wandered over to the fridge but instead of pulling out a beer like Raven half expected, she lifted out a bottle of vodka that was stashed away in the vegetable draw hidden behind a cucumber and a lettuce, and poured it into a glass of coke. “Lexa hasn’t stopped talking about her for a week. It’s ridiculous.”

“Talk about it.” Raven groaned around a cringe and an eye role. “They should just hurry up and get married already.”

“I’m surprised it hasn’t happened yet.”

“How long have you been drinking that for?” At the smirk that was sent her way Raven shook her head. “I don’t want to know.” She laughed and followed the taller woman into the living room.

\----

The small smile that had formed on the corner of Raven’s mouth was only a half-hearted one as she watched her friends and Clarke’s family participate in some sort of drinking game that looked all too similar to pin the tail in the donkey. She wasn’t as close to Clarke’s other friends as she’d like to be, they seemed pretty great and they’d hung out a few times in the past, they’d even gone to bars and clubs together. Maybe she would have put in more effort to join in but Abby was nowhere to be seen, however, and it had been the same story for the majority of the afternoon. It was bordering on nearly six and while she was enjoying herself immensely, she couldn’t help the desire just to _see_ Abby, a glance of brown hair or even the sound of her voice. It was evident, though, that Raven was being avoided at all costs and if that was how things were going to be then she wasn’t going to go out of her way to make Abby uncomfortable.

That didn’t stop her from scrolling through her texts, however, to the message she had received on boxing day. _Good night, you brave, beautiful mess x._ It was enough that each time she read it, her heart would hastily climb its way up into her throat and light a blazing fire in her chest.

While Raven wanted desperately to convince herself that the kiss they had shared could have been interpreted as nothing but friendly, she knew she was kidding herself, because a friendly kiss wouldn’t have lasted for so long with desperate hands clutching and holding one another. But perhaps it could have been to Abby if not for the kiss that followed as they said their goodbyes. Raven crunched angrily down on the ice cube in her mouth, drawing the attention of Anya who was perched on the arm of the couch beside her. She looked up with an annoyed expression, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. “Would you stop doing that? What’s wrong?” She snapped, causing Raven to glower down at her from where she was standing.

“It’s just a stupid game. Why is everyone getting so excited over it?” Raven lied as she waved her hand in the general direction of where Monty was gulping down a glass of some mixed drink while Lincoln turned him on the spot. A second later he dashed off in the direction of the poster of a donkey with a pin in his hand – a serious hazard if you asked her – before he lost control of his legs and sent himself hurtling towards Clarke’s aunt and uncle. The crash that followed was enough to make everyone in the room fall silent. “Shit.” Everyone jumped to their aid as a grumble and a yelp sounded from the pile of bodies. Monty manged to stumble to his feet but the red mark that was quickly changing to a deep purple spread across his forehead and his eyes seemed to cross and shudder closed. “I’ve got him.” Raven needed to escape the crowded room filled with the other members of Clarke’s friendship group and family who were too busy trying to upright the toppled love seat. It was a good enough excuse to force the other woman to talk to her, too, but she wouldn’t admit to that.

“I think I drank too much…” Monty stumbled and leant heavily onto Raven.

“Yeah, buddy, you did.” She trudged towards the kitchen where she knew she would likely find Abby, Callie and Indra who had been missing from the party for most of the afternoon. “Abby?” The name felt light and heavy on her tongue all at the same time.

The kitchen appeared to be empty as she waited for a response from Abby. She hoped that it wasn’t because the older woman was trying to avoid her but a voice followed a second later. “In hear.” She called. Raven pushed open the door and Abby jumped to her feet. “What happened?”

“Clarke decided to play pin the tail on the drunk donkey.” Raven explained simply.

Abby shook her head. “I told her not to play that.” Her voice was only slightly reprimanding with a hint of amusement as she sat Monty down on a stool by the island.

“You were just as bad at her age, Abs.” Callie called from the far end of the kitchen, glass of white wine in hand with her hip cocked to the side. Indra chuckled from her space beside her and gave Raven a quick wave.

“Hey, Raven.” She said and for the first time it was as though Abby finally registered that it was in fact Raven that was standing beside her.

“Hey, Indra. Cece.” She nodded in the women’s direction. “You good?”

“We’re good.” Callie smiled mischievously in her direction causing Raven to glance between them both. She nodded when nothing different became apparent and that no one was about to say anything else to spike Raven’s curiosity. Raven missed the glare that Abby shot them.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Raven asked hopefully, feeling her chest constrict slightly when Abby’s dark eyes met hers.

“Grab me an ice bag from the freezer?” Raven did as she was told and kept her head ducked down. She was too afraid to make eye contact with the other woman in case she pounced her or did something else as equally as embarrassing. Hearing her voice brought a flood of memories back from that night they had kissed and all the feelings that came with it. She almost felt dizzy at the thought.

“Here.” She handed over the bag with a soft smile, without making eye contact.

“Thank you.” She could feel Abby’s eyes drilling into her skull before she turned back to Monty who was swaying in his seat either from the bump on his head or the alcohol in his system. She held Monty up straight as Abby began to check his vision, moving her fingers before his eyes asking him to follow them. “Are you enjoying the party?” Raven waited a moment for Monty to reply but when no response came she began to panic. What if he had brain damage? What if he was going to die? “Raven?”

“Oh, you mean me?” She finally looked up to meet Abby’s eyes and the smile that shone through them at her was almost blinding, it was real with no rejection what so ever. “I am.” _Now._ She wanted to add on the end but thought that would maybe be pushing her luck a little.

“Good.” Abby nodded as she pulled out her phone and turned on the flashlight, she moved it in front of Monty’s eyes before, apparently, deciding everything was okay.

“Are you having a nice time?” Raven added quietly, almost shyly.

“I am.” They didn’t say anything else but didn’t break eye contact either. It was weird, awkward even but Raven didn’t want to run away. “I’m glad you came.” There were definitely undertones of another meaning in her voice, something only the two women could understand.

“Bet you are.” Callie whispered under her breath but it was still loud enough for Raven to catch.

Raven gulped, “To help babysit?” she gestured to Monty feeling slightly braver than before. Her words earned her a giggle from Abby but just as she was about to say something else Monty threw himself from the stool and hurled his body towards the sink. Raven could only cringe, not wanting to go near him as he emptied his stomach of the alcoholic concoction he had just drank. “Jesus.” She muttered, reluctantly rubbing his back. “It’s only six!”

“Guys, can you come through here for a moment?” Clarke was at the door to the kitchen looking almost pale. Raven felt the same way as she glanced back at Monty.

“Sure honey, what’s wrong?” Abby asked curiously as she handed the ice back over to Monty who was still heaving into the sink.

Looking over to Indra and Callie, Clarke shook her head. “Everything’s fine, I just want to say something.” Indra stood and quickly followed Clarke out of the kitchen. Abby opened a cupboard under the sink and pulled out a bucket.

“You okay to hold this, Monty, or do you want me to give you a ride home?” Abby asked as she held the man up by his arm.

“I’m good, Dr. G.” Monty clutched the bucket to his chest and allowed the two women to guide him through to the living room. Everyone had been gathered together forming a disfigured circle around Clarke who had her hands shoved deeply into her pockets. The blonde was shifting form foot to foot looking all too nervous for her own good.

“Oh my god.” Raven whispered under her breath, she caught Clarke’s eyes then Octavia’s and the three women all shared a knowing glance.

“What? What is it?” Abby asked from her side. She was closer than Raven had realised and it took more strength than she would care to admit to keep herself from yelping.

“Nothing…” Raven shook her head. The month before Raven and Octavia had been dragged on a shopping trip - the time they had all returned home far too intoxicated for it to have not had serious implications on their health – which Clarke had failed to mention until it was too late that they were in fact looking for an engagement ring. Despite the grumbling and complaining from Raven she had actually been quite excited for the blonde even though Clarke had refused to tell them when she would be doing the proposing ‘in case something changes’. That same excitement fizzed and boiled inside Raven’s stomach, though her face remained stoic.

The room grew quiet in anticipation and Clarke took that as her chance to speak up. “Despite what they like to admit, my two best friends can be quite the romantics.” Clarke chuckled as she held her thumbs up towards Raven and Octavia. “And for a while I did consider asking them for help but the idea of their own love lives having an impact on what I’m about to say didn’t sound too good.”

“Hey!”

“Rude.”

“Sorry guys.” Clarke stepped forward and held her hand out, Raven assumed that Lexa was on the receiving end, Anya and Wick were wedged in front of her so she had to lean to one side to see. “I think you’ll agree.”

“Of course, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice sounded with amusement lacing her tone, though a hint of confusion could be heard.

“I love the way you say my name.” Clarke grinned at her girlfriend. “I think some part of me has always loved that, even before we knew each other, I have always loved you and everything about you.” Raven didn’t know how that could be possible, however, she kept her mouth tightly shut. She didn’t want to be beaten up by her best friend for ruining the moment after all.

But she could only hold her tongue for a moment. “Gross.” Raven mumbled causing Abby to nudge her with a smirk. Raven got lost in those eyes once again, Clarke’s voice began to fade out. Jesus she was screwed.

“Is she about to…?” Abby had moved closer to whisper to Raven, her breath ghosted across her cheeks.

“Yeah.” Raven breathed out through a sigh. “She is.” She didn’t turn back to face Clarke, though. Instead she watched Abby’s expression intently. She felt guilty for not listening to her best friend’s proposal speech but she was sure that someone somewhere was recording it so she’d be subjected to watching it back multiple times until she likely lost all of her sanity. Yes, that sounded about right. But while she felt guilty, she couldn’t help but feel herself slowly being hypnotised by the way Abby was grinning.

Raven knew that Abby and Clarke hadn’t always had the best relationship, it had gotten worse after Jake died, but she could see in that moment how much pride and admiration Abby held for Clarke, how much love she felt for her daughter. It was almost incomprehensible, Raven had never had that with anyone before, sure she’d had her grandmother but they hadn’t always been as close as they could have been what with Raven acting up a lot as a kid.

Raven thought maybe it would be nice to know what that felt like some time.

“It’s like falling in love all over again.” Raven was aware that she’d likely missed the entire speech but as she began to tune back in she didn’t mind so much. “Every day is like coming back to you after forever and meeting you for the first time all in one.” Raven wanted to roll her eyes at the cheesiness but something changed on her face and her mouth cracked into a grin. God what was happening to her? “I can’t imagine a day that I won’t ever feel that way about you.” Clarke dropped down to her knee and a chorus of gasps of excitement were emitted from the crowed of people. Abby’s hand flew down to grab Raven’s, her own excitement clear in the death grip Abby held on with as though she was trying to tether herself to Raven to keep her excitement contained. “So I’d like to ask,” she paused for dramatic effect, the drama queen she was. “Would you be my wife and spend the rest of our lives waking up with every day feeling like our first?”

Lexa didn’t allow a second to pass by before she began to nod her head furiously, so intensely that Raven was surprised it hadn’t detached itself from her neck. “Yes, god, yes.” There were some cheers but generally people just clapped, Abby was mostly quiet before she released Raven’s hand without a second thought and manoeuvred her way through their friends to reach her daughter. Raven was sure she caught a glimpse of tears on her cheeks.

Monty heaved loudly into the bucket, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. “Same.” Raven muttered as she rubbed his back half-heartedly. Her hand felt empty.

“Thanks, Monty.” Lexa let out a watery chuckle as she pulled Clarke in for another kiss.

The front door opened and closed behind them and to Raven’s dismay, Marcus Kane came strolling in.

\----

The party had retreated to the back yard when Octavia and Raven had returned to the house after retrieving Clark’s birthday present from the trunk of Raven’s car. The excitement on Clarke’s face just proved how much of a nerd she really was as the Quidditch hoops were hammered into the ground at either side of the yard. Abby didn’t even protest as the holes scared her lawn – probably because it deterred Raven away from the fireworks Abby had locked away in the garage – she was nearly as excited as Clarke as the small group of friends quickly separated into their houses. Raven would have joked about how sad they all were knowing their Hogwarts Houses if she hadn’t been so pumped to kick some Hufflepuff ass.

Lexa, Raven, Maya, Wells and Clarke all took their positions on the right hand side of the make shift Quidditch pitch as Lincoln, Jasper, Miller and Wick moved to the left.

“We’re a player down.” Wick complained as he mounted the miniature broom.

“Stop being such a baby, none of us have the correct size teams.” Raven smirked, already bouncing on the ball of her good foot as her competitive mind took over. “You can have Monty play if you like, but I’m not sure he’d make much of a difference.” She mocked, pointing towards the man who was curled up on his side, sleeping on one of the sun beds with the bucket still clutched to his chest. “r Bellamy, though he looks preoccupied…” the curly haired man was stood between Murphy and Anya, speaking animatedly over something Raven would have likely found disinteresting.

“That’s not fair, though. You have an advantage.” Jasper spoke up. They would have had full teams but half of those attending was too drunk to play and those that weren’t were too _mature_ to play. But _whatever_ , Raven thought.

“Ugh fine.” Raven relented as she scanned the yard, most of the onlookers took a step back, deliberately avoiding her line of sight. However, one person did catch her eye, he was stood talking to Abby by the punch table that had been carried outside. Neither had taken much notice of the group once they had set up, too busy talking about something else to watch, though Cece and Indra caught Raven’s mischievous eyes and nodded eagerly as they laughed at the thought between themselves. “Kane!” Raven called out, a devilish smirk spread across her face as he turned to face her. “Want to fill in?”

A panicked look took the place of his once amused one, clearly worried about what he was getting himself into. Despite his worry, however, he nodded and walked over to meet Raven by the side lines as she handed him a yellow arm band for his team. “I’m not sure I know the rules.” He muttered as he glanced down at the broom in his hand.

“Try not to die.” Raven teased as she patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve seen _Harry Potter,_ right?” At his uncertain nod, Raven rolled her eyes but went on to explain nonetheless. “Lincoln is the seeker, Jasper and Miller are beaters and Wick is the chaser so you’re going to have to be the keeper okay?” she pointed towards the hoops. Abby joined the pair by the side line, her own worried expression on her face. “You have to stop me – a chaser – from throwing the quaffle through one of those hoops. Okay?” He looked utterly baffled but nodded nevertheless. “You don’t need to take notice of the rest of them, okay?” He nodded again and turned to Abby, Callie and Indra, his confidence immediately boosting.

“She’ll be fine; they’re kids I won’t play rough.” He chuckled heartily as he placed his hand on Abby’s shoulder. Raven glared at the action furiously before retreating to her side of the field, she didn’t notice Callie and Indra paying attention to her as she watched Marcus and Abby interact.

“It’s not them I’m worried about…” Abby’s eyes flickered between Raven and the man in front of her. She had watched Raven’s demeanor change from light humour to a war crying barbarian in the space of two seconds, she knew what the likely outcome of the game would be.

Raven hadn’t forgotten the way Marcus had looked at her leg in the bar and she wouldn’t forget it any time soon. She maybe should have been apprehensive about the fact that he had seen them leave together but her obvious jealousy and general distaste for the man was too strong. Once Marcus had retreated to his position by the posts Indra placed her forefingers into her mouth and let out a screeching whistle.

A moment later, Octavia raced onto the pitch with a small yellow sack hanging from one of her belt loops.

Raven didn’t notice much after that, she raced towards the quaffle in the middle of the pitch beating Wick to it, just in time. She scooped it up in her arms and raced towards the posts only to have Wick snatch it from her with almost lightning fast reflexes. Bludgers were flying around above her head, missing her by inches as she avoided being hit. Raven was thankful Abby’s yard was big enough to hold everyone because soon after everyone from the party came to watch, they surrounded the pitch, wary of the flying balls and ‘immature’ adults racing around and bickering as though they were children.

“Shit.” Raven muttered as she stomped her broom into the ground when Wick scored ten points. “You’re such a jackass.”

“You’re just upset I’m too fast for you.” Raven snapped up the quaffle before his eyes and began to Sprint towards to posts at the opposite end of the pitch. “That’s cheating!” he called, a quick glance over to Indra proved not as she waved her hand for them to play on.

She managed to take back ten points for her own team and snatch the quaffle back from Wick once again when Clarke raced in front of her screaming something about snitches closely followed by Lincoln who was likely mumbling something about his _girlfriend’s_ snitch… she paused only for a moment if not to stare at her three friends in disbelief.

Lexa and Maya passed the bludger to one another before Lexa sent the solid ball hurtling towards Wick. She cheered in delight when it slammed into his hip with a heavy thud. “How do you like those balls?” She danced around him in a circle as he counted to ten.

“Just as little as you do apparently.” He retorted light heartedly.

Raven was approaching the opposite posts fast, she jumped over the bludger that was sent flying her way from Miller, her eyes were focussed on her target. _Marcus_. The man took a step forward, his arms stretched wide to make himself look bigger. In the calm part of her mind, she could just comprehend Abby and Callie screaming at her to score or to maybe warn Marcus to move the hell out of the way, and maybe a small smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth as she raised the quaffle and threw it, she should have slowed down or even stopped but she kept running in case it bounced back. She was only meaning to nudge the man in front of her but Wick hadn’t interpreted her actions in time. As he barrelled into her back they were both sent hurtling towards Marcus.

“Move!” She screamed at him but his amateur mind couldn’t process the situation fast enough and the three of them crashed to the ground.

Indra whistled loudly and the game came to a pause.

“You okay guys?” Raven groaned from where she was sandwiched between them both.

“Yeah, I’m good, bro.” Wick sounded just as winded but managed to climb to his feet to pull Raven up.

Marcus was flat out on his back, the quaffle clutched between his hands with white knuckles as he stared blankly up at Raven and Wick. “I don’t think I like Quidditch much.” He whispered out in a squeak. Rolling her eyes Raven backed off, Wick helped the older man up and brushed him down, picking small blades of grass from his greying beard.

“Guys?” Everyone turned to look at Clarke. “Did we win?” she held the yellow sack tightly in her small hand with a beaming grin on her face.

“Ravenclaw wins!” Cece yelled from Indra’s side swinging the blue scarf that Bellamy had bought Clarke for her birthday in her hands. Abby held her hand up for Clarke to high five as she grinned at her daughter.

“Is everyone okay?” she called as she walked over to Raven, Wick and Marcus.

“I think he needs some pumpkin juice, Abby.” Wick joked, “or something stronger, maybe.”

“Just be thankful you don’t need any bones growing back.” Raven smacked the man on the back. Her voice all too mocking for it to be considered a joke.

“Raven.” Abby warned but there was a hint of a smile in her voice as she followed the younger woman with her eyes towards the punch table to grab herself a beer, Raven tried to hide the stiffness in her leg. The limping was obvious but was far less noticeable considering it was only slightly more intense than it usually was.

“I don’t like Quidditch, Abby.” Marcus whispered again. His friend ushered him towards a nearby chair and sat him down, his hands were still clutching the quaffle. Callie was leaning against Indra, laughing loud enough that it was likely the neighbours across the street could hear her.

\----

Raven had resorted to drinking soda after the Quidditch game, she didn’t feel like turning into a mess with the state her mind was in at the moment, so the more control she had over her senses the better. But even then, her mind kept wandering back to Abby, the kiss, the way she had held her hand. It was all too much and she didn’t know how to process it all. But then her mind was spinning in the opposite direction to the way Marcus had touched Abby before the game and how she’d been avoiding Raven all night. Despite the fact that she knew Abby didn’t have feelings for Kane, she couldn’t help but feel the green monster clinging to her back.

She was probably over reacting. Abby had organised the party all by herself and was therefore most likely busy trying to keep everything under control. She had her own family and friends to keep occupied on top of that so going out of her way to talk to one of her daughter’s friends probably wasn’t high on her to do list.

That didn’t stop Raven from feeling slightly offended though. After all, she felt like she was different to Clarke’s friends, or she should be after what had happened between them.

“Rae?” Raven looked up to meet Octavia’s eyes. “We’re heading off, you still want me to drive your car back?” she asked, her hand welded with Lincolns. She was sat in the living room with Wick, Anya, Bellamy and Murphy watching something on the TV.

“Yeah.” Raven tossed the brunette her keys but didn’t make a move to stand. She wasn’t ready to sit alone in her room just yet; her thoughts would likely consume her. “I’ll get a ride back with Lexa and Clarke.” She reassured Octavia. The couple were probably somewhere else in the house being congratulated on their engagement.

“Okay, sure. But can we talk first?” She whispered something to Lincoln and kissed his cheek. The man left a second later with Raven’s keys in hand.

“What’s up?” Raven asked, swirling the ice cubes around the coca cola in her glass.

“You don’t need to say anything but the girl you met the other night, I think I know who she is and if I’m right, you need to be careful. I want you to be happy, I do, and clearly she does make you happy, but there’s more people involved here.” Octavia’s words cut through her like an icy blade in one breath. She chanced a glance behind her and Raven’s eyes followed towards the kitchen where she could hear the older women laughing between themselves, likely over the scene Kane had made hobbling out of the house shortly after the Quidditch game.

“Abby.” Raven stated, though she knew neither of them needed to hear the name. She was thankful their voices were low and the TV was loud because there were a few other family members sitting with them and she didn’t feel like causing a commotion this late in the evening. It was only bordering on twelve at night but the house seemed to have emptied ever so slightly. She assumed Miller had taken Monty home, Indra was collecting her things in the hallway and her four friends she had been sitting with were now getting ready to leave with her, but she couldn’t account for the others.

“Raven…” Octavia started but the sentence faded off.

“I don’t even know what’s going on, O. We’ve barely talked since that night.” Raven shrugged passively, not feeling like getting all emotional again. “It’s just a crush.” She rubbed at her cheek. “I can’t get her out of my head.”

Shaking her head, Octavia bumped Raven’s shoulder with her own. “You’re not stupid, Rae. We both know that if that’s the case then it’s not just a crush and we both know you’re clever enough to not let people get hurt here.” Somewhere in her mind Raven wanted to argue that that wasn’t true but she wasn’t stupid, she knew that, but maybe she just wasn’t ready to admit that something serious may be forming inside her mind. “Do you have feelings for her?”

Raven’s head snapped to attention. “No, no.” She gulped down her drink at the thought, regretting not picking up some alcohol. “I don’t think it’s gotten that bad.”

“Then I think you need to make a decision, go for it if you see something coming out of it but if not then get yourself the hell away before people get hurt.”

“I know.” Raven held her hand out for her friend to take, the closest either of them would get to a hug, and squeezed gently.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you later.” Raven didn’t watch as Octavia walked away only finished the remains of her drink before she stood and wandered into the kitchen away from the now empty living room in search of something stronger. “Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.” She mumbled to herself only to remember that Anya had emptied the last of the bottle. She was about to ramble through the fridge when footsteps behind her caught her attention.

“Hey, Raven.”

“Hey, Abby.” She replied before even turning to face the woman she knew was standing there. “What can I do for you?” She’d wanted to stay neutral, Octavia’s words were a clear warning in her mind, but the soft smile on her face betrayed her.

“Do you want to sit outside with me?” Abby gestured to the double doors behind her, everyone else was inside now, the night air being far too cold to sit outside in. Callie had apparently trailed along with Indra, Wick, Anya, Bellamy and Murphy, leaving only Clarke and Abby’s family in the house, however, she wasn’t actually sure where the hell Lexa and Clarke were…

“Lead the way.” Her nerves were clear in the tone of her voice, maybe it was more than a crush but not quite feelings that were growing inside her. Perhaps that wasn’t such a bad thing? There could be something for them, maybe, the chances were low but there would always be that ‘maybe’ swimming around her brain. She followed Abby out onto the decking where she had attempted to beat up Clarke’s ex-boyfriend and followed the older woman to a quaint lawn swing in the far corner of the garden. The fairy lights framing the wooden canopy were a bit much, she thought, but assumed they were Clarke’s doing and not Abby’s.

“Sorry about the light’s, they’re Clarke’s favourite so I put them up.” Raven couldn’t help but chuckle to herself.

“It’s okay, at least I can see you.” She hadn’t meant it to come out so flirtatiously, she hadn’t been able to see Abby as they’d wandered down the lawn only a faint outline but now with the lights around them, her face seemed to glow. Abby gave her a shy smile that was far too weak for anything good to be said.

“Raven.” Raven’s heart sank and she knew what was coming. The cheerful attitude to Abby’s voice was gone now leaving no hope for Raven to cling to.

“I know; you don’t need to say anything.”

“No, you don’t know.” Abby reached out and took Raven’s hands in her own, her thumbs began to stroke gentle circles on her skin. “I’ve been avoiding you tonight-”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Raven.”

“Sorry.”

“What happened the other night was,” Abby paused for a moment as she tried to find the right words to describe what she was feeling. Raven assumed that if she was still holding on tight to her hands it may not be as bad as she thought. “I’m not quite sure how to describe it but all I know is that whatever it was I want it to happen again.”

Raven couldn’t be sure if she was hearing Abby right, her heart was pounding in her ears but she knew that there was still something that Abby wanted to add by the way her eyes were downcast. “But…”

“But I don’t think we should.” For a moment, Raven wanted to feel angry. “You’re the same age as my daughter, Raven. I’m nearly double your age.” She really wanted to feel angry, but there was something about Abby that just made that impossible.

“I’m a year older than Clarke.” It was petulant, she knew, and probably wasn’t helping her case but she felt like she needed to argue in any way she could. At least it elicited a small laugh from the other woman. “Look, Abby, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with anything so if that’s the issue then I understand. But I need you to know that I’m not expecting you to drop your whole life just for me. The age thing, that, that doesn’t bother me.” Abby’s eyes were pessimistic as she listened to Raven argue but it was obvious that the older woman wasn’t ready to change her mind. “Anyway, it was just a kiss, it wasn’t like I pulled a Clarke and proposed.” She teased causing Abby to let out a small laugh.

“That’s true.” She agreed, the tension between them began to ease and an easy air, much like the one on boxing day, returned.

“But either way, I’ve grown to like you Griffin’s too much so I’d rather keep you both as my friends than lose you both.” Raven finished. She could never go wrong with following Octavia’s advice and it was obvious that Abby may not feel comfortable with anything changing between them. “If that’s okay with you.” She added as a panicked afterthought.

Chuckling out a laugh, Abby nodded. “Yes, that would be nice.” She kept her eyes down, though, avoiding Raven’s eyes as she took in a breath. “Thank you for understanding, Raven.” She kind of did, though she couldn’t see why the age thing would be a problem for Abby and not for her but she wasn’t one to push when the pushing was not wanted. “I just want you to know, though, that it’s got nothing to do with Jake or Marcus. I don’t have feelings for anyone else.” Everything about those words had Raven’s mind completely combusting within her head. She was ultimately shocked by how easy Abby had brought up Jake, how she didn’t sound as upset as she normally had done previous. However, it was the last sentence that kept her mind flashing up blank for a moment. What had she meant ‘I don’t have feelings for anyone else’? No one else but Raven? Or no one at all? She wanted to ask, desperately so, but she was bordering on needy now and Raven Reyes was not needy. In fact, this whole situation was so unlike Raven at all she was almost unrecognisable to herself.

“Yeah, well, I better get going.” She gestured towards the house where people were few and far between. “I’ve had a drink too many and my poor body can’t handle it.” She lied, wanting to escape as quickly as she could.

“I’d hate to see me try and keep up with you.” Abby teased as she stood and linked her arm with Raven’s.

“Oh I don’t know, Doc. I’m sure you could put on a good show.” Raven teased flirtatiously. Just because nothing was going to happen didn’t mean she couldn’t revert back to her old self.

Abby only rolled her eyes at the comment. “How are you getting home? I heard Octavia and Lincoln leave in your car.”

“I was just going to catch a ride with the happy couple.” Raven shrugged.

“I think they got a cab home about half an hour ago, they went back to Lexa’s.” Abby explained slightly worried.

“Well damn, I’ll have to do the same.” She shrugged again.

“Nonsense.” Abby waved her off as they entered the kitchen. She plucked up her car keys and jingled them in Raven’s face. “I’ll drive you.”

“Have you been drinking?” Raven was sure she’d seen the woman walking around with a wine glass in her hand after the proposal and the Quidditch game.

“Soda water.” She explained. “I try not to drink when I’m the host in case of an accident.”

Nodding in understanding Raven figured that that had worked out well tonight. “Are you sure you don’t mind driving me home, it’s a bit of a trek…” She didn’t want to let on that she was elated to have the chance to spend more time with the older woman. Even if it was just as friends.

“Of course not, I’m dreading cleaning this house so the longer I’m away the less time I have to spend wanting to burn everything.” Raven laughed at that and followed as Abby lead her towards her SUV leaving only a few stragglers alone in the house. “I hope Simon has the common sense to lock up when he goes to bed.” Abby mumbled to herself.

“Simon?” Raven asked curiously.

“Yes, he’s my cousin.” Abby explained as she started up the car and reversed out into the road. “His wife and him travelled from Boston so I’m letting them use my guest room for the night.”

“That’s nice of you.” Raven nodded she assumed that that was the couple who had been crushed beneath Monty’s drunken body, her eyes were glued to the lights that lined the empty streets as they whizzed by.

Abby laughed from her side. “I’m a nice person.”

“I’ve noticed.” Raven smiled genuinely from the passenger seat. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, she tugged it out and a text from Octavia flashed on her screen.

**Octavia [Today, 00:13 AM]** Won’t be home tonight, babe. Staying at Linc’s. Make sure you get home okay and I’ll see you in the morning. We need to talk about this btw. x

**Raven [00:15 AM]** Abby’s driving me home, will fill you in in the morning.

**Octavia [00:16 AM]** Do I want to know the dirty details?

Raven smirked down at the monkey emoji added on the end of the text with an eye roll. She was about to put her phone back in her pocket when another text lit up the screen. It was from Clarke. She gulped, a bubble of guilt worked its way through her body before dissipating a second later.

**Clarke [Today, 00:21 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                       Thank you for t’day, best birthday yet. You’ll have trouble beating that next year.

“Your daughter is ridiculous.” Raven chuckled to herself as she fired off a quick reply before putting her phone back into her pocket.

“Oh?” Abby asked with an arch of her brow.

“Mhm.” Raven nodded. “I can’t believe she’s getting married.”

“How do you think I feel?” She replied almost disbelievingly. “I feel so old.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Abby, you’re not even in your mid-forty’s yet.” She deadpanned causing a burst of laughter to echo around the car.

“Should that not be a bad thing?” Abby teased as they turned onto the freeway.

“Hell no, you look amazing.” She winked, not that Abby would have seen it, her eyes were glued to the road.

“Wipe that smirk off your face.” Abby laughed, her head tipped back slightly as small creases formed at the edges of her eyes and mouth. “God, you’re so smug.” She teased as she nudged Raven’s thigh with her fist.

“You love it.” Raven teased though she was only half joking, hoping that despite their conversation, Abby would still join in.

She didn’t, however, and the pair fell into a comfortable silence as they drove into the city. The closer they got to her apartment, the more Raven was dreading having to leave. She had enjoyed the day more than she’d originally thought she would and despite the turn out, she was glad how things had ended. Just as they were reaching Raven’s block, Abby spoke up. “I’m getting kind of hungry, do you know any places I can get takeout?”  

Raven perked up at that, her own stomach growled at the mention of food causing Abby to grin across at her. “Apparently I am too.” She smiled and pulled out her phone as she flicked through the saved takeout numbers. “Do you want to come in for a coffee or something and I can order us some food?”

Abby considered that for a second, lining up the pro’s and con’s in her head before she nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.”

“Awesome.” Raven perked up in her chair as they pulled into her buildings car park. “Chinese, Mexican or Italian?”

 

                                                                                                                


	4. Mother Fucker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!   
> Go easy on me, the majority of this chapter isn't what I'm usually used to writing so I apologise if its terrible.   
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

 

“Sorry about the mess.” Octavia’s sweats were draped over the back of the couch with the contents of her makeup back scattered across the coffee table. “We were in a bit of a rush getting ready.” Raven quickly gathered the items together, piled in her arms, and threw them into Octavia’s room down the hallway. They landed with a dull thud, reassuring her that she hadn’t broken anything. Raven couldn’t help but cringe at the state of their shared apartment. Once Clarke had gotten home earlier that day, they had only been left with a short amount of time to get ready and no time at all to tidy up the mess. After all, none of them had been expecting to bring back any company other than their respected partners who were well aware of their untidy habbits. Even then, that hadn’t happened and Raven had been left to deal with the shit storm their apartment was in. It didn’t help that the Christmas decorations that still adorned every surface of the room made the space look even more cluttered.

“It’s okay, I’ve lived with Clarke, too. I’m used to it.” Abby teased as she placed her keys, cell and purse down on the counter top beside Clarke’s curling iron. There was a pile of unopened mail still sitting on the edge of the counter, it was most likely just junk mail but none of the apartment’s occupants had gotten round to opening any of it to check. For all they knew, there could have been a court summons in there somewhere.

“I wish I could say that she made the most mess but I really can’t. I wouldn’t step foot into Octavia room if someone offered me a thousand dollars.” Raven chuckled as she wandered over to the fridge to retrieve two bottles of water. She handed one over to Abby and led her over to the couch. “I’d offer you a beer or something but you’re driving and I fear to say that I’ve drank them all…” She was feeling more than self-conscious as Abby’s eyes wandered intently around the apartment. Examining every inch with that brilliant brain of hers. Raven didn’t know why she was nervous, however, Abby had been there on numerous occasions to visit Clarke, she had even helped them move in. But it was maybe now that Raven knew that the older woman was here for _her_ that she felt out of her comfort zone.

“Water’s fine.” Abby smiled thankfully as she took a sip of the cool liquid. Raven couldn’t help but follow the movement with her eyes as her throat bobbed when she swallowed. Abby’s eye’s flicked over to meet hers, only to catch her staring. Raven had the decency to look slightly embarrassed and apologetic but mostly she just felt slightly hot and flustered.

Silence filled the air around them, and Abby looked away with a light pink blush on her cheeks. “I like what you’ve done with the wall, it looks very…” Abby trailed off as she struggled to find the correct word to describe what she was thinking.

“Third world? Homeless? Bat Cave?” Raven joked as she followed Abby’s eyes over to the far wall where the plaster had been chipped away and warn to reveal the bare brick walls.

“No.” Abby laughed whole heartedly. For the first time that night Raven witnessed the smile finally reaching the other woman’s eyes. “I was thinking more along the lines of rustic.” The older woman relaxed into the back of the couch.

Raven nodded in agreement. “I can’t take any credit for that I’m afraid. Clarke and Lexa turned up one day with hammers and just let loose.” Raven shuddered at the memory of being woken up by Octavia screaming at them to stop. Sure once they had explained what they were doing the brunette had calmed down, mostly, but Raven had been traumatised for an hour afterwards. “They wanted to do the whole apartment but I can’t imagine the super being okay with that…”

Abby chuckled as she shook her head. “I can’t believe they’re getting married.” She sighed out in almost disbelief.

“I’m just as surprised as you are and I knew it was coming.” Raven explained. “It still doesn’t feel real. Can you imagine those two being _married_?” To be honest, it wasn’t that difficult for Raven to imagine it. Clarke and Lexa spent nearly every hour of every day together if it was possible and if they weren’t then you damn well knew about it.

“It probably wouldn’t be much too different to how they are now.” Abby shrugged. “I just hope Lexa stops being so scared of me.” Raven couldn’t hold back her laughter at that, her memory bounced back to Christmas and how Lexa had been so close to passing out.

“You probably don’t help the situation.”

“That’s true.” Abby laughed in agreement. Before anything else could be mentioned about the happy couple there was a buzz from the door and Raven jumped to her feet as fast as her brace would allow. She buzzed in the delivery guy and a minute later there was a knock at the door. “Do you want me to grab anything?” Abby offered as she stood.

“Yeah, the cutlery and napkins in the top draw just over there.” Raven gestured with a tilt of her head over to the far corner of the kitchen, her arms too full to be able to point.

“Are you not going to use the chopsticks?” Abby enquired as she perched back down onto the couch beside Raven. She nudged the paper wrapped chopsticks with her fork in confusion. Raven blushed and shook her head, using the silence to turn on the TV for some background noise. “You do know how to use them right?” Abby teased playfully before realising, due to Raven’s continued silence, that she’d hit the nail on the head.

Raven huffed out a loud breath. “No one ever taught me okay?” She wined almost petulantly as she dug her fork into her noodles. “Clarke and Octavia always got frustrated when they tried so they just give me a fork.”  She shoved the noodles in her mouth, unabashed to Abby’s amused grin. 

“Sweetie.” Abby’s voice was laced with humour but her face was soft and affectionate.

“Don’t laugh.”  Raven chuckled as she pouted at the other woman, noodles were hanging from her mouth unattractively. “I’m good with my hands, honestly, but chopsticks are the work of the devil.” She explained completely oblivious to the way a furious blush flamed up Abby’s neck and onto her cheeks.

“I won’t laugh, Come here.” Abby held her hand out expectantly as she plucked up the two pieces of wood.

“What are you doing?” Raven arched her eyebrow.

“Teaching you how to use these properly.”

\----

Raven shifted uncomfortably on the couch, her hip was aching with being on her feet all day and now with sitting at an odd angle she was worried that it would begin to cramp up and she really didn’t want Abby seeing her like that. It was pushing on nearly two AM but neither woman had made a move to leave but Abby’s words from earlier kept reminding Raven that the night had to soon come to an end. The couch was small but Raven managed to push herself up against the arm of the right hand side to stop herself from having any physical contact with Abby. She was maybe being ridiculous but she didn’t trust that she could keep her hands to herself. As an extra precaution, or so she told herself, she was sat playing with a spare set of chopsticks after finally mastering the art. She clicked them together and plucked at the laces on her converse with a happily content smile.

When the pain in her hip became too much, however, Raven pushed out a heavy grunt, interrupting Abby who had been watching _The Body Guard_ play out on the TV. Raven wrapped her hands around her thigh, clutched her jeans and hoisted her leg up to rest out straight on top of the coffee table. “You okay?” Abby asked. Raven discarded the chopsticks which was enough to raise concern inside Abby’s mind. She’d been enjoying watching Raven enjoy herself and wouldn’t lie when she thought it was endearing how amused and elated Raven had been when she’d finally gotten the hang of it.

“Yeah.” Raven wasn’t one for admitting when her leg would give her grief. She didn’t want the sympathy or the pity that people had often expressed when it came down to it. “I’m good.”

“Raven.” Abby shuffled in her seat to face the younger woman. “I am a doctor, you know. I can usually tell when someone is in pain.”

“I’m not in pain.” Raven muttered. Abby gave her a disbelieving look. “Honestly, it’s just bothering me.” She loosened the straps on her brace in hope that it would ease some of the tension. “It’s not used to playing Quidditch, I guess.” A dry laugh was elicited at her own words.

Brow creasing in thought, Abby contemplated something in her mind. “May I?” She gestured to Raven’s leg that was still propped up on top of the coffee table. Raven gulped. She didn’t let people touch her leg. Even Octavia and Clarke were wary of the brace clad limb. Her throat felt tight as she looked down at her leg than back up to Abby. There weren’t any coherent thoughts going through Raven’s mind when she finally nodded. Only that as she moved her body round to face the older woman, the light emanating from the TV and the lamp in the far corner of the room refracted through Abby’s eyes exploding into a hundred different colours, gold, maroon, bronze, chocolate and they were so deep, impossibly so.

Deep enough that Raven could feel herself getting lost beyond being found. Raven almost toppled off the edge of the couch when Abby pressed the tips of her fingers gently into the side of Raven’s hip where the ache was at its worst.

Raven clutched at the head of the couch with her right hand and the arm rest with the left as she kept her eyes glued to Abby.

Abby pulled Raven’s legs into her lap. “Try to relax, okay?” Abby’s fingers were gentle and tender as they worked into Raven’s muscles, easing up the knots that had formed over the course of the day. Abby elevated her leg ever so slightly, keeping the blood flow moving throughout like the expert doctor that she was. “You maybe shouldn’t have played Quidditch you know.” The doctor stated.

How was she supposed to relax when Abby’s fingers were being far too friendly with areas too close to where’d fantasised about them being for so long? Raven worried her lip between her teeth. “I don’t think it was the game that did it.” Raven held onto the last remaining air of confidence and indifference left in her body but she could slowly feel it waning with each individual touch of Abby’s fingertips. “It was probably Wick and his fat ass falling on top of me.”

Abby rolled her eyes in amusement. “He only landed on top of you because you tried to take out Marcus.” She accused.

“I-” She was cut off with the stern look that Abby shot her.

“I know you, Raven.” Her voice was softer as she kneaded harder into Raven’s hip. “I saw that look in your eye and there was no stopping you.” The teasing tone in Abby’s voice allowed Raven to relax ever so slightly.  The older woman gave her a pointed look before she moved her hands down Raven’s thigh and even though she couldn’t feel her touch anymore the aching in her hips and leg was beginning to ease up.

Holding up her hands in defence, Raven grinned wickedly. “How is your boyfriend?” The mocking tone was enough to hide her jealousy. “Did you have to call an ambulance.” Raven was chuckling at her own words and she wasn’t paying attention to Abby’s hands anymore, at least, she was trying not to.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Abby jumped to defend herself but the shift in her mood caused her to jolt, her hands lurched upwards only to meet the bare skin of Raven’s stomach. The air around them turned to static but neither of them moved away. Only stared at one another like a fire had just started between then. _‘I want it to happen again’_. It echoed through Raven’s mind like a rippling earthquake. “I told you, I don’t like anyone else.” If she was feeling the same tension that Raven was she was doing a good god damn job at hiding it.

Raven couldn’t stop her eyes from dropping to where Abby’s hands were still perched just beneath her t-shirt. “Anyone else?” Raven repeated even though her voice came out high pitched and strained. “Abby… I know you’re not into the whole age thing-”

“Screw the age thing.” Abby, with all the strength of ten men, lunged forward and pinned Raven to the arm of the couch. Raven yelped out in surprise but before she could ask what the hell was happening, Abby’s lips pressed against hers.

It took a moment but when reality finally set in, when Raven realised what was happening wasn’t a figment of her imagination and she was in fact still awake, her hands flew to Abby’s hair and pulled her impossibly closer. She revelled in the feeling of soft lips against her own slightly chapped ones and the warmth of Abby’s body against hers. While her heart was pounding and her head was whirling out of control, she was all too hyper aware of everything that was Abby. The familiar scent of cinnamon and coffee, the smoothness of her skin beneath Raven’s fingertips and the soft tickle of the older woman’s hair as it draped over them both, shielding them from the outside world. In that moment, Raven could have sworn that the world was falling away beneath them and she couldn’t care one bit.

Raven swiped her tongue across Abby’s lips and they parted instinctively, letting her in. Abby, with her hands clutching furiously at the younger woman’s top, crawled further up Raven’s body so that their stomachs were pressed firmly together.

Abby had kissed Raven first and Raven was kissing her back. On impulse, Raven’s face split into a grin at the thought, her lips still pressed against Abby’s, albeit slightly clumsily. She shuddered involuntarily when Abby nipped down on her bottom lip then sucked it gently into her mouth. “Fuck, Abby.” Raven pulled back ever so slight if only to heave in a trembling breath. Eyes flickering open, she tried to compose herself only for them to slam back closed when Abby’s hips jerked down into her own.

“Raven.” Abby’s voice came through a heavy sigh, her forehead dropped to meat Raven’s as they froze just for a moment, savouring the seconds that ticked by.

Raven trailed her hands down Abby’s neck, to her shoulders and down to her hands where she laced their fingers together – Abby gave them a gentle squeeze in response – before she dipped them into the curves of Abby’s hips. “I really hope this isn’t a dream.” She’d tried to hold up her typical air of confidence but once the words had met the air between them she just sounded _small_.

Abby curled her arms around Raven’s shoulders in response to the small tone of her voice. “You’re not dreaming, sweetie.” Her words caused anther involuntary shudder to echo down Raven’s spine.

“That’s exactly what my subconscious would say if this was a dream.” Raven’s eyes were glued to Abby’s lips as they curved up into a gentle smile.

She hooked an errant hair behind Raven’s ear as she leaned forward. “Would you be able to feel this if you were dreaming?” With those words she ducked her head and latched her mouth onto the side of Raven’s neck, just beneath her pulse point and sucked.

Raven’s jaw fell slack and her eyes disappeared into the back of her head as a burning heat fired down her spine and pooled into molten liquid between her legs. “Ab…” She tried to form the name in her mouth but her tongue felt swollen and her mind was wiped of all coherent thoughts.

“Bedroom.” Raven could have sworn she had heard the other woman whisper the word against her skin, her mind was cloudy but another pulse of electricity pounded through her body when Abby nibbled down on her sensitive skin, causing her to surge forwards with a ferocious hunger. She hooked her hands under Abby thighs before hoisting the older woman up. She wasn’t sure how she had managed to stand herself up, especially with the aching that she had been feeling in her hips only minutes before, but the adrenalin pulsing through her veins gave her strength she never knew existed within her as she carried Abby towards her bedroom. Raven’s mind was travelling on auto pilot, allowing her to latch onto Abby’s lips with her own, her legs taking them in the direction they wanted.

Abby’s hands clutched almost desperately in Raven’s hair, pulling their bodies closer together so that their heaving chests were pressed flushed against one another. “Raven…” Abby moaned, deep and throaty into the younger woman’s mouth as she was pressed up against the bedroom door. Her back hit the hard wood surface with a dull thud.

The hairs on the back of Raven’s neck stood on end at the way Abby had whispered her name, it caused her hips to buck against the other woman’s with a desperate need for friction. Abby’s hands flew to Raven’s back and travelled down, grasping furiously at the hem of her t-shirt, she yanked the material up and managed to manoeuvre the item of clothing off of Raven’s body with only some struggling, what with Raven needing her hand’s to keep Abby hooked around her waist. Raven’s hands palmed Abby’s ass while the older woman clawed at a tanned, and now quite bare, back. “Jesus, Abby.” Raven panted out, she swung open the door to her room and pushed Abby up against the wall, too impatient to reach her bed.

Throwing her arm out to the left, Raven swiped the contents that scattered across the top of her draws, including the half mended toaster, and sent them flying to the floor. She would have cringed at the sound if it hadn’t been for the hands that had yanked her head forward into another searing kiss and Raven perched Abby up on top of the set of draws. Their kisses turned frantic, insistent, as Raven tore open Abby’s blouse, the buttons scattered across the floor, disappearing in all directions.

“I hope that wasn’t expensive.” Raven couldn’t contain the smirk that split her face in two as she hooked her arms around Abby’s back and slowly slid the shirt down her tanned skin, leaving a hot trail of wet kisses across her collar bone. She threw the shirt to the floor and pulled Abby closer in hope that she could relieve the woman of some of her tension but her jean clad legs didn’t allow for much flexibility.

As if recognising Raven’s train of thought, Abby pulled away, “Take them off.” She ordered, with little room for negotiation, not that Raven would have wanted to. She’d never been one who needed to be asked twice so, lips still glued to Abby’s, she unbuttoned the stiff jeans and slowly began to draw them down Abby’s thighs. Raven discarded the item of clothing somewhere on her bedroom floor.

She paused.

Admired for a moment.

“You’re beautiful.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. It had been a fleeting thought that wasn’t supposed to have stuck around but had spilled from her lips without her even thinking about it. Raven gulped, her eyes bulged out of her head as cold panic raced through her body. She waited for something to happen, for Abby to push her away and retrieve her clothes or for harsh, stinging contact against her face. But the ‘something’ didn’t come.

“Raven…” Abby’s features were soft albeit flustered with her rosy cheeks, though she didn’t look as if she were ready to run for the hills.

“I’m sorry I don’t-”

“Raven.” Abby halted Raven’s apology before she could finish.

“Yes?”

Abby gave the younger woman a pointed look. “Stop being an ass and _touch_ me.”

Raven could practically feel her pupils blow up in her own eyes, the hot flush burned furiously up the back of her neck and caused a burning heat to pool between her thighs once again. She leaned forward without another word and caught Abby’s lips between her own, hungry and passionate all rolled into one. She reached round to unclasp Abby’s bra with deftly fingers and removed the garment. Raven trailed her hands carefully up Abby’s ribs, goose bumps erupted in her wake as she trailed her fingers round to cup Abby’s breasts. She stroked her fingers across the peaks, feeling them harden beneath her touch before she slowly kissed her way down to the mounds beneath her hands. Abby’s breath shuddered out through a light sigh as she tangled her fingers in Raven’s hair.

She slowly slid her right hand down to run a gentle fingertip across the navy blue lace that separated her from the heat between Abby’s thighs. Abby gasped, high pitched and desperate as she pulled Raven’s face up to meet her own, her eyes were clamped shut and her hips began to rock ever so slightly against Raven’s hand that was cupping her intimately. Raven could practically feel every cell crying out within Abby’s body, needing desperately to be touched. But there was something inside Raven’s head that was telling her to saver every second, not to rush this. “Raven.” The sound of Abby’s voice caused a violent quake to ripple down her spine as the older woman pleaded with her, her thighs parted, almost involuntarily, just a little, the smallest of movements that was just enough for Raven to understand that she _needed_ the contact. “Please.” Abby begged again.

“Please what?” Raven ground down the heel of her hand into Abby’s heat, feeling her burning wetness against her skin for the first time. “Tell me what you want so that I know you’re sure about this.” Raven’s hand began to move in small circles as she waited for Abby’s confirmation. The older woman’s head was tipped back in complete bliss as she enjoyed the feelings that Raven was instigating inside her body. It only lasted a moment, however, until it became evident that that alone would not be enough to get her all the way.

“I want to you to touch me.” Abby sighed in ecstasy as Raven sucked hard on the skin of her neck, just above her pulse point. “I need you to touch me.”

Raven didn’t need to be told again, she skilfully lifted Abby’s butt up off the hard wood surface and pulled down her underwear. Abby’s lips against her own were frantic as the cold air hit her, they were urgent and insistent, unrelenting and when Raven finally trailed her index finger delicately through her soaking folds, she couldn’t help the moan of delight that echoed around the room, loud enough that if there had been anyone else in the apartment that night they would have surely been woken by the sound. Raven almost felt cocky at the thought of making Abby make such noises but all thoughts were expelled from her mind when Abby tugged at the edge of her jeans, wound past her underwear and sunk her own hand between Raven’s legs. “Jesus, Abby.” Raven moaned, deep and throating against Abby’s mouth, slowly rocking her own hips against Abby’s fingers. It was almost intimate the way Raven’s eyes flickered open only to be met by burning desire in Abby’s own eyes. A moment later, Raven sunk her finger deep within Abby’s burning heat.

“Fuck.” Abby groaned out, louder than she had been since they had started this. They moved against one another, their movements mirrored the other, soft and hard, firm and gentle, all at once. Their mouths and hands were everywhere at once, frantically trying to touch everything they could in the short amount of time they knew they had left to share. “Raven, don’t stop.” All they could do was thrust against each other, harder and faster, keeping the intense eye contact between them as though it were the only thing keeping them grounded.

The wooden frame of the draws began to beat firmly against the wall, in time with their thrusts and only just out of pace with the pounding of Raven’s heart as realisation sunk in.

She was fucking Abby Griffin.

But not only was she fucking Abby Griffin, she was making Doctor. Abby Griffin beg for more.

Making her scream.

Raven’s thumb rubbed against Abby’s clit in a furious succession, Abby’s nails clawed down her back in response to the coiling low in her body as beads of sweat began to form on both women as so much more than _just_ pleasure raced through their blood, through each cell and atom. The force that screamed between them – louder than Abby’s own moans of pleasure and stronger than any electromagnet Raven had ever encountered – was inescapable, despite neither of them being able to place the feeling, the coil growing kept them glued, melded together.

“Abby.” Raven began to pant out over and over, the broken record of her conscious thoughts spiralled from her mouth as a burning heat began to tingle down her leg – she would have assumed both legs felt the same if she could actually feel the other. It shot through her body as sparks formed in the very depths of her body.

“I’m going to-” Abby was cut off by her own gasp. Their mouths became impossibly hungrier, urgent and desperate and in that moment Raven was able to place the feeling, she wanted this forever, this exact thing over and over, the feeling of being needed and wanted. “Raven...” Lava scorched through her body when Abby screamed her name, her thighs clamped closed like a vice around Raven’s hips and her walls clenched and fluttered around her fingers. She paused, if only for a moment to admire her view as Abby’s head fell back in complete bliss, beads of sweat trickled down her chest, between her breasts. Raven followed a second later with Abby’s voice echoing through her head.

Raven’s head dropped to the crook of Abby’s neck as she rode out her orgasm, gently bucking her hips until her body was too tired to move anymore. Abby clutched at Raven’s body, unwilling or unable to let go, panting trying to calm her heart rate.

“Oh wow.” Raven made no move to let go, only slid her hand free gently and Abby did the same. “Marry me.” She was only half joking; the serious tone would have scared her if she hadn’t been so intoxicated by the scent of Abby in the air.

Abby chuckled and carefully climbed down from the draws, her unstable legs shook ever so slightly as she led Raven towards her bed. “Let’s get you out of those jeans and I’ll think about it.”

\----

Raven flopped backwards with a content sigh, her eyes were already closing as exhaustion began to seep in. It had long since passed four AM but both women lay side by side, content in the silence that had enveloped them both.

Though the space between them felt far too vast now that Abby had made Raven come three times in a row and the same vice versa. But Raven stretched out her hand into the empty space between them only to find Abby’s hand waiting there for her own.

“I kind’a don’t want you to leave.” Raven mumbled, trying to mask her emotions with indifference.

“I kind of don’t want to leave.” Abby replied as she gave an understanding squeeze to Raven’s hand.

The younger woman contemplated her words in her head for a moment. She didn’t know what she was thinking of or why she had suddenly started feeling this way about the other woman, so intensely and desperately _needing_ her. There was a blaring thought ghosting in the back of her mind, it had been so long, so long since she had felt something for anyone that wasn’t completely passive or platonic. That freezing but burning desire of complete and utter _something_ had only existed one other time, and Finn had walked out on her the first time a girl with a working leg threw herself at him. To be honest she had been more heart broken about smashing up the toaster as she threw it after him. Or so she told herself. The truth was, she hated Finn for what he had done but she was glad he hadn’t stayed with her, glad she wasn’t subjected to an unfaithful relationship. She kind of felt sorry for the girl he had moved to California with. Well, not really, but whatever. “Stay the night?” Raven asked, her voice was far too shy to even try to act blasé.

“It’s almost morning, Raven.” Abby grinned as she turned over onto her side to face Raven.

“Please?” she begged with almost desperation lacing her tone. “I’ll even make you breakfast.” Raven only half teased, mirroring Abby’s position.

“Okay.” Abby smiled softly, she shuffled forward ever so slightly and buried herself into the pillows. “I have work tomorrow, is that okay?”

“No.” Raven stated matter of fact. “You’re not allowed to leave.” Her voice was deadpan enough to warrant a single eye to peep open. It was likely the older woman would have glared if she wasn’t so exhausted. “But I guess it’ll have to be, people to save and all that jazz.” She mumbled in feigned resentment.

“Raven.” Abby mumbled, sleep already drowning her voice.

“Yes?” the younger woman’s eyes began to slowly drift closed.

“Shut up and go to sleep.” The smirk Raven could hear in Abby’s voice surely mirrored her grin as she chuckled and moved closer to Abby feeling the body heat envelop her and soon her eyes had completely fluttered closed and she was drowning in her own dream world.

\----

She felt almost like she was floating as she sat in the passage seat of her mom’s old beat up pickup truck. The interior was falling apart and the brown layer of nicotine and god knows what else that had coated the dashboard and the inside of the windows was thick enough that Raven could write her name in it beside the rocket and stars she had drawn a few days prior. The cab stunk of smoke and hairspray but Raven assumed that it was most likely alcohol and not a beauty product that was burning the insides of her nose. Her mom hadn’t taken care in her appearance since before her dad had left. She was more often than not, used to the eye watering smell but today it seemed stronger and it showed in the way the ragged woman struggled to keep her eyes open. Raven assumed that, even in her young age, there was more than just alcohol in her system.

The truck veered off to the left slightly, into oncoming traffic, Raven flinched but her mom only swerved back when a horn blared angrily at her. She cursed, slurred and dazed, as she approached a junction and suddenly it was as though Raven was watching the scene from above, a ghost floating above her own body, she wanted to scream, wanted to reach for the wheel and slam on the breaks to stop the accident from happening. But her ghost was lifeless and silent and could only watch the scene unfold. Up ahead a small blue car started to move off from where it had stopped and waited for the lights. The pickup didn’t stop and a moment later a flash of a pale face, screaming in horror as a blur of blue pressed up, crushed and shattered, against the front of the truck.

The scene blurred away but the cramping and pain in Raven’s leg burned and pierced through her subconscious as though she was reliving the accident all over again.

She was cold, very cold as she blinked and the familiar scene of her apartment bubbled and melted around her. It was freezing. An echo of a knock at the door sounded in her ears but it felt as though she was submerged in water, she was there, but not quite. She moved to open the door and when the face of the man she had once loved appeared in front of her, a sob escaped through the barriers she had built. She was so angry as she glared at the man in front of her but his smile was enough to remind her that she was ghosting through her memories, watching them play out in front of her.

She couldn’t hear what Finn was saying, she couldn’t remember what he had told her that day but there was a sudden surge of anger, she could feel it even in her dream state, palpable and thick like tar winding through her veins. He stood, hands up in defence as she stalked towards him. She could see her hands waving in front of her, fists then a finger and then a stream of other gestures.

She stormed off towards the kitchen but he followed. She just wanted him to leave, her own eyes were stinging with tears, and her chest ached, it felt heavy with the sobs that racked through her body.

He wouldn’t leave, he just kept walking towards her, trying to hold her, he wouldn’t leave her alone. He wouldn’t let go of her hands as she beat them against his chest with a mix of anger, fury and distress. In that moment she didn’t love him anymore, she remembered feeling like he’d pulled a jigsaw segment straight out of her heart, one that hadn’t belonged there in a long time since they had been together. But he kept it in his hands and he wouldn’t let go, he wouldn’t leave her. “Just let go.” She heard her own voice, remembered saying it to him, screaming it in his face. It had startled them both. Made the reality all too real.

He hadn’t let go of her hands as she cried and beat his chest again.

And then he did.

He dropped her hands and stepped away.

She screamed at him, told him to go fuck himself over and over. She didn’t love him anymore and she didn’t need him in her life. When the door slammed shut behind him, she clutched the nearest thing she could.

The silver toaster beside her, sadly, was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She clutched at the metal grids inside, no care for whether or not it was plugged in or not and hurled it at the door. It shattered and clattered to the floor and the next thing Raven remembered seeing was Octavia and Clarke emerging and cradling her as she rocked back and forth on the floor.

\----

Raven’s eyes snapped open with a sharp gasp, her face and pillow was soaking and her hair had matted to her cheeks. Another sob racked through her body, shuddering violently as she clutched at the sheets, she tried desperately to calm her breathing and her heart rate but the images from her dreams, from her memories, flashed before her eyes. The cramping in her leg didn’t help and only aided in her feeling as though she were being sucked down a black hole.

She rolled over and reached for the warm body she had hoped would still be lying in bed with her. Her hand fell through the air, however, and landed on the slowly cooling mattress that had only just been abandoned. There was a sharp pang of pain, hurt, offense? She wasn’t sure which, but it was there none the less as she stared at the empty space in her bed.

Her mind began to wander to that dark place, back to Finn, back to her mom and the crash. The tears began to flow, pain crushing sobs riddled her insides and threatened to break free because she was alone again. Just as she had always ended up being.

Suddenly, there was a click as the door opened and the silhouette of Abby’s body lit by the light out in the hallway cast a shadow across the room. Raven managed to stifle the sob of relief and she tried to ignore the remnants of the panic and the neediness she would down right deny if anyone were to ask about it. The older woman must have left to go to the bathroom or something because she curled back up into the bed beside Raven without a word. Raven inhaled a shuddering breath which Abby caught and turned to face her, even in the darkness of her room, Raven could see the concern written across her face. “Hey,” she reached out and wiped the tears away from Raven’s face. “Have you been crying?” Raven didn’t trust herself to say anything, only gripped desperately at the hands cupping her cheeks as she blinked the tears free from her eyes. “It’s okay, I’m here. It was just a bad dream.”

The younger woman was too afraid to speak, too afraid to admit her feelings out loud in case the older woman ran for the hills. She liked Abby, it was obvious to her now that whatever she had been feeling was a lot more than just some silly crush. But she was broken in more ways than one and the idea of dragging Abby into something like this scared her more than any car crash could. But on instinct, she pulled the older woman closer to her, clinging to her almost like a helpless child. “It was just a bad dream.” Raven whispered, repeated Abby’s words, she decided not to mention what the dream was about, the memories. That could be left for another day. She buried her face into the woman’s chest, inhaling the vague scent of cinnamon and allowed the warmth it gave her to travel round her body, easing the cramp in her leg and calming her racing brain.

“You don’t have to worry about that now.” Abby wound their legs together beneath the covers and held Raven close. “I’m not leaving.”


	5. Toaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a little harder to read over tonight due to some personal issues that are being dealt with, so I hope there isn't any mistakes I've missed.   
> Regardless, I hope you all enjoy this chapter all the same.

* * *

 

Raven pulled the warmth towards her and nuzzled into it as she bordered on the edge of sleep. She was nearly awake, half conscious of her surroundings, half still reliving the memories of the night before. Subconsciously, she smiled, it was more of a grin really as she remembered what had happened, how Abby had offered to drive her home and had then decided to stay for food. Obviously food had led to more than just friendly conversation and Raven was more than relieved that she hadn’t dreamt last night’s activities.

When she finally registered that she was still holding Abby in her arms, that the older woman hadn’t left in the very early hours of the morning, she gave the woman a gentle squeeze and kissed the side of her neck, peppering her soft skin as she worked her way down to her shoulder. “Mhm,” Abby mumbled only half awake herself, registering the actions of Raven’s mouth against her body. “Good morning.” She squeezed Raven’s hand where it had been resting flat against her stomach and shuffled back towards the younger woman into the warmth of her body.

“Sorry about last night.” Raven whispered as she remembered the minor break down that had occurred probably only an hour or so before. It was still early, the sun was only just rising, painting Raven’s room with a warm, yellow glow. She tried not to remember crying in front of Abby, again, god what had happened to her? She tried not to be embarrassed but the cringe was evident as she shook the thought away.

“Last night was perfect.” Abby dismissed Raven’s comment, light-heartedly, because last night had been that, _perfect_ , for them both, and even though the breakdown had kind of put a dampener on things, Abby, in the end, had been there. She hadn’t run, and she hadn’t left Raven alone. Abby had comforted the brunette until she had fallen asleep again, arm in arm, tangled beneath the sheets.

Raven didn’t want to say anything, the moment was too sweet, too right, to speak. She leant down, placed a soft kiss on Abby’s shoulder and stroked her thumb across her bare stomach. They lay still for a moment, enjoying the stillness and the safety that Raven’s room supplied them but in the end, both women knew that they would have to leave.

They had to join the real world sooner or later and what had happened would need to be discussed, especially after Abby had raised her own concerns about the age difference.

“If we don’t think about it, we won’t have to get up.” Abby whispered, turning in Raven’s arms to bury her face in the younger woman’s neck. Raven couldn’t supress the grin as she held the woman closer to her, not wanting to let go of her surprisingly small frame. The doctor usually held herself so well that even the tallest of men would think twice before challenging her. But now, as they both lay bare for each other to see, it occurred to Raven that just like herself, Abby had her own walls and defences to keep her safe.

“We both have work.” Raven mumbled, dejection laced her tone. “Maybe we could call in sick...”  Despite the tiredness in her voice – it had been a late night after all – she couldn’t help but tease Abby.

“Please, don’t tempt me.” There was a pang of hopefulness in Raven’s chest, the idea of being able to tempt Abby, albeit a small feat, was thrilling in itself. Abby looked up into Raven’s sleep filled eyes with her own equally as heavy ones and she said, “or I really will and then you’ll have to and we’d have to stay here all day.” The thought was tempting, so tempting, and Raven, for only a second, if that, allowed her mind to wander. “Stop it.” Abby smirked as she smacked Raven’s arm.

“Stop what?” Raven grinned mischievously, because she knew exactly what Abby was referring to. She couldn’t stop herself or hold back as she finally gave in to her inner temptations and planted her lips softly against Abby’s.

“Imagining what we could do if we had the whole day to ourselves…” Abby trailed off and her own face filled with a light blush as her expression likely mirrored Raven’s own, flashbacks to the previous night rippled between them.

“Is that a blush I see, Dr. Griffin?” Raven teased through a smirk. She pushed lightly on Abby’s shoulder causing the older woman to roll onto her back as Raven deftly followed, using her good leg as leverage as she hovered over Abby. When Abby only replied with a soft kiss to Raven’s lips all coherent thoughts quickly dissipated and an involuntary moan escaped her body. “Abby…” she sighed feeling the familiar feeling of warmth between her thighs.

Abby curled her hands around Raven’s waist, trailed her finger tips gently up her ribcage then to her hair where she tangled them in long brunette locks. She pulled Raven down for another kiss, searing and heated enough that hips began to move against one another once again.

“If we keep this up… we’re going to have a… repeat of last night and at this rate,” Raven reluctantly paused from her actions and glanced over to the clock on the bedside table, “at this rate, you’re going to be late.” It was nearly quarter to seven in the morning and Abby had to be at work for half past eight. At the latest. Raven groaned at the thought. “But…” Raven argued with the thoughts in her head, she wanted to stay home all day, with Abby and have sex. Lots of sex. But the thought of Octavia or even worse, Clarke coming home during said activities was a huge turn off and Raven couldn’t afford to miss a day’s pay either.

“No, you’re right.” Abby relented rolling out from underneath Raven. “If we don’t get up now, we’ll end up calling in sick.” She perched herself comfortably on the edge of the bed as she stretched out her muscles in her back. Abby glanced around the room in search of her clothing only to realise that the blouse she had been wearing was now button-less in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Raven followed the doctor’s train of sight and smirked. “I have a t-shirt you can borrow.” Raven supplied as she hoisted herself up out of her bed and worked her way around her room. Her leg trailed behind her, and when she realised that Abby had not in fact seen her without her brace in the light of her room, she felt self-conscious, embarrassed almost, and she quickly sat herself back down on the end of the bed. “Erm,” she mumbled uncomfortably and rubbed at the back of her neck. “Second draw down.” She gestured to the set of draws that Abby had been sat on that night. She would have to clean the mess on the floor, makeup, a purse, some items of jewellery and the toaster – which had now been broken in half again, she would have to spend another thirteen months rebuilding it no doubt – scattered the area between the bed and the draws.

If Abby noticed the shift in Raven’s behaviour, she didn’t mention it, only stood up and walked over to the draws to retrieve a t-shirt. While her back was turned, Raven reached over to a pair of exercise shorts and pulled them on. Her brace had been discarded the night before, on her own, much to Abby’s understanding protests, just to the left of the bed and she made quick work of fitting it back to her leg.

Abby pulled out the first t-shirt she could find; it was an old baseball shirt in Arkadia’s colours. She held it up for a moment to compare it to her small frame before she pulled it on over her head and turned to face Raven. It was long enough that it could cover her butt but left nothing to the imagination. Raven allowed her eyes to trace up and down the other woman’s body, unabashed to her leering even though she could feel Abby’s eyes watching her. She pulled on a shirt to cover her flushing cheeks, she couldn’t watch Abby saunter on over to her without feeling the heat between her thighs.

“See something you like?” Abby cocked an eyebrow as she pulled Raven to her feet and caught her lips roughly between her own.

“I mean,” Raven paused as she planted another kiss on Abby’s lips. “You’re alright, I guess.” She feigned indifference. She took a step back, but kept her hands glued to the older woman’s hips as she looked her up and down.

Abby let out a burst of laughter as she closed the distance once again. “You’re such an ass.” She kissed Raven before she stepped away to pull on her jeans.

The grin that had plastered Raven’s face was beaming and bright as she led Abby out into the living room. “How about some breakfast before work?” She wasn’t one for inviting the people she slept with to stay for breakfast, hell, she wasn’t used to anyone ever sleeping over and staying until morning, always waking up with an empty bed the next day or escaping in the middle of the night. So she wasn’t sure how full on she was being with Abby or whether or not this was even okay, but something inside her wasn’t ready to watch Abby walk out of that door just yet and she wasn’t ready to go back to ignoring the quite obvious feelings that had come to light over the past couple of weeks. For a moment, she wondered if she should have been worried about how easily her crush had developed into something more, definitely feelings, but what kind of feelings she wasn’t sure.

“That sounds great.” Abby laced her fingers with Raven’s and squeezed it gently. The warmth and static electricity that passed between them was almost palpable in the air and the blush that flooded both women’s faces was confirmation enough that they had both experienced it.

\----

“How long have you been working on that?” Raven looked up from where her nose was buried deep into the toaster, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and her lip was still being worried between her teeth. Abby smiled affectionately when Raven met her eyes.

“A while.” She said as she looked back down to inspect the circuit board for any damage that may have been inflicted the night before. “Thirteen months.” Raven added a second later with a shrug as she glanced up shyly at the woman sitting opposite her at the breakfast bar. The smell of bacon and eggs filled the kitchen, Abby had already cleaned up her plate but Raven’s was still covered with cooling food. Her mind was disinterested with the substances as her attention was drawn to the toaster in her lap.

The amused grin on Abby’s face caused Raven’s attention to waver, she stared at her features for a moment. “Why are you still working on it?” Her head cocked to the side in confused amusement as she watched Raven work.

“Because,” Raven puffed out a frustrated sigh at the contraption in her hands, her shoulders rose and dropped and she placed the soldering iron carefully down on the heat mat. “I can’t for the life of me get it to damn well work.” Octavia and Clarke had never asked about the toaster, they’d seen the mess left in Finn’s wake and had left it at that, they didn’t push or judge, they’d just left her to get on with her own thing. Raven was thankful for that.

“Did you try turning it on and off?” Abby teased, rounding the breakfast bar to stand behind Raven who was only just taller than her from where she sat on the bar stool. Abby seemed to pause for a moment, Raven could feel her body heat against her back before the other woman wound her arms carefully around her waist and buried her chin into the crook of Raven’s neck.

“Geez, I never thought of that!” Raven sneered playfully, “no, it’s not that.” She shrugged as she placed the toaster down on the breakfast bar and turned to face Abby, her own arms reached out to wrap around Abby’s neck. “It all fits together, it’s all connected, but it doesn’t matter because it just doesn’t work. I thought there was maybe something wrong with the fuse or the heating elements.” She prodded the sections as she spoke. “I think it’s missing something but I just can’t work out what.”

“You could always use that toaster instead.” With her chin, Abby gestured in the direction of the fairly new toaster that Clarke had bought when it became apparent that Raven was no closer to mending the dismembered toaster, much to Raven’s complaints.

Raven frowned. “No, this is a perfectly good toaster, it just doesn’t work.” Abby began to chuckle, her shoulder bobbed in amusement causing Raven’s body to mirror the quakes. “Clarke laughed at me too.” Raven feigned offence as she fluttered her eyes up at Abby and pouted.

“Like mother like daughter.” Abby smirked.

“Definitely not.” Raven shook her head furiously. “You’re not like Clarke.”

Raven slowly stood and pulled Abby closer to her by her hips. “And why is that?” Abby asked, allowing her body to be pressed against Raven’s. Instinctively, her eyes flashed down to stare at Raven’s lips.

The glimmer Raven could visibly see in Abby’s eyes suggested that she had already guessed what she was about to say but the younger woman said it anyway. “I don’t want to do this with Clarke.” She whispered as she pressed her lips against the slightly shorter woman’s mouth. Abby immediately granted her access, her tongue flicked against Raven’s and she wound her fingers tightly into Raven’s hair.

“I should hope not.” Raven didn’t want to think about how that comment had made her heart skip, how it had caused a bubble of excitement to rise in her stomach and goose bumps to erupt over every inch of her body. She told herself that it was because Clarke had just gotten engaged, that Abby didn’t want anyone getting in the way of her daughter’s happiness but even then, she knew she was lying to herself. However, before her mind could wander anymore, Abby pushed Raven back down onto the barstool and her hands wandered down to the button on Raven’s jeans.

\----

“Shit.”

**Clarke [Today, 10:14 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                         Hey, so when you get home can we talk?

**Clarke [10:14 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Raven?

**Clarke [10:15 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Hello?

Raven slammed her head against the underside of the bonnet when she read the texts, her mind immediately flashed to the worst case scenario. She rubbed at her skull in furious circles to rid it of the stinging and throbbing pain. Raven scanned over her memories of that morning, picking at individual moments that could have led Clarke to discover the secret that both Raven and Abby shared, of anyway they could have slipped up. They hadn’t, however, of that she was positive. They had gone back over the apartment with a fine tooth come, had retrieved Abby’s underwear and clothes and threw the two cartons of noodles into the trash. But even so, the racing of Raven’s heart and the cold sweat that formed on her thighs and neck were inevitable. She knew she was in the wrong by having slept with Clarke’s mom, hell, she had been in the wrong just spending time with Abby that night in the bar. The pounding in her ears drowned out the sound of Wick’s _Guardians of the Galaxy_ soundtrack that was playing through the speakers around the garage.

So with shaking hands, Raven shot back a reply. Her heart was in her mouth the entire time.

**Raven [Today, 10:20 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                         Sure princess. What’s up?

The sound of footstep’s rounding the car drew Raven’s attention away from her phone as Wick came into view. “What was that noise?” He asked and ducked his head underneath the bonnet of the car to join Raven.

“Hit my head.” Raven muttered. She stuffed her phone into her back pocket and backed away from the car. She wiped at her head then looked down at the palm of her hand, inspecting her skin for any signs of blood before she walked over to the small fridge in the corner of the room and pulled out a cold can of soda. Raven wrapped the condensation coated can in a paper towel before she placed it on the slowly forming bump.

“Why’d you do that?” Wick cocked his head to the side with a stupid boyish grin.

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” Raven snapped. “It’s just the radiator.” She waved the hand not holding the can to her head in the direction of the car’s insides, “overheated, the cooling system’s flawed.”

“Got it.” Wick nodded as he took a mental note so that he could put in an order for a new radiator system. “What’s got you so quiet today, kid?” he stood and leaned against the work bench beside Raven.

“I’m not that much younger than you, don’t call me kid.” Raven deadpanned as she sized him up. She was half his height and he had enough body muscle to outweigh her easily, but that never stopped her from picking a fight with the man she considered to be more than family. When the only response she was given was a quirk of his eyebrow she let out an irritated sigh. “Nothing, I’m just tired I guess.” She lied as she walked back over to the fridge to place the can back where she found it.

Raven pulled her phone out of her pocket to check for a reply from Clarke, her heart stopped when there were two new messages.

**Clarke [10:22 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                 You’re so impatient. lol 

**Clarke [10:24 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     But anyway, Lexa and me were thinking of going out for drinks to celebrate. Everyone’s invited so you don’t really have a choice.

Raven’s shoulders dropped, a breath of relief escaped into the air between Wick and herself and she couldn’t help but role her head backwards to thank any god up there that was looking out for her.

“I saw that.” Wick’s voice was accusing as he grinned at her. “Is that Abby?” Raven’s blood ran cold, she could feel it drain from her face and she was very sure that her heart wasn’t beating anymore. Her expression must have given her away because Wick’s smile only grew wider as the seconds passed without Raven answering.

“What?” Raven stuttered, she sounded embarrassingly pathetic. “I don’t know-”

“I heard you and Octavia talking at Clarke’s last night.” He shrugged as though it wasn’t a big deal but Raven could feel everything spiralling out of control, she could feel Abby slowly slipping out of reach and Clarke’s anger as though it were palpable in the air around them. She gulped down the icy block in her throat and wiped at the sweat on her forehead. If it had been that easy for Wick to figure out her secret, then was it possible that Clarke already knew? Surely not? Clarke wasn’t calm enough to be able to keep something like that to herself. If she knew, Raven would know, too.

“Kyle.” It was very rare that Raven did use Wick’s first name, in fact she couldn’t remember the last time she had, but the first time rippled through her mind. They had been sitting in his father’s kitchen when Wick had brought up her mother, it had only been a few short years after her death and Raven hadn’t fully developed her walls and defences. She’d cried and called him Kyle as he held her. Since then she had only ever cried in front of, barely, a handful of people.

“Hey,” He held his hands up in defence as he took a step closer to the woman he considered to be his sister. “I’m not one to judge and what you choose to do is all you, I just don’t like it when you’re quiet.” He kept the smirk on his face, trying to make the conversation more casual, though Raven could hear the concern in the tone of his voice. She didn’t want to talk about this. She had been emotional enough lately, she didn’t want the list of times she had shown her feelings to grow anymore. “It’s weird.” He added a moment later when the fear on Raven’s face clearly grew stronger.

“There’s nothing going on with Abby and me.” Raven murmured. Her voice was shaking too much to sound calm and truthful.

Wick ducked his head and Raven assumed he was trying to hide his frustration. “Look, I’m not going to tell you to stop seeing her or make you stop. I want you to be happy, I haven’t seen you happy since Finn so if that’s the case then I’m not going to say anything. Just don’t lie to me, little Bird.”

Raven visibly deflated at the nickname. She slouched against the work bench and rubbed her face. “I slept with her.” She barely whispered. Wick stayed quiet, he didn’t have a dick comment or something stupid to say, which was comforting and disconcerting all at once. “Last night, we slept together. It was the first time and it just kind of happened.” She kept the shake out of her voice and she steeled her face enough to hide the worry and emotion she was feeling.

“Do you have feelings for her?” It was a simple enough question, one that Raven was so close to answering with a simple answer, but as her mind wandered over the past couple of weeks, Christmas, the night in the bar and then Clarke’s birthday, the answer didn’t feel so simple anymore.

There were feelings, for sure, they had kept Raven up every night since the night in the bar, she was awake, thinking about Abby. About her face, her lips, her eyes, her skin, her touch and her lips. Everything about the way she laughed and smiled and the way she was so able to make Raven feel _free_ , as though she didn’t have to feel worried about showing her real emotions, about being vulnerable. “I don’t know.” She admitted, she slumped into one of the old chairs that were never used. “I think so but I don’t want to jump ahead of myself, what if I’m only attracted to her?”

Shrugging, Wick jumped up onto the work bench. “I mean, I’d expect nothing less, she’s hot.” At the searing scowl Raven shot him he mentally withdrew his comment though the smirk on his face said otherwise. “You like her.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“What makes you say that?” Raven scowled, more so at how easily he had made up his mind while she was still stressing over her feelings. She still hadn’t gotten round to asking Abby how she really felt about the age thing, after all it was the reason for Abby not wanting to take things further and yet she had changed her mind only a few hours later. It only caused Raven to feel more unsure of herself.

He threw one of the grease coated rags at her, “you nearly bit my head off.” Wick smirked. “If you didn’t feel something for her, you wouldn’t be thinking about it this much.”

She knew that Wick was right but how he’d sussed her out so quickly put her on edge, sure they’d known each other since they were fifteen, and they were practically family, but she hadn’t been able to figure it out for herself and even then, she was still second guessing herself. “I think I like her, I don’t want to stop seeing her and the _sex_ ,” her eyes rolled back into her skull as she groaned, the memory of Abby’s fingers knuckle deep inside her was enough to have a furious heat rushing between her thighs once again. “The sex was amazing,”

“That’s older women for you.” Wick explained, he wiggled his eyebrows in her direction. “They have a lot of experience.”

“Why’d you have to be so crude?” She cringed when realisation hit her. “How would you know anything about older women anyway?” she mumbled.

“Diane.” He stated simply. It took Raven a second but her face dropped a moment later. “The English Literature teacher.” He stated, mirroring her thoughts clearly.

“I knew it.” Raven gasped with a punch to Wick’s arm.

A couple of minutes passed in silence, Raven got back to work on the car, removing the radiator cooler and the radiator, just in case. Her head was buried deep in engine and battery and fuel lines when Wick walked passed her to the office. “If you’re happy, don’t lose it.”

\----

Raven and Octavia trudged through the icy slush only a block away from their building. It had been pouring with rain all morning – the kind of rain that would hurt when it crashed against any bare skin that happened to be on show – and the once white, soft snow had turned to grey sludge lining the streets. The miserable weather had aided in depleting some of Raven’s good mood, however, Octavia had promised to make her lunch if she walked her home when she finished at college for the day.

So as they rounded the corner and entered their building, Raven sighed out as the warmth hit them. “I’m presuming you got home okay last night?” Octavia asked, a hint of knowing in her voice when they began to climb the stairs a step at a time, taking it slowly so that Raven wouldn’t get cramp.

“Yup.” Raven’s response was short, she knew exactly what Octavia was hinting at because her best friend knew who had driven her home after all and this was just her roundabout way of asking if Raven had hooked up with Abby. “Safe and sound.” She added a moment later, an accusing quirk to her voice.

“You’re looking tired.” Octavia observed. They walked down the hallway towards their apartment with a tense air between them.

“Long night.” Raven mumbled. She could practically feel Octavia brighten beside her, the excitement she exuded was like static.

However, before she could jump to conclusions the door beside theirs swung open and an elderly lady that they were both familiar with exited carrying a load of laundry. “Hello, girls.” She greeted them in a thick Boston accent.

“Good morning, Mrs Patella.” Octavia grinned at the old woman and Raven followed suit at the elbow that jabbed into her ribs.

“How are you?” Raven asked forcefully, as though it were killing her to make conversation with the old woman.

A mischievous smirk pulled at Mrs Patella’s mouth as she took a step forward, it was the type of smile your grandma would give you when she watched you clean your plate or knew you had been eating healthy since she last saw you. “I’m very well, thank you, Raven. Though,” she paused and looked between the two younger women, “I’m not doing as well as you are, apparently.”

“Huh?” Raven asked, her eyebrow quirked up in confusion and looked the old woman in the eye.

“When do I get to meet this new girlfriend of yours?” If Raven had been drinking, she likely would have sprayed it across the two women in the hallway. She gasped out around a flustered stutter but she ended up just gawking between Mrs Patella and Octavia, the latter of the two just stood with a knowing smirk plastered to her face as she waited for someone to elaborate. “She has a lovely name, ‘Abby’, she seems to like you, too.” And with that, she sauntered off down the hall, her hips swayed from left to right and she left Raven and Octavia alone.

A minute or so passed before Raven finally spoke up. “Don’t say a word.” She held her hand up to silence anything her best friend may have been about to say and stormed into their apartment.

“I wasn’t going to.” Octavia held her hands up in defenced and followed Raven inside. It wasn’t until after she had made some pasta and Raven and her were sat down enjoying it that Raven finally spoke up again.

“We talked.” Raven started. “Last night, after you left, we talked and decided to be friends.” She tried to keep her eyes down because she knew that the second she met Octavia caring orbs, she would break, something would snap inside of her and she would likely realise everything she didn’t want to address just yet. “She offered to drive me home and we talked for a while,” Raven sat up straight all of a sudden, a pained expression on her face, “I didn’t pressure her into anything.”

Octavia shook her head furiously and reached across the breakfast bar. “Of course not, you wouldn’t do anything like that.”

Nodding as though she were reassuring herself, Raven continued. “One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together, I don’t know what that means but she didn’t run for the hills this morning.” Raven shrugged, Octavia hadn’t asked for an explanation, in fact she had remained respectfully quiet, though, Raven felt she owed her best friend and explanation, not as much as Clarke, but that would have to wait.

“You should talk to her.” Octavia stated simply.

“Not yet.” She shook her head in an almost panic. “I need to figure out how I feel.”

“You don’t need to figure it out by yourself.” Octavia squeezed her hand gently before she pulled it back to dig back into her food. “Wait.” Raven paused, her fork inches away from her mouth. “Where do I need to avoid sitting…?”

Raven could only smirk in response, her mind flashed back to that morning. “Too late.” She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows as she gestured with her chin to where Octavia was sitting.

“Oh my god.” Octavia clambered to her feet, nearly spilling her drink when she did so. “You’re gross.”

\----

**Abby [Today, 17:22 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                           Has Clarke asked you to go out tomorrow night, too?

The text was completely random, it made Raven’s heart bound furiously inside her chest, she was sat beside the woman’s daughter and images of that morning came rushing back, the both of them in the kitchen, Abby running late because they had spent far too long doing things they shouldn’t have been. Raven’s eyes flickered over to the bar stool where they had both taken turns at sitting before it was discarded and they turned to the tiled floor. She was sure both of their backs would have been bruised and scraped after that.

Raven coughed roughly, her face burned red and ended she drawing the attention of Lincoln who was cradling a sleeping Octavia in his arms. “Sorry.” She mumbled. Clarke didn’t tear her eyes away from _Notting Hill_ , something about Hugh Grant, she’d already lined up a _Bridget Jones Diary_ marathon next, Raven had been thinking about all the ways she could fake her death to get out of it.

**Raven [17:25 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Yeah, I have ‘no choice’ apparently. Have you been roped into it too?

**Abby [17:26 PM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     She’s my daughter, I can’t exactly say no. x

Raven couldn’t help but smile at Abby’s words. She stared at the text for a while before she realised that she did actually have to reply but another text came through before she could.

**Abby [17:27 PM]** Do you maybe want to go together?

Raven’s eyes bugged out of her skull, the last word of the text had Raven’s blood pressure sky rocketing and even though she knew Abby had probably meant just as friends, because of course they couldn’t tell Clarke, or anyone for that matter, but there was that bubble of hope and excitement again, the feeling she had felt when she had woken up that morning with Abby in her arms.

Raven didn’t want to text back, her hands were too shaky and she feared that one slip would cause Clarke to glance in her direction and notice the sender of the texts. The sudden need to hear Abby’s voice was all consuming.

“I’m just going to the bathroom.” Raven muttered as she stood, no one paid her any attention, however, Clarke and Lexa were curled up together, ignoring both her and the TV it seemed as they whispered and giggled together. Lincoln seemed too invested in the movie to have noticed Raven standing while Octavia continued to snore quietly in his lap.

She made quick work of finding Abby’s number in her phone book but paused before she could dial. She breathed in a calming breath and brought her phone to her ear. It rang three times before the other woman answered.

“Raven.” The smile in her voice was evident, it caused a wave of butterflies to erupt in her stomach and almost elicited a gasp from her chest. “Hi.” Abby sighed out softly.

“Hey, Abby.” Raven couldn’t keep her grin off her face, she watched herself in the mirror, the way every one of her teeth became visible and the dimples in her cheeks deepened. She probably would have been embarrassed with the ridiculous expression on her face or even annoyed but the warmth that spread over Raven’s chest consumed any negative feeling she had ever felt. “You’re not busy are you?”

There was a rustle down the other end of the line. “Not at all, I’m just getting changed out of my scrubs.” Abby replied softly. The gulp that sounded down to phone from Raven’s end caused Abby to laugh but the younger woman couldn’t keep the blush out of her face as she pictured the shorter woman without her clothes on. “What’re you doing?” Abby asked a moment later when it became obvious that Raven couldn’t form any words to start the conversation she had called Abby about in the first place.

“Hiding in the bathroom.” Raven replied matter-of-factly.

“Why?” Raven could hear Abby walking down the stair in her house, the steps creaked beneath her feet.

She shrugged but remembered that the older woman couldn’t actually see her. “I kind’a just wanted to call you.” Raven replied, it wasn’t the whole truth but it wasn’t a lie either. She had just wanted to hear Abby’s voice, texting the other woman had been doing nothing for her.

“You’re sweet.” From Abby’s end of the line it sounded like she was beginning to prepare herself some food, the sound of a knife hitting the chopping board echoed through to the bathroom Raven was sitting in.

“Don’t go telling people that,” Raven mumbled as she fiddled with the roll of toilet paper, she folded and unfolded the edges into a triangle. “I need to keep up my rep.”

“What rep?” Abby laughed teasingly. “The one where you pretend to be all tough but in reality you’re softer than Clarke?” The innocent words were enough to have Raven laughing loud enough that the other’s in the apartment wold surely have been able to hear her.

“I resent that.” Raven’s laughter died down to a light chuckle. “But yes, that one.”

“I thought so.” Abby’s smile could be heard in her voice as they both fell into a comfortable silence.

“So, about Clarke’s thing tomorrow night…” Raven rubbed shyly at the back of her neck as she finally got to the point.

“Oh yeah, if you don’t want to go together that’s-”

“No, no!” Raven quickly stepped in before Abby could go back on her word. “I’d love to go with you, I was just wondering when you’d like me to pick you up?” Her words turned shy, contrasting from her cocky and self-sure attitude only a moment before.

“You don’t have to pick me up, sweetheart. I can drive us, you’re on the way to Bellamy’s bar.” Abby’s tone reminded her of the night she’d kissed her, how they’d stood in the freezing cold air but Raven hadn’t felt it because Abby had been there to hold her. She’d made her feel warm and safe.

Smirking, she wondered why Abby didn’t just call the bar _Polis_ instead of the mouthful and formalities of ‘Bellamy’s Bar’. “I want to.” Raven spoke up. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

“Only if you’re sure.” But there was no concern in Abby’s words, she was just as happy with the arrangements as Raven was.

“I’m one hundred percent sure.” She was beaming, her face had split into a shit eating grin. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Abby.” Raven chuckled before the call ended.

Raven wandered back out into the hallway and headed towards the living room, only to be stopped when a blur of blonde hair jumped in front of her path. “Who was that?” She asked with a knowing grin.

“Wick.” Raven answered far too quickly for it to have been a natural response but her heart was pounding and she could feel that familiar cold sweat forming on the back of her neck as her face burned an unnatural red.

“Liar.” Clarke took another step towards her as she stared Raven down with eyes so similar to Abby’s that an involuntary squeak escaped her body. “It’s that person you’ve been texting so much isn’t it?”

“What?” Raven gawked in surprise. “I haven’t been texting anyone.” Raven retorted defensively.

“Then who were you on the phone to just now?” The strong feeling of being interrogated was almost irritating enough for Raven to lash out but her fear for Clarke finding out the truth was stronger. Raven glanced over Clarke’s shoulder to see that Octavia was standing awkwardly in the kitchen, preparing them all some food, she could smell it radiating through the apartment. “Octavia’s noticed it too so don’t expect her to back you up.” The brunette’s eyes met Raven’s before they snapped back down to concentrate on what she was doing.

“Look, it’s nothing serious, we’re not even dating. We hooked up once.” Raven relented after a moment, she kept her eyes glued to Clarke’s because she could feel Octavia’s boring into her with more intensity than the blonde in front of her. “I don’t want to jinx anything.” Raven shrugged. As the words were spilling from her mouth, she couldn’t help the name being repeated over and over in her head like a patronising mantra daring her to slip up. _Abby, Abby, Abby_ … _Clare’s mom, Abby_.

An attentive smirk tugged at the corner of Clarke’s mouth, “You like them?”

Raven shrugged once again as she pushed past her friend. “I don’t know, yes, I think so.” She wandered towards the kitchen and picked up a slice of carrot that Octavia had chopped and threw it into her mouth, before shooting the other woman a glare, she crunched down on the orange vegetable loudly.

“Does she make you happy?” Octavia finally spoke up, her voice was knowing and understanding, caring. She hadn’t dropped Raven into the mud or given her up to Clarke’s fury that both of them had become quite familiar with over the past couple of years. Raven gulped as she nodded, she kept her eyes downcast, afraid to see what might have been in either of her best friend’s eyes. Octavia had been good enough not to press Raven on the matter that afternoon while they sat and ate lunch, though it seemed now that Clarke had crossed the line she felt no harm in doing the same.

“Can we meet her?” Clarke piped up once again as she hoisted herself down off of the breakfast bar where she had perched herself a minute before.

“No.” Raven stated simply. “Not yet, you’ll scaring her off.” She lied but she could hear Octavia snickering beside her. She pulled out a cold bottle of water from the fridge and began to sip on it, allowing the cool liquid to calm her. Lexa and Lincoln settled down on the opposite side of the breakfast bar as they watched the interaction interestedly.

Clarke picked up the dish of food and moved it towards the oven that had been warming up for a while. “Motherfucker!” Clarke screamed as the dish hit the floor, she caught her knuckles on the hot metal grate causing her skin to immediately redden.

Raven’s mouthful of water sprayed across Lexa and Lincoln as she coughed and choked around the inhaled liquid. If she could breathe she would have been more concerned for her friends wellbeing, though Lexa quickly wiped the water from her face without so much as looking phased and jumped to help Clarke. “Jesus, princess.” Raven wheezed as she wiped the streams of tears from her face.

Octavia was howling, her head tipped backwards in sheer delight as she wiped Lincoln’s face with a dish towel. “You guys need to chill out.” She heaved through her laughter, her words were directed towards Raven, though, as the other brunette tried to get her heart rate back to a normal frequency. Octavia picked up the dish and placed it securely in the oven.

“It’s not that bad.” Clarke mumbled as Lexa directed her over to the sink to run the cold water over the small burn on her knuckles. “I promise.” She tipped her head to the side and planted a gentle kiss against Lexa’s cheek.

“How does it feel knowing that you’ll have to deal with this for the rest of your life?” Raven pulled some burn cream from the small first aid kit that she insisted on keeping on top of the fridge and handed it over to the taller woman.

“Pretty good.” Lexa shrugged as she began to rub the cream into the blistering mark on the back of Clarke’s hand. “Better than having to deal with anyone else.”

“Hey.” Clarke whined as she pouted up at her fiancé. “I’m right here.” They began to whisper to one another, smirking and grinning together and then their hands began to roam.

“Jesus.”

“Come on.”

Octavia and Raven both rolled their eyes in unison as they evacuated the kitchen to leave the couple to themselves.

\----

“So I’ve been thinking!” Clarke called from the bathroom, she emerged a moment later with a towel between her hands, tangled in her hair. Instinctively, Lexa moved over on the couch and made room for the blonde.

“Oh no.” Raven joked, she turned the TV down so that she could hear Clarke better.

“Shut up, Raven.” Clarke lopped a cushion at Raven’s head, it missed by inches and slammed into the side of Lincoln’s arm. “Sorry.” She winced.

“Work on your aim.” Octavia, who had begun to drift off once again as they had finished up dinner, mumbled sleepily from Lincoln’s side, she burrowed further into his chest and her eyes fluttered closed. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, staying quiet as he so often did. Raven figured that that was why she liked him so much, he kept himself to himself and didn’t go out of his way to irritate Raven, mind neither did anyone else, they just did.

“What’s up princess?” Raven finally asked. She watched her best friend curl up into the side of Lexa’s body and couldn’t help but blush and glance away. As she watched her two friends be happy and in love, comfortable with someone who wasn’t absolutely platonic, Raven couldn’t help but feel something akin to loneliness which bubbled and riddled its way through her body.

“Well, I’ve just been thinking,” she began and Raven nodded her head for her to go on, though her mind was travelling thirty miles away to an almost empty house. “Why don’t we have a triple date?” Raven tried desperately hard to keep the images of Abby out of her brain, to stop thinking of the older woman that, for reason unbeknownst to her, had stitched her way indefinitely into her heart. She wouldn’t admit that out loud, not yet anyway, yes she had feelings for Abby and those feelings were growing with each second that ticked by. She could remember her mom’s words that echoed through her, riding the flow of her blood that pulsed around her body. _This is what happens when you let yourself love_. The image of her mom, drunk, high, poising herself, slowly faded away as Clarke beamed at her.

“I don’t know...” Octavia mumbled through the fabric of Lincoln’s hoodie, though Raven was grateful for her friend speaking up. Her mind was too lost in images of the blonde’s mother to be able to form a coherent sentence.

“Why not?” Clarke piped up, she ignored the chuckle that vibrated in Lexa’s chest at the sound of a pout evident in her voice.

“Not a chance, blondey.” Raven stood and walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and picked out a six pack of beer, she left one remaining in the fridge and walked back into the living. “Did you forget about the first time you met Finn?” She laughed at the burning blush that coloured into Clarke’s cheeks and handed her a beer.

“Shut up.” They’d all promised not to discuss the incident that had occurred that day, Clarke had been the first to arrive and had gotten to talking to a stranger sat at the bar. Obviously this had been a couple of months before Lexa, Clarke wouldn’t have been able to forgive herself otherwise, but they’d began to flirt. It was until Raven had turned up that Finn realised what had just happened. Raven hadn’t thought much of it, had brushed it off with light humour.  However, to think of it now, Raven should have seen the foreshadowing there.

The other beers were handed out to everyone in the room, Octavia took hers sleepily with a mumbled ‘thank you’. Raven glanced up at Lexa who was smirking down at Clarke. “Lexa didn’t know that I mistook your _ex_ for a random stranger, Raven.”

“You can’t keep secrets from your fiancé, Clarke.” Raven mimicked Clarke’s reprimanding tone. “Anyway,” she started, “This triple date is not happening. Is it guys?”

She’d directed it towards Octavia but her friend was beginning to dose once again. Lincoln piped up with an innocent smile, “I think it’s a good idea, we will have fun.” He took a sip of his beer then placed it back down on the table where it would likely remain for the rest of the night. He wasn’t one for drinking often and sometimes Raven figured he did it just keep in time with everyone else.

“I agree; it’ll be nice to meet this mystery person. You have to rest of your life to be comfortable and happy, let them embarrass you and get you out of your comfort zone.” Lexa laughed, her eyes wandered between Octavia and Clarke and back to Raven. “You can always invent a time machine and stop it from happening if it goes terribly wrong.” She added as an almost teasing afterthought.

“I don’t want to build a time machine.” Raven mumbled, offended by the comment.

“I apologise. You want to build spaceships.” Lexa corrected herself though Raven could only respond with an eye role.  It made her uncomfortable, how something had fundamentally changed within her, how she knew now that ‘spaceships’ and ‘time machines’ weren’t going to be the only thing she would miss. Not now, not anymore.

“What so she can blast herself off to another galaxy and never talk to us again?  I don’t think so.” Octavia seemed to brighten up with a bit of alcohol in her system. She was more alert, well as far as being half asleep and on the way to being intoxicated could make you.

Raven gave an indifferent shake of her head. “It’s not happening.”

“What’s the real reason you don’t want us to meet them?” Clarke asked, her smirk was annoying and the amused glint in her eyes caused Raven’s jaw to clench.

Suddenly her beer didn’t seem so appealing anymore, it was too bitter and it didn’t sit well in her stomach, so she placed the half empty bottle down on the table and stood, she didn’t feel like waiting up for dinner either.

“I’m getting kind of tired, just going to head off to bed.” She gestured towards the hallway to her bedroom and shuffled off towards it. She’d just eat double her daily intake tomorrow.

Raven missed the confused glances that the others shared as she left the room.

\----

It was only a minor fracture, small enough that Raven could only see it with her glasses on and if she tilted the green plastic in the light just so, but it was enough to stop the current of electricity flowing through the circuit board. She huffed and dropped her head back against the headboard. There would be little she would have been able to do then; she didn’t have the equipment with her nor did she have the energy.

It had only just past one AM, though the aching in Raven’s body made it feel much later. She was tired but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t fall asleep. Her mind was racing; she had resorted to mending the damn toaster, hoping that it would ease some tension, but even then her thoughts kept seeping through her subconscious.

Thoughts of Abby, thoughts of herself. They were ridiculous, really, they shouldn’t exist in her head. From early on in her life, from when her mom was still alive, she’d told herself she would never let anyone in. It was cliché of course, but even so, she’d seen her mother slowly decay and lose who she was in front of her eyes. Before her dad had left she had been someone normal, not perfect by a long shot, but she had been genuine and she had been her mom. But when her father had left, she had started drinking, using her child support money to buy her alcohol and when that didn’t do the job, when she couldn’t forget, she’d turned to drugs. Raven remembered the day it had all changed, the day her father left, the day her mother had left, too, leaving Raven alone.

Her grandmother had been alone, too. Raven had never met her grandfather but even then, she assumed that while he’d been alive her grandmother may have been somewhat happy rather than the bitter old woman she’d been left in the care of.

And then there was Finn, cheating, backstabbing, pile of shit, Finn, who had made her feel safe. So safe. And untouchable. But he’d proven her right, that in the end everyone gets hurt, that being in love can ruin you.

But being with Abby, having felt so domesticated on Christmas, cared for on Boxing Day, and having her feelings reciprocated the night before - whatever those feelings may have been - blew everything she had taught herself after her mother and then after Finn straight out of the water. She trusted Abby and she knew that the older woman would do nothing to hurt her and she hoped that maybe, on some level, Abby trusted her too.

The age, however, she did have to admit, scared her, now that she really allowed herself to think about it. She was scared that Abby wouldn’t want to be with her, scared that she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate the feelings that Raven could feel stirring. What had happened towards the end of Clarke’s party only fuelled her uncertainty.

She was overthinking too much, and the more she overthought the more she resorted back to hiding behind her walls and getting defensive.

Raven closed her eyes and flopped down onto her back. Her phone vibrated on the nightstand beside her and the screen lit up the room with a blueish hue.

**Abby [Today, 01:12 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                               I can’t sleep.

**Abby [01:12 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Crap, I’ve probably just woken you up, I’m sorry.

Raven couldn’t help but beam at the sender, her smile only grew impossibly wider as she read the texts. Her mind calmed, the buzzing ceased to thrum and buzz and the tension gave up its hold on her body.

**Raven [Today, 01:13 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                     You’re not the only one who is having trouble sleeping. What’s up Abs?

Raven turned onto her side and yanked the covers up to her chin, allowing only her head and right arm to poke out. She held her phone in front of her face and waited impatiently for Abby to reply. She flicked through her Facebook, there was the odd status from Wells and Murphy, the latter apparently hadn’t realised that nobody used text speak anymore. She rolled her eyes at the ‘lyk’ and the ‘ur’ and refrained from leaving any abusive comments.

Lexa had shared the video of the raccoon rolling down a hallway, again, and Anya had posted a few pictures of her on a night out with Bellamy. Other than that, the website was pretty dead. Ignoring the voice in the back of her head that told her she was being a bit of a pervert, she typed in Abby’s name and was directed to her profile.

Her profile picture was of Abby and Callie sitting in a fancy bar somewhere, a hundred percent less grime and dirt than Bellamy’s bar. She looked happy, though there was a dullness to her eyes that kept her smile from reaching them. She glanced down at the date, it had been taken just a few months after Jakes death. Raven stroked her thumb over Abby’s face and didn’t fight against the feelings that stirred inside her chest and the smile that pulled at her lips. She sent the woman a friend request without a second thought.

**Abby [01:16 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                           I didn’t know you had a tattoo.

At the reply, Raven’s eyebrows shot into her hair line. She couldn’t decide whether or not the other woman was answering the question or avoiding it, either way she was definitely thinking of Raven. Under the covers, Raven’s hand subconsciously trailed across the small galaxy tattoo beneath her left breast.

**Raven [01:17 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Is that an explanation or are you avoiding my question?

**Abby [01:17 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                       An explanation.

Raven waited for another second in case Abby decided to elaborate, however, when it became evident that she wasn’t about to do so Raven allowed the shit eating grin that she would have normally been embarrassed about spread wider across her face.

**Raven [01:18 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                         I got it when I turned 21.                                                                                                                                                                           

**Abby [01:19 AM]** I like it.

**Abby [01:20 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                         A lot.

Raven could feel a hot flush filling up her cheeks and a burning pool between her legs as she read and reread Abby’s texts. A thought came to mind but she quickly shook it off, she was not going to send Abby a nude.

**Raven [01:21 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Well hopefully you won’t have to wait long to see it again…?

Her heart rate elevated as she waited for a reply, she could almost feel her chest moving with each beat. Her hands grew clammy; she was tempted to throw her phone across the room if it would allow her heart to chill the hell out.

**Abby [01:22 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     What time do you have to be in college on Monday?

Raven frowned down at her phone due to the sudden change in topic. Had she read Abby’s texts wrong?

**Raven [01:23 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Not until after lunch, why?

**Abby [01:24 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Do you want to stay over, after Clarke’s thing?

Smiling to herself, Raven nodded, before realising that Abby wasn’t actually able to see her.

**Raven [01:25 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                     That sounds really good, actually.

**Abby [01:25 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Good, I’ll see you tomorrow, Raven. Good night xx

**Raven [01:26 AM]**                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Night Abs. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one! I'm not sure whether or not I'll be able to update again this week or next, I'll do my best but if that's the case I'll upload this Thursday to make it up to you all.  
> Enjoy!

Raven marched up to the porch with her duffle bag slung over her back, she’d left for Abby’s straight after work, claiming she had some errands to run before she met everyone at Polis for Clarke’s _thing_. What were they even calling it?

She tapped her knuckles against the white, painted wood of the door. She figured that the extra time spent with the older woman would allow them time to discuss what they had been obviously avoiding.

Raven was still mentally celebrating over the fact that she had convinced Octavia and Clarke that she was doing something else so she wouldn’t be able to get ready with them that she had next to no time at all to prepare herself for when Abby opened the door.

“Oh wow.” Raven gasped out, her eyes trailed up and down Abby’s body completely unabashed to her own leering. Abby was wearing a causal looking dress though the woman held herself in a way that could make anything look elegant, the maroon material hugged tightly to her curves and accentuated each point of her body beautifully. Her hair draped down over her shoulders, silky soft, and framed her face and smooth complexion, her eyes were lined with a small amount of eyeliner allowing the coffee coloured orbs flaked with gold to beam up at her with a warmth so intense Raven could feel her blood rushing to her heart and cheeks. Raven took a subconscious step closer to be met halfway when Abby moved forward and planted her lips firmly against hers.

Uncaring towards anyone who may be passing by in the street and to her grease covered clothes, Raven wrapped Abby in her arms and pulled her closer, as she revelled in the kiss, heat raced through her body and flooded her cheeks. She allowed Abby to drag her into the house and press her up against the now closed door. Abby swiped along Raven’s bottom lip and the younger woman immediately granted her access. If she hadn’t been texting the older woman earlier that day, Raven would have assumed that Abby must have had the whole day off work because she looked as though she had walked straight out of a Vogue magazine.

Her duffel fell to the floor with a loud thud, the sound echoed around the hallway and pulled the two women out of their hot and heavy moment. “Hey.” Abby whispered, her forehead dropped against Raven’s softly.

Raven could only smirk, giving her brain chance to catch up. “If that’s the way I’m going to be greeted, do I have time to drive round the block and back?” She chuckled at the light smack Abby gave to her arm.

“No, you need to get changed.” Abby’s eyes didn’t once leave Raven’s as she tugged at the hem of the baseball shirt that Raven often wore for work.

Despite Abby’s instructions, Raven wound her arms back around the older woman’s waist and pulled her in for another kiss that elicited a moan from the back of her throat. It reminded her of Christmas day and how they’d easily settled into that domestic atmosphere and Raven didn’t seem to mind one bit, she wasn’t scared or questioning herself. She assumed that that was how Clarke and Octavia felt when they were with Lincoln and Lexa. The thought almost made her sad, how they had something so solid while she was there, teetering on the edge of unknown and uncertainty. “How about I invent that time machine people seem to think I’m so invested on making and we can do this again?” Raven whispered against Abby’s lips, she tugged her along towards the stairs and shuffled her way up with Abby pressed securely against her front.

“You’re such a nerd.” Abby gently cupped Raven’s cheeks while walking precariously backwards up the stairs and pecked her lips with her own.

“Hey,” Raven pulled back to pout up at Abby. “I am not.” The older woman could only manage a disbelieving smirk and pulled Raven towards her room. Raven came to a halt just short of the door when she realised where Abby was taking her. Sure she’d been to the older woman’s house multiple times, she’d spent the night once, too, with Clarke and Octavia of course. “Oh, are we…?” She trailed off and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“No.” Abby chuckled. “You’re going to get ready for this,” she waved her hand in the space between them trying to find the words she was looking for. “What are we even calling tonight?” She asked in confusion.

“Who knows, but I’m gross and we need to leave soon if we want to get there on time.” Raven replied though her hands didn’t untangle themselves from where they were still wound around Abby’s hips.

“We do need to leave soon,” Abby smirked. “So you should probably let go.”

“Why do you wound me so?” Raven mocked a British accent causing a bubble of laughter to work its way through Abby’s body.

“Point proven.” Abby smirked as she broke free of Raven’s grasp and sauntered off back down the stairs. “Nerd.” She called a moment later.

“Liar!”

\----

“Sorry about the mess.” Raven rubbed shyly at the back of her neck before throwing the old radio and the toaster into the back of the car. She’d gotten into the habit of bringing the piece of junk with her wherever she went, New York traffic gave her more time during the day – stuck in traffic jams – to waste her time on the stupid toaster that refused to work.

Abby climbed into the car but not before she gave the younger woman a sly grin as she gave her bare stomach another once over and Raven hobbled her way around to the front to the driver’s side. “It’s okay.” The older woman replied thoughtfully and fastened her seatbelt. She inhaled softly and settled comfortably in her seat. “It smells like you.”

That drew Raven’s attention, she paused rubbing down her white slacks. It was obvious to her that Abby hadn’t meant for it to come out, at least not loud enough for Raven to hear, if the furious blush that burned up her cheeks was anything to go by. “Are you saying I smell gross?” While her voice was light and teasing she couldn’t deny that a twinge of hurt rippled through her body. She kept her eyes glued forward because she knew that the moment Abby got a glimpse into her eyes, she would see everything, straight into her soul.

“No. Just oil and grease.” She shrugged in response.

Frowning, Raven chanced a glance in the other woman’s direction. “Is there a difference?”

Abby chuckled. Her hand landed on Raven’s thigh causing the younger woman to jump ever so slightly. “I like the smell, its familiar but not really.” She turned to face Raven fully. “Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so…” Raven’s face scrunched up in thought, she wasn’t sure that she did, not really. She itched at her thigh, her brace was hidden under the loose fitting slacks comfortably but the nervous habit she’d picked up in high school made her fidget.

“I’m usually so good with words.” Raven glanced over to see the other woman looking slightly flustered, shy even as she tried to form whatever words she was wanting Raven to hear. “It’s hard to explain because it almost reminds me of Jake but not really.” It was not jealousy but something akin to the emotion that Raven felt, she clenched her hands around the wheel and kept her eyes glued forward once again. “It smells – you smell sweeter, softer and it’s calming, it makes me feel warm. With him it was almost like it was suffocating, it was hard and metallic, the kind of smell that makes your head hurt, and sometimes he’d try and cover it up with aftershave and the likes because he knew I didn’t like it.”

She suddenly felt self-conscious, as though by just being her, she was hurting Abby, forcing her to remember things that upset her. “Is it weird for you…?” It felt almost like she could understand Jake, how he’d tried to hide the smell of oil, grease all things that engineers and mechanics were, because Abby didn’t like it. Raven was ready to buy herself perfumes of all kinds and just drown her car in the fragrances.

“Not at all sweetie.” Abby replied quickly. “I know you’re not Jake and I’m not trying to replace him with you. I find things that remind me of him every day, at work, in my patients, in Marcus and of course I see him in Clarke.” Raven felt herself reaching out to lace her fingers with Abby, sensing the need for comfort in Abby’s rare words. “I don’t need to replace him; I don’t want to. I’ve moved on even though some part of me will always love him.” Abby’s voice was shaking, despite her normally strong demeanor.

“I understand.” Raven gave a light squeeze to Abby’s hand and chanced a quick glance in the older woman’s direction again.

“You do?”

“I know how hard it is when you lose someone. It doesn’t get much easier; I mean sometimes the pain isn’t as noticeable but it’s still there.” Raven’s own memory flashed her images of her mom, in the crash, the wreck that she had witnessed and experienced, her leg. Though, sometimes that wasn’t the hardest part, it was growing up and watching her mom slowly deteriorate in front of her eyes, aiding her in her downfall. She hadn’t known better at the time, when her mom used to call the alcohol and the drugs ‘medicine’ she’d willingly supply her with it without a second thought. She was only young.

“Your mom?” Abby asked softly. “Is that what you were dreaming about yesterday morning?”

“Mhm.” Raven kept her face hard and unwavering. She didn’t talk about that stuff, she never had, not with Finn not even with Wick. Octavia and Clarke just knew, she figured it must have been a girl thing, being able to tell what was floating around your best friend’s head, what made them tick. It was easy then for both women to fall into a comfortable silence, their hands were still intertwined in the space between them, and it was easy, Raven thought, how she felt so natural sitting with Abby, being with Abby that way, it made her realise that yes, yes she did have feelings for Abby, strong feelings, and maybe she did want to be with the older woman.

“This isn’t just some kink to me,” Abby spoke up as though sensing Raven’s continued silence to be an internal monologue of questions and worry. “I’m not trying to make myself feel younger, I like you, Raven and I enjoy being with you.” She could feel Abby starring at her, and god, did she want to meet those eyes. “I hope you know that.”

Raven didn’t even blink before she replied. “I enjoy being with you, too.” She smiled though she still couldn’t meet Abby’s eyes, she wouldn’t be able to tear her attention away from her if she did so. “But can I ask you something?” Her words caused a worried from to dip between Abby’s eyes.

“Of course.” They pulled of the freeway and entered the city, the snow was sparse there, slush mostly and instead of the light flecks of white that had been floating down since they left Abby’s place, there was fat, icy drops of rain splashing down heavily.

“Does the age thing bother you?” She started and hated how shy her voice sounded. “Only the other night you didn’t want anything to happen between us and now it seems everything’s changed.” The dull buildings of the city slowly moved by as they joined a long line of traffic.

“It doesn’t bother me.” Abby shook her head surely and undid her seatbelt so that she could turn to fully face Raven. “I guess I was just looking for a reason other than Clarke murdering us for us not to go any further.”

“Why?” Raven asked in confusion. “Why didn’t you want us to go further?”

“That’s the thing, I did.” Abby’s explanation only caused her confusion to grow. “I’ve never been with anyone else but Jake.” She ducked her head.

“Ever?” Raven gasped, shocked by Abby’s confession. 

Abby only shook her head. “There’d been people before him, but we hadn’t…” she waved her hand in a gesture that Raven understood. “He was my first and he was my last, until you.”

“I’m sorry, if I’d known I wouldn’t have-”

“No, no. Please don’t apologise.” Abby pulled Raven’s hand into her lap and wrapped it between both of her own. “I don’t regret it. Not one bit.” She pulled in a breath to steady her nerves. It almost made Raven happy that she knew Abby was getting emotional about this, it reassured her that whatever was going on, wasn’t entirely one sided. “I was scared at first, Christmas day confirmed what I’d been thinking for a while-”

“What were you thinking?” Raven jumped to cut Abby off, her own curiosity had gotten the better of her.

The corner of Abby’s mouth tilted up in an amused smirk. “You weren’t very discreet with your staring sometimes.” She teased light heartedly, her laughter filled the car and caused a beam to split Raven’s face in two at her blush.

“Oh god.” Raven mumbled in embarrassment.

“And then Boxing Day happened and I guess,” Abby’s breath stuttered out slowly. “It was just all so new.” That caused something else to stir within Raven’s chest because Abby had known the day before she’d kissed her that Raven had had feelings for her and had chosen to come up to her in the bar and talk to her. Maybe it was excitement but it damn well felt a lot more like exhilaration.

“What made you change your mind the other night?” They came to a stop in a long line of traffic, they were only ten minutes away from the bar at the most but with every person in New York and their uncles out on the road, Raven wasn’t sure they’d be able to make it on time.

“You did. I’d never seen that part of you, the part that opens up.” It was stated so matter of fact that it caused Raven’s heart to stutter inside her chest furiously. “I was ready to just stop, stop seeing you and talking to you but when we were having food, being so casual and care free, you just made me feel _safe_.”

“Safe?” The traffic began to move slowly again and Raven’s phone, from where it was situated in one of the cup holders in the centre console began to vibrate. She reached down blindly, turned it onto silent mode and hung up.

“As though I had nothing to worry about, it was comforting.” Abby explained. “Like how we are now.” She gestured to Raven’s hand that had found its way back to hers once again with a subconscious mind of its own.

“What are we now, Abby?” Raven began to stroke her thumb over the back of Abby’s hand in gentle circles.

Both women fell silent as they contemplated their precarious positions in one another’s lives. “I’m not sure, I know that I like you and I don’t want it to end anytime soon but I don’t know what we would call this.” Abby gestured between the both of them with her free hand. “I don’t think we should complicate things by giving this a name yet.” There was an undertone of awkwardness to Abby’s voice as she spoke.

“I agree.” Raven nodded surely. “We could just keep it casual for now, work it out as we go?” she suggested almost passively, though there was an uneasy tension in her chest. Maybe this wasn’t the way she was hoping things would go, but at least she got to keep this ‘thing’ going with Abby.

“That sounds wonderful.” Abby replied softly, she’d turned back to face the front and continued to stare out of the window as the buildings around them became more compact and taller and the rain grew heavier and the slush disappeared. She rounded the block towards Bellamy’s bar and pulled up in the only available space a couple of yards away from the entrance. Neither woman jumped out of the car or made a move to leave. “We’re going to get soaked.” Abby observed as she tilted her head forward as though she were trying to look up at the sky.

Raven snorted out a laugh causing Abby to slap her arm in amusement. “Hey.” Raven muttered around her own laughter. When their eyes met their faces grew serious. “I do enjoy being with you, Abby.” The older woman didn’t reply, however, instead she reached forward and yanked Raven towards her, crashing their lips together in an almost desperate kiss.

“How long have we got before we are supposed to be there?” Abby managed around her kisses to Raven’s mouth.

The younger of the two managed a quick glance in the direction of the dashboard clock. “Minus ten minutes.” She chuckled and wound her arm around Abby’s shoulders.

“We’re already running late.” Abby giggled as she removed her seatbelt and tugged at Raven’s until she got the hint. At the sound of the buckle knocking against the side of the car door, Abby hauled Raven out of her seat and pulled her into the back of the car.

“I like seeing this side of you.” Raven squeaked out when Abby straddled her thighs easily.

“I like that your windows are blacked out.” Abby mused before she tugged Raven’s hands towards her thighs.

\----

“Go, go, go!” Raven called as she held Abby’s trench coat over their head and raced towards the entrance to the bar. Abby squealed like a child the whole way, the puddles and the spray from the road soaked her legs and Raven wondered how the older woman was managing to run in heels with soaking feet.

“We should have just stayed in the car.” Abby shouted over the roar of the traffic against the rain drenched road. “At least then I was only we-”

“Don’t finish that sentence or I will carry you back to that car.” Raven chuckled ducking into the shelter just above the door to the bar. “We’re half an hour late, Clarke will be freaking out.” She shook the rain off of Abby’s coat before she pushed the door open. Instead of a ‘quickie’ they had planned, Raven had chanced a look over at the time to realise they were almost forty minutes late and very naked and very flustered. It also turned out that getting clothes off in the back of a car was much easier than getting them back on. Raven was just glad it was dark enough that people hadn’t been able to see inside of her car while said activities were occurring.

“She’ll get over it.” Abby planted a quick kiss on Raven’s lips before she pushed open the door and they headed towards the table along the far left corner.

“You don’t have to live with her anymore.” Raven mumbled before plastering a smile on her face as the occupants of the almost full table looked up at the couple. “Look who I found outside.” Raven gestured with her thumb towards Abby who gave her a mischievous smile.

“Where the hell have you two been?” Clarke stood with an accusing frown on her face to greet her mom and best friend. She headed towards the table where Octavia, Wells, Bellamy and Callie were all sat. Bellamy had set out smaller tables around the bar for the late afternoon rush that always found the bar bustling with families and young couples wanting a bite to eat. It was still a little too early for the bar to be considered busy but the majority of the tables were filled.

Raven rolled her eyes and moved her way past Clarke as she hugged her mom. “The traffic was a pain in my ass.” She explained half-heartedly but caught a smirk that Octavia sent her. “What?”

“I called you to see where you were.” Behind her she could hear Abby and Clarke talking animatedly about something she probably had no interest in so she perched herself down on the empty chair beside Octavia.

Raven hummed in acknowledgement and poured herself a glass of iced water from the condensation coated pitcher in the centre of the long table. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t answer, safe driver and all that.” She shrugged while her eyes followed Abby through the bar and over to the table where she took a seat in between Callie and herself, her face remained calm and unwavering. Raven wished that she had the same self-control because she was sure that her face twitched at least twice.

Octavia began to laugh and it drew Raven’s unwavering attention away from Abby and towards her best friend. “You didn’t hang up on me, Raven.” She carried on laughing to herself and when Raven finally clicked on to what Octavia was referring to, she could practically feel the blood drain from her face. She hadn’t looked when she’d reached down to ignore the call, she couldn’t have. Desperately, she scrambled for her phone in her pocket to reassure herself more than anything. However, as she opened up her call log and noticed that there was in fact a five-minute call between herself and Octavia only fifty minutes before, her heart stopped. As if sensing Raven’s worry, Octavia pulled her into one armed hug. “You don’t need to panic, Clarke didn’t hear, I was in the bathroom. I hung up when you both got busy…” She reassured her friend with an amused albeit slight uncomfortable smile, watching the tension ease from her shoulders. “I’m glad you both got a chance to talk about things, though, even though it was obvious to both of you it wasn’t the result you wanted.” Octavia shrugged as though she was stating something obvious.

“What?” Raven pulled out of the half embrace and downed the contents of her glass.

“Nothing.” Octavia frowned at Raven disbelievingly but brushed the conversation off quickly. “So Lincoln and Lexa are out on their own celebrations so I figured we could watch a movie or something tonight, just the three of us since we haven’t done that in a while.”

“You mean without you two sucking the faces off of your victims?” Raven mumbled, she was pretending to be invested in the menu that only had four options on.

“Raven.” Octavia’s voice conveyed a warning tone as she glared at her best friend.

Sighing, Raven looked up. “Yeah, okay, we’ll see.” It was the best she could offer because she knew by the time it was time to leave either Octavia or Clarke would be drunk and she’d be left to take care of them. Octavia turned back round to talk to her brother and Wells leaving Raven to sit and watch everyone else interact around her.

“So, shots or food first?” Clarke beamed as she sat down to join the other occupants of the table, that earned a chuckle from everyone around her, more so because it was so typical of the blonde than it was actually funny.

“Food, I haven’t eaten all day.” Abby spoke up causing the hairs on Raven’s arms to stand on end. Everyone ignored Bellamy quietly chanting ‘shots’ over and over again.

From the other side of Abby, Raven heard Callie let out an amused sigh. “If you refuse to eat the cafeteria food make your own lunch, like I keep telling you.”

Abby chuckled while she poured herself a glass of water. “I don’t have time.” A waitress wandered over to the table and began to take their orders, Abby spoke up again once it was evident that Bellamy would be too busy talking to his employee to bring them their food. Octavia gave her brother a sharp jap to his ribs with her elbow and he quickly excused himself with an apology and wandered into the back where the kitchen and other staff areas were situated. Raven wasn’t expecting anything extravagant, it was only a bar after all and the majority of their tables occupants had ordered burgers and fries, ‘Bellamy special’ he had called it.

“Well maybe your new _friend_ could bring you lunch?” Cece whispered with a teasing voice though it was loud enough that Raven and Clarke both over heard.

Raven chocked on a gasp of shock while Clarke’s head snapped to attention. She had no idea Abby had told anyone, or maybe Callie was just as observant as everyone else was, everyone but Clarke it would seem. The night of Clarke’s birthday party came flooding back, how Cece had been so smug with her, the giggling and the sly comments to Abby. It all made sense and if Cece knew it wouldn’t be a surprise if Indra did, too. And just like that, Raven’s mind started spiralling. “What?” Clarke asked almost disbelievingly as her eyes switched between Callie and Abby. “ _Friend_? As in you and Cece friends or as in Cece and that waiter from that Italian place down on sixth kind of friends?”

Octavia and Wells leaned forward to watch the interaction between mother and daughter. “No one could ever be as friendly as Mateo and I…” Callie trailed off at the pointed glare that her best friend shot her.

“Are you seeing someone?” Rather than the furious expression Raven had expected to see plaster angrily to Clarke’s usually fair features, her face was almost calm, hopeful even. However, Abby had been caught off guard, her face was pale and she looked as though she were about to pass out.

“I…” Abby gaped and floundered over her words, her eyes didn’t blink as she stared at Clarke helplessly. Raven didn’t know what else to do, under the table she reached out and placed her hand comfortingly on Abby’s thigh. The older woman desperately clutched to Raven’s hand with her own.

“Mom?” Clarke smiled softly. “It’s okay if you are.”

“Really?” Abby finally managed to form a coherent word, her shoulders visibly relaxed as she released the tension through a relieved sigh.

“Of course.” Clarke shook her head incredulously. “I never expected you to stay single for the rest of your life, I’m old enough to understand that you need to move on from Dad.” The blonde explained.

The mention of her late father caused a gasp to ripple out through Abby’s chest. “It’s… It-” Again, it would seem, that Abby was unable to form her words clearly and coherently. Octavia eyed Raven cautiously, she could feel her eyes on her, waiting for a slip up or something. Raven breathed slowly and kept her face stoic. She just hoped that Clarke wasn’t able to link the fact that her mom was seeing someone all of a sudden to Raven’s mystery woman.

“Is it serious?” Clarke asked, it was obvious by the way she was tearing up her napkin and fiddling with her cutlery that she was entirely uncomfortable with the fact that her mom was seeing someone though she was trying to be okay with it. Trying be the key word.

“It’s new.” Abby stated surely because neither of them knew what they really were, sure they were keeping it casual as they had decided in the car only a few minutes prior, but _what_ they were couldn’t be labelled without giving it one neither of them were sure of.

Nodding in understanding, Clarke dropped the ruined napkin. “Can you tell me anything about him… her…?”

Raven was genuinely surprised by how easy Clarke had corrected herself to leave the options open. Maybe she was more open to the idea of her mom being with someone. “Her.” Abby confirmed shyly.

Clarke coughed to clear her throat and shifted in her seat. “Okay, cool. Yeah, that’s cool.” She pushed her chair out from underneath the table. “I’m going to grab a drink.” She gestured clumsily behind her and stumbled off.

“Clarke!” Octavia jumped to her feet to follow her friend who was clearly experiencing some sort of internal turmoil. “I’ll just go check on her.” She laughed nervously.

“Wait up.” Raven stood, her hand gave a gentle squeeze to Abby’s. “I’ll be right back.” The older woman nodded in understanding as she released Raven’s hand and let her run after her daughter. Abby, however, spun in her chair to glare furiously at Callie before she dragged her off towards the fire exit that led to a stairwell.

“Two.” Clarke held up two fingers at the bartender and two clear shots were placed down in front of her. She downed the contents quickly, one after another and coughed against the burn.

“What happened to food first?” Raven and Octavia sidled up on the barstools on either side of Clarke’s, Octavia ordered herself some cocktail that was a deep purple with silver glitter, it looked mildly toxic, while Raven decided on her first and last beer of the evening.

Clarke didn’t move to say anything for a moment and Raven was worried that perhaps the blonde was too shocked by the revelation of her mom being with someone other than her dad. “I didn’t think she’d move on so quickly, y’know?”

Raven couldn’t help the bubble of guilt that boiled inside her stomach. She gulped on her beer to try and calm it and with her free hand she swiped at the thin layer of sweat that had from on the back of her neck. “Maybe she’s ready.” Octavia spoke up softly, taking some initiative. “It’s been four years.”

If it had been Raven to say those words, Clarke would have likely wasted no time in biting off her head, however, she was grateful that they both had Octavia to deal with the emotional stuff. “Yeah, I guess, it still feels really quick, though, and I always assumed if there would be someone it would be Kane.” That caused Raven to bristle irritably but she kept her mouth clamped closed to stop herself from dropping herself into hot water or dropping Clarke straight off the barstool in her own outburst. “I didn’t expect it to be anyone else.”

Raven took another gulp of her beer and breathed in slowly through her nose. “Are you okay with your mom seeing someone?” Raven turned to face her two best friends and glanced between them. Octavia gave her a reassuring smile which she was grateful for, it gave her the courage to keep her voice unwavering and to remain seated at the bar instead of racing out of the door like she so desperately wanted to.

“I guess so?” Clarke was evidently unsure of herself if the way she worried her lip between her teeth was anything to go by. “I mean I kind of hoped she’d have waited a while longer…”

Octavia reached out and placed her hand gently on top of Clarke’s. “Is that for your benefit or for hers?” she asked, already knowing the answer that was floating around all three women’s heads. When all that Clarke could respond with was a weak shrug, Raven and Octavia sighed in unison, not in annoyance or irritation, more so in sympathy. “Look, if your mom is happy, then shouldn’t you be happy for her?” Raven was thankful that Octavia had chosen to stay neutral rather than taking sides. She was sure that during times like this one, she wouldn’t be able to stay as objective as Octavia for obvious reasons, however, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for putting her best friend in such an awkward position.

“Yeah, and who knows,” Raven shrugged, “whoever she is dating might be awesome?” at that, both Clarke and Octavia sent their friend a pointed glare – for different reasons entirely, unbeknownst to Clarke of course – before they turned away from her to face one another. “Rude.” Raven mumbled to herself but placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder reassuringly. _I’m a delight._ She thought to herself.

“I’m just scared she’s going to forget about dad.” Raven’s heart broke in her chest despite the fact that she knew that Abby would never be able to forget about Jake, their recent conversation was proof enough. Regardless, Clarke’s concerns were real and it wasn’t like Raven could just brush them off because she knew who Abby was seeing. That wouldn’t be fair to Clarke who was still her best friend irrespective of who she may or may not be dating.

“Your mom could never forget about your dad, Clarke.” Raven decided to be serious for once, regardless of her being out of her comfort zone, her blonde friend deserved some support.

Clarke slumped into Raven’s side and huffed. “I know it’s silly,” she relented. “Am I just acting like a child?”

“No.” Both Raven and Octavia replied. “You have every right to be worried, Clarke.” Raven laced her fingers with Clarke’s. “She’s your mom.” She turned her back to the bar to face the room. Abby had sat back down at the table with Callie, the pair laughing with each other while Well’s talked animatedly on the phone. She made a mental note to talk more to Well’s, she hadn’t known him long and had only seen him the few times Clarke had organised a gathering, he seemed cool and she figured she would be able to get on with him quite well if she put in the effort. Her eyes flickered naturally back over to Abby where they seemed to be constantly drawn to. “But that doesn’t mean she’s going to forget about your dad.” Her eyes didn’t leave Abby when she spoke, she settled back against the bar and placed her elbows up on the sticky surface thankful that she’d chosen a short dark crop top that wouldn’t show off any stains from the bar top.

“That’s true.” Octavia spoke up again. “And anyway, I’m sure whoever this new person has enough respect for your mom and understands her situation, otherwise Abby wouldn’t be dating them.”

“Dating?” Raven chocked on a sip of her beer.

“Now is not the time to be jealous, Raven.” Clarke joked, though, her internal panic was still evident in her tone. “You think?” She asked Octavia who nodded surely and gave Raven a soft, knowing smile.

“Your mom’s smart, I’m sure she’s made a good choice.” Raven couldn’t help but return the smile.

\----

When Wells’ father turned up just after they had finished their meal, wearing his long lab coat, Raven was worried that Abby was about to be called into work or something and their plans for the night would be ruined. However, she was pleasantly surprised when Clarke stood to greet the man with a hug.

“Congratulations, Clarke.” He handed her over a small gift bag with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday to see the proposal, though Wells has shown me the video.” Raven knew someone would have recorded it.

“Thanks, Thelonious.” Clarke gestured for him to join the table. “You know my friends, right?” Thelonious nodded in confirmation.

“Bellamy, the bar owner?” Bellamy beamed up at the older man with that boyish grin of his as he took his hand gratefully and shook it. “Nice to meet you again, you helped at Abby’s last barbeque right?”

“He called himself the ‘grill master’ the whole day.” Octavia mumbled causing a round of chuckles to be elicited from the occupants of the table.

Bellamy grumbled something under his breath and slumped into his chair. “I was just being helpful.”

“You were very helpful, Bellamy.” Abby was still laughing as she thanked the man but her words were genuine enough to bring out a smile on his face once again.

“Oh please, he burnt everything.” Raven rolled her eyes. “But I mean if that’s what you were going for then yeah, good job, very helpful.”

“Raven.” Both Abby and Octavia warned, though their voices were filled with amusement.

“I’m sorry, do you guys like charcoal? I’ll just put some of the coals in some bread for you next time.” That earned a bellowing laugh from Thelonious, the type that caused your head to tip back and your stomach to hurt. Honestly, she didn’t think it was that funny but the pout on Bellamy’s face caused an amused grin to spread across her own face and she assumed that it was the two factors together that had earned her the laughter.

“Stop it.” Abby whispered in Raven’s ear discretely. She only responded with a smirk.

“I remember you both.” Thelonious pulled Raven from her stare down with the older woman sat beside her. “You attacked the ex-boyfriend at the last barbeque.” He laughed.

The furious blush that burned up Raven and Octavia’s necks and into their cheeks was bright enough that she was sure the family on the other side of the bar would have noticed it. “He deserved it.”

Octavia cleared her throat. “I didn’t beat him up.”

“Yeah, she just tackled me.” Raven stated as a matter of fact. It hadn’t been the first time Octavia had had to tackle her or pull her away from a fight and it likely wouldn’t be the last.

Clarke scoffed. “It’s a good job she did or someone would have ended up in hospital.”

“Oh, somehow I imagine that Raven wouldn’t mind that so much.” Bellamy commented, getting his own back for Raven’s earlier comment. “Especially if a certain doctor was there to attend to her wounds.” His voice turned feminine as he flicked his imaginary long hair over his shoulder. Cece cackled out a, what could have been assumed to be an amused laugh but to Raven’s ears it was knowing and smug; from the other end of the table. Raven grit her jaw as she stared down at her almost empty glass of water, she could feel Abby’s shoulders tense beside her.

“I don’t get it?” Wells spoke up a second later, he leaned forward so that he could see everyone’s faces as though he were trying to gage their reactions and figure out what Bellamy had been talking about. Thelonious looked just as baffled as his son as he glanced between Abby and Callie.

“Are you kidding?” Bellamy laughed out disbelievingly. He stared at each person around the table waiting for them to explain to their new members. When it became obvious that no one was about to drop Raven into a black hole filled with embarrassment or wanted Clarke or Abby to feel uncomfortable, he smirked knowingly. “Let’s just say Raven now has a reason to be jealous of Abby’s new love interest.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Dude.” Raven picked up one of the bread roles from the basket in the centre of the table and lobbed it at Bellamy’s head. It bounced off without a sound and landed in his glass with a splash. “Shut your mouth before I beat the crap out of you.” She growled through her clenched teeth.

“Everyone just calm down.” Clarke stood and held her hands up to silence any other argument from shaping between her friends. “Tonight is about me, so can we please stop talking about my mom and her new girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” Abby sputtered around her glass of wine and her eyes grew wide with shock and surprise.

“Yeah.” Clarke stated. “I need to go get another drink, would anybody like anything?” She left before anyone could reply.

“I’ve got the next round.” Raven stood and joined Clarke at the bar. “Hey, kiddo. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Clarke mumbled as she sipped on what looked to be a coke but she was sure that wasn’t all that was in the glass.

“Clarke,” Raven’s voice was unusually serious and the change from her normal sarcastic tone was enough to draw the blonde’s attention. “Just talk to her. If you don’t you’ll go crazy thinking about this and we both know it.” It wasn’t her place to tell Clarke that she was dating Abby, her mom. While she would hate to lose her best friend, she knew that the relationship between Clarke and Abby was much more important and therefore that trumped the relationship or whatever was going on between Raven and her. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew it was true.

“She’ll tell me in her own time.” The blonde shrugged. Clarke gulped down the cold liquid in her glass and breathed. “Do you think she’s happy?”

“Who?” Raven turned her back to the bar for the second time that night, she caught Abby’s eye and couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as the older woman smiled back. “Your mom?” she asked. “She seems pretty happy.” Raven shrugged, she found herself getting lost in the way Abby’s smile shone in her eyes, the way the lines around her eyes and mouth were visible scars of happiness from previous years, she could feel her body being drawn to Abby’s uncontrollably. The need to just touch her was almost alarming to Raven considering she wasn’t one in favour of human contact. It had wound Finn up for a while until he had just gotten used to the fact that Raven didn’t want to ‘cuddle’.

“No.” Clarke sighed irritably. “With her. Do you think she’s happy with the person she’s seeing?” The guilt Raven felt was palpable and she was sure that Clarke would be able to see it on her face if they were to make eye contact. She shouldn’t be talking about this, not when it was her who was seeing the blonde’s mom, it was an abuse of trust or something as equally as disconcerting.

“Clarke,” Raven sighed apologetically. “It’s not my place to say. You should really talk to her.”

“I know.” Clarke relented as she began to sip at her new drink, a double vodka and coke. There definitely wouldn’t be any movies being watched that night, not that she had planned to anyway. She would have just come up with an excuse not to and stayed the night with Abby as they had planned instead. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Raven finally turned back to her best friend with concern. “You don’t need to be sorry, okay? This is a big step for you and your mom. Its normal for you to be concerned.”

Before Raven could prevent it, Clarke was engulfing her in a strong and desperate embrace that knocked the air straight from her lungs. “Thank you, Raven.” Raven caught Abby’s eye once again over the blonde’s shoulder and smiled gently at her. “I love you.”

“Me too.” Raven replied as she rubbed her back before pulling away. “Just talk to her, okay?” She ordered another round of drinks and paid for them, the bartenders piled the drinks onto a tray and Raven cautiously carried them back over to their table.

“I’d like to say something.” Clarke announced as they sat back down at the table. Raven handed out the drinks to give herself something else to do that didn’t involve staring at Abby though her fingers grazed Abby’s far too obviously around the glass of wine but it went unnoticed by the others as they shared a shy glance. A moment later Clarke jumped into a long winded speech that for the most part, Raven ignored and kept her hand laced with Abby’s beneath the table – she couldn’t help but revel in the comfort that it supplied and with everything that had gone on so far that night, she was feeling more than slightly on edge – and despite the fact that she knew both Octavia and Callie had noticed, she didn’t feel the cold, icy pain of nerves in chest. She didn’t want to let go. “And I know that dad will be here in spirit, with the both of us.” That, however, did draw Raven’s attention away from the woman beside her. “But I wanted to ask you something, mom.” Abby sat up straighter in her chair and Raven released her hand in case she needed it for some reason, though it was more so because all the attention was on the older woman now and the odd angle her left arm was at would have led to questions and assumptions that neither Abby or Clarke deserved tonight. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs, more so since dad died, but you mean the world to me, more than anyone-”

Raven cleared her throat loudly because it was what she would have done in any normal situation, her sarcastic demeanor would engulf everyone into it and despite the fact that she definitely wasn’t feeling herself that night, she felt everyone deserved a little bit of Raven Reyes attitude.

“Shut up, Raven, you know I love you.” Clarke rolled her eyes in good humour.

“What about me?” Octavia pouted up from Raven’s side, though her shoulders shook and bobbed with her own laughter as Clarke became more and more flustered.

“Yes, I love you, too.” She sighed out. “Now stop interrupting,” she shot her best friends a pointed glare before she turned back to her mom. “You’ve always supported me in every way possible with only mild complaining and grumbling.” That earned a rise of laughter from everyone, including a watery one from Abby as her eyes began to well with unshed tears. Raven didn’t specifically remember a time she had seen Abby cry, sure she’d seen her eyes drown in tears as they had then, but even over Christmas – as she had expected – there hadn’t been a single tear shed. Raven wondered whether it was because Abby just didn’t let people see that side of her or if it was because she was strong enough to keep herself composed and together. “Even when I decided to study art history instead of ‘something more academic.’” Clarke gestured her hands into air quotes as she smiled lovingly at Abby.

“I’m glad you didn’t listen to me.” Abby laughed, “I have all of your work framed in every room of my house.” She smiled proudly across at her daughter.

Clarke couldn’t help the shy smile that tugged at the very edges of her lips. “I’ve been thinking for a while now and I was wondering, mom, if you’d walk me down the aisle at my wedding?” It wasn’t asked as softly and emotionally as it maybe should have been or was supposed to have been, instead t was rushed through a hurried, high pitch breath that had Abby beaming nonetheless.

Abby gasped so strongly that it caused Raven’s head to whip around in sheer panic and her hand to fall against her arm. “Of course.” The older woman nodded as she stood to round the table. “I would love to, sweetheart.”

“Awesome.” Clarke nodded her head, trying to act as cool as she could but as soon as Abby was close enough, she swung her arms around her mom and hugged her as tightly as she could. It was nothing like any of the other embraces Raven had ever seen them share, they had often been forced, or so it would seem, as though they were filling out duties of a mother and daughter. However, as Raven watched the pair interact in that moment, for the first time she was almost sad to admit, she could see genuine love between them both, forgiveness, acceptance and understanding.

Things between Clarke and Abby had been improving a lot over the past couple of years since Jake had died. Sure there had been the odd incident where neither would talk to the other for days on end after a particularly bad argument, however, in the end they both wound up making up just like Raven and Octavia always promised Clarke.

On the other hand, it had been over the past couple of months that Raven had noticed the biggest change in their behaviour, like they were maturing around one another. Abby was accepting the idea that Clarke was no longer a child and that she was growing up and Clarke had come to terms with the fact that despite Abby being a doctor, there was nothing she could have done to help Jake any more than the doctors assigned to him.

Raven was relieved by the fact, she hated seeing those days when Clarke would storm into the apartment ready to murder anything or anyone that so happened to glance at her and she hated the days where she would cry hours on end because she’d had an argument with her mom or had been reminded of her father’s death. It hadn’t all been bad, the pair had often been able to discuss Jake without so much as a blink and she knew that it helped Clarke being able to talk about him with Abby. Sometimes she hated the fact that Octavia and her couldn’t talk about it with Clarke, the blonde’s walls would immediately shoot to defence and even though she knew it wasn’t personal – after all, it wasn’t like she had talked about her history in great depth either with her of her best friends – it hurt to know that she didn’t feel as comfortable to talk about it. She just hoped that now things were changing, maybe they would all become more open with one another, hell she felt abler to disclose information about her private life to Octavia now. Maybe one day, Clarke and her would be able to do the same.


	7. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this today because I won't be able to post next week, I'm going away and there'll be next to no wifi (pray for me).   
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

 

“I’m sorry about putting you in such a shitty position, O.” Raven called over the toilet stall that separated her from her best friend. The bar had been getting progressively busy as the night had gone on and after Clarke’s little speech and the second round of celebrating for Abby, they had decided to double their alcohol intake, apparently. Raven was the designated driver that evening along with Thelonious – he had told her on numerous occasions to call him Jaha but it weirded her out. Something about it sounding like a name from _Star Trek_ set her on edge. Octavia and she had retreated off to the bathroom when Clarke had ordered her second round of shots for the group to take, Bellamy had obviously decided that the rest of their drinks for the evening were on the house which may or may not have been a good decision but she didn’t really care, for the most part she had just enjoyed herself watching Abby have a good time, despite how weird it sounded, it was relieving to see the older woman just let loose for a while after the conversations she had been subjected to that day.

The toilet in Octavia’s stall flushed followed by the sound of the lock releasing on the door. Raven followed suit, she hadn’t even needed to go, but the quiet that the bathroom provided was relieving. “Remember the other night at Abby’s I told you to go for it or get the hell out?” Raven nodded as she remembered the very serious conversation that Wick had in tern ended up over hearing. “Do you see a future with her?” Octavia sounded so unsure that her words had Raven questioning herself. While she had come to terms with the idea of having feelings for the older woman, she hadn’t given herself much thought on the topic past that.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged as she washed her hands under the warm water. “I can’t really think that far ahead, y’know. Everything’s just so, I don’t know, precarious?” she tried for lack of better terms.

Octavia nodded in understanding. “I just think you need to work it out before you go anywhere because Clarke is going to be pissed either way.” She explained while drying her hands on some paper towels. “Before you even say it,” she held her hand up to silence Raven’s suggestion of not telling Clarke at all. “She’s our best friend, she needs to know that you slept with her mom, she needs to know that you have feelings for her before it gets to the wedding day and she finds out it’s you.”

“Whoah!” Raven chocked on the air she was inhaling. “What wedding?” her eyes were wide like saucers and her heart was hammering its was up into her throat.

“I’m just saying,” Octavia shrugged, ignoring Raven’s minor panic attack. “You need to tell her before it gets too late and a fall out or a bust up becomes inevitable.” She explained knowingly. “She’s going to be pissed that you slept with Abby and she’s going to be pissed that I knew and didn’t say anything. The longer you keep this to ourselves, the worse the outcome will be and you know it.”

“I know.” Raven relented. “We just need time to work out where things are going and then I’ll tell her, or we’ll tell her.” She didn’t need to specify who the ‘we’ was. In the end this was on her and Abby, not Octavia and if Raven could help it, she would keep her best friend out of trouble at all costs.

Behind them within the second stall, the one between the ones they had occupied moments ago, a flushing noise made a person known to the pair and a tall woman with jet black hair emerged. “Ladies.” Cece grinned knowingly at the two younger women. “Enjoying your evening?”

Raven’s jaw plummeted as she gaped at Abby’s best friend in the mirror, sure she knew that Callie was aware of Abby’s knew _relationship_ with a woman, however, she wasn’t aware as to whether or not she knew who with. Her heart had completely stopped in her chest and she was either peeing herself or her body was flushing with a burning heat, and it wasn’t the pleasant kind. “Shit.” Octavia mumbled as she buried her face into her hands.

When it became apparent enough that neither Raven or Octavia was about to answer, Callie only chuckled as she finished up cleaning her hands and took a step back. “I’d take Octavia’s advice, hell if Abby will ever listen to what I have to say about the matter.” And with that she sauntered on out of the bathroom and left the two best friends to themselves.

“I’m so screwed, O.” Raven spun round to her best friend with wide and frantic eyes.

“No you’re not.” Octavia kept her voice calm and collected, well of course she could, she wasn’t the one dating her best friend’s mom. “Stay calm, go and find Abby and just explain to her, okay? I’ll make sure Cece doesn’t cause any trouble.”

“You think she’ll say something?” Her heart wasn’t about to calm its erratic pounding anytime soon.

“Any more than she already has? I doubt it, Abby has probably already told her everything so I wouldn’t worry, just go talk to her and I’ll keep everyone preoccupied.” Octavia instructed in that tone that never failed to scare Raven ever so slightly. “Go!” She pushed Raven towards the door despite her friend clearly being frozen to the spot out of fear. “Everything will be okay, I promise.”

“Okay,” Raven nodded though she didn’t believe Octavia’s words. “Everything will be okay.” She repeated before she raced from the bathroom and into the bustling bar. However, as she reached the table, Abby was nowhere to be seen. “Dude, where’d Abby go?” she whispered to Bellamy while her eyes scanned the bar for the other woman.

“Oh so now you want to have a conversation with me, here I thought it was mock Bellamy day.” The man muttered petulantly. He turned back to Wells and ignored Raven and her frustrated growl as she shoved his shoulder angrily.

“Grow up.” She said before she straightened her back, picked up her jacket and headed towards the door when it became apparent that the older woman she was searching for was no longer in the building despite the fact that Callie was still sat at the table beside Thelonious.

It was still pouring down outside and the air had grown colder causing the water on the roads and pavements to freeze dangerously. Halfway down the road a gritter was throwing sand and salt onto the road at a slow pace, it bounces up and knocked and ricocheted off the cars that lined the street. And still, Abby was nowhere to be found. Raven had assumed that Abby had gone to get air but the shelter outside of the door was vacant.

Raven scanned the area knowing that the older woman couldn’t have wandered too far away in the short space of time that Octavia and Raven had retreated to the bathroom. As she took in her surroundings, Raven noticed a lone figure sitting on the bench beside the ice rink. Before she could think twice, Raven raced out across the road as fast and as careful as her leg would allow her. “Abby…?” Raven approached the other woman with caution when she noticed how her head was slumped forward.

“Sorry,” Abby didn’t make a move to lift her head though the gesture of her hands reassured Raven that she was still alive. “I needed to get some air.” At the sound of the break in her voice, Raven dropped into a squat on the icy ground before Abby.

“Hey.” Instinctively, Raven reached up with her hands to cup Abby’s face between them only to be met by wet skin. “Abby,” the doctor didn’t respond and Raven could feel her heart ache in her chest. “Babe, look at me. What’s wrong?” she was too worried about the other woman to have registered what she’d said before it had left her lips. Regardless of the situation, Abby finally looked up at the term of endearment with a gentle smile that gleamed in her eyes. “There you are.” Raven reached up and placed a gentle kiss on Abby’s forehead. She took a seat beside her and dropped her hands to her lap.

“He should be here.” Abby answered after a few minutes of silence passed. Raven didn’t push her and remained quiet while Abby tried to compose herself or to find the right words to explain. “It shouldn’t be me walking her down the aisle, it should be Jake.” Abby’s growing composure broke and her voice cracked as another sob wrecked her body. Raven didn’t know what to do. She understood what Abby was feeling fully and completely, though she’d never had anyone to comfort her, she’d never let anyone see her break, not like this, other than Abby. She’d never felt the need for someone to care for her before until the second Abby had encased her within her strong protective arms and she had realised that that was all she had ever wanted. So, against her usual self, Raven wound her arms around Abby and pulled her into her body. “It’s not fair.” Abby sobbed angrily. She balled her hands into fists around Raven’s arm causing her knuckles to turn an alarming white.

“I know, I know.” Raven began to rock the woman in her arms gently as she ran her finger through long dark locks hopping it would help sooth Abby. “Life is shit.” She stated bluntly resulting in a sarcastic laugh to burst through Abby’s lips. “It doesn’t see the good people or the bad people, it’ll just take whoever it wants and more often than not it’s the good people who end up hurt more.” Maybe she was talking from experience, her own pain bubbled in her chest. “But despite all that, Jake will always be with you and Clarke.” She’d like to believe that her mom was with her, even though they hadn’t had the best of relationships by a long shot but she’d still brought Raven into this world and for a short time she had brought her up. “You’ve got your memories with him, and he’s in Clarke, you said so yourself.” Abby nodded silently into Raven’s chest. “I know it’s not the real thing, Abs and hell will it be hard. But I’ll be there for Clarke and you, so will Callie and Marcus, Octavia and Lexa. You both have this weird and very unconventional family here for you no matter what.” Raven finished with finality.

All Abby could respond with was a tear filled kiss, her face was wet as it pressed against Raven’s. The older woman cupped her cheeks and pulled Raven’s bottom lip between her own, holding her as close to her as she possibly could. “Dammit, Raven.” She managed to laugh through the tears that still streamed down her face. Raven grinned wickedly against Abby’s mouth and allowed herself to get lost within her entire being, on the edge of a busy road, in the rain. Raven chuckled to herself as she pulled back ever so slightly.

“You’re going to catch your death.” She rubbed her hands up and down Abby’s bear arms. “Why didn’t you put your jacket on?” Abby only shrugged in response as she would her arms around Raven’s middle beneath her jacket.

“I wasn’t really thinking.” While Abby’s voice was still small it sounded lighter, almost like a weight had been lifted. “I maybe should have…”

“C’mere.” Raven chuckled as she held Abby tightly to her side. “You want to get a coffee?” she gestured with her thumb towards the hot drinks van just to their right.

Abby shook her head as she pulled Raven up to her feet. “I need something stronger.” Raven chuckled as she wound her fingers between Abby’s.

“Stronger than that bottle of wine you’ve been slowly working your way through?” Raven couldn’t help but tip her head back in laughter when Abby smacked her arm playfully.

“I’ll have you know,” Abby started in that mom voice she’d heard often enough at the Griffin family barbeques when Clarke drank too much. “Cece has been helping.”

“Mhm.” Raven teased. “Sure she has!” their joint laughter rang around the bustling street around them and drew the attention of a few passers-by. “Speaking of,” Raven now had the decency to look slightly guilty. “I think I just dropped us in it with Callie…” she trailed off as she looked anywhere but at the woman who was leaning gently into her side.

“What do you mean?” Abby asked as a frown formed on her brow.

Raven heaved in a breath and readied herself for the impending argument she figured would surely come of this conversation. “Erm,” she rubbed at the back of her neck. “Well O and I were talking about it – talking about us – in the bathroom and Callie was in one of the stalls and she overheard.” She rushed out in one hurried breath.

“Octavia knows?” To Raven’s surprise, Abby didn’t sound furious as she’d first thought she would.

“Shit, erm yeah.” Raven stuttered. “She figured it out when we were at your place for Clarke’s birthday. Damn so does Wick, he overheard a conversation between O and I.” She realised how bad it sounded. “Man, I’m sorry, I should have told you.” For the first time in a long time, Raven felt panic bubble and boil in her chest and settle in her gut at the thought of losing Abby, of losing whatever they had made here between them.

“Does Clarke know?” They stopped underneath the shelter but Abby didn’t drop Raven’s hand.

“No, no of course not.”

“That’s okay then.” Abby smiled sweetly up at Raven and planted a soft kiss against her lips. “Cece knows, so does Indra.” She shrugged as she explained oblivious to Raven’s internal screaming. “I told them after that night we were in here.” She tilted her chin in the direction of the door. “I’m not going to be one of those paranoid women, so honestly, you don’t have to worry about telling people.”

“Wait, are you serious? You’re honestly okay?” Raven felt dumbfounded.

“Of course.” Abby moved in closer to Raven who instinctively wrapped her arms around Abby’s waist. “But I really think we should wait before we tell Clarke.” She suggested with a hint of concern in her eyes. “We have a rocky relationship as it is without her finding out that I had sex with her best friend.” Raven’s cheeks flushed a furious red as her mind wandered back to that night. “And I think we should work out what’s going on between us first before she finds out.”

“I agree.” Raven nodded surely, she didn’t think she’d ever agree with something more than she did then. Clarke was one of the kindest and sweetest people Raven knew, but when she was angry you would damn well know about it. One time, when Raven had eaten Clarke’s sandwich, the blonde had refused to talk to her for a whole week and a half. In Raven’s defence, she didn’t actually see the sticky note with Clarke’s name on it until she was halfway through. “And while we’re on the subject of people knowing…” Raven trailed off with a smirk. “The old crazy lady down the hall from my apartment, Mrs Patella, heard us.” Raven couldn’t supress the grin that formed on her face at Abby’s blush.

“Oh my god.” Abby laughed through her hands that had moved up to hide her face. Raven couldn’t resist the urge to kiss the older woman in that moment, she wrapped her fingers gently around Abby’s wrists and placed the doctor’s hands on her shoulders. Her own hands wound their way around Abby’s waist and pulled her closer, pressing their bodies flush together. “We need to go back inside.” She didn’t move away, however, instead she entwined her fingers in Raven’s long hair and pulled her forward for a kiss.

Raven moaned, embarrassingly loud, against Abby’s mouth as she felt herself melt against her smaller frame. “I don’t want to.” She whispered and tugged Abby’s lips between her teeth. “Five more minutes…?” she teased though her voice was completely serious.

“You’re ridiculous.” Abby laughed and pulled Raven back towards her, her tongue swiped across her lip.

\----

Clarke was drunk. Very drunk. Somewhere around eleven PM Lexa and the guys had emerged from their own night out and Clarke had raced over to the expecting woman mumbling and muttering something along the lines of ‘my mom is having sex with a woman’ and proceeded to drag her girlfriend towards the bar where she downed three shots, a pint of something looking too dark to be anything other than a mixed concoction and then another three shots. Lexa could only watch in horror as her girlfriend poisoned her liver, Raven was sure the older woman suppressed a gag at the strong scent of alcohol on her finance’s breath.

“Is she okay?” Monty and Jasper sat down opposite Raven and Octavia as the former of the two glanced worriedly over his shoulder at their blonde friend. The two men looked as drunk as Clarke but perhaps more composed. Monty was mumbling something about brooms while Jasper tried to console him.

Octavia, in her own tipsy state, shook her head with a grin. “Nope. Not one bit.” When it became apparent that she wasn’t about to elaborate Raven spoke up.

“Abby is seeing someone and Clarke found out.” She explained.

“That’s good news for some.” Octavia laughed hysterically at her own words as she tugged on Lincoln’s arm for him to occupy the chair beside her.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Ignore her, she’s on her way to Clarke town.” She took a sip of her water and glanced around the room at all of the drunk people she knew she’d end up taxying around that night.

“Clarke town?” Abby and Callie approached the table from where they had been dancing with the other fifty people now swarming the dance floor. They held on to one another, a tell tail sign that they had both drank too much themselves.

“Clarke’s pulling a Monty.” Jasper explained as she gestured over to Clarke as she tried to pull the refilled pint glass from Lexa’s arms that towered over her small body. “Oh shit.” He whispered as the blonde clambered up onto the bar top.

“Fuck.”

“Jesus, Christ.”

Raven and Octavia jumped to their feet and raced across the bar to help retrieve their very drunk friend and relieve Lexa. “Come on, Clarke. Get down.” Octavia held her hand out for the blonde to take but she shook her head and carried on grasping at the air around Lexa’s body.

“I’ll buy you a drink if you do.” That caused blonde hair to whip around. “Only if you get down.” Raven lied and nodded her head as Lexa gave her an appreciative smile.

“Did you know my mom was sleeping with a woman?” Clarke asked her as she clung to her hand carefully. “Like having sex and stuff?” Raven tried to hide her blush as she helped Clarke sit down on the bar top so she could get her feet onto the floor.

“I did, princess.” She nodded. “We talked about it before, remember?”

“No.” She shook her head in confusion as a soft frown formed on her face. “I don’t remember.”

“I think we should get you home.” Raven turned to Lexa. “Have you been drinking?”

“Yeah, but I can call us a cab.” Lexa suggested as she pulled out her phone.

“Don’t worry, I can drive.” She pulled her keys from her jacket pocket and wandered back over to the table. “I’m going to drive Clarke and Lexa back home, would anyone like a ride?” At that, the whole table stood in unison. Raven sighed as she rubbed at her eyes tiredly. “I can only fit four.”

“Is that so?” Callie spoke up with a smirk as she nudged Abby’s side. “You hear that, she can only fit four.”

“Oh my god.” Abby muttered as her face burned red though she apparently found it just as funny as Cece when her own laughter radiated from her body in waves that Raven could feel against her own skin.

“I can take Wells, Monty and Jasper.” Thelonious offered helpfully as he pulled on his jacket. “Bellamy, too, if he wants.”

“That’s awesome, thanks, Jaha.” Bellamy stood and helped Wells to his feet who had suddenly been hit by the full force of the eleven bottles of beer that Clarke had helped to pour down his throat.

Indra, who had emerged with her kids from their night out, stood and collected her things. “You need a ride home, Linc?” She asked her son who was holding Octavia around her waist.

“Please.” He nodded. Octavia kissed him gently as she reached out to hold Clarke upright from where she was swaying against the wall.

“Cece?” Indra glanced at her intoxicated friend who clearly couldn’t handle alcohol as much as she liked to think. “You’re in our direction, want a ride? Looks like Lexa won’t be needing a ride so I have room.” the dark haired women detached herself from Abby and stumbled over to Indra where she wound her arm around her shoulders. “Take that as a yes.”

“Awesome, I’ve got the stragglers.” Raven offered as Octavia and Lexa carried Clarke from the bar. She wandered over to Abby. “You ready?” She smiled softly at the woman she would be spending the night with.

“Lead the way.” Behind her, Indra and Callie shared a knowing grin while they watched the couple leave the bar together. It was still pouring down outside though chunks of sleet and snow was now mixed in with the freezing water. Apparently the dull weather conditions weren’t about to stop Clarke from ending her night on a good note as she skipped down the road, physically dragging her girlfriend and best friend down behind her as she sang, no screeched _New York, New York_ at the top of her lungs. “Be careful!” Abby called when Clarke attempted to scramble up onto the hood of Raven’s jeep unceremoniously.

“The sooner we get her home the better.” Octavia said. Raven unlocked the doors when she got close enough to her car and opened the two doors on the passenger side. Lexa lifted Clarke in over her shoulder in a fireman’s lift and Octavia followed. Apparently they hadn’t realised how difficult it would be to fasten Clarke’s seatbelt while she carried on with her singing. Octavia pinned the blonde down while Lexa climbed over and eventually resorted to straddling her to fasten it. Clarke held the gift that Thelonious had brought her unhelpfully in the air above her head.

“Lexa!” Clarke squealed playfully. “My mom is right there.”

“Dr. Griffin.” Lexa mumbled as she hurriedly scrambled from Clarke’s lap. “I wasn’t- I was… I-”

“It’s okay, Lexa.” Abby held up her hand to silence her daughter in law to be. “She gets like this when she drinks. I don’t know who she gets it from, Jake never drank.” Abby shook her head and stared out of the window as Raven pulled away from the side walk and towards the direction of their shared apartment.

“I think I have a good idea.” Raven chuckled, she gestured to the half full bottle of wine that Abbie had left the bar carrying.

Abbie cleared her throat and smirked. “Yes, well, I couldn’t exactly leave it, could I?” She laughed and buried it into her handbag. “It can be finished later.” The tone to her voice suggested that she wouldn’t be drinking alone and Raven couldn’t help the genuine smile that formed on her lips.

“Raven…” Clarke sounded from the centre seat behind them, her name dragged out along her tongue as she focused on each syllable.

“Yes, princess?” Raven glanced into the review mirror to meet Clarke’s slowly drooping eyes.

Clarke shuffled in her seat trying to get comfortable before she settled against Lexa’s shoulder one hand in her girlfriend’s and the other in Octavia’s, she licked her lips and closed her eyes. “You know that my mom is sleeping with a woman?” she asked again for the second time in the space of ten minutes.

“Yeah, I think I heard about that tonight.” Raven replied. She couldn’t help but glance in the older woman’s direction only to see a shame filled face as Abby stared down sadly at her hands. “You don’t need to keep bringing it up.” She suggested as a pang of guilt riddled its way through her veins.

“Why not?” she asked in a high pitched voice. “Does it make you uncomfortable?” Her tone turned accusing. “Because if it does, you can get out of this car right now.” She pointed her finger at Raven in the mirror with a scowl.

Raven chuckled. “It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, Clarke.” Her heart was in her throat as she watched Abby’s shoulder bob with a small laugh though her demeanour was still sad.

“That’s what I thought.” Clarke shrugged. “I mean you like women and you have a thing for my mom.” She explained to herself, apparently she had forgotten about the company in the car.

“ _Clarke_.” Raven grit out through her teeth.

“What?” Clarke sat up with an all too innocent expression on her face. “Lexa already knows that you want to screw my mom.”

“For crying out loud.” Raven dropped her head against the back of the headrest with an eye roll. Lexa, Octavia and even Abby chuckled at the blonde woman who was oblivious to what was going on around her.

“Babe, your mom is right there.” Lexa supplied as she gestured towards the passenger seat to the right of Clarke.

“Oh. Hey, mom.” Clarke waved at her mom sweetly before her eyes grew wide all of a sudden. “Raven, I think my mom knows that you want to have lady sex with her.” She failed at whispering as she leaned between the two front chairs.

“Yeah, no shit, Clarke.” Raven muttered and pulled up outside of their apartment building. “Get your butts out of my car so I can take your mom home.” She ordered.

Clarke was about to climb out of the car as she pouted up at her friend. “Are we not going to watch a movie?”

“You need to sleep.” Octavia saved Raven before the blonde could push anymore. “We’ll watch a movie tomorrow night.” Clarke climbed out followed by Lexa and Octavia walked around to the driver’s window. Raven wound it down and leaned closer. “You coming home tonight?” Octavia glanced between her best friend and the older woman in the car.

“And sit up to some ungodly hour holding Clarke’s hair back while she throws up?” Raven turned to face Abby, the slump in her shoulders hadn’t gone unnoticed by the younger woman and she feared that their plans for the evening wouldn’t be going ahead as planned. However, Abby sent her a soft smile and placed her hand on her thigh, Octavia followed the action with a smirk. “Nope, I’ll be back tomorrow either before school or after.” She gave a vague enough answer that left no room for interpretation.

“Oh well,” Octavia shrugged. “You kids have fun.” She teased, “and don’t forget to use protection.” Her laughter filled the cold air as both Raven and Abby blushed.

“Night, O.” Raven chuckled as the window wound up slowly.

“Good night, Octavia. Make sure Clarke stays alive.” Abby called from her window as Raven drove off.

Octavia gave them a joking salute.

\----

The car ride out of the city was quiet, peaceful and comfortable as the buildings grew smaller and smaller the longer Raven drove. The rain became sparse and was soon replaced by thick snow and seemed almost relentless. On the radio the guy had mentioned a few times about driving carefully for the next couple of months the state would be on a low warning for snow storms. Raven thought it was funny that the guys at the NWS thought there would be blizzards in spring but she let it slide. It had been the same the year previous and they’d ended up having a heat wave. She didn’t let the subject matter bother her too much, however, as every now and then, she found her eyes wandering over to Abby in the seat beside her.

She was pure beauty, with her rain soaked hair that was beginning to flick and curl on the ends and her gentle skin that was dimly lit with the road lamps gave off an almost ethereal glow that Raven couldn’t help think was not of this world. More often than not, Abby would feel Raven’s eyes on her and would turn to meet gaze. They would exchange shy smiles then turn back to watch the road disappear beneath the car.

“I didn’t know you could sing?” Raven spoke up when Abby began to sing softly along with a song on the radio she didn’t recognise. When her words caused Abby to stop, she felt her heart drop and immediately missed the sound, she cursed herself for distracting her.

Abby smiled and pushed her hair away from his face. “You didn’t think Clarke got her singing voice from Jake, did you?” she laughed softly. Actually, that was exactly what Raven had thought. After that night Clarke had played the recording of her father singing, the one she had used for the music box, Raven had jumped to conclusions and figured that was why Clarke had always liked to sing. “When she was younger she loved going to see musicals on Broadway. When I was finally finished in medical school we used to go all of the time since I had a little bit more free time.” Abby explained.

“Clarke never told me that.” Raven wasn’t offended or hurt, she knew how Clarke was. Sometimes she was surprised at how similarly closed off they both could be.

Abby turned to face Raven with a smile on her face that was clearly due to the memories passing through her mind rather than Raven herself. “It was nice, just the two of us. We used to be a lot closer than we are now.” Abby almost sounded sad as she spoke. “She loved show tunes, Jake hated them.” She laughed. “We used to sing them in the kitchen all of the time to annoy him while he cooked dinner for us.”

“What was your favourite musical?” Raven asked when Abby grew quiet. She knew Clarke hadn’t had a very strong relationship with her mom for a while now. She didn’t know for sure why Abby and Clarke had drifted apart, her best friend had claimed it was because of personal differences. It had gotten worse after Jake’s death, however, and it had taken time, a lot of it, for them to begin the mending process. Octavia had been all for it, attending the barbeques with their best friend and the meals that Abby had so often invited the blonde to, ‘for moral support’, they had said and it seemed to help her become more open to talking and spending time with Abby again.

“Clarke loved _Wicked_.” Abby smiled affectionately.

“Oh I know. She’s ingrained the soundtrack into my head.” Raven rolled her eyes as she pulled her phone from her pocket and hooked it up to her car. “But I asked what _your_ favourite was or still is?”

“I don’t think I could choose.” Abby laughed as she sat up straighter, her shoulders grew lighter and the smile on her face reached her eyes once again. “I liked _RENT_ , _Funny Girl…_ they’re all amazing, I think I enjoyed the message they conveyed rather than the shows themselves.” Abby shrugged. “It’s silly.”

“No it’s not.” Raven jumped to defend Abby’s feelings. “ _RENT_ is a good choice.” She nodded in agreement to Abby’s decision while she fiddled with her phone.

“You really shouldn’t do that.” Abby warned as she eyed the phone in Raven’s hands cautiously.

“Sorry.” Raven stopped what she was doing and turned her full attention back to the empty road. “Here.” She handed Abby the device. “Go to my music files. If you ever tell anyone what you see, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you.” Abby did as she was told with a grin on her face. “Clarke introduced me to _Hamilton_ and I think it’s my new obsession.” She admitted.

“Have you been to see it yet? I’ve heard good reviews.” Abby asked as she clicked on the first song and the soundtrack began the play through the car. Abby laughed in delight as Raven sang ‘Alexander Hamilton’ perfectly word for word.

“No.” Raven shook her head through her own laughter. “I want to, but with school and work, I never seem to have the time.” She explained.

“I know what you mean.” Abby joined in with Raven’s singing. “Clarke said you’re working with one of your professors on a project?” she asked when the song came to an end and continued into the next.

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, she was surprised that Clarke and Abby had talked about her. “We came up with this idea of having a space station that grows food and plants, stuff like that.” She shrugged, to be fair she hadn’t been too interested in that part. “Then when we worked out how to do that effectively for long term periods, we figured we could adapt it for permanent human life.”

“What was the reason behind it?” Abby asked curiously.

Raven chuckled at the question, she pulled off onto the side road that lead to the small town Abby lived in. “Sinclair has this crazy idea that nuclear war is going to break out all over the world.” Raven pulled up at a stop sign and checked to make sure both roads were clear before she pulled out. “We got into this idea of how the best way to sustain human life was.” She continued to explain passionately. “He wanted to build something underground, like a bunker in a mountain. But the risk of nuclear radiation was more dangerous than solar radiation.”

“You would build up an immunity to radiation in space, too.” Abby explained using her own medical knowledge. “Lead and concrete walls would shield you enough that your body wouldn’t be exposed to enough radiation for it to be possible to one day inhabit earth safely.”

“Have you just read my mind or are you secretly a scientific genius?” Raven chuckled as she beamed across at Abby with a smile filled with so much excitement that she felt like a five-year-old in a ball pit hyped up on sugar and adrenalin.

“Maybe not a genius,” Abby said. She brushed her hair from her face. “Just a doctor who knows her stuff.”

“The sooner they make you head of surgery, the better.” Raven stated. She hadn’t meant to speak her thoughts though she was glad she had as Abby smiled at her. It caused her heart to race in her chest pleasantly and a warmth to spread to her fingers and toes.

“I wouldn’t expect that to happen any time soon.” Abby mumbled. She sighed gently at Raven’s confused glance in her direction. “Chief decided to have Marcus as the head of surgery.”

“What?” Raven gasped in sheer surprise. “What a misogynistic-” she cut herself off before she cursed. “Sorry.” She shook her head in disappointment with herself and the patriarchy as she pulled down Abby’s road.

“It’s okay,” Abby smiled. “I feel like some change is needed.” She left that statement hanging as Raven pulled up in the drive, the space beside Abby’s car was wide enough for Raven to fit. She shut off the engine and waited at the front of the car for Abby to join her so that they could walk up to the house together. Raven felt relieved when the older woman wound their fingers together and led them up the porch and to the door. “Maybe I’ll have more time to see some musicals soon.” Raven eyed her curiously.

“Are you planning on quitting?” She asked as Abby unlocked the door.

“No.” Abby said flatly and shook her head. She opened the door to her home and turned on the lights. “Something needs to change; I just haven’t decided what that is yet.” Abby shrugged half-heartedly. She pulled off her jacket and hung it up in the hall closet before she turned to remove Raven’s and did the same. “Are you hungry? I’ve got some left over pizza in the fridge.”

“Pizza sounds good.” Raven nods and considered following Abby into the kitchen, however, by the time she finally moved one foot in front of the other, the older woman emerged with a pizza box and the bottle of wine and began to climb the stairs. She tucked the box beneath her arm and held out her hand for Raven to take. She didn’t quite know why the feeling of Abby’s hand in hers drew her attention so much, maybe it was the way it seemed to fit so effortlessly or how her skin was extraordinarily smooth against her warn callused ones, but whichever reason it was, Raven didn’t want it to go away. The feeling of being wanted and being able to fit with someone as easily as she did with Abby was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time and for some reason, Raven craved it.

She craved Abby beyond all imaginable reason.

“It’s cold, I hope you don’t mind…” Abby trailed off as she pushed open the door to her bedroom. It was the second time that evening Raven had entered Abby’s room but only this time did she take note of her surroundings. “The pizza, I mean.”

Raven grinned at Abby. “Cold is fine, I don’t like warm pizza…” she explained shyly, remembering all the times Clarke and Octavia and ordered pizzas and Raven had had to put hers in the fridge for it to cool and harden. They’d always teased her over the fact but she figured, in some weird way she should probably know with her science-y mind, it tasted better. It probably didn’t. Abby nodded her head in understanding with a smile that shone through the darkness of her room. Abby flicked on the lights and Raven’s eyes began to meticulously scan the room.

The walls were painted a warm cream with a feature wall painted beige that framed the bed and two night stands. Her eyes zoned in on the set of white painted oak draws in the far corner of Abby’s room – apposite a matching wardrobe that was probably bigger that Raven’s bedroom – where a few pictures were framed on the top along with what she recognised to be the music box she’d made Abby. Raven found herself wandering towards the piece of furniture with curiosity clouding her mind. In the centre of the draws a bigger frame depicted Abby’s family on the beach, someone else must have taken it, another family member or a friend perhaps, as a pre-teen Clarke was being squashed between her two parents with a beaming smile on their faces, crashing waves surrounding their claves in the ocean. Raven could feel her heart welling up in her chest, she had only ever seen that smile on Clarke’s face a handful of times in the two years she had known her best friend and even less on Abby’s. Those smiles were occurring more and more often, however, she had found whilst spending more time with the two women over the past few months.

Another picture to the right contained Abby and Jake on a boat somewhere, thick, green and dense jungle acted as the back drop as the couple held one another closely. It was romantic, with the sun setting behind them, and Raven could see nothing but love in both of their eyes. It was something about the way Abby looked that felt so familiar to Raven but she couldn’t quite place where she had seen it before or who she had seen it in. But it was Jake’s smile she recognised the most, the particular way it curved up at the edges was so similar to Clarke it was almost funny.

The final picture was of Abby and Clarke at the blonde’s high school graduation. Their smiles didn’t quite match those in the other pictures and Raven assumed that this was around the time Jake had died, though she couldn’t be sure. She thought she remembered Clarke mentioning once over that Jake hadn’t been at her graduation.

Suddenly there was a set of arms winding their way around Raven’s waist, the action caused the younger woman to jump in surprise. Abby chuckled throatily into the crook of Raven’s neck. “That one was our honeymoon.” With her finger, Abby gestured to the photo of Jake and her on the boat. “Feels like it was taken a life time ago now.” She said distantly.

“You look really happy.” Raven entwined her fingers with the ones that were sitting comfortable on her stomach as she observed their smiles in the picture again.

Abby was nodding before she could get the words out. “We were.” She gestured to the centre piece of the pictures. “We were very happy, for a while.” The sadness in Abby’s tone was palpable as she thought about her past.

“What happened?” Raven asked, cautious not to force Abby into any conversation she didn’t feel like getting into tonight or to cross any lines that she wasn’t supposed to. “If you don’t mind my asking.” Raven ducked her head shyly.

A few minutes passed as silence fell around the two women and for a moment Raven was worried she’d fucked up. Abby sighed gently and moved over to the bed where the pizza box had been left. “We grew apart.” Her words startled Raven as they sounded through the quiet of the bedroom. She stood awkwardly in front of Abby, unsure whether or not she should climb onto the bed beside the other woman or give her space. She decided on the latter and began to fiddle with her hands instead. “He had his job and I had mine. Before we knew it we were completely different people, sometimes he’d be away for weeks on end and when he came back I wouldn’t recognise him. I wasn’t any better myself.” Abby explained with a bitterness to her tone. “Once I became a resident at the hospital I came home stressed, tired, more often than not I slept there with too many patients and not enough hours.”

Raven moved over to the bed carefully. “Abby…” She sighed softly and sat herself down beside Abby after removing her shoes. “You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” Raven gave the older woman an out if she needed one, if she felt the crushing walls that they were both familiar with.

Abby shook her head. “It’s okay.” She reassured Raven by placing her hand gently atop of hers. “There was nothing we could have done about it, before we realised it was even happening it was too late.” She glanced across at Raven sadly before she bowed her head in regret. “Clarke blamed me when our marriage started to fall apart. Jake always tried to bring us closer together, he’d try and take us to the beach like we used to or to the park.” She frowned and Raven assumed she was thinking back, her eyes grew dark and her shoulders sunk dejectedly. “But I was always on call and eventually, I can’t remember when it happened, I came home from work one day and realised that I wasn’t in love anymore.” Abby’s voice broke, painful and sharp and Raven felt it echo in her heart. Abby began to shudder as sobs wracked her body achingly.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Raven pulled the older woman into her lap and sat against the headboard of the bed. She rocked Abby back and forth in an attempt to quell the pain that Raven could feel beating through her veins.

When Abby began to speak up again, Raven felt cold at how broken and hurt the older woman sounded. “It was like I had woken up one day and the thought of Jake just didn’t make me smile anymore.” Raven couldn’t even pretend to understand what that must have felt like for Abby, for a mother who had brought her child into the world with the man she loved – who she had thought she’d be able to spend the rest of her life with. “He still made me smile, occasionally, just not in the way he used to. I didn’t feel like I was floating when I thought of him or whenever I saw him.” Abby pulled her knees up to her chest and tugged on Raven’s legs as she nestled between the limbs. Raven held her close, unable to do anything else to comfort the woman in her arms with pointless words that couldn’t change the past. With her good leg, Raven supported Abby’s back and hooked the other around her feet. “I tried… we tried, to make it work but it never felt the same… in the end we stayed together because of Clarke…”

It hurt Raven’s chest, the way Abby sounded so broken, she was used to her having an air of confidence. “Abby.” Raven whispered into her hairline while she continued to rock them both.

The sound of Raven’s voice seemed to snap Abby from her emotional state and caused her to sit up straight. “Sorry,” she shook her head in confusion. “I think I must have drunk too much.” She stuttered. “I’m going to go wash up.”

“Abby,” Raven protested but to no prevail. “Babe?” Raven tried again but before Abby could even hear her words she’d already walked out of the room. Raven was hurt, she wouldn’t deny that, but she knew that Abby’s sudden change wasn’t anything against her and more to do with the internal breakdown she was experiencing. She sighed and climbed off of the bed, the best thing to was to leave Abby to gather her thoughts. Raven walked over to her duffel bag that sat in the corner of Abby’s room from earlier that night and pulled out her Arkadia University shirt and cotton shorts that she slept in. She made quick work of changing before she climbed back onto the bed and flipped open the lid of the pizza box. There was a third of the twelve-inch pizza left, it looked to be just a plain margarita so she didn’t waste any time in taking a bite of one of the slices.

The bottle of wine that sat alone on the empty nightstand looked more than appealing to Raven in that moment but she’d already helped herself to Abby’s pizza and gotten comfortable on the bed, she wasn’t even sure that the older woman still wanted her to stay over anymore. At that thought, Raven finished the slice of pizza and stood. She rubbed her hands down on her shorts-

“Abby.” The women opened the door and stood in front of her wearing nothing but Raven’s shirt that she’d borrowed from her the last time they’d spent the night together. Raven couldn’t help but think that it looked far better on Abby than it did on herself. The little coverage that Raven’s shirt supplied and the long and bare expanse of Abby’s thighs confirmed that the other woman was in fact not wearing any underwear. Raven gulped, blushed and then gulped again. She shouldn’t have been looking at the short brunette in the way she was then, especially after what had just happened but she couldn’t help but admire how beautiful and perfect and _sexy_ this woman was. “Abby.” She said again, this time through a mesmerized sigh.

Abby smiled softly and stepped forward into Raven’s personal space. “I’m sorry about that,” she waved her hand in a circular motion as she spoke. “It’s just, I’ve never talked about it with anyone other than Cece and that was a long time ago.” She explained with a pained expression. Raven reached out on instinct and hoped that the other woman would step towards her.

She did.

Though she didn’t remain there for long. She pulled away a moment later and glanced over Raven’s shoulder. “Hungry?” She smiled knowingly before she dropped her hands away from Raven’s shoulders and weaved their fingers together as she led the mechanic over to the bed. Abby dimmed the light emanating from the lamp on the nightstand on, what she assumed to be, Abby’s side of the bed.

“Sorry…” Raven trailed off a little embarrassed at being called out.

Abby chuckled and patted the space next to her on the bed. “It’s okay, no one else is here to eat it but me.” She shrugged as though those words didn’t have as big of a meaning as Raven could interpret. From what Clarke had told her and especially on the lead up to Christmas, Abby was on her own a lot of the time. Sure after Jake’s death Clarke had been around for a while until she started college, after that Abby was left in an empty house, a pretty big one at that, on her own. Raven wasn’t sure why that affected her as much as it did but she suddenly felt as though the ground was crumbling away at her feet and the only way to keep her grounded and steady was to touch Abby.

Raven reached out and placed her hand gently on Abby’s thigh pulling the other woman’s attention away from the pizza. “I really like you.” She whispered with weighted emotion, surprising herself more so than she assumed Abby. Her throat felt knotted and twisted and she struggled to gulp as she felt herself drowning, pleasantly, in Abby’s eyes.

Abby smiled shyly down at the hand in her lap and covered it with her own. She didn’t jump to say anything, however, and Raven began to panic.

“I’m sorry, I…” She flailed. “I…” _I didn’t mean to say that._ That was a lie. She did mean to say it and maybe that was why she was freaking out so much. Raven Reyes didn’t do feelings, even while she was with Finn, they didn’t _talk_ about feelings. It was a silent agreement that emotions would not be addressed.

Nevertheless, it was as though her whole life had shed its old skin and transformed into something new, something evolved. She didn’t know how to describe herself right now, it was new, maybe? For her, that wasn’t a bad thing, it was scary as hell and she didn’t know how to deal with it, but she liked the way it made her feel free, open, _emotional_.

She liked the way Abby made her feel.

At that thought, Raven reached out to the bottle of wine on the table beside her and took a long gulp. It was red, not her favourite, in fact she didn’t like red wine at all. The bitterness and the grittiness of the liquid slicked down her throat easily, though the cringe on her face suggested otherwise.

“God I’m such an idiot.” Raven mumbled when the silence continued, she was too busy staring down the neck of the bottle that she couldn’t see the smile spread across Abby’s face. Silently she pulled the bottle from Raven’s unusually loose grasp and placed it down on bedside table on the opposite side. “What-”

“I like you, too.” Something about it sounded childish, immature, and the smile on Abby’s face was enough to reassure Raven that they were both okay with that. Abby pressed her lips firmly against Raven’s, she tangled her hand in the fabric of Raven’s shirt and pulled her down to lay flush against her.


	8. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Lucky for me I have most of these chapter ready so I got the chance to relax while I was on holiday. So here's chapter 8. This was originally only supposed to be 10 chapters long, but it seems the more I think about these two, the more i want to write so here ya go.  
> Hope you all enjoy.

 

Raven planted a delicate kiss to Abby’s collarbone as she lay against the older woman’s chest, their legs were intertwined beneath the covers that only reached their waists, leaving the rest of their bodies exposed to the cool night air. Abby had slowly begun to drift off to sleep, her breathing had evened out and her heart rate and calmed from its erratic pounding from their previous activates to a gentle pace that was soothing to Raven’s ears. If she’d wanted to, Raven would have been able to fall asleep to the sound but her eyes were glued to the window, the curtains hadn’t been drawn allowing Raven to see the exposed sky. Littered with stars, solar systems and galaxies, the night sky wasn’t polluted by the city lights out in the suburbs. It was soothing. Raven hadn’t been able to see the night sky this clearly since the boat trip Wick had dragged her on with his father in her senior year of high school. She’d stayed up all night and just watched.

The vast expanse that rolled across the universe in front of her reminded her almost painfully of her mother. She used to say that when she had first met Raven’s father she would get lost in his eyes - _it was as if someone had cast those silver burning balls of fire into his eyes, and every time they looked at me, I could feel myself being thrown across universes and universes for billions of miles._ She’d talked about her father with such a faraway look, and Raven figured it was the same look she’d had on her own face when her third grade teacher had tried to explain the Big Bang to her. She’d never understood why her dad had just walked out on them, especially with a kid and a wife who’d looked at him as though he were the start of everything.

It had scared Raven how someone that in love one minute could be so broken the next. She’d never understood what her mom had felt, not until Finn at least. Or so she had thought.

She had never seen galaxies and constellations in Finn, in his eyes or his soul. He’d always just been Finn to her, kind and caring, to an extent of course. Raven had just assumed she was missing something, a part of herself, because she was in love with Finn, at the time anyway, and she wanted to see those stars so badly. But the harder she’d tried the more she grew away from her boyfriend, grasping at something that just wasn’t there.

It was sad that in some sort of messed up way, she blamed her mom for the end of their relationship. She’d planted unrealistic expectations into her daughter’s mind and had set her up for heart break. Raven had constantly been looking for something, until now, she thought didn’t exist, _couldn’t_ exist.

It had taken her until only minutes ago to realise that the universe was right in front of her, in Abby, in her touches and gentle caresses, in the way her lips ghosted across Raven’s body and in the way her eyes held her gaze unrelentingly. Abby had ignited the beginnings of a supernova inside Raven’s heart, she knew and understood what her mom had been talking about.

Raven knew she should have been terrified by that thought, the knowledge that whatever was going on between herself and the older woman was more than just sexual desire. She didn’t want to address the word spinning out of control around her head just yet, though, she felt content and happy where she was, with the universe in her fingertips.

Slowly tracing her fingers across the smooth skin of Abby’s chest, Raven followed the scattered constellations outside of the window with her eyes and repeated them onto Abby’s body. Raven would have been surprised by the hand that came up to cup the back of her head to run fingers through her hair if it wasn’t for the slight change in Abby’s breathing she’d registered seconds before.

“Why are you still awake, sweetie?” Abby’s voice was scratchy and rough, both from the moments leading up to her falling asleep and from the sleep itself. Raven found it sexy and endearing as hell.

If it were possible, the mechanic would have moved closer to her if only to feel the vibrations of Abby’s voice against her own chest.

Raven sighed contently and nuzzled her nose against Abby’s cheek. “Just watching the stars.” She whispered in a daze. Her eyes flickered away from the window to peer up at the woman she was being held so gently by. Abby hummed softly in understanding as she continued with her ministrations on Raven’s hair.

“Do you always stay up into the early hours of the morning to watch the stars?” Abby asked, amusement laced her sleep riddled voice. “I’m sure with all the working and school, you are already sleep deprived.” She added as more of an observation.

“It’s true.” Raven conceded with a grin. She allowed herself just a moment to revel in Abby’s voice because their time together would have to come to an end soon enough and she’d have to go back to pretending that this woman whom she had genuine feelings for, was no one other than her best friend’s mom who was also a doctor. “I just want to lie here for a bit.”

Though it wasn’t much of an explanation, Abby seemed to understand wholly and she pulled the younger woman further up the bed so that they were face to face “I’ll still be here in the morning.” Abby’s warm breath ghosted over Raven’s face causing a shiver to race down the woman’s spine.

“It’s what comes after that.” Raven whispered and finally allowed her eyes to flutter shut. “When you have to go save lives and I have to go fix cars and do school stuff.”

“Then I’ll still be right-” Abby planted a sleepy kiss against Raven’s nose. “Here.”

\----

“I’m sorry I burnt the bacon.” Raven muttered around a pout as she sat down opposite Abby at the dining room table.

Abby chuckled. “It’s fine, Raven, honestly.” She reassured as she brought the scrambled egg up to her mouth.

“And broke your toaster…” she added, embarrassed.

“Yeah,” Abby thought back over the incident that had occurred fifteen minutes before. “I don’t know how you managed to do that?” One moment Abby had been humming to herself, frying up some eggs in the pan, the next an electrical hissing sound followed by a pop and a bang alerted her to the minor explosion that Raven had created while trying to warm up some bread. A piece of toast still sat burning away on the counter. Raven had promised to buy her a new one the second she got paid despite the fact that Abby had reassured her that she didn’t have to.

“It’s small machinery!” Raven whined after taking a sip of her orange juice. “It hates me.”

“And here I thought you were good with your hands.” Abby smirked and arched her brow insinuatingly. Raven sputtered and coughed around her drink, her eyes began to sting with tears. “I guess I was wrong.”

“That’s not what I remember you saying last night.” Raven’s lips curled up in thought. “What was it you were saying,” she pretended to ponder over the words that she was sure would be ingrained in her brain for the rest of her life. “ _Raven,_ _your fingers are_ -” her terrible impression of the woman opposite her was cut short when Abby pounced across the small distance between them to silence her with an intense kiss that went beyond casual and ‘working things out’. She didn’t mind, neither of them did apparently because within a matter of seconds their food was discarded and they retreated to the couch in the living room.

Abby was half an hour late for work.

\----

Raven rubbed at her cheeks, she was sure she was smearing oil and grease over her face but she was far too tired to care. She’d been sat with Sinclair for just over four hours, she’d missed her lunch break with Octavia and Clarke and they were still no closer to figuring out a station structure even with a model of the International Space Station as a reference point. It couldn’t weigh more than seven-hundred tonnes – the figure methodically and systematically calculated – and would be the size of four football field – because it would be huge and badass and intimidating. But of course, what they had planned was almost impossible with modern day technology. It had come to mind when both Sinclair and Raven had spent an afternoon messing around in the lab and they found themselves on the topic of a nuclear apocalypse. It had snowballed from there.

However, that wasn’t the reason as to why Raven was slowly beginning to tear her hair from her scalp. She hadn’t thought of it as a big deal, it wasn’t as though anyone would have been interested, that was what she’d told Sinclair many, many times. But it had become apparent as her project with Sinclair became more popular within Arkadia that it was beginning to draw attention from other places, too, companies with too many initials and ‘corps’ in their names for Raven to even try to remember their names.

She’d received the call from her professor that morning as she was dropping Abby off at work, Sinclair’s voice had practically squealed with delight down her phone. They had only scheduled to go over flight trajectory and flight simulators, however, their plans had been inadvertently changed when he had received an email for NASA HQ in DC. Raven hadn’t been able to make out any coherent words as Sinclair gushed about some sort of panel and convention for people around the country. She’d managed to put two and two together, however, she’d nearly died off when he’d informed her that it would be taking place a month from then.

Sinclair had gone home around six PM, he was tired and so was she, but now that she knew she’d gained herself a reputation, she didn’t want to stop until she at least had some sort of blue print plan for a simple structure she could work from. It was dark outside and the only light that had lit the room was emanating from her laptop as she flicked through blue prints of navy ships for some kind of idea. She’d started flicking through submarine prints when her phone rang, startling her with a jolt as the silence was broken.

She fumbled clumsily with her phone before answering it with an embarrassingly loud yawn. “Hi.” She mumbled sleepily without bothering to even check who was on the other end of the line.

“You okay, Rae?” It was Clarke, her voice was soft and calm, cheerful and it made Raven smile. The brunette dropped her pen with a sigh and rubbed at her face once again, she glanced between the notepad with her scrawled handwriting and the heap of scrap metal she had been fiddling with.

“Deadlines.” She supplied simply. “I might not be home for dinner.” Raven wasn’t surprised by how tired and empty her voice sounded.

“That’s okay.” She could hear the shrug, the rustle of clothes and hair falling against Clarke’s phone. “Octavia is at her fight class… thing.” Raven smirked at Clarke’s complete oblivious innocence. “At least then I’ve got the apartment to myself.” Clarke didn’t sound as cheerful as she was perhaps making herself out to be.

Raven frowned. “I’ll be back by eight at the latest, don’t go having sex on the couch.” She warned teasingly, she wouldn’t admit it but she’d noticed how the three of them, Octavia, Clarke and herself, had been spending less time with one another, relationships, school and work had been taking over their lives. “Maybe we can catch a movie or something?”

“That sounds awesome.” Raven could practically hear the grin in Clarke’s voice as she gushed about the new _Ghostbuster_ movie that she had been dying to see. They arranged to meet before Clarke had to go back to her painting or something arty she was devoted to. Raven tried to pay attention but most of the time all she could do was smile and nod. When the call ended, Raven couldn’t will herself to get back to work, her brain felt fried. She reclined back in her chair, her feet propped up on the table and she began to flick through her phone when a notification popped up alerting her to a new text message.

**Abby [today, 18:41 PM]**

Remember the other day when I was saying I needed a change? Yes, well that day needs to hurry up before I murder Marcus Kane.

Raven snorted out a laugh as she pictured Abby chasing the homeless looking man down the hallways of the hospital with a scalpel swinging through the air. The older woman should have been finished by five but whatever her and Kane had been working on, it was taking up all of Abby’s free time which definitely didn’t help Raven’s disdain towards the scruffy looking head of surgery. She was sure he was a nice enough guy, Abby wouldn’t be friends with him otherwise, they’d just gotten off on the wrong foot and the ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ had never really stuck with Raven.

**Raven [today, 18:42 PM]**                                                                                                                                

At least now you’re finished.

**Abby [18:45 PM** ]                                                                                                                                                    

I’m actually hiding in a cupboard.

**Abby [18:45 PM]**                                                                                                                                                   

I’m not getting out of here for another hour at least and I needed to hide from Marcus.

**Abby [18:46 PM]**                                                                                                                                                      

I’ve given up on the idea of freedom.

Rolling her eyes at the dramatic texts, Raven began to gather her things together neatly before she thought better of it and just slid everything straight into her backpack. She pressed the call button on her phone before she lodged it between her shoulder and ear. “Hey.” Abby whispered, answering the phone. Raven’s red tool box clanged against the work bench she had been sitting at.

“Hey, Babe. I’m going to grab some food and I’m gonna come find you, okay?” Raven stated, leaving no room for an argument as she shouldered open the door to the lab room she’d been nestled away in, the hallways were empty bar for the lone janitor who was vacuuming in front of the astronomy lecture room with his headphones blaring some music with a heavy bass.

“Raven-” Abby tried to interject with a soft and appreciative tone.

“You need to eat, I know you don’t like the cafeteria food and at least then you can get away from Marcus for a while without hiding in a cupboard.” Raven offered, she exited through one of the side buildings and walked over to the student parking lot, there was only a handful of cars, hers was the furthest away. It wasn’t raining today, though the air was freezing and thick. The people on the news kept warning everyone about a snow storm that never seemed to happen despite the static in the air.

Abby chuckled throatily down the line causing Raven’s face to split into a grin. Her heart shuddered and jumped and maybe, the thought had crossed her mind on more than one occasion that day, maybe she could get used to hearing that laugh on a day to day basis. “Only if its Chipotle.” Abby teased. “And you can tell me how your day has gone.”

Raven’s grin softened, she was sure her face had contorted into some sickly sweet expression that she often witnessed on Clarke or Lincoln’s faces. She shuddered at the thought but made no effort to hide it. “Sure thing, Ab.” She replied softly. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“I’ll meet you outside if Marcus hasn’t found me.” Abby chuckled and hung up the phone. Raven couldn’t stop smiling for the whole journey, she was sure the guy behind the counter in Chipotle thought she was either high, insane or had just experienced the best sex of her life. The latter made her face blush a burning red as she climbed back into her car, steaming hot food wrapped neatly in foil on the chair beside her. It hadn’t occurred to Raven that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning or that she was even hungry until the scent of chicken wafted towards her in the confined space. Raven would have put her foot down on the gas if it meant that she’d be able to see Abby and eat her food sooner, however, Abby’s concern for her driving the previous night echoed through her mind and had stuck. Sure, she knew her driving wasn’t the best, hell even Lexa was a better driver than she was and Lexa had already received four points on her license. She figured there wasn’t a better time than now to be a safer driver, especially considering her history. Car accidents always caused her to bristle nervously.

Raven pulled up at a junction across from the hospital and began to tap out a rhythm against the wheel, it was completely out of sync with the music playing softly in the background. As she drove closer to the hospital the beat grew faster until it came to a stop when she met Abby’s eyes through the windshield and an embarrassingly huge, shit eating grin, spread across her face. “Hey.” She waved from her seat in the car, she needed a moment to just appreciate how beautiful this woman was in her white lab coat and scrubs. “Have you been in surgery?” she asked as she climbed from her car, food in hand and followed Abby into the hospital.

Abby shook her head. “No, Marcus and I have been working with some patients on experimental skin grafts,” she waved her hand dismissively, apparently even Abby had begun to lose interest in her own work.

“Experimental?” Raven asked, her steps became slower and the distance shorter when her eyes began to travel around the inside of the building. She didn’t know how to explained the heat that pounded in her cheeks and the cold that shot down her spine.

“It’s not as exciting as it sounds.” Abby shrugged before she turned around when she realised that Raven wasn’t following her. “Hey, are you okay?” her face twisted in concern.

“I…” Everything about the hospital was familiar, the smells, the sounds, even the doctors and nurses running around with tablets and patients. Raven felt as though she was inside one of her dreams. “I haven’t been in a hospital since I got this.” she shifted her weight of her left leg and swung it slightly in mid-air. Abby seemed to understand the underlying issue and hurried back to Raven’s side. “I’m okay, honestly, it’s just…” she trailed off sounding completely unconvincing even to her own ears.

“Come on, we’ll go eat in my office.” Abby tangled her fingers with Raven’s, no thoughts given to those around them who may or may not have giving them a second glance at their unusual relationship. They bypassed the entrance to the canteen, bustling with doctor and patients.

“You have an office?” Raven stumbled when Abby tugged her along, not really concentrating on anything particular. It almost felt like her brain was trying to process everything at once, Abby’s hand holding her own, in front of crowds of people, her own panicked memories tumbling through her subconscious all at once and Abby’s voice. She couldn’t really figure out what she was saying, something about stress or traumatic stress. Her eyes scanned the bright lights that tracked the hallways and the lightly painted pastle walls.

“Compensation for not getting chief of surgery.” Abby explained. She opened the door for Raven to enter and gestured towards the sofa along the left wall. When the door clicked shut behind them Raven felt her mind catch up to her and she settled comfortably in the office. Abby moved knowingly over to the cold water machine in the corner and poured both herself and Raven a glass of water. “You sure you’re okay?” Abby asked when she settled down beside her and pulled the coffee table over to them to set out the food.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Raven shrugged and began to peel back the foil on her food. “Didn’t realise I was bothered by hospitals, don’t think I am, actually.” Raven thought aloud as she bit into her food.

“Small things can trigger bad memories.” Abby supplied. Raven nodded in agreement and they settled into a comfortable silence. Sure she’d had dreams before, just like the one that first night with Abby, she’d woken up sweating and crying.

“So why were you hiding from Kane?” Raven mused around a mouthful of food.

With a roll of her eyes, Abby slumped into the back of the couch and groaned. “He’s been a bit intense since he got chief of surgery and now he’s obsessing over the skin grafts, loading his patients on to me as well as getting me to help with his research.” She sighed tiredly as though even discussing Marcus was wearing her out. “I needed some peace and quiet for a while.” Abby shrugged and took another bite of her food.

“He sounds like an ass to me.” Raven mumbled and put her feet up on the coffee table. Abby followed the movement with her eyes before deciding to place her legs across Raven’s. They settled comfortably against one another. Abby chuckled at Raven’s words and smacked her arm playfully.

“It’s not his fault, he’s just invested in his research.”

“Doesn’t mean he has to be a slave driver.” Raven finished up her food and crumpled the foil in her hands. “I’m sure you can be arrested for that…”

“Raven.” Abby smiled. “He’s a good guy, he just lets himself get too invested in things and they take control.” She explained once she finished her own food, she hadn’t shovelled it down as Raven had. Their hands came together once again of their own accord.

“I thought he had a thing for you? Surely he should have more consideration towards you.” Raven observed.

Abby shrugged and closed her eyes, her head settled on Raven’s shoulder. “How was your day?” Raven agreed with the change in subject, talk of the man was rattling her uncomfortably.

A sudden bubble of glee replaced the sickly feeling that had formed when she had stepped within the hospital walls and she felt the giddy excitement that was there when she’d met Abby’s eyes across the carpark. “Actually,” Raven shifted to get more comfortable but held Abby closer to her body. “It’s been quite exciting.”

“Oh?” Abby’s interest peaked. “How so?”

“Well, Sinclair has been bragging about the project we’ve been working on,” Raven started. “The space station one?” She checked to make sure the older woman remembered their conversation from the previous night. When Abby nodded in confirmation Raven carried on. “He received an email, inviting us to a convention in DC at NASA’s HQ to present the ARK.”

“ _What_? That’s amazing, Raven!” Abby bolted into an upright position and beamed across at Raven. It caused her heart to stutter, the sight of Abby’s happiness felt awfully like the happiness she’d seen between Clarke and Lexa. It was thrilling and chilling at the same time.

“It is, isn’t it?” Raven ducked her head shyly. “The thing is, we’re no way near ready to present our plans because we don’t have any.” Raven laughed dryly. “I mean, we have a general idea, but how we’re going to get it to work we have no idea.”

Abby stroked her thumb across the back of Raven’s hand gently. “When is the convention?” Abby asked.

“Next month.”

“Oh.” Abby cringed.

“I know…”

“Abby!” Both women jolted with a start as the door to Abby’s office swung open and slammed against the wall. “Oh, shi-, sorry-” Marcus Kane fumbled with the stack of files in his hands, glancing between the two women who were still tangled together on the couch. “I didn’t know you had company.”

“You’re supposed to knock.” Raven sat up straight on the couch but didn’t let go of Abby’s hand that was still clasping hers comfortably.

“What’s up, Marcus?” Abby asked. She stood and began to gather the rubbish from their food into the bag before she dropped it into the trash can beside her desk.

“I erm,” Kane tried to form some kind of coherent sentence but his eyes kept snapping down to their joined hands. Raven dropped Abby’s but took a reassuring step closer to the woman. “I just needed you to come and check something, but if you’re busy…”

“Yes, I am actually.” Abby stated simply and shortly, a tone Raven had never heard from the older woman before caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. “I’ll be there in a second.”

Raven spoke up. “I can go, or I’ll wait for you and give you a ride home?” she offered gently. “I’m not meeting Clarke until around eight.”

“Cece is picking me up for girl’s night.” Abby shook her head and took Raven’s hands. “We should do this more often, how does lunch tomorrow sound?” She grinned at the thought and Raven couldn’t help but reciprocate the expression.

“That sounds awesome, gives me a reason to remember to eat and not get too caught up in my work.” She directed the last part towards Kane who was still stood in the doorway awkwardly watching the two women. She gave him a pointed glare, as much as she didn’t mind people seeing her with Abby, she really wanted to kiss her and figured if they were being casual, public displays of affection would probably contradict that.

Marcus sputtered out another apology and left Abby’s office with a beat red face. Abby laughed, her head tilted back in amusement before she kissed Raven goodnight. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She figured it was better that she left now rather than later, she didn’t want to be in Abby’s way while she worked and she’d planned on making a quick detour on the way to the movie theatre, too.

“Night, babe.” Raven kissed Abby once more before she picked up her keys and phone and left to go meet Clarke for their movie night. However, before she could reach the door, Abby called after her.

“Raven?” the girl in question spun on her heels. “You have oil on your face.” Abby’s laughter was enough to distract Raven from her words before they registered in her brain and her face turned just as red as Kane’s had.

\----

Raven had already finished eating her large popcorn before Octavia had joined Clarke and her. The empty box sat on the vacant chair beside her, the movie theatre was slowly beginning to fill though the lights were still on and the screen was blank. Clarke had been adamant on getting there early to ‘make a point to misogynistic women haters’. Raven was there for the awesome film and the food, if she so happened to make a political statement while doing so then even better.

“You do know you have paint, like, everywhere?” Raven asked Clarke when she finished slurping at her soda.

“You do realise you smell like a garage and have oil, like, everywhere?” She retorted light heartedly.  

Raven rolled her eyes. “At least I was being productive; you were just making a colourful mess.”

“That colourful mess, I’ll have you know, will get me to Paris.” Clarke accentuated her statement by popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth.

“Ugh.” Raven groaned. “I don’t know how you can eat that stuff.” She slumped back into her chair and hoisted her legs up to rest on the back of the chair in front.

Clarke frowned down at the popcorn in her lap and then over to the empty box beside Raven. “What are… what?” she stuttered, baffled. “You’ve just eaten an entire box of the same stuff!” Her voice grew in pitch and she became flustered more and more with Raven’s blank expression.

“Nuh uh.” Raven shook her head. “Mine wasn’t dripping in sugar and sweet… stuff.” She pulled an almost disgusted expression and gestured towards the glistening popcorn.

“Just because you like yours salty like your soul.” Raven couldn’t help the smirk that formed on her lips at Clarke’s word. The blonde settled smugly and popped another piece of corn into her mouth.

“Touché.” Raven had missed the comfortable banter between them both. It seemed like lately they hadn’t had enough time together as just the two of them, best friends, how they’d been before relationships and school and work got in the way of things. Before she started seeing Clarke’s mom. That thought caused a wave of guilt to ripple through her stomach, it was almost sickening and stronger than she had ever felt it before. She didn’t know why it felt so bad now, sure she’d felt guilty about going behind Clarke’s back before, but she had never felt the need to throw up because of it. She closed her eyes and rubbed it her forehead. Octavia’s words rippled through her mind, “ _go for it if you see something coming out of it but if not then get yourself the hell away before people get hurt.”_ Recent events had definitely led to Raven picturing some sort of future with Abby, one where they were happy with a house and maybe even a dog, Clarke and Lexa coming to visit them in the summer because she’s happiest in the summer and can lock people outside without having to worry about them catching their deaths. Yeah, she could see a future with Abby, however, whether or not Abby herself shared those same thoughts was something else entirely. After all, they had agreed to keep things casual and work things out as they went, she didn’t know for sure if this counted as jumping ahead or actually working things out, though she knew that a discussion with the older woman would be in order if nothing else arose or changed.

Whether not things did work out, however, between Abby and herself, Clarke would have to be informed of their actions and Raven was one hundred percent sure that that would not go down well.

“Sorry I’m late.” Octavia sat herself down beside Raven and snapped her out of her thoughts. She was sure a conversation with her other best friend would be able to shed some light on the situation. “Here, I knew you’d have already finished.” Octavia, as thoughtful as she always was, handed Raven a second box of popcorn, salted, and grinned.

“Thanks, O.” Raven didn’t look up at her best friend as she shovelled a handful into her mouth.

“See, this is why you always finish before the film!” Clarke spoke up as she gratefully took the chocolate bar from Octavia.

“What?” Raven glanced between her two best friends, crumbs scattered across her hoodie and cheeks. “I’m going to start calling you the candy man, the murdering, not the child catching kind.”

“Oh jeez, thanks.” Octavia grimaced as she dug into her own popcorn. “When’s this film going to start?” she leaned forward to ask Clarke who jumped into an immediate tirade about _Ghostbusters_ and Kate Mckinnon. Raven tried to input but most of the time her mouth was full and she got annoyed with her food falling out into her lap when she spoke.

Five minutes passed with Raven shoving her face with food and Octavia and Clarke being very gay over the film when Wick, Lexa and Lincoln trudged down the aisle and everyone started to move around to sit beside their partners. Raven refused to move, of course, she was under the impression that this was going to be a girl’s movie date not a girl’s movie date plus their respected partners. She stated as much but her grumbled comment only earned her a brotherly shove off Wick who dropped himself into the now spare seat beside her. “What’s up, little bird?” He asked cheerfully.

“Nothing much-”

“You’ve had sex today.” He cut her off with an alarmingly excitable grin. “And last night.”

“Wha- what?” She gapped, her eyes bugged out of her skull.

“I can smell it.” He smirked and nudged her shoulder playfully.

“Dude, that’s… that’s really weird.” She tried to deadpan but her voice came out high pitched and stuttered.

“Really, Raven?” Clarke leaned forwards past Lexa to glare at her. “We were supposed to be celebrating my happy life last night but you went and _hooked up_ with your lady friend?” She asked, though she expected no response. “When are we going to meet her?”

“You’re not.” Raven snapped a little too quickly for it not to draw the attention of everyone else. “I mean…” she stumbled over her words. “Not yet.”

“Honestly, Raven. We’re not that bad.” Clarke muttered, offended by Raven’s defensive outburst. “Can we at least have a name, see a picture?”

“I need to use the bathroom.” Raven suddenly stood as the intensity of Clarke’s eyes grew stronger. She gulped and began to shuffle past her friends. She clumsily stumbled over bags and coats, her brace restricted her movement to manoeuvre. “I’ll be right back.”

Raven made it to the bathroom and made quick work of splashing water onto her face. She wiped away the last remnants of oil that coated her skin and heaved in a deep breath.  This was ridiculous, she didn’t know how she was going to cope much longer, with one person dropping her into shit each time some else – i.e. Clarke – would pick up and immediately want answers. She needed a break and this trip to DC was her only answer.

That or she fled the country. 

“You okay?” Raven jumped at the voice that sounded from behind her. She glanced up into the mirror to see a slightly nervous but amused looking Lexa.

“Hey, Lex.” Raven dried her face on her hands and turned to face the taller woman. “I’m good, sorry about that.” She gestured with her thumb over her shoulder, out of anyone she was sure Lexa would be the most understanding.

She shrugged and sidled up onto the sink beside the mechanic, she sat down on the edge, her feet still firmly on the ground. “Clarke seems to be oblivious but I know Octavia and Wick know, Lincoln as well probably.” If Raven was honest, she had no clue what Lexa was talking about. After all, her little freak out had been there for all to see, even the couple in the row in front of them had observed her with a worried glance before they turned back to the dark screen. “She probably wouldn’t hate you if you just told her how you felt, y’know?” Lexa suggested gently.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Raven asked, her fingers picked nervously at the ring on her thumb.

“You seeing Abby.” Lexa shrugged as though it were obvious and would not in any way shape or form alter the fabric of their very existence if Clarke were to find out. “I mean I know you’ve both been trying to be subtle.” She continued, blissfully unaware of Raven’s paling face. “But the way you two were in the bar the other night, and the way you’ve both been apart,” she shook her head in amused disbelief. “The other day, Clarke and I went to Abby’s for lunch, she still scares the hell out of me, she spent the whole time checking her phone and I’ve noticed that a lot with you too.” She explained. “You guys aren’t very good at hiding it, you’re lucky Clarke isn’t very observant.”

All Raven could do was gawk in incredulity. She wanted to be scared or angry, some sort of emotion that she could clearly pin point, however, her mind was screaming at her to run, to escape this unknown territory and just curl up until it passed. It was as if she were walking through the halls of the hospital all over again.

“Raven?” Lexa detected Raven’s shift from completely horrifying panic to something akin to post traumatic stress. “I won’t tell her, I more than anyone know what you’re feeling, the Griffin women are something completely different to the female race.”

Lexa’s words somehow managed to ease the tension in Raven’s bones and the shorter brunette slouched against the mirrors. “I don’t know what to say.” She floundered for words but came up empty.

“Can I ask you something?” Raven nodded with a blank expression. “The age thing, I know you’re older than Clarke, but not by much. Does it not bother you?”

While Lexa’s words had been in no way judgemental, only genuine curiosity, Raven could not help the way she bristled at the question. “I’m twenty-two, not eighteen.” She snapped, she hadn’t meant to, she got defensive when she didn’t know how to answer something.

“I know.” Lexa held her hands up. “And Abby is forty-three.” She stated.

The age gap was big, she knew that. When Raven was born Abby would have been in her early twenties, the age she was now and sure that was scary as hell but that didn’t mean she cared for the woman any less. She didn’t feel uncomfortable, dirty, or pressured by what they were, however she chose not to label their relationship. She liked Abby, she liked her a lot so some gap in their ages was not going to deter her from pursuing her feelings. “I like Abby.” Raven conceded with finality. “People can think and say what they like, they can give us the funny looks, hell I’ll beat the crap out of them with my brace if anyone ever gives her stick for us, but nothing is going to change the way I feel about her.” Her own words surprised her, they were pure and true and her brain had finally caught up to her heart.

“So what is actually going on with you guys, are you just screwing or is it serious?” Lexa bypassed any other comment regarding their ages, apparently her explanation had been good enough for Clarke’s fiancé. “Should I be dropping hints to Clarke?”

“No!” Raven’s body reacted the same way to a fly being shocked by a bug zapper. “Please don’t tell her. We’re just starting off, it’s new and if I’m being honest I don’t think either of us have quite figured out where we are at yet.”

“I can’t speak for Abby, but it sounds as though you’re pretty sure where you want things to go.” Lexa shrugged simply and stood. “Come on, the films about to start.”

Raven followed in blissful silence as her words swam around her own head.

She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Abigail Griffin and she wasn’t even scared.

\----

**Abby [today, 07:13 AM]**                                                                                                                                

You’re such a dork, thank you. X

A picture message was sent through a second later, Abby stood in front of the mirror in her room, beaming like an idiot holding up two theatre tickets. Her hair was piled messily atop of her head, glasses perched on the end of her nose and Raven’s t-shirt hung loosely off one of her shoulders.

When Raven finally woke up to her alarm, she couldn’t help the giddy rush that pulsed through her body.

**Raven [today, 08:00 AM]**                                                                                                                                    

Idk how you can wake up so early. You’re welcome babe. X

**Raven [08:01 AM]**                                                                                                                                                

They’re for you and Clarke btw

Raven began to slowly get ready for school, her mind already jumping to the ARK project and all of the work she would have to prepare for DC. She’d filled Wick in and he’d been more than happy to help out with a few of the engineering and mechanical aspects of the project.

**Abby [08:05 AM]**                                                                                                                                               

Some of us are slaves to our leaders.

**Raven [08:05 AM]**                                                                                                                                                             

I’ll be there to free you at lunch, just shoot me a text when you’re ready.

**Abby [08:10 AM]**                                                                                                                                                      

I can’t wait, see you soon. xx

**Raven [08:11 AM]**                                                                                                                                                              

x


	9. Send My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to post this yesterday but I completely forgot about it, sorry it's late!   
> Hope you guys all enjoy.

 

“Is that weird…?” Raven asked unsurely from her space squashed between Clarke and Octavia on the couch. She peeled at the label on her beer bottle with one hand while the other sketched out the beginnings of the blue prints onto an A2 sheet of paper that spread across both Octavia and Clarke’s legs.

Clarke handed Raven an eraser when the mechanic cursed under her breath. “What? That my mom’s new girlfriend bought the two of us theatre tickets?” The bitterness in her words weren’t spat out with a bite of anger or annoyance but clothed behind an almost offended but affectionate expression. “Is she trying to win me over or something?”

“Maybe she was just trying to be nice…” Raven offered with a shrug, she could feel Octavia’s shoulders jiggling beside her with silent laughter. “Anyway, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Clarke was already dressed up, a pale blue flowing dress that hung comfortable around her thighs and a soft white cardigan that made Raven want to reach out and just hold it in her palms. “I am wearing my favourite outfit.” She conceded with feigned obligation.

“And I did just do your hair.” Octavia supplied helpfully. Clarke’s hair was braided down her left shoulder.

“I inputted helpful and reassuring comments.” Raven’s face was pressed closely to the blue sheet of paper as she wrote down a few measurements to check with Sinclair later.

“You did…” Clarke nodded and finally stood. “Okay, well I guess it would be rude to turn it down since she spent the money.”

“Exactly.” Octavia grinned up at Clarke before walking her towards the door. “Have fun, enjoy yourself.”

“I will!” the blonde called over her shoulder, the excitement in her tone was new, well it was new to Octavia and Raven and the two shot each other a knowing grin. Raven’s heart welled with a proud warmth and she dropped her head back against the sofa with a hum.

“You’re so proud of yourself.” Octavia pulled out two fresh beers from the fridge and handed one to her friend. “What were you thinking?”

“Abby and me were talking.” Raven shrugged as though that were good enough explanation as any. “I just wanted to do something nice for them both, Clarke’s been good to me, she puts up with stuff and without her I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go this Christmas and I guess…” Raven paused. “Abby makes me happy and I just wanted to do something for them both.”

“I put up with you all the time! Take me to the aquarium.” Octavia huffed.

“I took you _last week_!”

“Take me again.”

\----

Raven had never liked February; it had tended to be the month when her friends left to do their own things with their partners and Raven would throw herself into her school work and extra hours at the garage with Wick. When the fourteenth came round, despite Raven’s incline to mope around and be depressed and lonely, she couldn’t help the unusual bubble of excitement even though she hadn’t made any plans.

Finn and her had never celebrated valentine’s day, they hadn’t put much effort into showing one another affection, the thought had been brushed off with a passive shrug. They did other things like played video games and watched films and TV. It was all fine for a while, Raven assumed that they were okay, evidently she’d been wrong.

However, her situation now with Abby felt vastly contrasted to her relationship with Finn. She was excited, butterflies in her stomach, burning heat from her heart kind of excitement. It was there when she woke up to a text from Abby in the morning, a voice mail or a picture message, when they met up for lunch or skyped while Abby made herself a healthy dinner while Raven picked at the left over pizza or Chinese food from the night before.

Even though they hadn’t actually made plans for that evening, they were trying to keep it casual after all – in Raven’s opinion they were failing miserably, there had been far too many sleepovers and days spent just the two of them for it to be even considered _dating_ , never mind causal – she was happy.

Happy that Abby was, in some way, a part of her life.

Raven slid the metal door of the garage open, it grated along its tracks with a grinding screech which never failed to set Raven’s teeth on edge. She lugged in her tool box and laptop bag behind her and dumped them both on her work bench. The office lights were on which either meant that Wick or his dad was in working on the finances and catching up on filing. “Hey, kid.” Wick emerged from the office a second later just as Raven was about to fit a new brake fluid reservoir.

She glanced up over the tops of her glasses and rose an eyebrow in greeting. “What’s up?” she asked, arm already deep into the body of the car.

“I didn’t think you were coming in this week?” Wick leaned casually against the work bench and crossed his arms over his chest.

Raven grunted, she unhooked the reservoir from its pipes and yanked it from the car. She inspected the crack in the side of the plastic container before she threw it onto the workbench after coming to the conclusion it would be easier to replace than to patch up. “Why’d you think that?” She muttered without lifting her head from underneath the car’s bonnet.

“Well you’ve got the DC convention this weekend, dad and me just figured you would be sorting that.” He shrugged. His childish behaviour began to show as he flipped the lid of her tool box and picked out two different sized wrenches. A moment later he began to drum them against every flat surface he could reach. “Human operations and explorations above low earth orbit.” He bobbed his shoulders in time with the rhythm he was creating. “Kind of catchy right, why didn’t you name your station after that instead of your school?” He asked with genuine curiosity. Raven continued to work, while Wick danced around her work station. “Or were you going for the religious reference?”

“We weren’t going to call it the ‘Human operations and explorations above low earth orbit - Station.’” She deadpanned with a monotone voice. Her eyes scanned over the nearby pipes and wires to make sure there was no extra damage.

“I don’t mean that.” Wick countered as though she were an idiot. “I meant, like, the letters, the initials and stuff?”

“Do you mean an acronym?” Raven finally lifted her head from out of the car and headed over to the metal shelving unit that contained spare parts from all kinds of machinery.

Wick stared at her blankly. “I don’t know what one of those are but yes.” He nodded unsurely.

“H.O.A.E.A.L.E.O.S. doesn’t sound as catchy as the ARK does it?” Raven found a spare brake fluid reservoir and made quick work of fitting it into the car.

For the following five minutes, Wick attempted to pronounce the acronym, despite failing each time he proceeded to try. “You’re right.” Wick frowned.

“Yeah, no shit.” Raven rubbed her hands on her shirt and slammed the hood down, black, greasy stains coated her once white baseball tee. “So we stuck with ARK because it fit.”

Wick seemed to mull her decision over inside his head for a moment before he nodded in understanding. He walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out two beers. “Did you walk here?”

“Yeah, wasn’t raining so I figured I’d get some exercise.” Raven shrugged.

“Here.” He handed her one of the beers which she took gratefully and popped the cap on one of the ridges on her brace. “So, can I see how it’s going?” Wick gestured to the laptop bag that had been slung onto the work bench behind him.

“Have at it.” She waved and gulped down the liquid in the cold bottle. She emptied it in four gulps and threw the glass bottle into the trash can beside the bench. Wick pulled the laptop out of the bag and promptly opened the familiar file he’d been checking for the past couple of weeks since he’d heard the news of Raven and Sinclair’s achievement. “Everything’s pretty much sorted-”

“Are you sure you want the Russian’s helping with this?” Wick cut her off.

Raven scowled at the man. “The ARK station isn’t just for the U.S, y’know.” She stated simply. “Anyway, the more countries involved, the more funding we can get.” She explained.

“How is it actually going to be built?” Wick scratched his goatee thoughtfully, Raven was thankful it wasn’t his ass like the slob he was. “It’s pretty damn big, seven hundred tonnes – at least.” His eyes scanned the screen. “Oh wait, twelve stations. So they’ll be built separately and join together in orbit?”

“That’s the plan, technically it’s just the same as the ISS but on a massive scale and would allow humans to inhabit it permanently.” She explained excitedly. “Hopefully.”

“Hang on…” Wick’s voice was laced with concern and caused Raven’s head to whip around with worry. “What about the fuel and oxygen lines? You can’t have them crossing like this.” He waved his hand at the screen.

Raven groaned and rubbed at her face. “I know; we’ve been working on how to fix it but when we move it or try to adapt it on the simulators, it just results in explosions or an extra couple of billion dollars that wouldn’t be funded.” She shrugged as though she’d given up. “Sinclair was looking into a less susceptible pipe coating that would allow the two to run alongside one another without chances of leaking or wearing.” Raven climbed up onto the work bench and pulled the laptop into her lap. “We can’t move them because it would cost more for an extra mile worth of piping.” She pulled up an image of blue prints for the pipelines and the electrical lines. “I’m trying to work on a fuel based on the agricultural station, things we can grow and won’t have to ship up from the ground.”

“I see,” he nodded in understanding. “So technically you’re building a new world up in space.”

“Kind of, yeah.” She said.

“That sounds awesome.” The voice that sounded from behind Raven did not belong to Wick. In fact, it didn’t belong to anyone she had spoken to in a long time.

Recently, Raven had been experiencing butterflies a lot more than she had ever felt in her whole life. She loved the feeling, it was exciting and it made her wake up on the morning with a smile on her face, however, that could have been because most of the time now she would wake up with Abby in her arms, but either way, she would always have butterflies.

The butterflies she felt now, though, felt more like gravel in a cement mixer, they were painful and made her want to buckle in pain.

Raven glanced up to scrutinize Wick’s face, she wanted to make sure it wasn’t just her who had heard the voice, she didn’t want to be crazy but she’d much prefer to be mad than to accept the truth. Wick’s face was contorted in something akin to fury and horror all in one and Raven knew she wasn’t mad. The blood ran from her face and for a moment she thought she was going to buckle and throw up.

She couldn’t have been sure how long it had taken her to turn on the spot, everything seemed to be spinning too fast and too slow at the same time, she had to use the car to steady herself to face the man standing in the doorway. “What the _hell_ are you doing here, Finn?” Raven spat with so much venom she could taste it on her tongue.

His smile was happy, delighted, even. Had he even heard the hatred in her voice? Had he been conscious of the last year and a half, had he forgotten about the fact that he’d cheated on her and then walked out on her?

Had he forgotten that he’d broken her heart and destroyed her from the inside out?

“I was just passing through, I wanted to say hi and see how you were doing?” Finn’s voice was soft and caring and suddenly her heart stuttered in that way he had managed to cause when they had been together.

“How I was doing?” Raven’s body contorted with fury as burning anger raged through her veins. “How. I. Was. Doing.” She punctuated each worth with a step as she came close enough to shove him back out the door. “Screw you, you complete dick head.”

“Whoah…” Finn glanced between Wick and Raven frantically, apparently completely oblivious to the damage he had caused just by showing up. “Wait, let me say something, please.”

“No.” Raven snapped before she slammed the door harshly in his face.

“I’m still in love with you.” She heard him call, his voice was muffled by the metal door between them and the sound of the traffic flying by on the main road. Raven felt cold freeze her insides at his words. She dropped her forehead against the door in defeat. Her heart ached painfully in her chest, a lead weight sinking lower and lower until the pain was almost unbearable.

“Screw you.” Raven repeated over and over dejectedly. “Just leave.” She sighed, she sounded broken, the same way she’d sounded the day he’d left. “Just leave.” Her voice was pleading and desperate. It shook with the tears still brimming behind her eyelids, stinging and burning.  

“Raven,” He was closer to the door, “Please just hear me out.”

“I couldn’t give two shits, Finn, about what you have to say. Now leave, or I’m sending Wick out to beat the shit out of you.” She shouted, her voice had lost all tones of anger now, replaced by the shuddering of her voice. “The only reason I’m not doing it myself is because I’ll break my brace and I’ve got more important things to worry about.” She glanced over her shoulder to find that Wick had retreated to his office, apparently figuring that Raven was better off on her own for the time being.

“Like your new project you’re working on?” Finn’s voice kept that familiar tone, soft and loving. It made Raven’s heart hurt. It hurt too much and she wanted to curl up and die.

“What would you know of that?” Swinging the door open to glare at him, Finn stumbled back in surprise.

“Just what I heard now.” He offered, his hands were raised in defence and he cautiously moved towards Raven.

“Hmm.” She continued to glare at him and began to retreat from his advances further into the garage. The bitter expression on her face – in her opinion – was completely valid, or so she had thought. Finn looked all too pleased to see her, delighted even, as though the last couple of years hadn’t happened. She hated him for that, for being able to smile at her and making it look so easy.

“Please can we just talk?” Raven didn’t reply. “Five minutes?”

“What do you want to talk about?” the mechanic knew her ex-boyfriend well enough to know that he wasn’t about to leave without getting what he wanted. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t make him stew in her anger for a good while.

“Can we go somewhere else?” Finn asked almost shyly. Raven wanted to punch him.

Really hard.

In the face.

“No.” she deadpanned. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it here.” Here, the garage was safe, there was no closed off spaces where he could corner her.

Finn deflated visibly and slouched against the wall, his eyes dragged up and down her body, giving her a once over. “Can we go back to your place; I’d rather talk to you without feeling like I’m going to be beaten up by your body guard.” He gestured with a tilt of his chin towards the office where Wick was glaring at him through the window.

Raven glowered up at Finn. “You don’t think I could beat you up?”

“Oh I don’t doubt it. You just wouldn’t.” he shrugged simply causing Raven to bristle irritably.

“It’s Octavia’s day off.” Raven stated, she picked up her tool box and laptop before she trudged passed Finn, her shoulder slammed against his causing him to grunt in mild pain before he followed. “You have five minutes, but I feel like I need to say something before you start talking with that big fuck off cheating mouth of yours.”

“Go for it.” He smirked. Raven couldn’t decide whether or not he was being totally oblivious to her words on purpose.

“I’m seeing someone.”

His smirk dropped.

Raven grinned internally.

Finn sputtered over his words for a moment, Raven proceeded to walk down the road in the direction of her apartment. When his mind finally registered her words, he caught up to her. “Is it serious?”

“Oh, what? Because if it isn’t you’ll try anything to get me back?” Raven snapped irritably. “Is that it?”

“I…” Finn shoved his hands deep into his pockets and joined his ex-girlfriend at her side. “If it’s serious I’ll leave.” He gestured over his shoulder to the direction Raven had assumed he’d come from.

She had half a mind just to tell him it was serious, that Abby and her were exclusive but she wasn’t a liar, he was, she wouldn’t stoop to his level regardless of how desperately she wanted him to leave. “It’s not serious,” she started but held up her hand to silence Finn when he began to grin. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it to be, it’s new but I can see a future.”

“Who is he?” Finn asked with an offended grimace on his face.

His words caused a hostile laugh to crackle its way through her reserve, her face contorted in anger. “ _She_ is none of your business.”

Raven maybe would have laughed in his face as his curious expression turned cold and pale but the anger she still felt towards him was scorching every positive thought that crossed her mind. “She? What are you a lesbian now or something?” Raven rounded on him so fast, her brace creaked under the pressure, Finn stumbled back I alarm. “I didn’t mean it like that, I… I was just shocked.”

“You’re an ass.” She pulled in a shuddering breath to calm the pulsing vein on her forehead and unclenched her fists. “Just say what you want to say so I can go back to my life.” She stormed her way up the stairs and respectfully, or not, Finn stayed a few steps behind her allowing her to brood and have a moment to herself to breathe. He’d been good at that while they’d been together, letting her have an advantage while she stormed out of the room, he’d give her a few seconds to walk ahead because of her brace. Maybe that was a good thing or a bad thing, she didn’t really care anymore because he wasn’t going to be staying in her life after today.

“Hey, Rae, Whaaa…. What the fuck is this?” Octavia stumbled from the bar stool with wide and enraged eyes. She strode briskly over to Raven’s side and immediately pulled up the defences.

“He wants to talk.” Raven explained, her back to both Octavia and Finn as she dumped her bags down on the breakfast bar with a tired huff.

“Talk?” Octavia blurted incredulously. “Are you serious? After what he did to you?”

Raven shrugged passively before she moved over to the fridge and pulled out two beers, she popped the caps on her brace. Finn reached out thankfully for the drink but snapped his hand back in embarrassment when Octavia took it. “He insisted, five minutes.”

“Five minutes.” Finn confirmed, his eyes snapped between the two women in front of him in alarm. Raven couldn’t help but compare him to a dear in headlights.

Octavia glowered at him sceptically, “I’ll be in my bedroom if you need me.” She strode off towards the doorway but not before she shot Finn a threatening scowl.

Raven, without paying any attention to Finn, sat herself down at the breakfast bar. Her mind was reeling but as she gave her ex-boyfriend a once over, it was enough for her to realise that he was still a massive ass. He sat himself down opposite her and ran his fingers through his still long and shaggy hair. The smile on his face was the same as the one he’d warn the day he left and the bubble of hatred that rose within her set her on edge once again. She had no remaining romantic feelings for this man in front of her, feelings yes, but they were in no way positive ones.

“Talk.” She snapped when the silence between them became too much.

Finn seemed to gape for a moment, apparently he hadn’t thought he’d get himself this far. “I erm…” He rubbed at the back of his neck then removed his jacket, he fiddled with the strap on his watch for another five seconds before he crossed his arms over his chest. Raven rolled her eyes in annoyance but couldn’t help but follow the movement of his arms flexing. “I fucked up that day, Raven.”

“I honestly can’t remember.” Raven lied as she chugged down her beer. “I haven’t wasted my time dwelling on the past.” That was only a half lie, she did her damn hardest not to think of Finn, most of the time she could do, however she couldn’t control her subconscious which often led to nightmares about their relationship.

“You don’t need to act all proud around me, Rae.” He whispered softly and reached out to take her hand. She snapped it back with a glare.

“Don’t touch me.” She shot him a warning glare and reclined on her stool. She craved some sort of distance between them, it was becoming too hot and she couldn’t breathe.

“Raven, I’m sorry.” His eyes shimmered with unshed tears, Raven wasn’t sure if punching him would be an appropriate response or not. “I didn’t mean to leave you; it was a mistake.”

“Oh yeah,” She nodded in mock understanding. “Just like you didn’t mean to shove your dick in that girl and it was a mistake that you told me?” Raven’s face twisted into an expression of mock appreciation.

“I’m still in love with you, I always have been.” When Raven didn’t make a move to say anything in response he continued. “I should never have left you because you’re the only one who has ever understood me, we’ve always been in each other’s lives, after your mom, after my mom and dad broke up. It’s always been you and me and I was an idiot to ever give that up.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry to say that I haven’t quite gotten round to inventing that time machine so we won’t be travelling back to _fix the massive fuck up_ you did.” She shrugged and finished her beer. “I’m not going to take you back, Finn. I’m sure you’ve got your life together and you’re all emotionally stable, but _you_ fucked us up, _you_ left, you cheated, _you_ walked out on me when _you_ promised _you_ wouldn’t and _you_ broke my heart.” She punctuated each point with a jab of the empty bottle into Finn’s chest. “I don’t give second chances, you know that.”

“Please, Rae.” A tear tracked down his cheek painfully slowly. “I need you.”

“No, you don’t get to come back here and ask for everything that you decided to leave. That’s not fair.” Her voice was beginning to rise and the frustration was evident in her voice. He was dragging her by her ankles through a shit storm of emotions with their razor edges that cut deeper than she cared to admit. “I’m happy, I’m seeing someone-”

“It’s not serious, though.” He cut in almost angrily, desperately.

“I’m _happy_ with her, Finn, and I am not going to let you come back here and just take me back to square one after I’ve tried so damn hard to get to where I am now.” Her voice cracked and she had to choke down a sob before she could let Finn see her emotions. “I don’t want you in my life anymore.” She slammed her hands down on the counter hard enough to make her bones hurt, the front door opened and Finn’s head whipped around in alarm.

“Rae, you okay? O just texted…” Clarke trailed off when she looked up from where she’d dropped her bag on the floor, Lexa stood protectively behind her. “He’s here.” The grave tone to her voice was enough to turn anyone’s blood cold. At the familiar tone both Lexa and Raven stepped in the blonde’s firing line cautiously.

“He was just leaving.” Raven stated simply, she left no room for negotiation as she lifted his jacket from the counter top. Something slipped from the pocket and bounced against the hard wood floor with a metallic ting.

Everyone’s eyes dropped down to follow the gold band roll and land in front of Raven’s feet. It spun on the spot before settling into a thick silence.

“Is everything okay?” Octavia emerged from her room but came to a sudden halt when she followed everyone’s eyes. “You’re _married_?” She was able to voice the words that everyone was choking on.

“Oh for fucks sake.” Raven picked the band up and threw it forcefully at the blushing man in front of her. At least he had the decency to look mildly embarrassed. “You’re unbelievable.” She sighed, her voice was alarmingly calm. “Just leave.” She rubbed her face and rolled her sleeves up.

“Raven, I-”

“She said leave.” Lexa stepped forward and invaded his personal space to the point of being physically victimised. Octavia and Raven both gawped up at the taller woman while Clarke grinned proudly. “Now.” She ordered. Finn fumbled with his jacket before he scampered from the apartment with his tail between his legs.

“I need to get some air.” Raven mumbled, she grabbed her keys and phone. This man, who she’d once been so in love with, so madly invested in him in every way possibly had broken her heart not only once but now twice. Only this time she knew for sure she would never be in love with him, he’d tried to gain her trust for the sake of escaping the commitments of marriage life. It was funny really, how old habits seemed to shine through. It hadn’t mattered, nor would it ever, how much time passed because in the end he would be a cheating ass who played the women in his life.

“You’ve had a drink, Raven, let me drive you.” Octavia called. Raven waved her hand half-heartedly. She only had one thing, one person on her mind, and she’d do anything to see her.

“You’ve had a drink, too. I’ll just get a cab or something.” She replied and slammed the door closed behind her.

\----

It had only just turned five thirty, Abby likely wouldn’t be arriving for another hour but the weather wasn’t too bad, sure it was raining and snowing and it was cold as hell but she didn’t mind. She slumped down onto the porch in dejection with the bag of groceries in her lap almost uncaring towards the state of the weather. Raven had dived in the first cab she’d spotted, the fare had been a fortune and she really couldn’t afford it, but the distance from the city was a literal and metaphorical breath of fresh air. She’d been dropped off at the local supermarket and had picked up a few things before she’d walked the remaining distance towards Abby’s house.

She clenched her eyes shut and tried to get her head around what had actually just happened. Raven was over Finn; she’d been over him since the day he’d walked out on her but that didn’t mean her heart hadn’t been broken. She was hurt and she’d worked damn hard to fix that and all of a sudden Finn had had the nerve to just barge back in on her and beg her to take him back while he was married.

She let out a dry laugh.

“Raven? What are you doing here?” A voice alerted Raven to another presence and she snapped her head up to find Abby stood looking worried as hell. She climbed to her feet as best as she could.

Raven chuckled out a nervous laugh. “I was nowhere near the neighbourhood and I thought I’d drop by…?”

Abby scanned over her body cautiously and frantically at the same time. “I was just about to come looking for you.” She ignored her joke.

“Looking for me?” Raven tucked the groceries under her arm and took a step forward.

“Please don’t be mad.” Abby started, she walked towards the younger woman and climbed the porch steps. “Clarke called, she said…” Abby glanced down at the keys in her hands and then back up to Raven. “She said Finn turned up.”

“Oh.” Raven nodded her head uncomfortably. “What else did she say?”

Abby didn’t make a move to open the door, instead she pulled Raven into her and just held her. Raven didn’t realise she needed it until her chest began to feel lighter and the pain slowly melted away into a dripping puddle. “That he wanted you back.” Abby released her from her embrace but kept their free hands locked together in an almost desperate attempt to remain in contact. In an attempt to keep her from leaving. “That he’s married.”

Raven twisted her jaw in irritation. “Yeah, exciting day for me right?” she asked sarcastically.

“Raven…” Abby trailed off.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” She replied before they could get into any deep conversations about Finn. “I um, I brought some food round, I hope you don’t mind…” she muttered shyly. “I thought we could maybe cook or something, it was silly I can just leave-”

“Don’t go.” Abby caught her hand and tugged Raven back towards her. “I’d love to cook with you, Raven.”

“That’s good, I’m not good at cooking…” She looked down into the brown paper bag. “I’d probably ruin it all.”

Abby couldn’t help but chuckle at Raven as she finally opened the door and gestured for her to enter. “Let me just get changed and we can get started?”

“Did you know that it costs a hell of a lot for healthy food? No wonder half of the nation is obese, crappy food is half the price!” Raven chattered to herself as she made her way through to the kitchen while Abby left her to go upstairs. “Like how about you stop taking sugar and artificial colours out of unhealthy food and just reduce the cost of this stuff. I mean, I like blue die and bucket loads of sugar in my food.” Raven tipped the bag out onto the island haphazardly, just managing to catch a potato as it rolled towards the edge. She looked at the array of assorted vegetables and meats on the counter top and grinned proudly to herself.

“What are we making then?” Abby rounded the corner and immediately took up the position behind Raven, she wound her arms around her waist and burrowed her face into the crook of Raven’s neck. “Wow, you got a lot didn’t you?”

Raven nodded enthusiastically, her body slumped into Abby’s form comfortably and she let out a soft and content sigh. “I just grabbed everything, I got carried away…” she trailed off in thought. “I don’t normally do the grocery shopping, usually Clarke and Lexa do it, they’re weird and actually enjoy it.”

Abby chuckled breathily into Raven’s skin and planted a gentle kiss behind her ear. “Do you have any idea what we’re going to make?”

“I didn’t think that far ahead.” Raven pouted as she stared at the many items she had bought. “How did I even manage to fit it all in a bag and carry them over here?”

“Come on.” Abby laughed and began to pick through the food. “I’ve got an idea.”

\----

Abby sat at the island with a glass of wine in hand while Raven washed and dried the dishes. The front of her t-shirt was drenched through and soap suds coated her arms all the way up to her shoulders. Raven was grinning while she finished, she could see Abby’s reflection in the lid of one of the pots, she was sat staring at Raven and it made her heart race in her chest.

Finn could go and fuck a mutated cactus for all she cared. She was happy, beyond happy and had come to the conclusion that she didn’t just want this thing with Abby to be casual anymore.

Abby spoke up with an amused lilt to her voice. “I do have a dishwasher.”

“Then why do you have a sink?” Raven replied in all seriousness. She flicked the bubbles at Abby that had collected on her hands and moved to join her, she stepped between to woman’s legs and kissed her softly. “Thank you for tonight, Abby.”

“Come with me.” Abby stood and pulled Raven towards the double doors that led to the yard and picked up a small box of matches on the way.

“Are we going to set something on fire, because if we are, I saw a shop a few blocks over that sold fireworks…”

“No.” Abby warned as she led Raven down to the back corner of the yard parallel to the seat they had sat on together at Clarke’s birthday party. They came to a small patio area with three seats that frame some sort of feature. “But there is a fire.” Abby smiled as she leaned over the small pit and lit the wood on fire that was contained within. It sparked to life with a hiss and a warm orange glow lit up their faces.

“I didn’t know you had one of these?” Raven took a seat in one of the chairs and half expected the older woman to take the chair beside her, instead, Abby perched herself down into Raven’s lap and pulled her knees up to her chest. The mechanic wrapped her arms protectively around Abby and nuzzled her nose into the back of her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of coffee and cinnamon.

“That is because we either spend all of our time in the bedroom or watching movies and eating.” Abby teased.

“Do you not want to do that anymore? We can do something else… or stop, just whatever.” Raven tried to keep her voice causal and nonchalant but the panic in her eyes was evident. She’s just come to terms with her feelings and the idea that Abby didn’t want to carry on was almost terrifying and would top her day off with the perfect cherry.

She was feeling fragile after the afternoon she’d had.

“Don’t be silly.” Abby laced their fingers together and tilted her head to face Raven. “I love being with you, Raven.” She punctuated her point with a kiss to Raven’s temple. “In the bedroom and out.” She teased with a smirk.

“That’s good.” Raven nodded as if to reassure herself.

“It is?”

“Yup.” Raven squeezed Abby delicately. They quickly fell into a comfortable silence and after a while Raven found herself staring at the stars like she so often did. Abby breathed quietly into her chest where her head had dropped to a few minutes ago and if Raven hadn’t gotten used to Abby’s breathing patterns, she probably would have assumed the older woman had fallen asleep.

“You do that a lot you know.” Abby whispered. Raven hummed out her question. “You hold your breath when you listen to my breathing to make sure I’m still awake.” She said but didn’t move her eyes up to meet Raven’s.

“How do you know?” Raven began to gently trail her fingers up and down Abby’s arm and smiled at the content sigh that was elicited from the older woman’s throat.

“Because I listen to you, too.” It was as though someone had poured liquid gold over her heart which had begun to be pumped around her body.

“I don’t think we should keep this casual anymore.” Raven said, a little louder than their voices had been a moment before. “It’s not working.” She added a second later.

Abby sat up a little sharply and stared down at Raven as though she had just said she’s murdered the pope. “What are you trying to say?” her voice was off, worried even and Raven felt a pang of regret when her own words registered through her mind.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Raven tried to keep a hold of Abby’s body but the older woman climbed to her feet.

“What didn’t you mean, Raven?” Abby scowled down at her, the same way she’d looked at Clarke a few times when she’d acted up while intoxicated.

Raven could feel the liquid gold slowly freezing as fear took over her body, she was cold as Abby waited for her to speak. She’d gone and royally fucked up and was now too scared to tell Abby how she felt. “I…”

“You what?” She waited impatiently and when it became apparent that Raven was unable to physically form coherent words, she turned on her heels and stormed off towards the house.

“Abby wait!” Raven jumped to her feet but her brace had been out in the cold for too long and in turn had jammed. She hobbled after the older woman. “I don’t want to end things.” She tried but Abby was already inside.

“So what? Finn comes along and suddenly everything changes. He’s married Raven.” That caused Raven to stop in her tracks, just inside the doorway of the kitchen where Abby was pouring herself another glass of wine.

“This has nothing to do with Finn, Abby.” She stated with a little more defence than she had intended. “He’s not a part of my life anymore.” She tried. Abby downed the glass in one but before she could pour herself another glass Raven snatched the bottle away. “Listen to me, please.”

“Why aren’t we working?” Crossing her arms over her chest, Abby popped her hip against the counter.

“We are.” Raven explained. “That’s what I’m trying to say.” She approached Abby cautiously and held her hands out for the older woman to take. Reluctantly, after what felt an age, Abby finally took her hands and ducked her head in embarrassment. The contact was a breath of fresh air causing Abby’s anger to deflate. “I don’t have feelings for Finn, I haven’t since the day he left and that’s what I told him today.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to over react.” Abby whispered shyly.

Raven took another step towards her and placed her hands on her hips. “He asked me to give him a second chance.” She added, a thing string of anger wound its way through her body at the memory of that afternoon. “I told him I was seeing someone.” Abby looked almost surprised at her words and it made Raven beam down at her.

“What did he say?” She asked curiously causing Raven’s smile to grow into a toothy grin.

“Well,” she whispered and hovered her lips over Abby’s, their warm breathes ghosted together in the space between them. “He asked if it was serious.”

“Oh…?” Abby’s hands wound their way up into Raven’s hair.

“I told him I wanted it to be.” Raven’s voice was barely above a whisper, almost inaudible over the sound of their breathing.  “You and me being casual isn’t working because I want it to be more than that, Abby, I want to be with you.”

“You…” Abby’s eyes flickered between Raven’s lips and eyes. “You want us to be together?” For a moment Raven was worried that she’d fucked up again, that Abby was going to push her out of the house and make her walk back to the city. But then their lips crashed together, “finally.” She thought she heard Abby mumble against her lips. She couldn’t hold back her smile as Abby pulled back a second later. “Are you sure?”

“So sure.” Raven nodded enthusiastically.

“And the, erm, the age difference?” Abby asked with a timid voice.

“What about it?” Indifferently, Raven shrugged and guided Abby towards the back yard towards the fire pit that was still crackling away. “I like you, Abby. Just because there’s a few year’s difference between us doesn’t change that.”

“A few years is an understatement.” Abby chuckled as she took her previous positon on Raven’s lap and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

“Does it bother you?” Raven asked, she began to pepper a trail of kisses down Abby’s neck and nudged the fabric of her sweater down her shoulder to carry on with her ministrations. Abby released a heavy sigh and shifted in Raven’s lap so that she was straddling her thighs.

“It doesn’t.” Abby clutched at Raven’s hair and allowed her eyes to flicker shut. “I was…” Raven tugged on Abby’s earlobe with her teeth and sucked it into her scorching mouth. “I was just wondering because you’re younger, you have your whole life…” the older woman’s eyes rolled back into her head when Raven tugged her hips down against her own and she elicited a breathy moan that caused Raven to shiver.

“I think I’m happy with the life I’ve got planned.” Raven whispered into Abby’s ear, her hands drifted down to the button of Abby’s skinny jeans after giving her an insinuating squeeze to her hips. “If that’s okay with you?”

Abby pulled away from Raven’s face to meet her eyes. “You want me to be a part of your future?”

“Well I thought that was implied when I said I wanted us to be serious, or was that not clear?” she asked, confused.

“I just, I don’t know, I didn’t think that you’d want me to be…” she trailed off for lack of better word.

Raven delicately took Abby’s face between her hands and pulled her bottom lip between her own in a tender kiss. “I want you to be a part of my future, I want you to be a part of who I am and I want to be a part of who you are. I want to be with you, Abby, I have never wanted to be with anyone more and I have never cared about anyone as much as I do for you.”

“Raven…” Raven gaped up at Abby in complete awe, her tanned skin and dark hair only abetted in her drowning in the deep chocolate eyes that stared down at her filled with so much affection and love that Raven forgot how to breathe for a moment. Her heart welled to ten times its size and threatened to crack through her rib cage, and in all honesty, she’d let it if it meant that Abby smiled at her like that for the rest of her life. She wanted to reach out through the distance between them and just stroke thumb over the contours of her face but she was frozen in her position, only able to admire and lose herself in everything that was Abigail Griffin.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, tempting and taunting her with such intensity that she physically had to clamp her jaw shut to stop the words from spilling.

Instead, she clung on to Abby for dear life and just allowed the moment to settle and sink in. “Kiss me.” Abby whispered with a lilt of something that was far more than lust, it was penetrating and powerful and had Raven surrendering in less than a second. “Bedroom.” Abby whispers fiercely.

Raven shook her head in the negative, “No time.” She panted against Abby’s mouth and hurriedly unbuttoned Abby’s jeans.

“Oh my god.” Abby moaned out through a gravelly voice, her head dropped to the crook of Raven’s neck and her hips began to rock steadily when Raven’s hand found its place between her legs. With one hand clutching the back of the chair and the other cupping Raven’s cheek, Abby steadied her movement’s and allowed Raven to shift her underwear out of the way.

Raven’s pupils exploded in her eyes when Abby’s jaw fell slack and her eyes slammed shut. The orange glow emanating from the fire behind them cast Abby in a silhouette that glowed golden around the edges. If she didn’t know any better, Raven would have assumed she was dreaming or dead, or both. Either way, she was blissfully oblivious to the rest of the world and entirely consumed by everything that was Abby Griffin.

The older woman held the universe in the space between them, lightyears apart but within touching distance, galaxies and their stars erupted behind Abby’s eyes and Raven had the pleasure to witness the beginning of all time, the Big Bang in all of its beautiful Griffin glory.

\----

“Mom?” The front door to the Griffin household slammed shut. “Are you home?”

“ _Shit_.” Raven yanked the bed sheets up around her chest as Abby threw herself from the bed and dived for her nightgown. It had turned pitch black outside but the thick layer of clouds had obscured the scatter of burning stars across the night sky. “Shit.” Abby blurted out again. “One second, Clarke.” She called down to her daughter. She threw Raven’s jeans onto the bed and gestured for the younger woman to get dressed.

“Just thought I’d stop by and see how you are.” Clarke replied, the rustling of paper sounded up the stairs as the blonde began to nosey her way around her mother’s post. “Raven text, she’s okay, apparently.” She reassured Abby.

Abby checked herself over in the mirror for any bruises on her neck and combed her fingers through her dishevelled hair. Her lips were swollen and her eyes were still pitch dark but she brushed her hands down the front of her dress and sighed. “Stay here.” She whispered softly to Raven who was stumbling across the bedroom trying to strap up her brace. “That’s good to hear.” Abby closed the door behind her and made her way down the stairs.

“Yeah, she’s working on her DC project with Sinclair.” Clarke said, her voice sounded muffled now that that the bedroom door was closed. Raven pulled on her jeans and froze in the middle of the room, her heart was hammering ferociously in her chest and the gravel in the cement mixer had started up in her stomach again. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to hide, escape out of the window or just wait it out. Regardless, she couldn’t help but think that they’d just been caught as things were starting to get serious between them. Clarke wouldn’t be happy if she found out about Raven screwing her mom.

She didn’t want to risk climbing out of the window.

Raven sat herself down on the end of the bed and rubbed at her face.

“I think that’s just a cover story, though.” Raven could hear Clarke talking, Abby had cornered her in the hall. Raven’s things were all over the house after all, her hoodie was on the island, her shirt was somewhere between the kitchen and the living room, her socks were on the coffee table and her bra was draped over the banister on the stairs.  “She’s been seeing someone for a while, she won’t tell us who.” Raven was too scared to breathe in case her best friend heard. “She’s probably with her.”

“Is that so?” Abby did a damn good job at sounding oblivious, Raven hoped her face portrayed the same thing.

Clarke hummed, Raven found herself stepping closer to the bedroom door, her ear pressed curiously against the wood. “It must be serious, she doesn’t want her meeting O and me.” Raven deflated against the door, she couldn’t tell if she was feeling embarrassed regret or just plain guilt. Clarke’s voice had sounded so betrayed and hurt that Raven had felt the gravel in the cement mixer stop and sink heavily in her gut.

“I’m sure she has her reasons.” Abby replied softly, her own heavy regret was evident to Raven in her voice. “I was thinking we could maybe catch another show some time, it was nice doing that again, just the two of us.”

“It was, I’m glad we went.” Raven could hear Clarke shuffling in that nervous way she often did in emotional situations. She assumed the blonde was scuffing her shoes against the mat. “We should do it soon.”

“Good.” Abby replied happily.

“Anyway, I was just dropping by to see how you were, I’m going to go pick some things up for the movie night in the park tomorrow night.” The front door was already opened by the time Clarke finished speaking.

“Would you not like to stay for coffee?” Abby and Raven were both sure that the blonde would politely decline. Clarke, expectedly, did so and the front door was closed as her best friend left. Raven collapsed back down onto the bed and breathed out a sigh of relief. A few minutes later, Abby emerged carrying their clothes in a heap in her arms.

“Jesus, that was close.” Raven held her hand over her eyes while the other one reached out to pull Abby down by her side.

“We’ll have to tell her sooner or later.” Abby whispered. She dropped her shin to Raven’s chest and stared intently up at the younger woman. Now that they’d decided to quit the whole ‘keep it casual’ thing, the reality of their situation had begun to sink in. They were together and like Octavia had said, they couldn’t wait for their wedding day to tell Clarke. Not that weddings were on the cards yet… Raven grimaced at the thought, they had so much to talk about.

“I know, we can tell her when you’re ready, after all, your relationship is more important with her than mine is.” Raven kissed Abby’s forehead softly.

“Don’t devalue your relationship with her, sweetheart.” Abby gave a reassuring squeeze to Raven’s bare hips. “We’ll do it when we’re both ready.”

Raven closed her eyes and settled comfortably with Abby’s body against hers. She focused on the pumping of her heart with each beat the older woman’s name echoed through her system. “Come with me this weekend?” she asked softly, her voice was quieter than it had been all night.

“What?” Abby sat up to meet Raven’s eyes. “To DC?” she asked for clarification, though the smile on her face suggested that she already knew the answer.

“Yeah, come to DC with me.” Raven smiled up at Abby hopefully. “I know it’s ridiculously short notice but you’re Kane’s favourite, he’ll let you come, right?”

Abby chuckled and shook her head. “I can’t take advantage of his feelings like that, Raven.”

“Sure you can!” Raven excitable grin didn’t falter. “Come on, Abby. Please,” she begged. “Just for the weekend, you don’t even work Monday’s so you can relax when we get back.”

“I don’t know, Raven.” Abby was smiling despite her words. “I’ve got patients.”

“Babe,” Raven stared up at her with a completely serious expression. She didn’t want to push Abby into a situation she felt uncomfortable with but something in the doctor’s position against her body felt comfortable and content. “You deserve a break; you’ve been working so hard. It’s just a few days.” She burrowed her face into the crook of Abby’s neck and peppered light kisses against her skin, eliciting soft giggles from Abby’s body. “Pretty please?”

Abby’s body fell delicately against Raven’s as she relented to Raven’s pleading. “I’ll talk to Marcus.” The smile in Abby’s voice was practically audible and Raven let out and excitable squeal as she flipped their positions and embraced the woman beneath her tightly.

“My weekend just got fifty times better.” Raven laughed against Abby’s mouth.

Abby held onto the younger woman against her body just as tightly, both realising the steps they were taking together.

Thrilling and exhilarating. 


	10. Exhilaration in Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates my be a little slower in the future, I'm about to start university so there'll be a fair amount of work to keep up with, however, I'll do my best to have a chapter at least once a week.  
> Anyway, back to it. I hope you enjoy!

 

“What, so is it like _official_ now?” Raven had just finished informing her best friends that she wouldn’t be flying to DC alone, it had been a muttered grumble under her breath, nothing more than a whisper to herself rather than a statement to her friends. It had taken them a few moments to realise that she hadn’t been talking about Sinclair.

“Yes, Octavia, she is technically my girlfriend.” Raven clicked away on her laptop, simulation after simulation ran, each time it failed. She huffed out an irritated breath and tried again, this time she changed the elements in the equation. Her left hand tapped away at the toaster with a screwdriver disinterestedly and distractedly before reaching down to pick up the sandwich she had made earlier. Multitasking was an understatement. However, she couldn’t help but feel the words that had left her mouth felt almost odd on her tongue. _Girlfriend_. Was that really what Abby was to her? Sure, technically yes, that’s how people would label them, though, she couldn’t help but feel slightly off about the word. It sounded immature and childish and Abby was far from the fact.

“Does this mean we get to meet her now?” Clarke piped up excitedly around her own mouthful of food. She didn’t mind so much talking about her relationship with Octavia, not anymore anyway, it was comforting and almost felt as though she could lift the weight off of her chest. Nevertheless, it was the complete opposite when Clarke so happened to be in the room during said discussion or would be the one to bring up the subject despite Raven’s newfound skill at being so awfully discreet about the topic. She was lying to Clarke, and as much as she claimed she was only keeping the truth from the blonde, she knew what she was doing was betraying her trust on an entirely dissimilar level. If she wasn’t already going to hell, she would be now. The guilt she felt was so overpowering that she was finding it difficult to concentrate and while the simulations ran on the screen and the toaster to her side was being ‘fixed’, her mouth full of sandwich, none of it could cover up the screaming images of Clarke beating the crap out of her with the nearest inanimate object or crying at her with furious tears of hurt and betrayal.

She could hardly breathe and the distractions in front of her weren’t helping one bit.

She was in deep, far too deep for her own good. She wanted to tell Clarke, she wanted to tell her so bad, but the thought of losing her was scarier than having the life beaten out of her.

And when it came down to it, Abby, being Clarke’s mother, should be sure about telling the blonde before they decided on anything.

Raven flicked open her emails and shot an update to Sinclair. Everything was perfect for their presentation in DC bar the fuel and oxygen lines that still seems to either explode or leak toxic fluid into the air. “I’ll introduce you both to her when we’re ready.” Raven replied, her eyes were glued to her screen. Sinclair replied a second later with his own update. He was getting closer to figuring it out and had attached some extra files to the email. Raven opened their presentation slide and added in the extra details before returning to the simulations.

“Did you tell her about Finn?” Octavia asked, a hint of knowing to her tone. Raven finally glanced up at her curiously.

“Yeah.”

“Was she okay with it?” Clarke butted in before Raven could say anything else.

The brunette shrugged. “There isn’t anything to be worried about, he came and tried to wiggle his way back into my life and then left.” Raven finished off her sandwich and rubbed her fingers together, watching the crumbs fall to the plate. “She’s too important to me for her to just be dropped the second an ex comes back into my life.” Normally she would have been embarrassed of admitting such a fact, Octavia and Clarke grinned at her teasingly, but she just shrugged and smiled at them.

Clarke and Octavia continued to grin at her with doe eyed smiles that were similar to that of a six-year-old on acid. “Raven’s in love.” Clarke sing-songed as she picked up their plates and dropped them into the sink to be cleaned later that evening.

“No I’m not.” Raven snapped. “Shut up.” She huffed out and crossed her arms over her chest, the simulation on her laptop failed again. “When are we going to the park?” Raven gestured to the bag full of junk food and a blanket that Clarke had put together that morning when Raven had arrived home from Abby’s.

“We need to wait for Lexa and Linc to arrive.” Octavia said as she threw herself down onto the couch face first. “And Monty, Miller and Jasper.” She added as an afterthought.

“Murphy and Bell not coming?” Raven mumbled out the question, her eyes dragged her interest back to her laptop as she scanned over the graphics for the ARK. “Wick said he was going to come later on if he didn’t get called out on a job.” She explained.

“Anya was coming too, last I checked.” Clarke slumped down onto Octavia’s back and wrapped her arms around the brunette’s body like a koala.

“I’m just going to presume Bell and Murphy are coming?” Raven answered her own question.

“I never know what’s going on inside his head.” Octavia piped up unhelpfully. “Have you noticed how much time Bell’s been spending with Murphy recently?”

“I thought he was with Anya?” Raven asked. “I just assumed, with all the time they spend with each other.” She shrugged, closing her laptop for the evening to join her two friends on the couch. Raven thought about the number of pictures she had seen with the two together on Facebook, it was evidence enough.

To her at least.

Octavia pulled her head out from beneath Clarke whose eyes were beginning to close sleepily and said, “apparently there was nothing going on there.” None of the women in the room believed it to be true, however, it was enough for them to accept that there perhaps wasn’t anything going on now. “You don’t think him and Murphy are…?”

“What?” Clarke finally held herself up, the top of her body hung over Octavia’s but she still made no move to remove herself from her position. “You think Bellamy and Murphy are a thing?” she asked in almost disbelief. “Like together?”

“It could be possible.” Raven suggested while she hoisted her feet up onto the coffee table and wiggled in her seat to get comfortable.

“I don’t know how I feel talking about my brother like this…” Octavia made a show of covering her ears with her hands. Just then, a knock at the door sounded through the apartment and alerted the women to their guests. Neither Clarke or Octavia made a move to stand so Raven huffed out an irritated breath and crossed the living room towards the hallway and to the door.

“Hey, guys.” Raven opened the door to allow Monty, Jasper and Miller access to their home. “They’re through there.” She gestured to the living room. Miller sat down on the chair to the left of the couch while Monty hung back almost shyly, Jasper collapsed onto the slowly growing pile of bodies on the couch. “What’s up?” Raven asked curiously as she made her way over to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.

“We erm,” Monty rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. “We saw Finn; he’s been back for a while apparently. Miller went to talk to him, they used to be close for a while before, you know.” He gestured in the air. “I just thought I should tell you in case-”

“He already stopped by.” Raven shrugged before Monty could get himself all worked up and pass out. “Made an ass of himself and then left.” Her voice came out passive though she knew the expression on her face said otherwise. Her jaw was locked at an angle and her eyes were burning with her anger towards him.

“He’s coming tonight.” Monty shot out quickly.

That caused Raven’s head to snap to attention and the bottle of water she had been fiddling with was placed down purposefully and forcefully onto the breakfast bar with a thud.

“Are you kidding?” Monty shook his head almost regretfully, apologetically. “Great, fucking great.”

“What’s wrong?” Clarke’s head popped up from behind the couch.

“Finn’s coming.” Raven stated blandly. She was tempted to retreat back to the kitchen and find the bottle of beer she had stashed somewhere at the back of the fridge but thought better of it a second later. “I might just sit this one out, I still need to work on the oxygen lines and a fuel that doesn’t spontaneously combust under deep space pressure.”

“No.” Octavia finally lifted herself up from beneath their blonde best friend causing Clarke and Jasper to topple haphazardly to the floor. “You can’t let that jackass ruin our night.” She said with a stern voice. “No offence, Millar.” The three women all knew that their friend had kept in touch with Finn over the year and a bit that had passed since, though, they’d never expected for him to turn back up out of the blue.

Raven was about to protest when her phone chimed with a text from Wick, she was almost disappointed.

**Wick [Today, 19:37 PM]**

Picked up Bell and Anya, on our way now. See you at park.

**Wick [19:38 PM]**

Dad is at the shop so we can get drunk :)

Raven rolled her eyes and shoved her phone back into her pocket with a huff. “Fine.” She relented and picked up her car keys. “Guess I’m driving as usual?” She had no intentions of drinking, of course.

“Taking one for the team like a champ.” Lincoln’s voice sounded from the hallway, Lexa stood beside him mirroring his smile. Within seconds Octavia and Clarke were clinging to their partners like limpets to a rock on a beach.

\----

Murphy showed up only ten minutes after they had arrived at the park and slumped himself down beside Bellamy. Raven shot Octavia a curious glance before his sister shuffled towards Bellamy to whisper something into his ear. Raven didn’t see his response because from the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a shaggy haired man making his way towards them.

Raven rolled her eyes and turned towards the makeshift screen that had been set up at the bottom of the hill and paid no attention as Finn joined the group. The awkward tension that filled the air was palpable and Wick automatically moved closer to Raven protectively. She wouldn’t ever admit it but she appreciated the gesture, especially since he had been filled in on what had happened between Finn and her. She was, however, surprised he hadn’t pounced on the small man the first chance he got.

Truth was, her day hadn’t been that great. After the revelations of the night before, both Abby and Raven had had to return to real life and that in itself had immediately set in a wave of anxiety and dread. Raven felt an endless pit beneath her feet when she thought of leaving Abby the morning after the night before. They were perfect when they were together and she’d never been as happy as she was when she was with Abby, but the whole keeping it a secret from Clarke was beginning to weigh down heavily on her shoulders and it was beginning to feel as though she was grasping at the older woman just to stay afloat.

While Abby kept her grounded in every sane way possible, it was almost as though she fuelled her mind and body, pumping her full of energy and exhilaration, excelling her through life blissfully.

They’d tell Clarke when the time was right, and that would be ‘eventually’. Both Abby and Raven knew that that would be when they knew they were solid, that they had some foundation to rely on that wouldn’t crumble beneath the pressures of society and Clarke’s likely explosive response to their relationship.

The idea that their relationship was still so fragile set Raven on edge, they’d made it official – at last – but every time her phone chimed or Abby’s name was brought up around Clarke, her heart would jolt harshly. It wasn’t as though the blonde could hear her thoughts or could see how attracted to Abby she was – she was glad she didn’t have a penis – but that didn’t stop the worry from rising in her chest. It was painful and blissful all in one, how she’d managed to build up such an emotional fascination for Abby she’d never know, though she intended to drown herself in it for as long as Abby would allow her.

Raven had spent the best part of her day attempting to work on the ARK project however, more often than not, her mind would drift away to Abby and her smile and the way the corners of her eyes would scrunch in the most endearing way when she smiled. She’d caught herself thinking about the way she’d moaned Raven’s name, throaty and breathy all at once into her ear, the heat of her breath had left a burning mark along her neck and Raven ghosted her fingers over her skin at the memory.

Raven had been home alone by herself all day, Abby had dropped her home on her way to work, and she’d thrown herself into all manners of work, house work, school work, toaster work. Anything to cool the racing of her mind.

Yet, Raven had come to the conclusion that a day alone, without Abby or without her best friends, only allowed her mind to second guess itself and slowly deprive her of all common sense thoughts.

“Hey, guys.” Finn stopped in front of the group and gave them all that confident smile his face seemed to always adorn. It was no question as to whether or not Finn knew that the rest of the group had been filled in on the previous day’s situation, but he kept his face smug and self-assured. “Can I sit?” His words were directed towards Raven but the woman pulled out her phone and blatantly ignored her ex. Despite her lack of response, Finn sat down beside her. Miller whispered a soft ‘hey, man’ to his friend.

The group shifted awkwardly, anticipating an explosion of anger or some equally as terrifying response from their friend when Raven stiffened irritably. “There’s a space over there.” She pointed sharply at the deliberate gap between Murphy and Millar.

“This space looked better.” He shrugged and turned to face the makeshift cinema screen that was till blank. The group fell into a thick silence, Raven could feel eyes flickering from her to the man sat beside her and she couldn’t help but bristle at the unwanted attention both from her friends and Finn.

Raven’s phone vibrated in her hands and she welcomed the small escape from the situation.

**Abby [Today, 20:11 PM]**                                                                                                                                         

I hope your day is going better than mine is, Marcus Kane will always be the bane of my life.

The younger woman frowned almost sadly at the text. Recently, through the increasing amount of time she had been spending with Abby, it had become clearly more apparent that the older woman was not enjoying her time at work as much as she used to. She was returning home more and more drained every day, she was getting stressed, forgetting to eat and dreading the mornings she had to leave her warm bed to go save the lives and work the job she had once craved and loved.

Abby had tried to explain it to Raven’s ignorant mind, she’d hated the repetitive nature that she’d fallen in at the hospital, how she’d become almost a slave to her bosses and while they loaded their work onto Marcus, he’d loaded his on to Abby in an attempt to cope with the poor management. However, as much as Raven tempted the woman with the idea of finding somewhere new or even a new career path, Abby had always brushed the idea away due to her ties with the city she lived in.

**Raven [Today, 20:12 PM]**                                                                                                                                         

I don’t have school tomorrow, working at 9. Do you want some company tonight?

**Abby [20:12 PM]**                                                                                                                                                 

That sounds amazing. I’m about to drive home now, I’ll see you soon. x

Raven fiddled with the edge of the blanket they were sitting on and subconsciously settled against Wick’s burly arm. “So, I was thinking,” Finn whispered causing Raven to roll her eyes in annoyance. “Would you maybe want to grab a coffee some time? I owe you an apology.”

“No.” Raven answered shortly.

“Not even-”

“No.” She snapped. Her voice climbed, drawing the attention of Wick and Clarke who shot the brunette a concerned glance. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” She stated with finality, however, when Finn opened his mouth to speak Raven sighed in frustration, jumped to her feet and clutched the back of his collar before dragging him off and away from the group. “Stop, just stop.” Raven rubbed at her forehead. “You’re such an ass, you cheated on me, left for a year, came back to try and…” she fumbled for words. “I don’t even know what you were expecting to happen but you’re married so you can go fuck yourself for all I care.” She smiled at him bitter sweetly before she made a move to return to the group.

Finn’s hand shot out to her elbow to keep her in place.

“Don’t you ever touch me.” She snarled viciously causing her ex-boyfriend to stumble back in shock

“I’m scared.” He whispered. His voice was broken and low and it caused a jolt of panic to resonate through her body, replacing the anger she felt burning in her blood. Finn was cocky and confident, he was the joker and the happy goofball who had never failed to make her smile. So when Raven heard the fragility to his tone, she couldn’t help but worry, slightly.

“Scared of what?” She moved back to where she was standing and leaned casually against the fence beside them. She figured the more she listened to now the less she’d have to listen to later and would hopefully be able to avoid any more encounters with Finn.

“She’s pregnant.” Raven wanted to smack him upside the head or shove him away but all she could see in his eyes was genuine fear. She almost felt sorry for him. Motioning with her hand, she gestured for him to go on. “Three months.”

“That doesn’t give you a reason to come back here and cock things up.” She explained softly though her eyes were still judging.

“You’re my safe place, Raven. You always have been.” He whispered softly with downcast eyes. “You always made things easy for me, you were my reality. When I was with you I didn’t have to worry about losing control of my life.” He took a cautious step forward, a little too close for Raven’s liking but Finn was hurting, that was evident enough in the way his hands were shaking as hid fingers on his right hand picked at the ring on his left. “This just all feels kind of crazy, I’m not ready to be a dad…”

“Well there’s no one to blame but you on that one.” Raven stated simply. “Should have used a condom.” She shrugged. A few seconds passed before she spoke up again. “That being said, picking the safer option with anything else in life isn’t always the best decision.”

“What do you mean?” He asked. Finn wasn’t a bad guy, not really. He just made stupid mistakes that hurt people, he didn’t mean to cause damage. In the end he cared about the people he loved and in some weird way it made sense to Raven.

“Why settle at all when you could reach for so much more?” she could feel a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “What’s exciting about something safe when you could be excited every single day, unsure and uncertain, you’d live every day with that person as though it were your first and last and you would love it regardless.”

“You’ve gotten soft, Reyes.” Finn smiled though she could see understanding in his eyes.

“No,” She shook her head in bliss. “I just needed the right person for me to realise how I could really feel.” Raven shrugged. “Life isn’t easy so why would you try and make it easy, y’know?” she asked with a disbelieving smile as her history passed before her mind’s eye. “Live a little, live through the good times and the bad and just face each step as it comes because you can’t control anything but yourself.”

“That’s some serious _Titanic_ shit right there,” he laughed whole heartedly. “Are you talking from experience here?” Finn asked smugly.

“Of course I am, look at me!” She laughed genuinely in Finn’s presence for the first time since they had separated. “Just don’t settle okay, don’t be anchored down by something ‘safe’ and don’t be afraid to lose control.” Her heart pounded in her chest as a face began to form in her mind, Abby’s face, in all of its beauty and happiness. “Don’t come back to me because I’m easy, stay with the mother of your child because it’s exciting, sure you’re not ready to be a dad but hell, Finn, you’re going to have a kid.” She grinned at him excitedly which for a moment, she didn’t think he would return until his mouth split into a shit eating grin. “Don’t be like our parents, be who you’d wished they’d be and then some. Step up to the mark and spoil the kid rotten.” She didn’t know where the outburst had come from. Actually, no, she did. The thought of Abby in her mind had sparked something spectacular in her soul and she was almost in complete amazement of her own feelings.

“You must really like this women, huh?” Finn asked, already knowing the answer. All of a sudden it was as though they were back to how they used to be, fifteen and sixteen-year-old teenagers just being friends. That stage before they hadn’t expected anything to come of their friendship other than what it was. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and Raven easily relaxed, inhaling the scent of Nike deodorant that was almost familiar to her senses. “I’ve missed you, Raven.”

“Ditto.” Raven replied as casually as she could but she squeezed her arms around him tighter and just held on for a moment.

“You know, we were together for a long time and I don’t think I ever saw that look on your face before.” Finn said when he took a step away from Raven. “Who’s the lucky lady?” he asked curiously.

“It’s complicated.” She whispered shyly, she could feel her old self coming back round to light.

“I get you.” He shrugged, his eyes flickered over to their group of friends. “Are you in love with her?”

Raven was surprised by his question, her eyes widened in shock and she paused. “No.” she believed her own words to be true, though, she couldn’t explain the heavy feeling of guilt in her chest. She suddenly began to second guess herself. It wasn’t the first time someone had asked her that, Octavia felt the need to ask her every day and each time she said no. After all, she’d only been seeing Abby for a matter of months and even less since they’d decided to be exclusive. “It’s too soon.”

“I fell in love with you the first day we met, Raven.” Finn stated simply as though her relationship with Abby was something akin to two teenagers who thought they’d be together forever.

“This is the real world.” She shrugged, “it’s different.”

“Is it?” he asked. “Because you seem to be in complete awe of this woman and if that’s the case then I don’t see why you can’t be in love with her.”

“So, tell me something about this baby momma of yours.”

\----

Wick had fallen asleep twenty minutes into the film, Raven had begun to pile popcorn on his head twenty-one minutes into the film. He was snoring softly enough for it not to be annoying but noticeable enough that now and then the group would glance in his direction to confirm where the sound was coming from. Raven lay with her head on his stomach, she’d left the food on his face, the film wasn’t interesting her in the slightest, instead her eyes were glued to the night sky. It was cold out, but the weather had faired up enough that only the slight piece of snow would fall every five minutes or so, she figured it was because the city was warm enough to melt it before it landed.

Raven could hear Clarke and Lexa whispering away to one another peacefully and it made her smile, Lincoln and Octavia were just lying together, wrapped in a ball of blankets and coats while Bellamy, Anya and Murphy were sat rigidly against the tree. Raven made a mental note to ask Anya about that later. Finn was watching the film play out eagerly on the screen while Monty watched Miller play _Pokémon_ on his _Gameboy_. She was happy and wholly content for the first time in a long time.

She’d never grown up with a real family before, but as she looked around at the bunch of people sat with her, she realised that over time, she had gained a completely dysfunctional family that she loved and cared for more than she’d probably care to admit. They weren’t perfect, not by a long shot, but she loved them nonetheless. _Damn_. She thought, because suddenly she felt so unbelievably lucky. She was happy, in every aspect of the word, for the first time in her life and it was thrilling in a way she’d only experienced that one time at that party when the old guy had given her something, and she’d spent the rest of the night building herself a nuclear bomb and a time machine completely off her face.

That had been a good night.

Raven’s phone vibrated once and then twice and then again, alerting her to a phone call. She pulled it from her pocket and glanced down at the ID, she couldn’t help but beam at the photo Abby and her had taken the night before in the older woman’s back yard. Their faces were flushed and oblivious to the world around them as they grinned childishly up at the camera. Abby had insisted that Raven place it as her caller ID and who was she to deny this woman anything. “Hey babe.” She answered, not caring in the slightest about those around her who were busy doing their own thing. Clarke was for enough away that she hadn’t been able to see the image nor would she be able to hear the other woman’s voice down the other end.

“Raven?” at the panicked tone that sounded through her phone Raven shot up straight drawing the attention of most of her friends.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she rambled frantically.

Abby sighed in relief down the line but the shakiness to her breathing did nothing to relieve Raven of her worry. “My car chocked out.” She explained. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Where are you? I’ll come get you.” Everyone was looking at her curiously now, even some people around her who she didn’t know. Raven began to gather her keys, discarded jacket and gulped down the cold coffee she’d left to sit.

“Five minutes from the turn off.” Raven frowned at that, surly since Abby had set off and the time between her calling her she should have made it home by now.

“How long have you been waiting?” Her voice held nothing but love and concern for the older woman.

“I didn’t want to worry you.” Abby stated softly. The rush of cars in the background didn’t help the matter however, and only aided in doing what Abby had tried to prevent.

“I’m on my way, just hold tight, stay warm.” Raven hung up her phone and pulled her jacket on. “I’ve gotta go.” She rushed out in a hurried breath.

“Was that the wife?” Bellamy asked, apparently he’d been filled in on most things from his friends, obviously no names had been mentioned. Thankfully. He was like the aunt of the family who loved to gossip.

“Her car’s broken down.” Raven tied her hair up and avoided correcting his question. “Will you guys be okay to make your own way home?” She asked her friends who’d been piled in the back of her car on the way over. At their nods she finally stood. “I want to hear more about this woman, by the way.” She pointed at Finn and grinned excitedly. “I’ll see you guys later. She jogged off in the direction of her jeep and raced towards the freeway. Her foot was flat on the floor of her car the whole way.

The snow was heaving down in thick heavy blankets of white once she finally began to move away from the inner city, her wipers were swishing from side to side in frantic motions that mirrored her heart. She wasn’t sure what was causing her to panic more, the sound of Abby’s worried voice or the heavy traffic she’d heard in the background of their call of which she could see plainly now. Red tail lights lined the road, Raven bounced in her seat and tapped at the wheel impatiently as she crawled her way out of the chocker block city and into the suburbs before she hit the freeway – the traffic was relentless as ever and Raven began to curse under her breath angrily. It didn’t help when the snow began to lay on the roads, she turned the radio off when the presenter claimed something about storms once again. The weather had been pretty unpredictable so for, with it being February and all, though it had been consistent at the same time. She’d never witnessed the weather being this cold and icy after January before.

After nearly fifteen minutes of impatient driving that consisted of a lot of road rage, screaming, overtaking and finger flipping at other drivers, Raven finally approached Abby’s car on the side of the road, hazard lights blinking almost obnoxiously. It made Raven furious that no one had stopped to help. Abby was stood, wrapped in her lab coat and shivering on the side of the road. Raven swerved off without a care for any other driver and came to stop. She dived from her car and raced towards Abby. “I told you to stay warm!” Raven wrapped Abby in her arms for a moment before she led her towards her jeep. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, I was just waiting for you.” Abby explained as she held onto Raven even as she was sat in the younger woman’s car.

“In a blizzard.” Raven deadpanned.

“I would hardly call this a _blizzard_.” Abby chuckled but she didn’t let go of Raven as she nuzzled her face into her neck. Snow was still falling heavily but it was hardly something to worry about. It would likely be melted by morning.

“What happened”? Raven asked quietly, she placed soft kisses along Abby’s forehead. “With your car, I mean.”

Abby pulled Raven closer and placed her lips firmly against Raven’s. “It made a funny chugging noise and then just stopped.” Abby’s eyes fluttered closed, revelling in the feeling of Raven’s mouth against her skin.

“Was there any smoke or steam?” Raven asked, she brushed stray pieces of Snow from Abby’s shoulders and hair before she took a step back and held her hand out for the older woman’s car keys.

“No.” Abby replied and watched as Raven wandered off to go and check her car. When Raven remerged, she was hanging up on a call on her phone with a frown. Her face was only visible through the heavy snow due to the light emanating from the device in her hands. “Is it bad?”

“Engine is dead but I can’t see any visible damage.” Raven explained as she rubbed her hands down on her shirt, the Arkadia one that Abby had warn that first morning. “I called Pops to come tow it and I’ll get it checked first thing.” She reassured. “I’ll have Wick fetch you it tomorrow.” She smiled and started up the engine to get the heat circulating around the car.

“Pops is Kyle’s dad, right?” Abby asked. She rubbed her hands together in her lap trying to circulate the blood.

“Yup.” Raven popped the ‘p’. Her cheek rested against the head restraint as she gazed across at Abby. “We spent a lot of time together when Wick and I got our own place above the garage.”

Abby nodded her head in understanding. “So how much do you think it will cost?” she gestured towards her car, hazard lights still blinking away.

“On the house.” Raven smiled and started her car up when the tow trucked pulled up in front of Abby’s car.

“What? Raven, no-”

“Friends and family discount.” Raven cut Abby off with a smile that held no room for arguing. Abby let out a huff and settled in her seat with a pout.

“Discount usually suggests a percentage off, not a freebie.” The older woman smiled despite herself.

“Well…” Raven pretended to ponder over her thoughts, she tapped at her bottom lip thoughtfully. “How does a hundred percent off and a dinner sound?” she smirked suggestively at Abby.

“You’re insufferable.” Abby chuckled out but she couldn’t stop her hand from finding Raven’s across the centre console.

Raven squeezed Abby’s hand gently and smiled. “You love it.”

\----

Raven was curled comfortably into Abby’s front; the older woman’s arms were wrapped tightly but contentedly around her waist and every inch of their bodies were touching one another. Raven was sure that her skin was turning red with the heat of their bodies but it was almost comforting, the way she felt as though she was melting against Abby’s body. Subconsciously, with closed eyes and a movie playing out on the TV, Raven laced her fingers with Abby’s and pressed herself further into her.

“You feel good.” Abby hummed out through a whisper and nuzzled her face into the back of Raven’s neck. Her grip tightened around the younger woman’s body and their legs tangled together. Raven’s only response was to smile sleepily and bring Abby’s hand up to her mouth to kiss. “Really good, in fact.” Abby’s other hand trailed teasingly against Raven’s exposed stomach, her top had ridden up leaving her midriff on show to the cool air of Abby’s living room. As her fingers ghosted across Raven’s skin, goose bumps erupted in their wake and Raven visibly shivered against her touch.

Smirking at the response to her fingers, Abby drew her fingers lower, her thumb stroked gently against the tanned skin while her fingers pattered their way to the hem of Raven’s shorts that she’d changed into shortly after arriving at the griffin household. Raven let out a breathy sigh and tilted her head to the side slightly, beckoning Abby closer to the long expanse of skin on her neck. “I missed you today.” Raven managed through a strangled slur of words.

“Is that so?” Abby whispered before she wrapped her lips around the sensitive patch of skin just below Raven’s ear. The younger woman bucked her hips gently in response to Abby’s deep voice in her ear. “How much?”

“God, Abby.” Raven shudder and her legs parted ever so slightly, enticing Abby’s hand downwards. The older woman didn’t waste a second before she dipped her fingers below the waistband of her shorts and inside her underwear. Raven slapped her eyes shut and gasped sharply, her hand shot to Abby’s wrist to hold it in place.

“You only saw me this morning.” Abby whispered almost cockily into Raven’s ear but began to slowly trail her fingers between the molten pool that was already forming between mechanic’s legs.

“You’re hot…” Raven panted. “You can’t blame a girl.” Her words came out in a breathy whisper because all she could focus on in that moment was Abby’s deftly fingers having their way with her. She held Raven’s hips still as best she could, her own pressed firmly against Raven’s butt, though, the bucking of her hips didn’t halt their movements as they ground against the palm of Abby’s hand desperately. If it were possible, Raven would have sunk further into Abby’s body, would have let the older woman consume her entirely. Instead she clung to Abby’s wrist as though it were an earth wire, a tether to her sanity as if she could combust within seconds if she were to let go.

Abby slowly sunk her finger into the pooling heat and bit sharply down on Raven’s neck as the younger woman gasped. “I think that’s what I should be saying.” Abby whispered hotly, her voice came out in a sultry rasp that caused another wave of heat to flood Raven’s already shuddering body.

Suddenly Raven’s body jolted to an odd angle and her eyes snapped shut. “Fuck, Abby.” Raven gasped sharply, her orgasm had crept up on her without warning as burning pulses echoed from her core to every inch of her body. Her hips bucked erratically, trying to ride out the length of her orgasm before she settled floppily back against Abby front on the couch. Raven couldn’t bear to open her eyes, not yet, the swirls and galaxies were mesmerizing as they painted constellations on the insides of her eyelids.

When the mechanic finally plucked up the last of her remaining energy and forced herself to turn to face Abby, the film on the TV was now completely forgotten, she kissed the older woman lazily but soundly. Her eyes began to flutter open though only for a moment. “Would it be bad if I said I wanted to just go lay down in bed now?” Abby asked almost sheepishly, her fingers played with Raven’s hair that was strewn across her face.

“Only if you don’t want me with you.” Raven teased, though the worry and hesitation was evident in her tone.

“Come on.” Abby planted a gentle kiss to the edge of Raven’s nose before she pushed her softly to a standing position.

They carefully climbed the stairs to the top floor of the house and made quick work of undressing, Raven on slightly shakier legs than she was used to. Abby lay down first and held her arms open from Raven to fall into once the lights had been turned off. She meticulously crawled up the bed, her brace discarded against the end where it often found itself perched more often than not now, and lay herself down gently atop of Abby’s clothed chest. One of Raven’s old shirts hung loosing down one of the older woman’s shoulder tempting Raven towards it.

“Do you think Finn and you will go back to how you used to be?” Abby spoke up through the darkness, her voice laced with nothing but genuine curiosity.

“As friends?” Raven asked. Abby nodded and began to trail her fingers down Raven’s bare spine. “I don’t know, maybe.” She shrugged. “It felt good being able to talk to him tonight, but he was still an ass so I guess that will take time to forgive.”

“Of course.” Abby nodded in understanding. There was an unspoken question that hung in the air around them, thick and heavy though Abby didn’t make a move to speak what was on her mind.

Raven sat herself up straighter, she used her right arm to balance her body so that she could see Abby’s face when she spoke. Raven wanted her to see the truth in her eyes. “I don’t have feelings for him anymore, nothing more than an inclining towards a possible friendship. Other than that, I don’t feel anything romantic towards him.” She felt the need to reassure Abby despite the fact that she hadn’t actually asked. Instead of voicing any words, apparently the older woman had lost her tongue, she nodded before bringing her hands up to wrap around Raven’s neck to pull her down for another kiss that had lasted longer than any of the others that night. “I like you, a lot.” Raven mumbled against Abby’s lips, revelling in the feeling of just been able to touch the woman before they both left for a weekend away together, just the two of them. “A crazy bunch.”

“I like you a crazy bunch, too.” Abby let out a throaty chuckle, relaxing into the bed with Raven settled on top of her.

“Good, because we’d have a little bit of a problem if you didn’t.” Raven teased. “But you know, I sometimes wake up on a morning when I’m at home and feel like this has all been just a dream, like I’ve gone mad and made it all up in my head.” The mechanic didn’t make contact with Abby’s eyes as she settled into the crook of the older woman’s neck.

A moment of silence passed, Abby trailed gentle patterns along the bare expanse of Raven’s back while the younger brunette fiddled patiently with the hem of Abby’s shirt. “Why do you think that?” her voice was gentle.

“Because you’re miles out of my league and I’m not used to most people sticking around after long.” Raven shrugged though there was a grin plastered to her face as though she was in disbelief of their own relationship.

“That’s not true.” Abby snickered and jabbed her fingers playfully in Raven’s ribs. “I’m not going anywhere.” She stated with a certain amount of surety that Raven hadn’t been able to recognise it. Her whole life people had come on and gone with uncertainty and doubt.

“Really?” Raven asked.

“Ever.”

“You sound very sure.” Raven allowed her eyes to close.

“Oh I am,” Abby nodded her head. “I erm,” she stuttered over her sentence. “I actually wanted to show you something.”

“Oh?” Raven tilted her lips up into a cocky smirk. “I mean, okay.”

“Not like that.” Abby’s bubbly laughter filled the room, she smacked Raven’s shoulder playfully. “I did some googling. It’s very unreliable but I had no idea what I was doing.” Abby began to ramble. “I know how much you love the stars and I got to thinking, one thing led to another…” She rubbed at her face. “You’re an Aries, right?”

“How did you know?” Raven beamed up at Abby, the older woman’s ramblings had spiked her interest and she’d slowly sat up to stare at the woman in delight.

“Lucky guess.” She smiled shyly down at the palms of her hands before she whispered, “Look up.” For a moment or so, Raven stared down at Abby in content confusion, trying to process her words in a way that made sense to her tired brain. The doctor pointed upwards, Raven followed the gesture.

“Wha-” Raven let out sharp gasp and her jaw nearly hit the bed with a solid thud. Across Abby’s ceiling pale green stars and dots scattered the flat surface from the very edge to the centre. They had been painted with a meticulously and precise steady hand, each individual star had its own unique shape and size casting the room in a comforting glow. “Abby.” It was all Raven could manage, her eyes scanned over the constellations and star signs that had been correctly portrayed in the older woman’s bedroom. Aries in one section and Cancer in the other. The two signs almost mirrored Abby and Raven’s positions from where they were lying in bed. The burning and all-consuming feeling in her chest was thrilling and at the same time indescribable. It was all so very intimate, their own little secret that only the two of them would share the most intimate of moments. Raven could feel something swimming through her veins, almost like adrenalin, a rush of energy, hormones, _something_. It started in her chest, rushed to her head causing her to swim in a fuzzy haze, it reached her fingertips and toes and caused the end of them to go numb. Then all of a sudden, it was as though she could taste the words on her lips, sweet and sour and full of so many possibilities. “Abby.” She said instead, again.

“I don’t know if they’re all correct, like I said I had too google them, but I erm, I know how you sleep better when you can see the stars and have less nightmares.” Abby whispered softly, her hand found its way to Raven’s as she pulled the mechanics eyes to hers. “Is it weird? I didn’t mean for it to be weird.”

“No, it’s not weird.” Raven shook her head in complete astonishment, unable to keep her eyes in one place, they flickered between the features on Abby’s face and back up to the ceiling. She feared that if she kept her eyes glued to Abby’s for too long she would inevitable say those three words she could feel burning against the inside of her mouth. “I love it.” She proceeded to gape like a fish. “This is amazing.”

Eying her warily, the lack of enthusiasm and overall emotion in Raven’s voice raised concern inside Abby’s chest, though, she could see flickers of something unknown in the younger woman’s eyes, she couldn’t help but feel as though she’d just screwed up. “It washes off, if you don’t like it-”

Raven silenced Abby with a solid kiss to her lips. “Don’t you dare.” She replied teasingly. “I haven’t had stars on my ceiling since my dad lived with us.” Something in Raven’s words causes Abby’s heart to jump pleasantly within her ribcage. “I didn’t think I’d ever have that again…” Her voice cracked sharply as her eyes began to well up, she didn’t talk about her dad, she hadn’t in a long time. However, instead of hiding her face or wiping angrily at her eyes to wipe away her tears, she blinked gently and let them fall.

\----

A tiny Raven clung almost painfully to her father’s equally dark hair as she balanced on his shoulders precariously. One of his strong arms was extended across her small calves, holding her steady so that she didn’t topple backwards as the other held the small pot of paint in the air for her to reach down with the paintbrush.

“Daddy?” Raven asked as she painted the palm of her hand carelessly before slapping it against his cheek in delight. She squealed with excitement when he began to chuckle and placed finger prints of the clear paint along her legs.

“Yes, space girl?” He asked when she begun to paint the wonky and misshapen stars on the ceiling. Her mom wouldn’t be happy when she returned home, though, she’d calm down once she saw the mess of her husband and daughter, glowing like something from the _Ghostbusters_ movies. “Oh, I like that one.” He observed her most recent of stars, seven point with a swirl in the centre.

“Thanks, daddy.” Raven said. She repeated the swirl on her father’s neck and added a few tiny dots to make it look at least something akin to a galaxy. “Do you think it would be scary in space?” He didn’t even flinch when the paint began to trickle down his collar, he’d later get the same image tattooed in the exact spot.

“In space?” He asked for clarification, his daughter’s squeaky voice was sometimes hard to understand, especially in her young age. Raven nodded and directed him to another section of her room so she could reach a bare patch on the ceiling. She scooped too much out onto the paintbrush and pouted as it trickled down the stick and onto her arm. Curiously, Raven began to poke the brush at the trail of liquid intently, all previous thoughts and conversation forgotten about. “I suppose so, but only if you were on your own.” Her father replied.

Raven was still slathering her arm in paint as she replied, “I want to go to space one day.”

“You do?” Her father feigned surprise, he bounced his daughter on his shoulders to subtly draw her attention away from the mess on her body and back to the task at hand. Raven’s whole room was decorated with a space theme. Her bed sheets war black with a scatter of stars and galaxies, her walls – even in her young age – were covered with posters depicting various galaxies and supernova’s, her desk in the far corner was covered in sections of a makeshift rocket that she was part way through building and a mobile hung just above it from a light that acted as a sun with homemade planets dangling from it coated in colourful glitter and paint. “I never would have guessed.”

“Oh yes.” She nodded furiously. “And not just for a little while.”

“Really?” He leaned over the desk to pull out a new pot of paint and replaced it with the now empty one. Something told him that there was less paint on the ceiling than there was soaking through his daughter’s and his own clothes. “How long would you like to be in space for?” he moved over to the far side of the room, a book case sat parallel to the wall filled with books on astrology, physics, chemistry and all things space. His daughter would be a genius. He knew it.

“Forever.” She replied almost wistfully causing her father to grin completely unabashed.

“Well you might have some trouble convincing your mommy, but I say go for it, kid.” He popped the cap on the pot of paint and held it up for Raven to stick the brush in.

“Daddy?” her father hummed in response. “Would you come to space with me? I don’t want to go on my own.”

He was silent for a moment and Raven thought he hadn’t heard her request, she didn’t see him gulping down the break of emotion in his voice and breathing in a calming breath. “So we can take over the galaxy together?” He asked teasingly though his voice was tender and gentle.

“Like Darth Vader.” Raven nodded surely.

“Then yeah, you got it, kid. We’ll take over the galaxy together and live in space.” Raven cheered in delight and proceeded to paint stars on the ceiling.

\----

At that point in her life, Raven had been completely oblivious to the events that would later tear her family apart. Her finger subconsciously traced over the small tattoo beneath her left breast, the one that matched her father’s. “Thank you, Abby.”

She kissed Abby softly and for the first time since that night with her dad, she felt completely happy, content in with where she was in life, whole heartedly ready for whatever her future would throw at her and had once again found exhilaration in stars.  


	11. Rocket Fuel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient and thank you for all the kind feedback from everyone.   
> Here's the next chapter!

“So, yeah, that’s everything.” Sinclair shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet smugly. “It’s sustainable and not only does it last longer than regular fuel, but measured to the correct amount, it won’t turn toxic during combustion.” He explained. Raven held the beaker to her face curiously as she used the light in the room to make the liquid substance more visible. It was unlike anything she had ever seen, a violet hue to the mostly transparent fuel.

“What about the fuel lines and oxygen lines?” she asked curiously.

“Ah.” He moved back over to his desk and Raven followed. They were cutting it short, she knew, they would be leaving for DC the following day. “I drew up some plans and wanted you to take a look.” Raven nodded and slipped them into the binder so that she could add them to the presentation before dinner.

“I’ll take a look as soon as I get home.” She smiled at him, trying and failing to keep the excitement from her voice. “You don’t mind if I take this, too do you?” she held up the beaker, checking behind her to make sure he had extra in case. “I’ll add it in to the slides.”

“Go for it.” He said, perching himself comfortable on the edge of his desk.

“Oh!” Raven jumped. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ve invited a…” she paused. “I invited my girlfriend to come along, I hope you don’t mind.” She asked shyly, it was already too late, however, because whether he liked it or not, Abby would be joining them.

Grinning, Sinclair shook his head. “Is this the woman you’ve been mentioning?” he asked almost proudly.

“Mhm.” Raven nodded shyly.

“I look forward to meeting her, I’ll introduce you both to my lovely wife.” He smiled, his excitement was contagious and soon enough Raven could feel herself vibrating. This was huge, NASA HQ, DC, Abby, everything that was happening was everything that she’d ever dreamed of. This was the opportunity of a life time and all Raven could think was that she wasn’t able to share it with her dad.

“I can’t wait.” Raven replied genuinely and made a move towards the door.

“Raven,” Sinclair’s voice caused her to stall her movements, she turned to face her professor. “This is all you, this is your idea, all of it and I’m very proud of you.” He smiled at her so sincerely with a gentle air she hadn’t seen in a long time that tears began to sting at her eyes, her vision blurred when her eyes glossed over and became suddenly glassy.

Without thinking she jogged back over to the man and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you.” She whispered, he was the closest thing to a father she’d had in a long time and she was so very, very thankful for that.

\----

She’d been busy that morning, she’d dropped Abby off at Cece’s pretty early, Raven had tried to avoid any conversation with Abby’s friend but had inevitably failed with the dark haired woman invited her in for ‘a quick drink’. She should have run while she’d had the chance because the quick drink turned into an interrogation which Raven was sure was to the same degree as that of FBI agent and surely, definitely, was illegal… She wanted to escape out the window the second Abby had left to use the bathroom.

When that moment finally came she made her way over to the garage where she spent four hours or so working on Abby’s car, the problem was quickly addressed and Wick promised to finish it and drop it off for Abby later that day at the restaurant Cece and her had decided to eat at later.

Once she’d finished up, she’d gone to school to run through things with Sinclair before they had to leave the next day. So it would be fair to say that her mind wasn’t exactly with her body as she stomped into her apartment that afternoon, her arms were full of files that needed to be checked for DC and the beaker balanced precariously on the top, the liquid sloshed around which definitely wasn’t safe... Raven’s cheek held her phone against her shoulder as Abby’s voice chattered away down the line.

“Jackson said he was going to come and meet Cece and me for dinner, too.” Abby gushed excitedly.

“He’s the one from that big hospital, right?” The apartment seemed to be empty as she slid of her shoes by the door that was hip checked closed behind her. The beaker wobbled, she paused to steady it. “Guys?” She called out, Octavia was maybe at the library but Clarke was usually home around this time.

“Yes, he’ll likely try and convince me to join him again, like always.” Raven could hear the smirk in Abby voice down the line. She made her way down the hallway and towards the living which was vacant of all human life. A shuffling noise resonated from one of their bedrooms and she assumed the blonde was home, changing out of her usually paint coated clothes.

“Would that be a bad idea, with everything going on now, I mean?” Raven asked, her curiosity had peaked with interest. She skilfully slipped her jacket off and dropped it to the back of the couch with her arms still piled with files and liquid akin to jet fuel.

“I suppose not,” Abby replied thoughtfully. “It’s just with Clarke here and-” she paused, it didn’t go unnoticed by Raven. “everyone, the distance would be difficult.”

She made her way over to the kitchen when she heard it.

A very definite and a very clear moan.

She paused.

“Clarke.” Another voice sighed at heavily and Raven’s face turned pale.

“Raven? You still there?” Raven was frozen in her position and couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Abby’s daughter was having sex with her finance in the same apartment as her daughter’s best friend who just so happened to be her girlfriend. “Raven?”

“Clarke’s having _sex_.” Raven had to grit her teeth to stop herself from screaming the words too loudly. She was sure Abby didn’t want to know but the realisation was just too terrifying for her to be able to keep it in. She’d heard Octavia before, she’d even stormed into her friend’s room once halfway through to turn up the music that was playing, completely shameless. However, Clarke had been respectful most times and had either kept quiet, waited for there to be no one home or went to Lexa’s place.

“ _What_?” Abby gasped down the phone as though the thought of her daughter ever partaking in such activities was completely outrageous. “I don’t want to know that, Raven!”

“But what do I do?” Raven pleaded desperately, her eyes were wide and she looked alarmingly like a deer caught in headlights. She was unmoving on the edge of the kitchen; she was glue to her spot.

Abby sputtered down the phone furiously. “I don’t know, Raven. Do they even know you’re home?” she asked.

“Yes!” Raven paused. “I mean, I think so, I shouted and slammed the door…” just then, Clarke’s bedroom door clicked open and a very naked Lexa stepped out into the living room.

Raven screamed at the top of her lungs, she was sure the glass in the windows on the other side of the street shuddered at the sound and everything in her arms flew in all directions. Lexa’s eyes bugged out of her head and she stumbled and toppled backwards into Clarke’s bedroom with surprised.

When the files clattered to the ground, it was as though everything switched to slow motion. Raven could only watch as the beaker fell through the air, spinning violet liquid in a spiral that should have been pretty but could only cause an alarming bolt of terror to pulse through her body. She went cold as she hurled her body over the couch and ducked under cover.

The explosion was small but deafening nonetheless and the ringing in Raven’s ears caused her eyes to water and stream and soon the apartment was filling with smoke. The fire alarm beeped above her head obnoxiously but she was still trying to regain her senses to stand up and find the fire extinguisher.

Clarke raced into the kitchen with the extinguisher in her hands, screaming like a barbarian, butt naked with sex mussed hair. Raven finally clambered to her feet, her brace was locked but she hobbled over to the windows to let out the smoke. Lexa stood dumbfounded in the middle of the room wrapped in a bed sheet. At least she was able to assemble herself somewhat, compared to Clarke anyway. “What the _fuck_ , Raven?” Clarke screamed when the small blaze died down to nothing but a crotched cupboard and half melted oven.

“What?” Raven asked with a ludicrous expression plastered to her face. “I didn’t walk out my room completely naked and scare you half to death!” she yelled, her ears were still ringing. “Which y’know.” She snapped her eyes away from Clarke’s bare form as she gestured with her hand.

The blonde scoffed but moved the fire extinguisher to cover her body. “Did you bring fireworks home again?” she asked with a frown, she turned to inspect the damage, it wasn’t as bad as previous accidents.

“No…” Raven muttered, her eyes dropped to the soot covered floor.

“Raven.” Clarke warned.

“It wasn’t fireworks, honestly… It was just rocket fuel.”

“I give up.” Clarke held her arms up in defeat and exasperation. “You can call Octavia.” She retreated to her bedroom with a dazed Lexa following behind her.

“You have a fire extinguisher?” Raven heard the taller woman ask before the bedroom door was slammed closed behind them. 

A moment passed, Raven stood in her own daze trying to taking everything else in at once when she remembered her phone. It had dropped to the carpet somewhere near the couch and she fumbled around until she found it tucked under to edge of the piece of furniture. “Babe?” Raven whispered, unaware of how quiet or loud she was talking.

“Do I want to know?” Abby asked. Raven could practically hear the woman shaking her head in disbelief.

“No.” Raven replied. “I think it’s best.”

\----

“So you know someone?” Clarke pushed both Raven and Octavia aside as she sidled on up beside Finn as they approached the small bar – almost a restaurant – type place over on sixth that they’d decided to eat at. You know. Since the kitchen had been blown to pieces. Well, not really, but it was unusable for the time being but the super had been cool about it, especially when Raven had offered and promised to help fix up his daughter’s car.

“Yeah, sure.” Finn shrugged, his hands were buried deep in his pockets. The super had said he wouldn’t throw them out but he wasn’t going to fix anything, they’d manage on their own for sure, but none of them could afford to without a little help. Finn had quite happily offered to help out when he’d heard Clarke’s over the top side of the story.

The blonde sighed out a breath of relief. “’oh, thank God.”

“I don’t know why you’re so worried.” Lexa spoke up as she wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and pulled her into her side.

“Because,” Clarke began with a dumbfounded expression. “We nearly died today, I saw my life flash before my eyes and the block scorch marks and the melted oven is just a reminder of my near death experience.” She explained in all seriousness.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“ _You_ weren’t there.” Clarke countered and shot Raven a glare that didn’t fail to cause another surge of guilt to bubble in the mechanic’s chest.

“I told you I was sorry!” Raven whined. “I’m paying for your dinner; I’m paying for everyone’s dinner so can we please just drop it?” she pleaded desperately.

“No.” Clarke stated simply, almost snobbishly with her nose pointed high. Finn chuckled in response and made his way to the back of the group where Raven was trailing grimly behind a silent Lincoln who, as per usual, seemed to just be enjoying the playful conversations going on around him.

“Have you informed the girlfriend about you ‘near death experience’ too?” he teased lightly, a nudge against her shoulder caused Raven to skid over to slightly against the sidewalk but she caught herself before she could topple over. A smile tugged at her lips involuntarily at his words.

“I think she’d recovering from a likely burst ear drum.” Raven replied with a dopy smile. Her guilt from seconds before was almost forgotten about. “I was on the phone with her at the time.” Octavia was apparently eavesdropping, she turned to shoot Raven a knowing glance that was more smug and proud that anything else that Clarke has looked at her with that afternoon.

“Ah, I see.” Finn nodded in understanding before he wrapped his arm around her loosely. It was in no way the same as the two women walking in front of them. Lexa’s arm was tight and protective around her girlfriend, holding Clarke against the heat of her own while Finn’s just balanced along her shoulders in a way that suggested he was just too lazy to lug the long limb around with him.

However, that didn’t stop a strange surge of guilt from rippling up her spine. Maybe it wasn’t guilt, Raven couldn’t quite place the feeling, though, it was something as equally uncomfortable and heavy entirely in her gut. She stepped out of his reach and didn’t turn to meet his eyes when his arm dropped heavily. Just as he was about to say something, the sound of her phone ringing caused his mouth to sap closed and Raven fumbled with her gloves and the device for a moment.

“Hey, babe.” She grinned through the cold early evening air, a thick white cloud billowed from her mouth and turned to a glowing yellow with the street lights that flickered on around them. The once grey sky had now begun to turn an almost navy blue with thick dark clouds looming and threatening to snow overhead.

“Hi.” Rave could feel Abby’s smile more than she could hear it in the single word greeting.

“You okay?” Raven asked, hanging back long enough from the rest of the group so that they couldn’t hear the older woman’s voice through the small speaker on her phone.

“Just making sure you’re okay… and still alive. Clarke texted me to tell me she loved me and that she wouldn’t take our mother/daughter bond for granted again.” Abby chuckled down the phone in amusement and the smile that spread across Raven’s face in response to the sound was unlike anything Finn had ever seen in his life. She could feel his eyes on her. Clarke and Octavia had become used to pretending to ignore her, however, after Raven had threatened to tie fireworks to the legs of their beds and light them if they ever teased her. “She’s awfully dramatic.” Abby mused thoughtfully.

“Understatement.” Raven deadpanned. “But yeah, I’m okay, paying for dinner for everyone as an apology so I have somewhere to sleep.” She only half joked.

“Everyone?” Abby asked with a confused lilt to her tone.

“Oh,” Raven was surprised by the question, taken aback even. She quickly glanced over the group, her eyes landed on Finn and she shot him a tight lip smile as he caught her eyes. She almost expected Abby to comment on her precarious living arrangements instead. “Just the usual, Clarke and Octavia and their better halves.” Raven shrugged despite the fact that Abby was unable to witness the response, though she may have been able to hear the rustle of Raven’s jacket above the sound of the busy road. The words felt fake against her mouth, a tumbling lie, well, a half-truth, that she knew was a lie nonetheless and still created a burning hole in her very being. It was wrong and empty and rotten. Though her mind flashed to the previous evening, the minor argument or misinterpretation that could have ended so much worse.

She gulped.

Yeah, she wasn’t about to let that happen again.

“Sounds like fun.” Abby replied with a playful voice.

“Oh yeah, for some.” Raven chuckled dryly.

Abby was quiet for a moment and Raven had to glance down at the screen of her phone to reassure herself that the doctor hadn’t hung up on her. “Raven?” Abby’s voice was starkly soft and shy compared to the louds hustle and bustle of the busy city around her.

“Yeah?” Raven asked gently, cautious not to sound too startling to the older woman.

“You know you could always come and stay with me, here, if you didn’t want pay for their dinner.” Abby had maybe meant for her words to be teasing and playful, however, the tenderness and the weight that her offer held was lined with implications and consequences that both women were ready to face but still too scared to take the first jump. Therefore, her words were disguised behind a joke… it was safe, or safer than confessing what even Raven could hear in her words.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Raven replied just as softly as Abby’s request had been before the older woman cleared her throat when the sound of Callie muttering something in the background pulled them both from the moment. “Do I have to hang up now?” Raven asked playfully, the weight around her heart, warm and tingling, had a grin plastered to her face.

“I’ll see you soon, I’m all packed and ready for tomorrow.” Abby reassured her.

“Can’t wait.” Raven smiled before they said their goodbyes and the call ended.

“So gay!” Finn yelled over his shoulder before taking off in a skidding sprint towards the busy bar when Raven lobbed an icy ball of snow at his back.

“Ass!”

\----

**Wick [today, 18:33 PM]**

I’ll meet u guys for dinner, im dropping off Abbys car now so wait up for me (:

Raven rolled her eyes at the state of the message on her phone but her stomach growled in response and she fired off a quick message in reply.

**Raven [today, 18:34 PM]**

Well, hurry up, we’re not waiting and I’m hungry.

The mechanic was about to place her phone back into her pocket when it began to vibrate in her hand. Once, then twice and another time alerting Raven to a call. She snapped her eyes down towards the screen, wary of her friends staring at her once they’d heard the sound of her phone vibrating consistently against the palm of her hand. “Who is it?” Lincoln asked around the brim of his glass. It was the first thing Raven had heard him say all day.

“Sinclair.” She frowned down curiously at the screen. She’d already spoken to him today and had arranged to meet at airport the following morning. “I gotta take this.” she gestured with her thumb to the entrance to the bar and quickly shuffled out of the tightly packed booth. Her mind immediately jumped into panic mode, being so close to the convention now she’d been worried something was about to go wrong despite how much Sinclair, Clarke and Octavia had reassured of the contrary. “What’s happened? What’s blown up? You’re baling on me aren’t you? Oh god, don’t do this now-”

“Raven!” Sinclair laughed with a deep bellowing chuckle down the phone that stopped Raven’s rambling panic in its tracks. Her professor’s laughter calmed her mind in seconds. “Calm down, nothing’s wrong.”

“Oh.” Raven breathed out a sigh of relief. “Then what’s up?”

“One of the guys I know, you know the one who’s helping out on the panel?” he asked. Raven hummed in response. “He just called and told me that there’s a job going, just one, an internship really, and he said that they’re going to offer it to someone at the convention.”

Raven’s mouth fell open in complete dumbfounded curiosity. “Wait, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” she could hear the grin in his voice, “that this would be an amazing opportunity for you, Raven. Working for their Human Exploration and Operations department would be amazing, it would lead to so many opportunities for you.”

“God.” Raven mumbled out for lack of better words and rubbed at her forehead in thought. “This is…”

“Amazing? Exciting? Brilliant?” Sinclair listed off in a hurry.

“A lot.” Her voice came out deflated rather than the excited tone Sinclair had been expecting.

“But good, right?” He sounded worried and unsure as he spoke. “This is huge, Raven.”

“So you keep saying.” The mechanic clenched her eyes closed and pressed her forefinger and thumb against her eyelids.

“We can talk about it tomorrow on the flight, I’ll let you think it over for a while.”

“Okay.” Raven spoke softly.

“Raven?” Sinclair’s voice sounded down the phone a moment before she was about to end the call.

“Yeah?”

“This is a once in the life time opportunity.” She deflated against the cool wall of the bar. “Try not to pass it up.”

\----

They were sat in the booth in the far corner of the semi-classy bar – not that bars could usually be classy – when Clarke yelled an excited ‘ _mom’_ across the room. Every person within a ten feet radius of their table, families out for a quite meal, couples on dates and even the old man sat with a briefcase, all glanced up with mixed expressions. The group ducked their heads in embarrassment but maybe if the small family too their left didn’t look about ready to drag Clarke and her friends out into the parking lot out front, Raven would have felt a pang of pride for the blonde and the slowly healing relationship with Abby.

When Wick trudged in behind Abby and Cece, wiping snow from his shoulders. Raven buried her head into her hands and her heart dropped with a cold plummet into her stomach.

Clarke proceeded to wave the three over.

The mechanic snapped her eyes from Abby and then to Finn who was sat closely beside her.

Abby’s eyes caught Clarke and for a moment she looked just as excited to see her daughter, and then they landed on Raven. The younger woman’s heart skipped in her chest with excitement for only a moment when Abby’s smile split into a grin. The doctor’s eyes held nothing but affection and that same something Raven always struggled to place. Her heart welled dangerously in her chest but she welcomed the feeling regardless of her own sudden near death experience.

But then it dropped and so did Raven’s. the glimmer in her eyes faded from elation and something else before they home in on the man perched beside her girlfriend.

“Come and join us.” Clarke called, shuffling around in the booth to make more room.

Cece seemed eager enough, she tugged on Abby’s arm and pushed her in against the other side of Raven, that mischievous smirk on her face that told Raven and Abby she knew exactly what she was doing. Apparently, she hadn’t noticed the sudden change of tension in the air. Then Cece’s eyes landed on a face she didn’t recognise pressed against Raven’s other side.

Raven didn’t make a move to introduce him, only smiled gently at Abby in hopes that it would ease some tension.

“Oh!” Clarke seemed to notice the change in the air around them and followed the two older women’s gazes in the direction of the somewhat tamed shaggy haired man. “This is Finn. Finn, this is my mom and her friend Callie but we call her Cece.” The blonde introduced with an all too put together smile that, for a moment, seemed to look forced. Raven tried to focus on the expression but her eyes were drawn to the smear of sky blue paint smeared against Clarke’s neck and her train of thought wavered for a moment until-

“Finn.” Abby stated simply. Her back was ram rod straight and her head was held high, the obvious defence and poise that Raven had only seen Abby hold a handful of times. It wasn’t a greeting, more an acknowledgement of displeasure, mulling the name around her mouth as though it were poison. Abby’s eyes didn’t flicker or chance a glance in Raven’s direction but the static in the air around them became palpable and the mechanic could feel more than one set of eyes on herself and the interaction she was trapped between.

Finn, always the gentleman, climbed to his feet. He removed the napkin that had been placed over his thighs and wiped down his hands before extending it out towards the two women. “Yup, that’s me.” Finn managed a boyish grin despite the daggers burning into his skull. “It’s nice to meet you both.” He extended his hand and waited expectantly for it to be taken. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Abby.”

Callie stared at Raven, a blank expression on her face that Raven didn’t even consider meeting. She could feel her body turning to stone under the eyes of her girlfriend’s best friend and knew that if she were to even turn in Callie’s direction she would probably melt into a puddle.

“I’ve heard a lot about you too, Finn.” Abby stated icily and made no move to shake his hand. Her words had been cold enough to send a shiver slicing down Raven’s spine and startled Finn back down into his seat. The older woman gave a pointed glimpse into Raven’s direction, one that hadn’t gone unnoticed by most of the people gathered around the table.

“I’ve never mentioned him before…?” Clarke mumble din confusion.

Raven wanted to cry.

Cry or run away.

“Have you not, dear?” Abby asked, her voice high pitched and sweet. Her eyes scanned meticulously over the menu with purpose. “Oh well.” She shrugged her shoulders and Raven gulped, sunk into her seat, and shot a helpless pleading look in Lexa’s and Octavia’s direction, hoping to some other worldly power that she could be saved from this shit show. She’d messed up by not mentioning Finn, made an innocent evening meal with her friends something much more complicated than it should be. She’d fucked up and had evidently caused more harm than good by keeping the small fact from Abby.

Their food arrived promptly and the smell was almost relieving as everyone tucked in, distracted from the awkward situation. “So, what have you been doing today, mom?” Clarke asked around a mouthful of fries.

Raven gulped down her beer.

“We’ve been spending the day together.” Abby gestured to Cece with less enthusiasm than she’d walked into the bar with.

For a moment Clarke glanced between the two women, calculating and thoughtful before she brushed whatever thought off and shrugged. “Sounds cool.” Clarke shoved another handful of fries into her mouth.

“Oh yeah, ferrying your mom around is so cool.” Cece laughed teasingly, helpfully diffusing the tension in the air.

“Ferrying her around?” Clarke asked quizzically around a mouthful of food that dropped back to the plate. Raven dropped her head to the rim of hr bottle. _Fuck_. She thought as the blonde glanced curiously between Abby, Callie, Wick and then to Raven. The slowly turning cogs in Clarke’s head could almost be heard over the thick silence that had enveloped them all.

Abby jabbed a sharp elbow into Callie’s ribs, the older women had noticed the expression on Raven’s face and could see that the conversation was leading to dangerous waters. Her friend let out a high pitched yelp that drew conveniently drew Clarke’s attention from her thoughts. “Is Bellamy not feeling left out?” Cece wheezed. “Since you’re not at his bar?”

“The food there isn’t great.” Lexa explained, she eyes Raven cautiously.

“Makes sense.”

The group fell back into a tense silence until their plates were clean. Octavia jumped to her feet. “I need a drink.” She shot a pointed glare at Raven and tilted her chin sharply towards the bar. “Do you want one too?”

“Um…” The glare turned icy cold. “Yes, yup, I could do with a drink.” She clambered to her feet and hobbled over to the bar. Her brace had been giving her trouble lately, or maybe it had something to do with all of the late night activates she’d been getting involved in, either way she was struggling to move around without aching pain resonating from her hip.

“What the hell is going on?” Octavia whispered unnecessarily into her ear. “Abby’s been grinding her teeth all evening and I’m pretty sure Cece is about to bust some balls.” Her best friend’s words did nothing to ease the guilt and coiling tension in Raven’s body.

“I think I screwed up.”

“Oh Jesus.” Octavia rolled her eyes as though she wasn’t even surprised. “Before or after you blew up the kitchen?”

“After.” Raven gulped down the cocktail concoction that her best friend had plopped in front of her, her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t tell her Finn was with us tonight.” Octavia could only let out a groan in response, immediately understanding Abby’s foul mood. “We talked about things last night, she didn’t seem too comfortable with the idea of him but I don’t want her to worry, y’know?”

Octavia smacked Raven upside the head but didn’t say anything, instead, she ordered three more of whatever she had practically poured down Raven’s throat and kept two for herself, handing the remaining one to the mechanic. “You’re an ass.”

“I know.” Raven chanced and glance over her shoulder to find Abby staring at her, she was too far away to see the shade of her eyes or the intensity of which they bore into Raven’s soul, but the dip of Abby’s brow caused a rush of fear and worry to ripple and echo through her body. Abby snapped her head to stare at Finn and then spun back ground to glare at Raven as if to say ‘what the hell is this?’ “I know.” Raven sighed out again, defeated and guilty. “What do I do?”

“Grovel.” Octavia stated simply before she wandered back over to the booth only to be replaced by Lexa.

“Someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight.” She teased. Raven groaned painfully. “You didn’t tell her about Finn coming did you?”

“I didn’t know she would be here.” It was a pathetic response and was in no way close to being a terrible argument. Raven slumped. “That obvious, huh?”

“Even Clarke is suspicious.” There was a warning tint to the taller woman’s tone, one that caused more worry for a thousand different reasons to pile on top of her already growing pile.

“Fuck.” The mechanic gulped down her drink and made now show of hesitation to leave the other one waiting.

“You better clear things up before there’s a bust up and someone declares war.” Lexa ponders something for a moment. “It might be just as complicated as World War One if you wait…” There was more behind her words than the obvious but Raven couldn’t bring herself to respond. Firstly, unable to understand the reference itself and secondly, she was beginning to feel the starts of a cold sweat forming on the back of her neck at the glare she could feel piercing the skin of her back.

Raven and Lexa – holding fresh glasses of god knows what – approached the table at the wrong time. “It’s funny right?” Clarke laughed along to something Finn had just said and hesitantly, Lexa and Raven sat down.  

“Definitely.” Finn tilted his head back in ludicrous laughter that managed to set Raven on edge. She glanced to her left, sensing the tension rising again in the air. Cece sat with her head bowed, one had clasped tightly around her glass while Abby sat with a passive expression on her face. Her eyes would have appeared just as blank if Raven hadn’t stopped to stare a little while longer. Abby looked _scared_.

“We’re discussing your love life.” Clarke supplied unhelpfully causing Raven to sputter on her drink.

Abby was tense and ram rod straight beside her. “Finn was informing us of your noticeable change in behaviour since he’d last seen you and suspected it was because of the unlucky woman in your life.” Callie added, her voice was like hot acid against Raven’s skin, she wanted to squirm away, slip under the table and never return to meet the light of day. Her eyes were glued to the clear liquid in her glass instead. “’Unlucky’ being my choice of word.” She supplied a second later and as hard as Raven tried, she couldn’t help the shudder of her bottom lip. She’d hurt Abby and Cece was making it known.

Abby remained quiet.

This situation was getting worse and worse, the room was getting hotter and hotter and Raven just wanted to run.

“But no one seems to know who this woman is.” Finn carried on speaking, completely oblivious to the tension around him that everyone was beginning to fee in some shape or form. “Is she even real?” it occurred to her then that everyone, excluding Finn and Clarke it would seem, knew exactly who had caused the change in Raven’s behaviour and maybe in some way, that made her chest feel impossibly tight.

“She is.” Raven replied quietly, filling her words with enough apology the was burning through her veins, that she hoped Abby could hear it. She sounded small and meek and Raven was sure she noticed Clarke’s face scrunch up in confusion as she watched Raven curiously. Her eyes flickered to the left of her and then back. “She’s very real.” Bravely, or stupid, Raven wasn’t sure which, she reached out beneath the table and laced her fingers softly with Abby’s. The doctor let out a shuddery sigh but she didn’t let go of Raven’s hand, instead she squeezed it gently, allowing herself a moment alone in her own mind where it was just Raven and herself.

For a second, Raven didn’t want to run away anymore.

“So, Raven.” Octavia spoke up. “You ready for tomorrow?” it was a desperate attempt, one that Raven appreciated, to dissipate the ridiculous situation. However, Finn kept pushing.

“It’s just that no one has ever seen or met the woman or even gotten a name out of you yet.” Despite the teasing tone, the playfulness to his words and the dopy grin on his face that once would have had Raven laughing and joking along with him, only aided in digging Raven’s grave deeper and deeper into the fiery pits of hell. “It kind of makes you wonder that maybe it’s something you don’t want people to know about.” Finn shrugged thoughtfully.

“Nice weather we’re having?” Lexa tried to join in Octavia’s failed attempt of a feeble rescue. Callie and Abby both ignored the question and proceeded to fume silently.

With alarming speed, Finn snapped his eyes open wide before shooting across the table to clutched at Raven’s forearm. Lincoln caught his drink before it toppled over. Abby’s hand snapped out of Raven’s as her eyes shot down to stare at the intimate action. “It’s not illegal is it?”

“No.” Raven grit out angrily. “But what I’m about to do to you will be if you don’t shut your mouth now.” Finn, on the other hand, was in his gleeful element and didn’t take her threat seriously. He was about to make another stupid comment, his mouth dropped a full inch-

The table bounced, the glasses and pitcher of water shook unsteadily and Finn flinched and let out high pitched yelp of pain. His dropped his head to the table to reach down to his shin to rub at the painful patch on his leg. “What the hell?” He gasped, glancing around the table at the group of people.

The doctor stood abruptly and marched off in the direction of the bathroom. No one batted an eyelid except for Callie and Raven. The mechanic could only watch as Abby stormed off in a whirl of hurricane strong wind. “Follow her.” Lexa whispered with a nudge to Raven’s ribs.

Raven didn’t need to be told twice when it came to Abby, she didn’t even care for the curious expression on Clarke’s face as she raced after her mom.

Raven wasn’t sure she’d ever experience a bigger car wreck in her life, excluding the literal car wreck of course, but even that only just beat the situation she was trapped in now. She’d screwed up big time and she knew it. She’d hurt Abby beyond what she knew was possible and it was all her fault.

“Abby?”  Raven called softly as she shoved open the swinging door to the bathroom. The smell of lemon scented cleaning products swarmed her senses and burned her nose.

While Abby had claimed she’d been okay with Finn being around the night prior, somewhere in her head, Raven understood that that was more for her benefit than Abby’s own. She’d simply stated what Raven had wanted to hear instead of voicing her real concerns which Raven would have pushed for.

And they were real and valid concerns after all. Abby had every right to be uncomfortable with the idea of Raven spending time with Finn.

“Babe?” Raven stopped in front of the only occupied stall and dropped her forehead to the cool wood of the door.

“I’m busy, Raven.” Abby snapped causing the brunette’s eyes to go wide.

“I don’t hear you peeing.”

The older woman let out a long, painful sigh before she spoke again, softer this time with less bite. “Give me a minute.”

“Okay,” Raven nodded and took a few steps back before her butt met the sinks. She climbed up and waited patiently for Abby to finish and then a few more seconds after Abby had flushed the toilet – unnecessarily - for her to leave the cubical.

When she finally did, her eyes were glassy in the way that caused them to turn painfully red and angry, holding in the frustrated tears that were only triggered with great amounts of pent up emotion which Raven was all too familiar with.

She stepped down to move towards Abby but the older woman held her hands up to stop Raven in her tracks. “Don’t.”

“Ab-”

“No.” Raven was cut off. “Why did you lie to me?” Her abruptness startled Raven back into reality, back to the situation at hand and back into the consuming pits of her guilt.

“I didn’t…” Raven half-heartedly tried to argue. It was futile after all and pretty pathetic too, but it was all she had in her in that moment.

“Yes you did, and don’t try and come up with this ‘half-truth’ shit that you kids think is a good excuse. Don’t be a child.” Abby’s words were like a harsh slap across her face and for a moment, all Raven could do was gape in complete dumfounded shock.

"What?" Raven could only manage a single word in response though it wasn't the question she wanted to ask. She couldn’t bring herself to form the words, too startled by Abby’s ridiculous statement to find the connection between her brain, heart and mouth. She'd never expect Abby to sink to using their age difference as an excuse to scream at Raven. "Did you just call me a child?"

Abby crossed her arms over her chest and stood tall, unrelenting.

"Did you really-" she stopped herself again, her fingers reached up to pinch at the bridge of her nose. "You're the child Abby." Raven finally snapped, like a rubber band being stretched too far or a branch held under too much weight.

"Me?" Abby asked absurdly.

"Yes, you!" Raven took a step forward. "We talked about this last night, I told you there was nothing going on, I told you I didn't have feelings for him and that I never would." Her words just begin to spill, over flowing as her hazy, alcohol fuelled mind spiralled on. "If you were so bothered by it then you should have said something instead of keeping quiet about it, Abby. I can't read minds."

Abby went to say something but stopped at the pointed glare.

"How could you call me a child? I haven't been a child since the day my mom died, since the day I needed this," the bashed her fist angrily against the metal frame work holding her leg together. "I've had to be an adult since I was twelve, I've had no one to look out for me but myself. So don't you dare call me a child just because you feel threatened by _some guy_." Ravens words echoed around the empty bathroom, the silence that followed her outburst was almost as deafening as her shouting.

"Some guy?!" Abby threw her hands in the air as she turned her back to Raven. "That guy was once the love of your life." She spun on her heel like a whirlwind and rounded on Raven quickly. "How do you expect me to feel about him being around you, after he made you so happy, after he made you feel loved and cared for," Abby's eyes began to water once again, building behind the damns of her eyelashes. "After he broke you're fucking heart?" The curse made Ravens heart stutter for more reasons than one but she held her ground.

"I don't know, Abby!" Raven threw her own hands into the air, unable to care for the growing volume of their voices and how everyone outside would likely be able to hear them. "Because I can't read your mind! I've told you where I stand with Finn, there's a lot of forgiveness that he needs to earn but even then, we'll be nothing more than friends." She repeated her words from the night before but could tell by the shaking of Abby's hands that they were falling on deaf ears. "Abby, for crying out loud you need to tell me how you feel because I can't know what you're thinking." Raven almost pleaded but her voice was still filled with her own hurt and anger.

"I don't trust him!" Abby yelled, pressing herself firmly into Raven’s personal space. "I look at you and I can see my future, I see us and a house and a dog and maybe even a family." The tears in her eyes finally fell, spilling down her cheeks in a hot and heavy flow that cut through the makeup on her face. Raven felt her own cheeks suddenly soak, her own thoughts spilled from the lips she'd fallen in love with. "I haven't had that since Jake, but that had lasted for a moment, as exciting and thrilling as it was, it was taken away just as quickly." Abby wiped exasperatedly at her face, smearing black mascara across the edges of her eyes and all Raven wanted to do was reach out and wipe it away, wipe the pain and hurt from Abby. "And then I see Finn, looking at you the way he has been all night, touching your arm and laughing with you and I can feel that happiness slipping away just as quickly and that scares the hell out of me, Raven."

The three words that Raven had been willing herself not to stutter out in a heated moment of passion could be heard clearly in Abby's forced confession of pain and fear and it tore Raven apart. Something so intense and pure and real, Raven had never had someone feel that towards her. Despite what Finn my think, they hadn't reached that stage, they never would because in the end, their hearts weren't in it.

"Finn's engaged, Abby, he's going to have a kid." Raven stated as a last minute argument to defend herself. Her voice was quieter now but the anger was still clearly lacing her tone. "He doesn't have feelings for me and I don't have feelings for him. We'll only ever be friends." She wanted to add a 'nothing will threaten what we have' but the furious pulsing of her heart and the ache behind her own eyes made her unsure of that thought. They were angry, furious, enraged. Their faces were beat red and their hands were balled into fists, white knuckles, with their frustration.

"Then why didn't you mention him when we talked before?" Abby's voice sounded small and helpless but Raven couldn't help the final burst of anger.

"Because I don't need to tell you everything about me life, Abby!" Her voice was louder than it had been before, the last remnants of her anger pulsed out slowly through the words before dissipating into nothing.

Silence fell.

Raven immediately regretted the outburst and dropped her head in dejection and exhaustion just as the bathroom door swung open.

Callie and Octavia stumbled into the bathroom seeming prepared and ready to break apart an army.

"Is everything okay, here?" Cece asked with a hint of malice to her voice. She eyed Raven warily before reaching for Abby cautiously.

She snapped her arm back in response before she stormed past Callie and out into the restaurant.

"Well, that was intense." Octavia mumbled as she slouched against the sink beside Raven, slumped shoulders.

"You heard?" Raven asked, the underlining question was clear in her voice.

"The music came on just as you two started up world war three." Octavia shrugged. "No one heard." 'Clarke didn't hear.' Raven couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief at that, her body dropped against Octavia's.

"I need another drink." Raven shuffled towards the door tiredly and Octavia followed. She ordered the strongest and the most expensive drink and Octavia stayed quiet. She didn't judge, she didn't push her concern for her liver onto Riven and she didn't try and slow her down. Instead, she allowed Raven to let go, allowed the tense ball of frustration to unravel and just relax if only for a moment. "I think I just fucked up the best thing I've ever had." She whispers barely audible and barely loud enough over the beating of the music for Octavia to hear her.

"She'll come around," Octavia patted Raven’s arm reassuringly, though it didn't work as well as she'd hoped. Raven ordered two shots. "Let her just take in what's been said tonight and you'll be fine."

"I don't think so, O. I said something things..." Raven shook her head as more tears began to fall, they dripped down the end of her nose and onto the white napkin beneath her drink. The thought of the words spoken between them moments ago was almost unbearable and the need to find Abby and take everything back was overwhelming. But Raven knew she couldn't do that. Not when what she'd said had been true.

\----

Raven was drunk, drunker than she'd care to admit but maybe not as drunk as Lexa and maybe that didn't make her look so bad in comparison.

Lexa howled through her tears, affectionate and happy sobs wracked her body as she clutched her phone to her chest. She slouched against Raven who cried alongside her but for an entirely different reason.

Abby and Cece had taken up perch at the bar as Callie watched her best friend drink glass of wine after glass of wine. "She's just so beautiful and-" and hiccup cut Lexa short. "And beautiful." She stared down at the picture of Clarke on her lock screen as an entirely fresh wave of tears slipped from her eyes. "Loooooook!" Lexa shoved the phone into Ravens face but only scoffed when the mechanic couldn't tear her eyes from Abby. "You're so gross with your stupid puppy eyes." She scoffed out another sound of discussed but Raven still didn't react.

Abby's words from their argument earlier swam around and flooded her mind. She was fuelled by alcohol and through the haze only certain words shone through. 'Future'. that made Raven smile. 'House and a dog'. Another smile. 'Family.' This time a sob racked through her body with such intensity that she gagged against the force. She chocked and tried to keep herself together, failing and carrying herself over the bathroom.

Lexa dumbly followed, her lock screen still glowing up at her face. "Will a picture of Clarke help?" Lexa asked in all seriousness when she squatted down beside Raven and the toilet bowl filled with only a quarter of the many shots and drinks Raven had poured down her neck that night. The curly haired brunette didn't wait for a response and only flung her phone into Raven’s face. The motion caused her eyes to cross and her head to spin before a fresh wave of nausea shuddered trough her body. She heaved into the toilet. "That's rude, it's only her face." Lexa looked genuinely offended for a moment before realisation crossed her features. "Oh right, wrong griffin."

"Lexa." Raven slurred after she wiped her mouth with some paper and flushed the toilet.

"Raven." The other woman nodded, equally as drunk though apparently far better at holding herself together.

"I want to have a house and a family and a dog with Abby." She stated simply and surely. Lexa didn't even blink.

"That's cool, I mean not as cool as Clarke but that's still cool." Lexa shrugged and thought for a moment. "What kind of dog?"

"A big one but not too big." Raven said, she dropped down onto her butt and leaned back against the side of the toilet stall to face Lexa. "like a golden retriever or a springer spaniel."

"Called Jerry." Lexa found her own joke far funnier than it really was but her laughter was infectious and soon Raven found herself joining in.  "Do you want kids?" Lexa asked when their laughter slowly died down.

The question isn't a surprise to Raven, even in her drunken state she still expected it. But that didn't mean she had an answer, in fact, Raven had never really explored the idea of children because she'd never expected to be in a relationship serious enough. "I don't know, maybe? If Abby did, want more I mean, then I'd definitely entertain the notion of small people." She shrugged. "Kids are scary though, right?"

"Oh yeah." Lexa nodded in agreement, eyes wide and serious. "Terrifying. Clarke wants three. THREE!" She held four fingers up in front of Raven’s face.

"Oh god, I don't think my body could handle that many." Raven muttered, wincing at the thought.

"I think it would be cool. Scary but cool."

"I think you're crazy."

\----

Raven decided then that she didn't much like bars. There were too many people and all she wanted to do was curl up with one person.

She tapped her finger against Abby's back gently and ducked her head. For a moment she considered racing off back towards where Lexa was flicking through the many nudes she had of Clarke on her phone.

Abby turned to face Raven and surprise swiftly spread across her features. "I'm sorry I'm an ass." Raven whispered.

Abby didn't reply but then Raven gasped out a chocked sob and birdied her face into her hands.

"I didn't mean..." Her lip trembled and she sniffed loudly. "I didn't mean to say those things; I know I don't..." A wet sob sputtered against her hands. "I don't need to tell you everything but I want to, I want to tell you everything I do at every second of the day." Her words were nearly unintelligible between the crying and the alcohol, she was a wreck but that didn't make her words any less sincere.

"You hurt me." Abby whispered softly, her voice still filled with affection for Raven despite herself.

"And you hurt me too." Abby nodded at that, understanding and accepting her own fault in the argument. "Can we go home?" Abby was nodding before she could even think, though when she stood and gathered everyone together, she realised that 'home' wouldn't be the same place tonight.

\----

Raven stumbled into the smoke scented apartment with heavy lidded and blood shot eyes. Her hair was mussed in odd directions while her clothes seemed to hang from her body limply, as opposed to the tight fitting and curvy appearance they had given her earlier that evening. "Milk." She slumped down onto the bar stool in their kitchen. "I need milk." The heavily intoxicated mechanic dropped her face in the crook of her arm as her free hand reached out in anticipation for the cold glass of white liquid.

For a moment Abby stood in place, her face contorted in confusion with a dipped brow and her bottom lip worried between her teeth. She glanced at Octavia for confirmation as to whether or not her girlfriend was being serious. At the other woman's stern nod, Abby made her way over to the fridge and quickly poured Raven a glass of milk before handing it to her. She ignored the black scorch marks that scarred the kitchen in almost every surface.

"That will curdle." Abby mumbled as more of an observation than a warning. She was still feeling incredibly guilty from their argument and the way she had behaved but was also beginning to worry about the next day. Would Raven still want her to come? Would she expect her to apologise and stay away? Maybe now wasn't the best time to worry. They had both been drinking and alcohol was never a good factor in decision making.

"Mmm." Raven could only reply with a strangled murmur that sounded more like a cross between a gag and a sigh than anything else.

"She'll be fine." Clarke's voice sounded from where her face was buried in Lexa's back. The two had promptly collapsed down onto the couch the second they'd returned home, tipsy - slightly more intoxicated than they may care to admit - and almost fast asleep. Clarke waved her hand passively in the air so that Abby could see where she was. "It stops her from being hungover in the morning, it lines her stomach."

Abby couldn't quite see the logic in that, surely the lining of her insides should come before the drinking? Surely? However, she shrugged and dropped it. "I better get going, Cece's waiting." Everything in her voice sounded desperate almost, as though she was giving Raven a last chance to settle things between them.

The mechanic grumbled sleepily, sobering up enough to know she didn't really want Abby to leave but drunk enough to think her pride was more important in that moment.

With that, a lack of response from her girlfriend and silent agreements from her daughter and her friends, Abby nodded dejectedly and made a move for the door. She resisted the urge to reach out with the simplest of touches and place her hand against the centre of Ravens back, the tug in her chest was nearly painful when she walked past the personal space of the woman who was slowly drifting in and out of consciousness. Abby couldn't help but think for a moment that that feeling, the intense surge of 'want' was what addiction felt like. She'd never been addicted to anything, smoking, drugs, alcohol. She'd never felt such an intensity towards something or someone in the way she did towards Raven in that second. All she could do was pretend that there were oceans between them, three thousand, four hundred and fifty-eight miles of it. "Wait."

The words caused Abby to come to a halt almost hopefully, Raven didn't even glance in her direction, instead she stared down with her small hand wrapped childishly around the glass of milk. Two sets of soft snoring sounded from the couch while Octavia and Lincoln sat slumped together on the love seat. Finn was stacking the beer mats he’d stolen from the bar into a house of cards on the coffee table.

“Could you come and lay down with me… just for a little while?” Raven asked sadly, her voice broken and slurred.

Abby nodded without a second thought and followed the mechanic to her room.

"We need to tell Clarke." 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is late, I've had a busy week... Just started Uni today and I've been starting a new job, too. Crazy stuff, I know.   
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

 

“We need to tell Clarke.”

Abby stood in silence as she watched Raven gulp down the glass of milk before she slumped down on her bed, still fully clothed.

“She already suspects something; you saw the looks she was giving us tonight.” Raven’s eyes were softly closed as she spoke and when all Abby responded with was silence, she cracked one open and gestured to the space beside her on the bed.

“Raven…” Abby sighed out as she took off her shoes and climbed onto the bed beside her.

“I know, I know, we said we’d wait until we were ready but none of this is fair on her.” Raven rolled over to face Abby and cautiously reached out into the space between them, giving Abby the option to reach out for her if she wanted to.

Tonight could have ruined everything.

Waiting for her to be sure that this relationship was ‘solid’ may not happen after what had been said.

“You’re right.” Abby whispered out in dejection and turned to mirror Raven’s position. Hesitantly, she reached out and laced her fingers with her girlfriend and closed her eyes. “What…” she trailed off.

“Abby?” Raven asked quietly.

The hesitation in her voice was evident and Raven finally opened her eyes in time to watch the words spill from Abby’s lips. “What are we going to tell her?” the hidden question was obvious.

“Did I fuck this up tonight?” She asked helplessly. Raven wanted to hate herself for crying, wanted to hate herself for sounding so small and weak but all that Raven could feel was fear. Fear that she had lost the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Abby didn’t reply, only pulled Raven’s hand closer to her chest as though she was afraid of the answer, too.

“I should have told you.” Raven murmured but held Abby close as she stayed silent. “I knew you didn’t like it and that’s why I didn’t tell you, I shouldn’t have done that, he shouldn’t have been with us in the first place.”

Abby shook her head. “I overreacted.”

“You had every right to.” Raven shuffled her body closer so that their bodies were flushed against one another. “I understand that you don’t feel comfortable with him and me hanging out, I should have told you.”

“Yes, you should have told me.” Abby nodded in agreement. “But he’s your friend and I have no right to dictate who you can and cannot be with,” Abby opened her eyes to meet Raven’s, a soft smile shone in those orbs that Raven was falling in love with. “I’m sorry for not telling you how I really felt about him being around you.”

Without a second thought, Raven inched forwards and placed her lips soundly against Abby. Forgiveness and understanding passed through the connection and warmed and eased the tension in their bodies. Raven’s smile mirrored Abby’s causing light chuckles to fill the air around them. “I can’t promise you that I won’t see him anymore but I can promise you that I’ll never feel anything more than friendship towards him.”

Abby held Raven close to her again, her hand dropped to the small of her back as she leaned in and kissed her. Thoughts of those who were outside the four walls of the small bedroom were discarded in an instant. “It’s okay, I believe you.” Raven nodded gently and burrowed her face into Abby’s chest. “Do you still want me to come to DC with you?”

“Do you still want to come?” Raven’s lips ghosted across the exposed cleavage framed by Abby’s shirt.

“If you’d like me to be there.” Abby held on tighter to Raven, the action was confirmation enough.

“I do.” Raven nodded. “Should we tell her when we get back?”

“Time away, just the two of us would be nice…” Abby’s teasing tone piqued Raven’s interest as she leant up on one of her elbows.

With an arched brow Raven smirked down at Abby. “Oh yeah?”

\----

Abby kissed Raven goodnight and tiptoed from her room, cautious not to wake the sleeping woman who was wrapped up in her bed sheets like a giant burrito. There was silence in the living room and Abby assumed that everyone had fallen asleep. However, when she reached the end of the hallway and looked out into the open space, she noticed Octavia and Finn indulging in a heated game of dominoes. The pair broke away from their game and glanced up when Abby cleared her throat.

Octavia smiled softly while Finn had the decency to look apologetic. The older woman figured that the beat red blush that had worked its way up into his face was confirmation enough that he perhaps had more than an inclination towards what had been going on. “Congratulations.” He said. The couch was empty, Clarke and Lexa had long since retreated to the bedroom, though a print left behind into one of the cushions suggested that it wasn’t too long ago. Abby had heard the door click closed a few minutes’ prior. She collected her things from the breakfast bar and nodded her head towards the young man. “Clarke told me about the woman you’ve been seeing.” Somehow, though it should have, Abby didn’t feel as though he was over stepping over any lines. “She said you’ve been happy, didn’t take much to put two and two together.” Abby tried to keep her face neutral but she could only stare at Finn with mild distaste. Not specifically towards him, but more towards the implications that it should have been obvious for Clarke to figure it out on her own.

"I'll walk you down." Octavia stood and quickly opened the door for Abby to step out of and smiled gently, awkwardly.

"Thank you." Abby whispered, despite knowing that Octavia had ulterior motives. They stayed silent, their shoes tapped against the cold concrete floor of the stairwell with each step they took, the sound didn’t send cold ripples of harsh realisation through Abby's flesh as it had on the way up only fifteen minutes before.

"She doesn't mean to be a dick." Octavia finally spoke up a floor away from the exit doors.

"Hm." Abby nodded. “I know.”

"She's an ass, it's just the way she is." Octavia began, defending her best friend with an intense love that powered her. "Raven spent a long time building her pride because it was all she had. Everyone she'd cared for until Wick and Finn," the latter name caused a bitter taste to form on Abby's lips and she almost spat it out at the angry burn it left behind. She held herself together. "Her mom, her dad, grandmother..." Octavia rubbed at the back of her neck. "They weren't role models for her, they didn't really give her something to look forward to and when they did, it was gone within moments."

Abby shook her head, "It’s okay, Octavia, we talked."

"She has to keep herself together, because she's scared she'll lose the good things in her life. Abby, she's so scared of losing you and that thing with Finn tonight, it honestly was nothing. She feels nothing for him."

“Octavia-” Octavia kept babbling away, however. “Octavia.” Abby laughed out, the happy sound finally drew the younger woman’s attention. The doctor allowed her eyes to flicker up to meet Octavia's as they reached the door to her building. “Raven and me are okay.” She reassured.

“Oh.” Octavia looked genuinely surprised by that. "That’s good. I'm not excusing what Raven did tonight, her not telling you he was with us was shitty, I don't blame you for jumping to conclusions." Abby almost felt relieved as she smiled with an understanding nod of her head. "But she only did what she did because she was scared of hurting her pride, you. She was scared of hurting you because she is so proud of you Abby. All this time, Raven has thought of no one but herself but then you came along this Christmas and flipped her on her axis."

Abby was unsure as to how she was supposed to respond, her heart almost felt like it was soaring in her chest at the same time as Octavia's words kept her grounded and sane. "I should have told her how I really felt.”  

"Are you okay with it?" Octavia took a step back to give Abby some room. "Because the commotion in the bathroom tonight says otherwise and maybe that was why Raven didn't mention him to you, maybe she felt like things weren't okay?" Abby didn't reply. "If you were really okay with him being around Raven, tonight wouldn't have ended the way it had."

"I want to be okay with it." Abby started but Octavia shook her head to silence her words.

“She cares about you a lot, don’t let him come between you.” Abby nodded.

“Good night, Octavia.” She called as she made her way over to Cece’s car. “You’ve just eaten.”

Cece looked up with surprised eyes, a long noodle hung from her mouth. “I got bored.” She shrugged and shoved some more food into her mouth. “You get everything sorted?” Abby’s best friend started up the car and thrust the carton of noodles into her chest.

“This wasn’t some sort of business transaction, Cece.” Abby mumbled as she picked at the noodles.

Callie rolled her eyes and pulled out onto the freeway. “Are you still madly in love with the woman child?”

“I’m still going to DC with her, yes.” Abby ignored Cece’s question. “We talked things through, I think we’ll be okay.” She smiled to herself remembering the moments leading up to her leaving the apartment building. Remembered the feeling of Raven’s lips against her own.

Cece grit her jaw but kept her mouth closed and her eyes trained on the road.

“Okay, what?” Abby noticed the change in her mood.

“Nothing.” Callie held her hands up in defence with an all too high-pitched voice.

“Cece.”

“You know I think she’s great,” she started, “and I know I was a bit hard on her tonight…”

“But?”

“I think you’re crazy.” Callie shrugged though she knew she was walking a very, very precarious line. Abby stayed quiet, didn’t snap or shout, she kept her eyes glued to the road and waited for her friend to say what she needed to say. “You’re twice her age,” her jaw clamped shut, keep her argument down. “I know you said that that wouldn’t be an issue but you are both sounding pretty serious about this now and I just want you to think about the future for a second.”

“What about my future?” Abby thought that up to know, Raven and her had thought about their future enough, maybe now she was beginning to second guess herself.

“Marriage, children?” Callie stated as though it were just that simple. “Have you even told her about Jackson yet?”

“About the lunch we had with him today?” Abby placed the noodles in the centre console.

“No about you being offered the Chief or Surgery job at one of the biggest hospitals in the country.” Abby ducked her head guiltily. “How will that fit into your future while you’re in DC and she’s in New York?”

“I might not take it.” Abby tried but even she knew it was a lie.

“Abby, don’t you dare pass up this opportunity, I’ll personally accept it for you.” Cece took her eyes off the road for a second to glare at Abby forcefully. “Don’t you dare stay here for her.”

“ _Cece_.” Abby grit out.

“No. You’ve been miserable lately with work and-”

“And the only thing keeping me sane is _her_.” Abby cut Cece off before she could say anymore. “I’m an adult and so is she, honestly, Cece.”

“What? Were you thinking about taking the job or not, because it looks as though you’re about to wed the woman and move in with her and your daughter and their friend.” Cece deadpanned with a blasé expression plastered on her face. “Look, I just think you need to think about your future and how Raven is going to fit into that.”

“How Raven is going to _fit_ into my future?” Abby stared at Callie as though she had spoken a different language. “She is my future just like I’m going to be hers and I’m going to work my life around her, not the other way around.” For a moment Abby half expected Cece to argue back, rattle off something witty and sharp, but to her surprise, a small smile tugged at the right corner of her mouth. “What are you smiling at?” Abby snapped irritably.

“You’re still serious about her even after tonight?” Callie asked.

“Of course.”

“Don’t throw away this job offer, Abs.”

“I’ll talk to Raven about it after DC and after we’ve spoken to Clarke.”

“Spoken to Clarke?” Cece yelped and nearly swerved off of the road.

\----

“ _Fuck_ , no, no, no… _no_ , oh god, no don’t do this to me _now_.” Raven’s bed sheets were wrapped around her body in a cocoon leaving room for only her hands and face to poke out as she curled up on the end of her bed. “Bastard, you piece of shit.” She shook her laptop manically with crazed eyes.

The screen had frozen just as the simulation on one of the slides had begun to run, one half of the screen doing one thing and the other not doing anything at all, and then it flickered and turned blue.

Raven gasped in horror before she hauled herself up from her bed and down the hallway, screaming for ‘some nerd’ to help before she died. But the living room was empty and so was the kitchen, the sound of the shower running behind her caused her to spin on her heels and raced towards the door, it was unlocked. She flung it open with a war cry while Octavia screamed at her to get out. “O, you gotta help me!” Octavia skidded along the bottom of the porcelain tub, she grasped blinding at the shower curtain while thick suds of soapy water streamed down her face into her eyes and mouth.

“Fucking hell, Raven get out!”

“But-”

“OUT!” Raven stumbled back, eyes wide and panicked as she stared down at her laptop.

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Lexa emerged from Clarke’s room behind her, rubbing at her eyes sleepily with and empty mug of coffee in her hand.

Raven could only stare at her in complete disbelief. “Simpletons.” She stomped off to her room and climbed back onto her bed only to stare tiredly at the screen. She’d woken up around five with a splitting headache and the beginnings of a hangover rippling through her system. But when she’d realised what day it was, Friday morning, she hadn’t been able to settle and had begun to examine every miniscule inch of the ARK plans and presentations, she read and reread her speeches, threw in a few nerdy jokes here and there and even googled some more about NASA’s HQ just to impress a few old white men with pockets full of money.

She was banging away on the toaster, glaring at the laptop screen, when Clarke stormed in with a coffee and a slice of toast. She thrust them into Raven’s face without saying a word. Raven stared up at Clarke curiously until the blonde leaned down and pressed the power button. “No!” Raven screeched yanking the device away from her but it was too late the screen had turned black, her horrified expression stared back at her. “What have you done?” she growled out with a grave tone.

Raven could have sworn something flickered across Clarke’s features but her body had turned cold and sharp pains were stabbing the lining of her stomach. “Plug it in, let it cool down, pack your bags and get washed. You stink.” With that Clarke left leaving Raven alone to her pounding heart beat echoing around the silent room.

“I have backups. I have lots of backups.” She mumbled to herself as she shakily stood up and plugged in her laptop. “Sinclair has backups.” She nodded to herself, though the twisting in her stomach only grew worse. She dropped the bed sheets to the floor and pulled out her suitcase from beneath the bed and dropped it to the mattress. With shaking hands, she pulled out everything from her wardrobe and dropped them in a heap into the case before she closed it and shuffled zombie like down the hallway into the now empty bathroom. Her shower was quick and by the time she emerged her coffee was still warm.

On Raven’s nightstand her phone lit up with an incoming call and suddenly the tension in her body seemed to melt away on a warm flush. “Babe!” Raven greeted happily.

“Someone’s excited, how long have you been awake for?” Abby asked with surprised humour.

“Oh,” Raven pulled her phone away from her damp face to glance at the clock on the screen. “Only about two hours.” She shrugged and slumped onto the bed, shoving the messy pile of clothes and a hidden suitcase away from her.

“You _must_ be excited.” Abby’s laughter sent warm shudders down her body, reassuring Raven that what had occurred the day prior was nothing to worry about.

“Actually, I think I’m having a nervous breakdown…” she laughed nervously and flipped open her laptop, the screen came to life and her heart rate began to race once again. Abby stayed silent for a moment as she waited for Raven to elaborate, her brow was dipped in confusion and concern. Raven hurriedly typed in her log in with wide and frantic eyes and tapped her fingers impatiently as it loaded. “Babe, you have those backups right?” Raven asked, opening three files and clicked through them.

“Sweetie?” Abby asked in confusion. Raven didn’t answer. “I have the backups for the backups, as does Sinclair.”

Raven squeaked.

_Error: File corrupted._

“I need the backups.” Raven gasped out as she hauled her body up off of the bed and to her feet, she lodged her phone between her cheek and shoulder and scrambled to pull on her trousers. “File corrupted, Jesus Christ, _Jesus Christ_.” She mumbled to herself, forgetting that Abby was still listening to her down the phone.

“Raven?”

“Hm?” She shoved her laptop into its case.

“You need to breathe.” Abby instructed calmly.

“Breathe.” Raven nodded and pulled on a shirt over her head.

“I’ll see you in a bit?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“Octavia!” Raven screamed. “Where did you put my tickets?” She yelled at the top of her lungs, flipping files up off her desk and rummaging through draws. “I’ll see you in half an hour.” Raven mumbled down the phone distractedly before she hung up.

“It’s on the coffee table with your passport!” Octavia’s voice sounded from her bedroom on the opposite side of the hallway. Raven paused with what she was doing and stared at her door as though Octavia was stood in front of it.

“Wha-” she stuttered. “Why?”

“We ran out of beer mats!”

Raven huffed out an annoyed breath as she lugged her suitcase through the apartment and stopped in the living room. Finn was passed out on the couch, his face buried into the pillows with a stream of drool trailing down the fabric.

The mechanic unzipped her backpack that had been resting against the far wall and shoved her passport and plane ticked into it. Round stains of alcohol and probably coffee coated the white paper of her ticket.

“Where are you going?” Lexa shuffled from the hallway and headed towards the kitchen to refill her coffee mug, the woman could drink ridiculous amounts of the liquid and still function... Raven gestured passively to her suitcase as though it were explanation enough. Octavia sipped quietly on a mug of her own coffee as she emerged from her room, Lincoln trailed behind her with his hand laced with one of hers. “Your flight isn’t until three…” Lexa mumbled as she climbed up onto the breakfast bar.

“My files crashed, I need to go sort everything out.” Raven rubbed at her face irritably. “I can go to her place earlier and download the backup files I made her keep.”

Lexa glanced over her shoulder to make sure that Clarke had definitely gone back to bed with her disgruntled bad mood that had likely kicked in after what had happened the night before. “Abby?” Lexa handed her mug over to Raven and gestured for her to take a sip to stop the nervous vibrating of her body. Raven nodded around the mug before she thrust it back towards the other woman. “Rae-” Lexa tried to warn the mechanic but was cut short.

“Mm. No time.” Raven waved Lexa off as she checked the time on her phone and noticed she was about to be stupidly late for breakfast with her girlfriend. “I’ve gotta go, people to do things to see.” She paused in thought. “Wait…” she shrugged and pulled her backpack onto her back, her laptop case onto her shoulder and pulled her suitcase towards the door. “I’ll see you guys on Sunday!” She waved half-heartedly over her shoulder. “Tell Clarke I’ll see her later.” And with that, Raven made her way towards the elevator and down to the parking lot beneath her building.

\----

Raven’s hangover kicked in full force on her ride over and despite the blizzard blowing outside she wound the windows down for the bitter fresh air against her burning skin that the AC couldn’t provide for her. She pulled on her glasses as a migraine flashed before her eyes and stung at her temples. She turned the radio up, however, despite the pain in her skull, when the weather girl started warning about delayed and cancelled flights. Raven rolled her eyes and reminded herself to check once they arrived at the airport.

When Raven arrived at Abby’s place, she trudged up the snow covered steps and didn’t bother knocking – formalities had long been discarded between the two women – and stomped her feet on the mat, clumps of white snow melted into the fabric. “Abby?” she almost moaned at the smell of bacon that wafted through the air and settled into her empty stomach.

“In here!” the doctor called from the kitchen immediately pulling a smile at the corners of her lips before she hurried through when she remembered why she had her laptop pressed to her stomach. “It’s on there.”  Abby, frying pan in hand, gestured with her chin to the island counter where a pen drive sat alone.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Raven rushed over to the counter and pulled out her laptop, she made quick work of starting up the pen drive. Her heart pounded in her chest, it would be just her luck for everything to mess up this close to the convention. The more she thought of it, the more she realised her future and reputation was riding on this all going to plan. Especially now that she’d been offered an interview for the internship.

Raven could feel the warmth of Abby’s body pressed firmly against her back, two plates were hovering on either side of her head as the doctor peered over patiently. “Is that the only reason…?”

“Among others.” Raven chuckled as the files popped up on the screen. She opened them one by one and waited without breathing...

When nothing happened, Abby placed the plates down and wrapped her arms around Raven’s midriff, “It’ll be okay, Sinc-”

“Thank you, _Jesus_!” Raven jumped to her feet when the simulations ran with ease and the 3D blue prints slowly rotated on the screen. “Thank you,” she spun around to pull Abby’s face forwards for a kiss. “Thank you, babe.” She mumbled against soft lips, allowing her breath to ghost across Abby’s skin. Raven couldn’t help but smirk in response to the shiver that rippled through Abby’s body.

“Does this mean you’re not freaking out now?” Abby whispered as she tightened her grip around her girlfriend and pulled her closer so that their bodies were flushed together. Raven didn’t reply, couldn’t reply, as Abby tugged the mechanic’s bottom lip gently between her teeth and pressed her back up against the tall refrigerator causing a few magnets and pictures to topple to the floor. Raven let out an involuntary moan, her eyes rolled back into her head when the doctor’s tongue darted deftly from her mouth to soothe over the angry red marks on the younger woman’s lips.

Raven tried to answer, she did, but her mind could only focus on the feel of the other woman’s body pressed against her own, the way her hands skilfully roamed across her ribs and hips with a knowing ease that had only come with the time they’d spent together late at night and the early hours of the morning.

A fiery burst of heat shot down to the space between Raven’s legs when Abby pulled the mechanic’s hands up above her head and pressed them firmly to the cool metal door of the fridge, she subconsciously tilted her head back, exposing her neck for Abby to latch onto without a second thought. “Fuck, Abby.” Raven ground her hips down against the thigh that was lodged sweetly between her legs.

For only a second, Abby managed to pull her mouth away from Raven’s throat to stare into pitch black eyes that had become intoxicating to the older woman. Raven could feel their breaths mixing in the space between them, mint and coffee, it was dizzying. “Bedroom.” Abby managed to pant out through her own haze.

Raven backed out of the kitchen, her mouth never leaving Abby’s as she skilfully pulled her shirt off over her head and dropped it to the floor, she discarded her bra a moment later and Abby latched onto her exposed breasts, drawing up a moan from deep inside Raven’s body. The mechanic tugged at Abby’s shirt, the buttons parted easily and the piece of fabric dropped to the floor. They climbed the stairs steadily, a trail of clothes left behind them, socks, pants, underwear, led straight to Abby’s bedroom.

“Are you sure?” Raven whispered, a sudden pang of worry had reared its ugly head in her gut and she couldn’t help but think about their argument the day before.

Abby stared at her softly and nodded. “Completely.”

\----

“ _Abby_.” Raven slammed her eyes shut, screwing them tightly closed until she could see stars exploding like supernova’s in the black void behind her lids. Her breath caught in her chest, burning her lungs until she had to gasp for air, her thighs clamped impossibly tight around Abby’s hips as her hand continued to thrust at an excruciating pace, throwing Raven into one orgasm followed by another and one more after that, with each one she toppled over the edge, her chest constricted and tightened echoing the contractions between her thighs. Heat burned from the tips of her ears down to her toes and the sudden overwhelming feeling of floating had Raven grasping at Abby’s bare back desperately. Whether she was trying to keep herself grounded or pull Abby off into the sky with her, she couldn’t be certain, all she did know was that she wouldn’t go anywhere without this woman.

Their bodies shifted back and forth, harder and harder to the point where Raven could feel the bedsheets burning against the skin of her back. The older woman’s hand trailed almost ghost like down her skin, from her shoudlder to her ribs.

Abby’s peppered kisses across her collar bone and up her neck sent shockwave after shock wave through her body, only intensifying and drawing out her orgasm longer to the point of painful sensitivity. Raven’s eyes flew open as one final orgasm yanked an almost embarrassing scream from her lungs, her vision blurred in and out of focus but all she could see were the stars and constellations painted on the ceiling of Abby’s bedroom.

Painted just for her.

“Sweetie?” Abby stopped the movement of her hand between Raven’s legs and painfully slow, removed her fingers but kept her hand in place as she leaned over the younger woman on her forearm.

Abby’s face slowly came into focus, her vision returning from its orgasm induced haze. Raven smiled up dreamily, her heart swelling and soaring inside her chest while her stomach flipped with butterflies. She couldn’t help but let her smile split into a grin because Abby’s fears of their happiness slipping away, the fears they’d argued over yesterday, didn’t feel possible, how could they be this close, this intimate and connected, this _happy_ , and worry about it not being real? Worry about it not lasting? Raven looked at Abby, really looked at her, and she knew what the doctor had been worried about yesterday in that bathroom, not being able to share that future with one another, the house, and the family and the damn dog, and she understood, she understood it all. She wanted that life desperately, wanted to share it with Abby more than anything in the world and the idea of that not becoming possible was in itself impossible.

“Sweetie?” Abby asked again, concern written across her face. “What’s wrong?” her hand reached up to wipe across Raven’s cheek, wet and warm and salty. It took Raven a moment to realise that she’d been crying, a lot, apparently. But instead of responding, all she could manage was a happy, blissful shake of her head and her hands reached up to cup Abby’s cheeks.

No words would be able to convey what she wanted to say, though, she knew what words would be expected. Those three meaningless but powerful words could break and mend hearts all in one. She opened her mouth to say them but all that parted through her lips was a small sigh. Raven chewed on the inside of her cheek and stared up into those beautiful eyes with the realisation she’d just experienced.

The realisation that to Raven, Abby was inevitable, their future together was inevitable, her love – for lack of better word – was inevitable.

This feeling, thick and heavy, but light and flowing, was mountains and oceans, and all of the galaxies and constellations rolled into one. And even then, Raven thought, that didn’t quite cover it. How could she put what she was feeling into words? How was something like that possible?

The stars behind Abby’s head weren’t glowing but the shine of the paint could be seen against the mat paint on the ceiling. Raven let her eyes flicker closed as another smile spread across her lips. Abby dropped her forehead gently against Raven’s and placed a gently, smiling kiss to her lips.

It was enough.

Abby understood and it was suddenly like the feeling in Raven’s chest exploded, expanded and consumed her completely. It felt as though two magnets had abruptly collided, electrically charged and impossible to break apart.

Raven choked out a mix between a sob and a gasp as she felt a tear drop from Abby’s cheek and land against her own.

\----

“We’re going to be so late.” Raven chuckled out as she hauled Abby’s bag into the back of her jeep. She should have been panicked, nervous and in the midst of a nervous breakdown as she had been before arriving at Abby’s house but she couldn’t help but smile and feel weightless.

The feeling inside only grew when she climbed into the car and Abby immediately took her hand, they didn’t stop what they were doing, Abby fiddling with the heating and radio while Raven fastened herself in and started up the car. “I told you we shouldn’t have started up round two.” Abby’s voice was teasing and when Raven chanced a glance in her direction she could see the smallest of smirks hidden behind her smile.

“Oh please, I didn’t hear you complaining.” The snow was coming down heavier now and in the back of her mind, there was a voice telling Raven to take it easy on the white coated roads, that they’d make it in good time with probably time to spare with most flights being delayed. She was thankful the convention wasn’t until the following day.

“That was because you had your head between my thighs, love.” The sound of Abby’s laughter caused Raven’s heart to stutter, and the term of endearment, if it were possible, had Raven beaming even wider. Another weather warning sounded on the radio and both women rolled their eyes in annoyance, more for ruining the moment than the repetitive report that had been echoing on all media outlets for the past month or so. “Phone?” Abby held her hand out expectantly but instead of reaching down to grab it for her, Raven kept her hands on the wheel to keep control of the car on the slippery surface.

Abby smiled at that.

“Butt pocket.” Raven chuckled, leaning to the side ever so slightly.

Abby didn’t hesitate in reaching over to pull the device from the mechanic’s pocket, though a light blush did ghost across her cheeks. She hooked it up to the AUX cable and flicked through Raven’s music files. Raven couldn’t hold back her laughter, her head tilted back in amusement, as the _Hamilton_ soundtrack began to play.

“You’re such a dork.”

Abby leaned across the centre where their hands were still tightly clasped together and dropped a kiss soundly to the edge of Raven’s lips. “I don’t think you mind much.” It was more of an observation, one that both women already knew to be true, but Raven found herself nodding in agreement anyway. She turned slightly to meet the kiss and sank into the palm Abby placed against her cheek to keep her close. When Abby pulled away from the kiss, she didn’t move out of her personal space, instead she dropped her forehead to Raven’s temple and closed her eyes. “I’m glad you asked me to come with you, Raven.”

With a gentle squeeze to Abby’s hand Raven said, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It wasn’t for another hour when they finally reached the airport, the roads were backlogged with diverted traffic. The airport was bustling with people trying to escape the bad weather along with passengers who’d missed their flights or had been delayed, but they managed to check their bags in with good time only to find that their flight was delayed, too, expectedly of course, by an hour and a half.

Raven huffed out an irritated breath. “I’ll give Sinclair a call, tell him to take his time.” They made their way over to a bar and found a quiet corner where Raven could make the call.

“Would you like a drink?” Abby asked quietly with a gentle smile. Raven nodded and watched as Abby walked over to the bar and ordered two drinks. A beer and a glass of wine. There was something oddly domestic about the whole thing and Raven couldn’t deny that she was completely in love with the idea.

When Abby came back, having set up a tab since they’d be waiting a while, Raven had finished with her call and was playing away on her laptop. “Hey, babe, come look at this with me.” The mechanic shuffled around in the booth and made room for Abby to sidle in beside her, Raven immediately dropped her hand to the back of the booth, pressing herself up beside her girlfriend.

Raven began to practice her presentation, she skimmed over Sinclair’s parts, summing them up in a simpler form so that Abby could understand and even stopped to answer some questions that the other woman had. She ‘oh’d’ and ‘ah’d’ and gasped here and there. Abby was particularly impressed when Raven explained how Sinclair had developed the fuel himself and how Raven had developed the oxygen and fuel lines from the heat panels inside of the toaster.

Of course, Abby loved the medical station, with question after question, Raven could tell that the older woman was just as excited as she was about the project. “Solar panels.” Abby nodded enthusiastically and moved closer to the screen.

“Impressive, right?” A deep voice drew their attention away from the project and up towards a couple standing just to their right. There was a flash of surprise that flickered across Sinclair’s face that only lasted a second as he took in Raven and then the woman beside her. It was obvious that Abby wasn’t who he had been expecting at all.

“Sinclair.” Raven stood politely and Abby followed. “I’d like you to meet my,” Raven paused, “my girlfriend, Abby.” Introducing Abby that way caused a shooting bolt of heat to travel down her spine and settle low in her body. She couldn’t help but beam as Abby shook Sinclair’s hand proudly but took a step closer to Raven’s side.

“Nice to meet you, Abby, I’ve already heard so much about you.” At his words, Abby turned to smile at Raven almost shyly, another blush crept up her neck and onto her cheeks. Raven couldn’t resist the urge to touch the older woman and laced their hands together. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Melissa.” A short woman, no taller than Abby stepped forward with one of the sweetest smiles Raven had ever seen. She could put Monty to shame.

“Mrs. Sinclair.” Raven shook her hand and smiled politely before she turned to Abby and did the same.

“Please,” her voice was higher pitched than Raven was expecting. “Call me Melissa.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” Abby spoke up as Sinclair and his wife sat down into the booth opposite them. “Raven was just showing me the finished plans.”

Sinclair perked up excitedly and Melissa rolled her eyes playfully. “Isn’t she great, that mind of hers is incredible.” He gushed like a proud father as he pulled out some blue prints from his carry on. “She came up with all of this herself.” Raven felt that feeling tug in her chest again from the part of her heart that hadn’t been filled since her father had left.

“Come on, man,” Raven chuckled as she rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly. “You came up with the original idea.” Abby’s eyes roamed over the blue paper and back to the screen and then over to Raven, an impressed expression beaming through.

“What? A crazy nerd dream I had one night? You made it real.” Raven could only shake her head in amusement. “How about I go get us all some more drinks,” he smirked at the empty ones in front of the two women, “And we can go over everything so we can relax tonight?”

“That sound’s good.” Raven nodded.

“He’s such a nerd.” Melissa chuckled to Abby as Sinclair shuffled on over to the bar.

“Oh tell me about it.” Abby piped up gesturing to Raven, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and face nearly pressed flat against the computer as she examined every inch of their plans.

\----

They were mildly intoxicated as they boarded the plane. ‘Mildly’ being a complete lie of course. The more time Raven and Sinclair had spent going over their presentation, the more nervous they became and of course, the only way to keep them calm was to drink their body weight in alcohol. Abby and Melissa had done their best to keep the flow of alcohol to a minimum but soon enough they’d joined in too, their flight long since delayed until the later hours of the afternoon as snow barrelled down through the freezing sky in heavy gusts.

If Raven was honest, she didn’t remember much of the flight, Abby and Melissa had fallen asleep laughing away at some magazine before Sinclair had followed suit, his face pressed against his table tray on the back of the chair in front, drool pooling onto the plastic surface. After that, Raven wasn’t sure, she must have fallen asleep too, the alcohol in her system had warn her body out completely.

When they landed, they picked up their luggage and made their way over to the arrivals. There was some guy in a weird looking blue suit, Raven thought it looked more like a uniform. He was holding a sign with the convention logo and ‘ _Sinclair & Reyes’_ printed on it in thick marker pen.

“So classy.” Abby smirked, still tipsy, though the effects were beginning to wear off as she munched on a chocolate bar. She wound her arm around Raven and hurried them towards the guy waiting, Sinclair and Melissa rushed after them. He was polite enough but Raven didn’t notice much of the car ride over to the hotel either, this time for an entirely different reason.

There was a look in Abby’s eyes as she peered out of the window, excited and calculating with a huge grin on her face. She watched the buildings fly by the window, not coated in snow as it had been back home, but warm almost, humid, “There’s a lot of trees.” She noted to herself rather than to any of the others in the car. Raven chuckled at that.

“How about tomorrow we go sightseeing?” She suggested. “Before the convention.”

“I’d love to.” Abby smiled and kissed Raven on the cheek softly.

“You wouldn’t have to come with us to set up at the convention, either.” Sinclair piped up from the front seat. “You can have a wander around the city.”

“That would be fantastic, give us a break from all the science talk you two will likely be indulging yourselves in.” Melissa chuckled to herself, her shoulders shook as it rippled through her body causing them to brush against Raven’s left side.

“This is going to be a good weekend.” Raven clapped her hands together optimistically.

The mechanic wasn’t sure what she was expecting when they pulled up outside of the hotel but what appeared in front of her wasn’t it. Somewhere cheap, after all the expenses had been paid for by the convention itself, somewhere small with a lot of nerds gathered in the lobby playing _dungeons and dragons_. However, when they pulled up outside the marble white building, at least ten stories high, Raven’s mouth dropped in awe. “Holy crap.” Sinclair mumbled out, he leaned across the driver to get a better look.

The lights of the building were a stark contrast against the night sky and Raven felt almost hypnotised at the sight. “I don’t think ‘holy crap’ quite covers it, dear.” Melissa muttered, just as equally mesmerized by the beautiful hotel.

A bell boy came and collected their bags – a pimply, teenage boy with flaming red hair - and showed them to the reception to check in and collect their room keys. Raven was pleasantly pleased to know that they were on the same floor and they made their way past the nerds – neatly and impressively dressed nerds at that – that had swamped the lobby and towards the elevator that took them straight to the fourth floor. “Is the convention being held here, too?” Abby asked, fingers laced with Raven’s. Neither would admit it out loud but being able to just be the two of them, open and honest around other people, felt really nice.

“Mhm,” Raven nodded. “They have a big hall somewhere. Doesn’t surprise me, this place is _huge_.” Even the hallways were huge, they put Abby’s place to shame. “So, I’m kind of starving, you want to wash up and head out or just call room service?” Raven wouldn’t lie, she kind to wanted to spend some more time alone with Abby but she knew that there was plenty of time for that.

“My friend Jackson told me about a nice restaurant not too far away from here, we could check that out, if you both fancied it?” Abby turned to face the other couple who nodded eagerly.

“I’m starved.” Melissa grinned. “Should we meet down in the lobby in say,” She paused to check her watch, “An hour?”

There rooms were three doors apart and they split up to freshen up for the evening ahead. “How was your meal with Jackson yesterday?” Raven asked as she pushed her case over to the left side of the bed, claiming it as her own. The room was huge, with white painted walls and blue bed sheets to match a couch and the curtains that framed two huge glass sliding doors that led out onto a balcony. A flat screen TV was placed on the wall and a wardrobe and set of draws framed the bed. A king sized bed at that. The room was beautiful.

Abby flopped down onto the bed and closed her eyes. “It was nice; I haven’t seen him in a little over a year so there was a lot to talk about.” Raven nodded despite the fact that Abby’s eyes were closed. To the younger woman, it sounded as though Abby hadn’t quite finished what she’d wanted to say but nothing else was spoken.

“You okay, babe?” Raven asked as she unpacked her laptop and files from their bags and placed them down on the coffee table in front of the couch. She was about to sit down but glanced up at the woman lying on the bed when she didn’t answer.

Abby had rolled onto her side, her head propped up on one hand, the other reached out to pat the bed beside her. “Come lay with me.” She said through a blissful smile. Raven stood with her own smile and pulled off her converse to climb up on the bed. Abby pecked at her lips, the hand that had patted the bed came up to the back of Raven’s neck to pull her closer and deepen the kiss. The mechanic knew she’d never grow tired with the taste of Abby’s mouth against hers, the feeling of Abby’s body pressed against her own. “Hey.” Abby whispered out a soft sigh when she pulled away, her eyes were noticeably darker and her cheeks were slightly flushed.

“Hi.” Raven grinned as she rubbed her nose against the older woman’s. “You call me over to just for that?” Raven mused around a giggle.

“No.” Abby laughed whole heartedly and buried her face deep into Raven’s neck, the younger of the two revelled in the feeling of Abby’s warm breath on her skin. “I wanted to say thank you.” She whispered barely audible.

“Thank you?” Raven’s eyes flickered closed and she wrapped her arms protectively around Abby, keeping her closer then was probably necessary.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been truly happy.” Abby’s words come out filled with hidden meanings, of promises, of secrets not yet told and each word had Raven’s heart beat skipping in her chest and her smile splitting into a grin. “A long time, and somehow you’ve managed to wiggle your way into my life,” she was only slightly teasing when she whispered to Raven, the mechanic could feel the smirk against the shell of her ear. “You make me so happy, Raven.”

“Even when I burn your breakfast and blow things up?” She asked light heartedly, poking at Abby’s ribs playfully, she relished the way that Abby rolled them over to straddle her hips as her laughter filled the room.

“Even when you spend the night and I still manage to find your clothes and pieces of the damn toaster lying all around my house days later.” Raven sat up and wrapped her arms around Abby’s waist.

“You love it.” She’d meant for it to come out cocky and brave but instead it sounded almost as though it was a question, shy and quiet. Raven tried to meet Abby’s eyes but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Abby chuckled and once again, she pulled Raven’s face up to meet her eyes, hand on her jaw gently. “Raven.” Her voice was low and husky and shocks raced down the woman’s spine. “I do.”

The realisation from that morning rippled through Raven’s head causing her heart to hammer wildly inside her chest. She knew it was as close to admitting those three words that the women would get to any time soon and she beamed up at Abby when the older woman dropped her forehead to meet hers. “Good, because I like making your house messy.” Raven teased playfully. “Who cleans that much anyway?”

Abby’s body vibrated and shook with laughter, her head tilted back exposing her neck and Raven had to grip at the doctor’s waist to stop herself from jumping the older woman. “Go wash up.” She nudged Raven away and dismounted her thighs.

“ _See_ ,” Raven stood up and headed towards the bathroom. “Always with the cleaning.”

“Dork.” Called Abby when Raven pushed open the bathroom door. She made a show of neatly piling Raven’s files that were scattered haphazardly across the table and neatened out the bedsheets. Abby was halfway across the room, about to unpack her suitcase when Raven screamed from the bathroom.

“Babe! Oh my god. There’s a _hot tub_ for a bath!”


	13. Convention Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the massive delay in updating this. With uni, work and some pretty serious family problems, I just haven't found time to write. However, things are beginning to look up again, so hopefully i can get back into a routine again.   
> Thank you all for being to patient with me and i hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 13

Convention Day

They’d gone to sleep pleasantly buzzed from their meal with Sinclair and Melissa, who, Raven had discovered was a middle school music teacher who, as it happened, also loved _Hamilton_ through her many renditions of every song on the soundtrack every chance she got. They’d gotten on well the whole night and Raven couldn’t help but beam at the fact that Sinclair and Melissa seemed to love Abby as well. Abby had been surprised at first, by how close Raven and Sinclair seemed to be. They definitely hadn’t acted as though he was her professor and she was his student, but more like friends, family almost.

She’d made a mental note to ask Raven about that at a later time.

The mechanic had refused to let go of Abby the whole night, choosing to eat her meal with one hand while the other was either clasping at Abby’s hand or on her thigh. The doctor seemed just as desperate to keep up the contact and the walk through the cold city had been the same and every chance they got to stop and ‘oh’ and ‘ah’ over something impressive, Abby would wrap Raven’s arms around her middle and settle against her front.

If the other couple found the PDA uncomfortable, they didn’t say anything.

Raven had never felt so free in her life.

With her eyes closed, Raven tightened her grip on Abby, her face was buried in her back between her shoulder blades and her arms wrapped securely around the older woman’s midriff. The sunlight streamed through the gap in the unopened curtains that had been drawn across the huge glass doors the night before, and streaked across their faces. The blinding light and the warmth it supplied probably would have woken Raven up if she’d been able to sleep at all. She’d silently listened to the sound of Abby breathing as though it were the last chance she’d get to hear it, allowing it to calm the mild anxiety attacks she’d felt ripple through her on numerus occasions.

She didn’t want to let go, didn’t want the day to begin.

Once they left their bed, they’d be one step closer to their trip ending and the peaceful bubble they had settled in would burst.

Her nerves in her gut were like gravel in a cement mixer, erratically tipping this way and that in her stomach to the point where she felt mildly sea sick by the notion.

The convention would be starting in a little under 6 hours and she’d find out whether or not she’d be able to participate in an interview in just over 7 hours.

She might throw up.

In fact, she was sure she was about to.

When her phone began to chime on the night stand, her seven AM alarm called for her to wake up, she gently shifted Abby from arm and made her way over to the bathroom. Her left arm numb and tingly and her legs shaking slightly, Raven closed the door behind her and slid down the cool wood and onto the freezing floor.

The tightening in her chest was becoming almost unbearable when the knock on the door pulled her from her panic attack. “Sweetheart?” Abby’s sleep riddled voice sounded from the other side, concern and worry laced underneath.

“In here.” Raven climbed to her feet and opened the door, her back pressed against the sink when Abby took the invitation to enter the bathroom to allow her space.

“I didn’t hear you get out of bed.” Raven could have sworn she caught a glimpse of the slightest pout on the tip of Abby’s lips. “I got cold.” The doctor had her arms wrapped around herself securely as she spoke, taking a step closer to Raven as she did so. Automatically, Raven’s arms left her sides and pulled Abby into her chest, allowing their body heat to mingle between them. She planted a gentle kiss to the older woman’s temple but didn’t say anything. “Would you like some breakfast?”

Another beat of silence passed between them before Raven spoke. “I don’t think I can stomach anything.”

With a gentle but disproving look, Abby reached around the mechanic and turned on the shower, their fronts still pressed together comfortingly, Raven found herself relaxing against the warmth that Abby supplied. “Jump in,” she gestured. “I’m going to get coffee and find us something to eat.”

“Fine.” The smirk on Raven’s face had Abby grinning as she left the bathroom.

\----

Coffee.

Coffee was good. The smell on its own was strong enough to have Abby’s tense shoulders relaxing immediately upon entry of the hotel restaurant. It was early enough that there was only a handful of people gathered in the vast room, all absorbing the caffeine they craved.

It didn’t take her long to spot Sinclair and Melissa huddled together at a table in the far corner of the room and with her two takeout cups of coffee and a bagel, she hurried over. “Abby!” Sinclair stood with an almost too cheerful smile on his face and one whiff of his breath told her that it wasn’t just coffee in his cup.

The doctor couldn’t help but laugh through her concern. “Nervous?”

Sheepishly, Sinclair nodded and took another sip. His cheeks were flushed noticeably. “I guess so… I’ve been talking about how amazing Raven has been, I completely forgot that I’m going to be up there with her.”

“He’s been up bouncing around the room since five AM.” Melissa stood with a bemused grimace. “He gets like this.”

Abby chuckled before asking, “mind if I borrow some of that? I think Raven could use some, too.” Sinclair seemed all too eager to oblige as he pulled a small silver hipflask from his blazer pocket and poured a golden-brown liquid into the top of Raven’s coffee. “I’ve never seen her so nervous and my daughter nearly caught us once.”

Sinclair seemed to find that hilarious, his boisterous laughter echoed loudly around the room, drawing the attention of everyone who sat nearby. “I shouldn’t have told her about the interviews later, either, I don’t think that’s helping anyone…”

She paused abruptly in her tracks. Melissa turned before Sinclair noticed that the other woman had stopped. “Interview?” Abby asked, confusion laced her tone.

“The interview after the convention for the internship...” Melissa supplied but at Abby’s slowly growing confused expression she pulled her husband back towards the conversation. “Raven did tell you, didn’t she?”

“She must have forgotten.” The sinking feeling in Abby’s chest wasn’t one of hurt or anger, it was something she couldn’t quite place, embarrassment maybe? That Sinclair had felt it appropriate to tell his wife but Raven hadn’t thought it necessary to tell Abby herself.

“I’m sure it just slipped her mind.” Melissa placed a reassuring hand gently on Abby’s shoulder but the action did nothing to quell the thoughts in her mind. “He’s been pretty distracted lately, too.” Sinclair gulped down the last of his tainted coffee before slam dunking the cup into a nearby trash can with an excess of force. When the doctor didn’t speak up the other woman spoke, “how about we go shopping today, leave those two to their own devices?”

Abby offered a half-hearted smile. “That would be fantastic.”

“Where’s my little mechanic? I want to do some last-minute checks with her.” Sinclair began to bound up the stairs taking them three at a time as she led the way towards their floor. Abby may have found it in her, just as Melissa had, to laugh at his behaviour but the ringing in her ears was far too distracting for anything else to cross her mind. “I think way may have forgotten to take thermal residue into account and electromagnetic cast off from the station…” Abby knew that reasonably, she shouldn’t be disheartened by Raven’s decision not to tell her, after all, she herself hadn’t mentioned the job offer that Jackson had given her.

“You’re back! I was about to send a- oh you brought everyone…” Raven was perched haphazardly on the bed, sheets strewn at odd angles and her hair still wet from her shower.

“I found them in the restaurant.” Abby explained, though her voice sounded oddly flat to Raven’s ears, the younger woman didn’t ask. “Sinclair had a good idea so I stole it.” She thrust the drink at Raven.

“What?”

“Drink it.” Abby urged her on as she began to busy herself with picking out her outfit for the day. She may have also fired off a quick text to Jackson arranging a time to grab coffee but who was watching? Splitting the bagel, she took a bite out of her own half and handed the other to Raven.

“There’s alcohol in this?” Abby nodded with a slight smile on her face before she retreated into the bathroom to wash up and change from her jeans and Raven’s t-shirt that she’d thrown on before leaving the room earlier.

“It seems to have helped your professor.” The sound of Abby chuckling on the other side of the bathroom door had Raven smiling from ear to ear and her panic dissipating within seconds. “So, Melissa and I are going shopping for a little while, I hope you don’t mind?” Abby remerged from the bathroom fully dressed.

Raven glanced between the two women and back to the pile of work that was scattered across the coffee table. For a second, it looked as though Raven wanted to escape the room as well. “Of course not.” She smiled and made her way over to where Abby was hovering by the night stand. “I’ll see you later, though?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” The doctor grinned across at the other woman before she pulled her in to settle a gentle kiss against her lips.

“Wrap up warm, it looks like it’s about to start coming down heavy.” As Abby nodded, she pulled on her coat and said her goodbye to both Raven and Sinclair before she and Melissa ventured off into the cold air of Washington D.C.

“Did she seem a little off to you?” Raven asked curiously as she fiddled through a stack of papers searching for the equations for the fuel.

“Who?” Sinclair avoided eye contact as he pulled a small plastic bottle from an airline sealed bag.

She scanned over their calculations with rapid precision. “Abby.” She glanced up. “Who else?”

“I think we need to run over a few things with thermal residue and electromagnetic cast off.” Sinclair stammered out hurriedly, looking all too uncomfortable for his own good and ignoring Raven’s abrupt tilt on the couch.

“Sinclair.” She grit out warningly. “What happened in the five minutes it took her to get down stairs get coffee and run into you and your wife?”

“It wasn’t my fault you didn’t tell her about the interviews!” Sudden realisation hit Raven like a ton of brick walls, all in one go, each as sharp and painful as the last.

“Shit, I didn’t even think, not with everything that’s been going on… It completely slipped my mind.” She rubbed her paling face with the palms of her hands and hung her head in slight shame.

“That’s what Melissa told her.” Sinclair mumbled albeit with a flicker of pride for his wife’s quick thinking.

The mechanic let out an involuntary moan. “She’d going to think I purposely kept it from her because I didn’t trust her or something.”

After a beat of silence and Raven sitting stock still, Sinclair let out a huff and pulled the fuel papers into his hand. “Look, Abby’s and adult, she’s had a lot more experience with life than you have,” Raven ignored the jab she felt in her chest at his words. “And if she cares about you as much as I’ve seen, then she’s not going to be mad and she won’t be upset, but I think you should leave her to it for this morning.” Her professor spoke as she worked his way through the pages adding up his own calculations as he did so. “If I’ve learnt anything with living with my wife, it’s that shopping is the best thing for them.”

Raven huffed out an indignant breath but nodded all the same.

“Let’s just get through this and if she so happens to come back in a worse mood than she left,” she paused, “actually she seems perfectly fine to me,” he glanced at Raven with a teasing grin which should couldn’t help but return, “then you can get on your hands and knees and beg her to forgive you.”

“Much experience with that?” Raven chuckled dryly.

“Too much, just you wait.” His words sent a bolt of excitement down Raven’s spine but she pushed the thought away in favour of getting back to their work.

\----

“Oh, so you haven’t told her?” Melissa’s excitement was hardly contained as they settled into an empty table in the small coffee shop with their bags of shopping with coffee and some food.

Abby smirked into her drink, wishing that she’d bought something stronger. “I didn’t feel the need to, not if I wasn’t sure I’d take him up on the offer.” She glanced at the watch on her wrist, five minutes and Jackson should arrive. “It’s an amazing opportunity but I didn’t consider it at first, not with my daughter and- not with my daughter being back in the city.”

Melissa didn’t mention the noticeable slip in Abby’s words. “I’m sure she’d want you to be happy, Abby. She’s the same age as Raven, and if she’s anything like you and Raven trusts her, too, I have no doubt that she’d want you to take the job.”

The doctor didn’t even flinch at the other woman’s words. “You’re probably right.”

“But?” Melissa sipped knowingly from her coffee.

“It’s a big commitment to make, moving hundreds of miles away for-”

As Abby closed her eyes gently, the middle school teacher reached out reassuringly. “For Raven?” Abby nodded silently because there was no question as to whether Raven would receive the internship and it was obvious, or becoming more so, that the outcome of today would rely heavily on their relationship and where both women stood on the matter.

“If I make this step, it could add pressure to our relationship and I don’t want to be the one to make Raven feel trapped.”

“Oh, honey.” Melissa cooed sweetly. “I’m in no position to tell you what to do, but making this decision should be for you, not for her. You come first and if it so happens that your relationship fits into that then what’s so bad about that.” Cece’s words from the other night rang through her ears and she knew she had to decide but Abby wasn’t so sure how much of Melissa’s words she agreed with. After all, her whole life with Jake had been formed around their relationship and she’d never been happier.

Not until now, at least.

“She’s a big girl, talk to her.” There was no doubt now, with the possibility of both women being in the same city together, would make some things easier in their relationship but that wasn’t to say it couldn’t but some strains on it either.

“Abby?” a voice drew the two women away from their conversation towards a man dressed in a typical white lab coat with a boyish grin on his face.

“Jackson!” the other doctor jumped to her feet with a beaming grin on her face, “it’s so nice to see you again.”

“You too, Abby.” He embraced the older woman the way old friends did and settled himself across the table from her. “Jackson, nice to meet you.” He shook Melissa’s hand as she introduced herself and ordered himself a drink. “I don’t have too long, busy day and all,” he chuckled to himself. “So I’ll just jump straight in to it.”

\----

The convention hall was massive.

At half the size of a football pitch, it was jam packed with more nerds than Raven had ever seen in her life. Vast crowds of people filled the area ahead of Raven and Sinclair as they stood awestruck and completely bewildered in the entrance to the room. Along the outside walls stood small stages and tables, each displaying different presentations of different discoveries and experiments. However, planted directly in the centre of the room stood one larger stage with two stools and a large screen.

With a smirk, Raven nudged Sinclair’s enthralled body with her elbow. “I feel sorry for the nerds who have to stand up there.”

“All of the attention on them, must be for the main convention speakers.” He hoisted the files under his arms back into place before they made their way over to a small table where name badges lined the surface. “Sticker me up.” Sinclair grinned at Raven, his hands too full to find his own badge.

The woman on the other side of the table, who was dressed impeccably in a crisp suit, followed Raven’s hands towards the badges. “Ah, Ms Reyes, Mr Sinclair, we were beginning to wonder if you’d arrive.” Smiling as she stood, she rounded the table. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Raven whispered as they followed the woman, a couple of the congregated nerds turned to glance in their direction and whispered under their breaths as they passed.

“Beats me.” Sinclair shrugged. He was turned to look behind him. “Where are those two? They’re going to miss it.” Melissa and Abby were nowhere to be seen and had been awol for the past four hours or so.  Truth be told, Raven was beginning to get more and more nervous as the seconds ticked by.

“Here we go,” the woman interrupted their whispering when they came to a halt. “If you’d like to set up, he will be with you shortly.”

For a moment, Raven was completely at a loss as she took in where the woman was telling them both to set up. “I’m sorry?” she asked suddenly running cold.

“Oh, the organizer of the convention.” The woman explained, just as confused as Raven was but for an entirely different reason.

“No?” Raven’s jaw dropped.

“What Miss Reyes means is that we’re not sure you’ve brought us to the right stage…” Sinclair said, gaping at the centre stage with horror burning in his eyes.

“Of course I have.” The woman chuckled to herself incredulously. She flipped a page over on her list and ran her finger down the paper. “See, right here. Guest speakers.”

“ _Guest speakers_?” Raven blurted out, pleading silently for the floor to fall open and swallow her whole. “What do you mean ‘guest speakers?’”

The other woman suddenly looked just as dumbfounded as Raven felt. “I don’t understand?”

“You’re not the only one.” Sinclair chuckled good naturedly and took a step forward. “I’m sorry, we were just unaware that we would be speaking… in front of all these people… as guest speakers.”

The woman just smiled silently up at Sinclair disbelievingly but as it became more apparent that they weren’t in fact joking or messing around, her face fell. “Not again, not again.” She muttered into the palm of her hand. “Would you excuse me for a moment, I need to go and find someone, please, feel free to start setting up.”

It took a few more seconds for Raven to come around and process what was happening, but when she did, she rounded so fast on Sinclair that her brace locked and jammed. “Did you know about this?”

Sinclair looked just as bewildered. “No, not at all.” He was pale, and for a moment it looked as though he was about to fall flat on his face, his kind tone from seconds before had swiftly been washed from his voice and replaced with a shudder of nerves. That was until something over Raven’s shoulder caught his eye and a light pink hue tinted his cheeks. She turned disgruntledly to investigate.

Her own anger and fear was suddenly banished from her body at the sight of Abby and Melissa curiously wandering into the hall.

A smile began to tug at the corner of her mouth when she remembered the events of that morning. she tried to force a smile in greeting but paired with the information they’d just received, she didn’t feel much like trying.

“You two look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Melissa chuckled, clearly trying to diffuse the tension.

Raven didn’t need to tell herself to pull Abby towards her, on autopilot, and still in somewhat of a daze, she tangled her fingers with the doctor’s and stepped closer to her. She buried her face into the crook of Abby’s neck and inhaled, listening to Sinclair as he spoke.

“There seems to have been some sort of mix up.” He started, “it would appear that Raven and I have been brought here to speak-” Sinclair cut himself short, the situation settling in the forefront of his mind. “We’re the guest speakers.” Voice monotone and void of any significant emotion.

“What?” Abby blurted out in her own bout of shock. She took a step backwards from Raven and stared at her with wide, but excited eyes.

“No!” Raven snapped. “Don’t give me that look, this isn’t good. This is very,” her voice grew grave and low as she spoke, “very bad.” Off to their left, Sinclair and Melissa seemed to be whispering, or bickering, Raven couldn’t quite tell. “We’re not prepared for this, we’re not ready!”

“Of course, you are, Raven.” Abby slipped her hand back into her partners and held it close to her own body, pride and reassurance resonated through every pour of her body.

“No…” Raven whined. “We’ve only just found a solution for the fuel, and that’s only in liquid form, converting it to a metallic state could take months or even years, not to mention how long it could take to perfect.” She rambled on, becoming more and more dizzy as she spoke. Raven wasn’t aware that she was being led backwards to the edge of the platform that would be their stage in less than a half hour, until the backs of her thighs bumped into it and she was forced to sit herself down. She blinked once and then twice and when her vision returned to her, she followed Abby with her eyes, the older woman crouched down in front of her, hands working the jam out of Raven’s brace. “We’re not ready.” Raven mumbled out and it would seem that her professor was having the same discussion. Above Abby’s head, the man was running his fingers through his hair, becoming ever more disheveled as the seconds ticked by.

“Look at me.” Abby instructed as she worked her magic on Raven’s leg. She didn’t look up from the brace but Raven knew she was aware that she’d done as she was told. “You know more than anyone, anyone in this room, how prepared you are for today. You’ve both worked so hard to get to this place and one little misunderstanding isn’t going to stop you from getting up there and presenting your plans. Okay?” Raven could only dumbly nod, still in shock but now mildly turned on by her girlfriend’s sure tone. “So what they mixed things up? Is this not better for the both of you? _Guest speakers_ for crying out loud.”

“She’s right.” Sinclair spoke up. “We’ve got this.” He held his fist out for Raven to nudge with her own and between the gesture he presented and her girlfriend who was looking up at her with deep brown eyes, she suddenly felt the majority of her fear dissipate. Not completely, but enough so that she could at least stand without falling flat onto her face. 

Just as Raven returned the fist bump, two men approached their little group. One wearing a neat brown suit beneath a pristine lab coat, clearly the man in charge here, and another in a black suit that was possibly two sizes too large for his lithe frame. “Ah, Ms Reyes, Professor Sinclair.” The big boss man held out his hand and they both shook it. “It’s lovely to meet you.” The brunette figured she recognized him from somewhere, with that slowly graying hair and pale complexion, perhaps he just had one of those faces.

“Like wise.” Sinclair smiled in greeting while Raven could only manage a nod in his direction.

“It would seem,” The boss shot a suspicious glare to the scrawny man beside him. “That my assistant failed to inform you of your roles here today. I would like to extend my deepest apologies for the mix up and would fully understand if you wished to pull out of the convention today.”

“No, no.”

“Not at all.”

Both Raven and Sinclair jumped to protest, possibly surprising themselves after the minor freak out they’d just had.

The boss’ face lit up with a beaming grin. “Oh, that is good to hear. See, when my colleagues and I first heard of your work we couldn’t wait to invite you hear and to have you both as guest speakers is just amazing.”

“Thank you.” Raven replied, slightly skeptical of the man who seemed to be amazed by what had begun as a joking conversation but had quickly spiraled into something… well… something amazing. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Oh, so sorry, where are my manners? I’m Doctor Henman. I’m the lead scientist at NASA’s Human Explorations and Operations department.” Raven’s jaw dropped and an explosion of excitement erupted inside her chest. She finally remembered where she recognized him from. 

“Holy crap.” She jumped to her feet and reached out to shake the mans had once again. “It’s really you!” The thing was, Raven in all her beauty and glory, always had been the biggest nerd to live, she was sure of it. And the name Henman would slip from her lips as easily as Hawkins would spill from Sinclair’s. “This is _crazy_. You’re my hero.” Any other day, Raven would probably have been mortified with her own actions but there were so many emotions flipping through her system, she couldn’t care.

Doctor Henman let out a hearty chuckle. “You’ve seen my work?”

Raven scoffed disbelievingly. “I live for you work.”

Abby could only watch in complete, dumbfounded confusion. She glanced between Sinclair and Melissa who shared her exact thoughts if their contorted facial expressions were anything to go by.

The pair rambled on, bantering back and forth for a few more minutes and Dr Henman bid them farewell and promised to see Raven after the convention. Abby knew exactly what for and she felt a mixture of pride and something else well up inside her chest.

\----

“Raven, can I have a word?” Abby whispered a moment after Sinclair had begun plugging in laptops and unfolding blueprints up on the makeshift stage.

“Sure.” The frown that creased Raven’s brow didn’t go unnoticed by Abby. “What’s up?”

“I went to see Jackson today.” The doctor blurted out, her cheeks had flushed considerably due to her outburst but she powered through, wanting to make things as even as possible between them before she spilled the beans, so to speak. “We got coffee and had a catch up and…” she trailed off, second guessing herself as to whether she should tell Raven or not. The panicked expression - well, maybe that was the wrong word to use, Raven looked close to slipping into an anxiety induced fit– urged her on. “He offered me a job, Raven. Head of Surgery.”

“Wait, _what_?” Raven felt a rush of warm relief and a beaming smile yank at the corners of her mouth. “I thought you were going to tell me you’d _cheated_ on me.” Abby was taken aback for a second before she released her own sigh of relief. “This is fantastic babe.” Raven made a move to pull Abby in for a congratulatory hug but the older women held up her hands to stop her. “What’s wrong?”

Pulling in a breath, Abby prepared her lungs for the rambling stream of words that would swiftly follow. “The job is here, in DC… and I know its an amazing job and everything but I have Clarke back home and you and that’s where I met Jake. All my friends are there and- and… and I know you have an interview for the internship here at NASA so I don’t want you to think that I’m only considering the job just for you but I also don’t want you thinking that maybe you shouldn’t take the interview because of me and-”

Raven lunged forwards and pressed her lips firmly with Abby’s, the older woman tensed for a second or so before she finally relaxed into the comforting gesture. “Abby.” Raven stated firmly, pulling away only inches. “You and I both know that a job like this never comes up so easily,” she noted. “Clarke’s a big girl and she can take care of herself, you know that. Cece and Indra, like you said, they’re your best friends, distance won’t mean a thing.” Raven spoke as she led her girlfriend to the edge of the stage and sat her down.

“I know but-”

“No buts,” Raven shook her head with a proud smile. “We can talk more about this tonight, if you’d like?”

Abby nodded and ducked her head slightly embarrassed by her outburst. “Can I ask you something?”

“You want to know why I didn’t tell you about my interview?” Raven stated smugly, already knowing the question on the tip of Abby’s tongue. “Seems like you’re already up to date on what the interviews for, though.” The mechanic chuckled heartily. “But yeah, I don’t know, Abs. I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up and not actually get the internship, or have to worry about _us_ and how _we_ would work if I did get it. I wanted to wait until I was sure…”

“How long have you known for?” Abby didn’t sound as hurt as Raven was expecting but the slight shake in her voice was enough to tell her that Abby’s emotions were still running quite high. Be it due to her own confession or Raven’s, she couldn’t tell, but it was there nonetheless.

Raven entwined her fingers with Abby’s and gave her hand a soft squeeze. “A few weeks.”

“You should have told me.” The pout on Abby’s lips was almost too adorable for Raven to handle and she could feel her own heart welling inside her chest at the sight.

“I know I should have.” The mechanic brought Abby’s hand to her lips and planted a soft kiss against her knuckles. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Abby smiled reassuringly. “We’re both on the same page now, though.”

“Definitely.” Raven beamed at Abby, a slight rush of excitement began to bubble through her veins. If everything turned out right today, then this could possibly be the best thing that had ever happened to Raven, this could be the start of a new life, one that involved Abby, one without the hiding and the shame.

\----

“Any questions?” Sinclair asked the vast audience that had gathered around their stage, eager eyes peering up at the two geniuses. The whole thing had gone spectacularly well and Raven, in her nerdy glory, couldn’t be any prouder of the way things had turned out. The crowd seemed to have been rapt by their idea from the second they had started talking until the very end and the fifty or so hands that shot into the air caused the excitement she’d been feeling to only grow.

“You at the front.” Raven pointed to a bushy haired woman in a crisp looking pant suit.

The lady cleared her throat with her fist to her mouth. Pen to paper, she readied her hand to scribble down some notes. “A lot of your findings are based off the International Space Station, would you be able to explain how the ARK would be different to the ISS?” It was a good question, Raven would give her that, however, it was obvious the woman already knew the answer to the question. It was now a case of covering their bases and making their aim as obvious as possible.

“Good question.” Raven winked at the lady who was probably a big shot scientist from NASA or the likes of. “For starters, the ISS is purely for research purposes only, and can only hold up to six people at a time.” She checked off the points on her fingers and glanced to her side at Sinclair for approval. He gave a nod to continue. “However, the ARK, while also used for research would be extended to human exploration beyond lower earth orbit and human inhabitants. Farming, reproduction, life, need I go on?” she chuckled along with the audience who clapped in support of her answer.

When the applause died down, hands rose into the air for the next round of questions. “You mentioned that there would be twelve nations involved in building the ARK, which corporations would head these nations?”

This time it was Sinclair who answered. “The partnership would be between NASA, ESA, JAXA, CSA and Roscosmos, this would be the biggest scientific cooperation in scientific history. These corporations have already shown an interest in our plans and are just waiting for the go-ahead.” The typical questions were shot their way, sustainability, the metallic hydrogen compound used for fuel (Raven’s favourite question by far), and the different sections for the station itself. To no one’s amazement, but to everyone’s joy, the presentation and talk went down as a hit and as it finally came to a close - a few flashes from the back of the crowed alerted Raven to the fact that she’d soon be featured in some magazine article – the crowd dispersed, some stayed behind to ask a few more questions or to shake their hands.

“That was brilliant.” Abby engulfed Raven in her arms and held her close. “You’re such a nerd and you’re _brilliant_.” She gushed with so much excitement that Raven couldn’t help the way her heart welled once again. It climbed to a throat, threatening to spill words she wasn’t sure she was ready to spill yet.

“Thank you.” Raven decided to say instead. Their lips connected in a gentle kiss before Melissa and Sinclair came bounding over to join them. “Up top!” Raven cheered, holding her hand up for her professor to high five.

“I think we deserve more than a high five, kid.” He chuckled and pulled her into a one-armed hug. “Drinks are on me tonight, we need to celebrate.” The professor’s eyes were still wandering around the room. “How many billionaires do you think want to help fund us now?” he whispered below a breath with an excited smirk plastered to his face.

However, before anyone could answer, a voice calling them from the other side of the crowd drew their attention as Doctor Henman strut his way over to them, his assistant in tow. “Ms Reyes! About this interview we’d asked you to attend.” There was something in the doctor’s voice that caused Raven’s stomach to plummet almost painfully. His tone was flat, almost lacking in any sort of emotion. “I’m sorry to say that we do not wish to offer you a place as part of our internship team.”

Raven went cold.

 


	14. Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm getting back into somewhat of a routine with this and hopefully I can stick to it.  
> This chapter is slightly longer than the last and a lot of you guessed where I was going with it, of course Raven deserves the best and that's what I'm going to give her. Gold star for those who figured out my plan.   
> Enjoy!

Chapter 14

Beginning

Raven still felt oddly cold ten minutes after the conversation with Doctor Henmen, even now, while she sat in a small conference room at the edge of a huge oval table, Sinclair perched beside her just as jittery as herself. They’d been asked if they could have ‘a quick chat’ with Doctor Henmen who had walked them to the room and had swiftly wandered off in search of some of his colleagues. That had been three minutes ago, and Raven was sure she was about to explode.

“Not to worry, not to worry.” The door opened and Doctor Henman, followed by three other people wandered in. “Ms Reyes, Professor Sinclair,” the doctor gesture to the two frightfully pale people sat at the table and back to the other doctors behind him. “I’d like you to meet my team here at NASA.”

Nervously, Raven extended her hand followed by Sinclair as they all introduced themselves properly. “Excuse me if I sound rude here,” Sinclair shot Raven a warning glance as the mechanic began to speak. “But what exactly is going on here?”

“Ah, Ms Reyes, you have a keen mind, straight to the point.” Doctor Henman gave a pointed look to his peers, a knowing smile echoed across their features. “Something very valuable indeed.”

“Valuable?” Sinclair spoke up, his own curiosity winning over.

“And of course, Professor, just as keen.” Henman settled back in the chair at the head of the table and gestured to a balled man in a navy suit. “Christopher, would you care to hand over the papers to our guests.”

“Yes sir,” Christopher replied in a thick African accent. 

Two piles of papers slid into Raven and Sinclair’s personal space. _‘Contract of Employment’_ was printed across the front in big bold letters. Their heads snapped to attention in unison, both pairs of eyes began to gape furiously into Henman's face. “What’s this?” Raven stammered unsure as to whether she was dreaming or not.

Henman tipped his head to the side, a chuckle rippled through his body, his shoulders bouncing with the action. “My colleagues and I have decided, after watching the both of you today working so brilliantly as a team, and especially with what you have created here,” Doctor Henman gestured to their bags containing their laptops and blueprints. “That we would very much like for you to head our team on the ARK project.” The eruption of white noise in Raven’s ears was deafening but the burst of sheer excitement and joy kept her from passing out right then and there. “We all felt that it would be a complete waste of talent for you to join our internship team, Raven. And Sinclair, we discussed the matter of your current employment and came to the same conclusion. Therefore, we would like to offer you both jobs here with us as soon as the school term ends.”

Sinclair’s jaw gaped helplessly.

Raven’s hands were gripping the edge of the table, refraining herself from throwing herself at the Doctor and kissing him senseless.

Henman chuckled once again and this time his co-workers joined him. “As for living costs, due to the fact that neither of you are local, we have come to the agreement that all housing expenses will be covered – that has been written up and waiting for your signatures.” As an afterthought, Henman pushed over a slip of paper. “I may have jumped the gun a little here, but I recommend this zip code.”

Raven found it in her to finally blink and glance down at the paper. Her jaw dropped again. “This… this-” her mouth apparently hadn’t got the message that her eyes had. The zip code hadn’t exactly belonged to your average area of city either. They’d driven through on the way to their hotel and their driver had gushed about always wanting to live in the suburban area.

Raven couldn’t believe what was happening. She reached to her left blindly and pinched Sinclair’s bicep. He let out a sharp yelp.

“No, Ms Reye’s, this is not a dream.” Doctor Henman stated smugly. “Now I know this must be a lot to take in and you must have a lot to go through and sort out with your families. So please, take your time and we look forward to hopefully having you on board.”

Raven and Sinclair dumbly stood, as if their bodies were moving on autopilot. The mechanic felt as though she was having an out of body experience, walking numbly towards the door with the contract and laptop in hand.

“If you have any questions, just give me a call.”

\----

Their bodies silently walked them towards the hotel bar. They should have gone back to the convention hall but their brains had other things in mind. They dropped their bags and placed the contracts on the bar top, both settling onto a stool beside each other in complete sync.

“Please tell me this isn’t a joke.” Raven whispered. Too afraid to speak any louder, as though this dream, this hallucination, would be shattered.

“I don’t think it is.” Sinclair stroked his hand across the top of the paper. “I think it’s real…”

“It’s real.” Raven repeated. She couldn’t believe her own words. “I need a drink.”

“I agree.” Sinclair must signal the bar tender down because a moment later, two strong smelling drinks were settled in front of them. They both downed the burning liquid in one, the small glasses tapped against the hard wood of the bar.

Raven pinched the corner of the contract between her forefinger and thumb. “Should we read them? I’m too scared to.”

“To scared to do what?” A woman’s voice from behind them finally snapped them out of their mutual dazes. Abby. The older woman must see their pale faces and the empty shot glasses and put two and two together. “What happened?”

Melissa settled into the stool on Sinclair’s side while Abby joined Raven. “Did you not get any funding?” The school teacher asked, voice filled with concern.

Raven and her professor shook their heads. “We, we-” Sinclair tried and failed to explain. Instead, Raven gesture down at the contracts in front of them.

“They offered us jobs.” The silence that followed was just as deafening as the white noise that had roared in her ears only minutes ago.

And then Abby and Melissa lunged for the contracts, they did what Raven and Sinclair were too afraid to and began to read the first page. Then the second. Third. And within five minutes they were finished, the mechanic and the professor sat with baited breath. “It’s legit.” Melissa observed mostly to herself but having someone else confirm that this wasn’t a joke had a burning sigh released from the cage of their chests.

It finally hit Raven like a soft pillow to the face. She turned to Abby with this huge, knowing smile plastered to her face and the Doctor could do nothing but return it with just as much enthusiasm. This was it, this was their beginning, the beginning of something new, the beginning of everything. Abby shuffled forward ever so slightly, waiting for Raven to meet her halfway and when she did, their lips connected with an electrical current like no other. It was primal, hungry, longing and loving. It was everything they could convey to one another without using words.

“I’ve got a job.” Raven gasped when they broke apart. “Like a real, sophisticated job!” Abby could only roll her eyes smugly.

“Me too!” Sinclair joined in with her excitement.

“You already had one but yes, you do!” Raven couldn’t help the fully fledged, belly laughter that erupted and rippled through her body. Ecstatic couldn’t quite cover what she was feeling. Overwhelmed, too, wouldn’t cover it.

Swivelling back on her stool to face Abby she yanked the older woman into her, engulfing her midriff with her arms and buried her face deep into the crook of the doctor’s neck. “I’m so happy.” Her voice, despite being muffled by Abby’s body, came out an octave or two higher than her usual tone.

“I’m so proud of you.” Abby held on tighter, allowing Raven just to be, just to live in this second.

They both were holding back what they really wanted to say, the emotion was there, it was evident in every word, every touch and every glance they shared. It was there and that was enough.

In that moment, everything felt perfect.

\----

Both couples had retreated to their separate bedrooms, excusing themselves for a few hours just to be alone together before they met back up for dinner at a fancy restaurant to celebrate.

Abby had snuck off into the bathroom to wash up and make a few phone calls, informing Marcus of her own job offer. They hadn’t yet managed to discuss anything in the area of living together or such, with the pair of them being so caught up in their own moments. She didn’t know what was going to happen, only that she was positive that she wouldn’t let this separate them. She wasn’t even sure if Abby would be accepting her offer, what with Clarke and Cece back in New York City.

She could only hope.

Not that she’d ever want to break a family and a strong friendship a part, never. It was just that she wanted to be selfish for once in her life. She wanted to make this work and she knew that Clarke would understand eventually, she had her own family to start and worry about. The blonde was a grown up and would be accepting.

Cece, on the other hand may have been a different story. She’d want blood. Lots of blood.

Raven gulped at the thought.

Wanting to remove the thought of her untimely demise from the forefront of her mind, Raven pulled her Mac onto her lap and opened skype. She wanted to talk to her best friend.

It only took a few seconds for Wick to finally answer. Slouching on the couch, shirtless and holding a bowl of Lucky Charms beneath his chin. “Hey, kid. Sup?” he grunted around a mouthful of food, his attention taken by the TV that was blaring in the background.

“Nice to see you, too. I’ve missed you so much. You know, with being in a different city and all?” She scowled down the camera at him.

“Sorry.” Wick rolled his eyes with a good-natured smile on his face before he reached for the remote and knocked off his TV. “I’ve missed you Rae, how’s the cap treating you?”

Raven’s face split into a shit eating grin as she whipped the contract up from her side and flashed it at the camera all the while shrieking, ‘I got a job, I got a job…” it must have taken a moment for Wick’s end of the line to come through because a second later, his lucky charms sprayed over his screen.

“That’s not an internship?!” his voice was shrill from chocking on his cereal.

“Nope.” The mechanic popped the ‘p’. “They want Sinclair and I to _head_ the ARK project.” Her voice was only growing louder and louder and she rambled on. “They offered us both full time jobs at NASA and they’re going to pay for us to live here, too!”

“ _Us_?” Wick wiped at his chest with his rumpled-up shirt. Of course, he would pick her slip up out of everything she’d just said.

“Yeah, erm.” Raven rubbed at the back of her neck. “Sinclair and I, you know, him and his wife in one house. And me in another.” Her cheeks blushed.

“Mhm, okay then.” Wick nodded disbelievingly but didn’t push her any further. “I’m so proud of you kid.” He said with one of those big brother smiles he reserved only for moments like this which were very few and very far between. “When do you move?”

That took Raven aback, surprised that she hadn’t even considered how soon it would be. “Three months.” She replied, though her smile had dropped ever so slightly.

“Hey, don’t do that! Go and live your life, Rae.” He pointed directly down the camera. “Don’t stick around here, don’t settle.” He paused as though he was considering whether he should say what he wanted to say next. He does. “Your dad would be proud of you, Raven. He’d want you to do this.”

Raven felt the sharp sting of tears immediately, and the tightening of her throat caught her off guard. It wasn’t often she thought of her dad anymore. Sure, he came to mind here and there but it was always when something triggered a memory. Raven didn’t go out of her way to think of him daily. He was always in her heart, however, and maybe that’s why the sudden skip and ache in her chest caused her to reach up to rub at the offending organ. “I wish he was here to see me now.”

“I’m sure he’s proud of you regardless, kid. Even if he did leave your mom. He still loves you.”

“I know.” She didn’t blame him for walking out on them. Her mom was a handful and paired with a young child, she wasn’t surprised and held no hard feelings towards him at all. “Anyway, I best go, lots of work to do.” She waved the contract again with a bright smile. “I’ll call you when I’m home.”

“See you soon.”

The call ended.

Raven flopped backwards on the bed and closed her eyes, hoping for a quick nap. Instead, her phone began to ring on her thigh and she answered it begrudgingly. “Hello?”

“How did it go? Tell me _everything_.” It was Octavia. The full beaming smile returned to Raven’s lips as she began to ramble hurriedly down the receiver, spouting out information as fast as her brain could process.

She held the phone away from her face when Octavia began to _shriek_ , not just your usual excited cheering, no, she shrieked down the phone loud enough that the microphone crackled and struggled to process the noise. Abby even came racing back into the room at the sound. Apparently thinking someone was murdering her girlfriend. She wasn’t too far off, Raven was sure her ears were bleeding.

“Jesus, I thought someone was strangling a cat.” Abby muttered with a roll of her eyes before she sat down on the end of the bed and pulled Raven’s legs onto her lap. Raven smiled up at her girlfriend with a dazed expression that could only be down to the pure happiness that seemed to be engulfing her.

“It’s just O.” Raven chuckled.

“You told her the news?” Abby began to unfasten Raven’s brace, something they had both gotten used to now.

The mechanic held the phone away from her ear as a second bout of screaming joined. “And now Lincoln knows.” That had Abby laughing once again and Raven couldn’t help but stare at her. She held her arm out for Abby to crawl into. The doctor settled against Raven’s side and nuzzled her nose into her cheek.

“Who’re you talking to?” Octavia and Lincoln’s screaming finally began to die down.

Raven rolled her eyes at the idiotic question. “Who do you think, O?”

“Hi, Abby!” Octavia screamed again.

“Jesus, O. Stop.” Raven snapped but Abby could only chuckle as she closed her eyes.

“Speaking of, what does this mean for you and her?” Octavia, seeming to finally have settled down, asked the heavy weighted question calmly.

“Well actually,” Raven laughed nervously. “It’s a long story really.”

“Raven.”

“She got offered a job here too, funny, right?” the nervous laughter on Raven’s end continued but Octavia just remained quiet. Thinking. It made Raven squirm.

A sigh left Octavia’s lips. “Who did you pay? Did you sell your soul to the devil or something?”

“I’m just super lucky, I guess.” At her words, Abby sat up and stared into her eyes. Smiling gently against Raven’s lips as she leaned down to capture them.

“Please stop.” Octavia stage whispered down the line. “I can hear you guys making out.”

“I’m gonna hang up now.” Ravel smirked and she was sure Octavia could hear it.

There was rustling on the other end before Octavia spoke up once again. “Wait, when are you coming home?”

Raven frowned. Octavia knew her whole schedule. It’s the reason she called when she did. She knew when the interviews were supposed to end. She knew her flight times and she knew her luggage weight. “Monday. Like we discussed…”

“Erm, no.” Octavia stated like Raven was talking out her ass or something. “Have you not seen the weather, Rae?”

“What’re you talking about?” Abby could hear the conversation going on between the two women. She sat up and pulled Raven’s Mac into her own lap, having a feeling she knew where this conversation was going. Raven realised too, when Abby pulled up the flight lists in her browser. “The flights are cancelled, aren’t they?” Raven dropped the palm of her hand square into her face.

And sure enough, every single flight to and from JFK within the next two days were blinking in red ‘cancelled’ and ‘delayed’.

“Shit.”

\----

After calling Clarke and rescheduling their mother daughter dinner date for another time, Abby changed while Raven read through her contract. As far as she was aware, this was one of the best things to ever happen to her, second to of course to Abby. However, she didn’t want to sign anything just yet, not until the mechanic had a proper chance to discuss it with her girlfriend.

So while Abby apologised to her daughter and changed into a beautifully fitting dress that had Raven’s draw dropping and a slightly inconvenient pang of eat racing between her legs, Raven read and reread her contract.

Her phone chimed with a text just as she was pulling on a dress of her own.

**Clarke [today: 17:40 PM]** Congratulations! O just gave me an update. See you when you’re home

She wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt nervous about the text, maybe it was the familiar guilty feeling of keeping her relationship with her mother hidden, maybe it was the added pressure of their job prospects. She settled in front of the vanity mirror and freshened up her makeup before she typed back a reply.

**Raven [17:43 PM]** Thanks, we should go out for drinks when we get back

She realised what she’d said when it was too late. ‘We’. The text had already sent. She closed her eyes and hoped to god that Clarke wouldn’t read too much into it just as Wick had, she wasn’t sure how much more lying she could handle. While Clarke was aware that Raven was seeing someone, she knew she was beginning to cross a very fine line.

Abby came back into the room and settled on the couch beside the bed. “I told her I was stuck in work.” The doctor crossed her legs and picked up Raven’s Mac. “She seemed to believe me.”

“That’s good.” Raven finished up her makeup.  “Did you tell her about the job offer?”

“Yeah, she seemed pleased.” Abby’s voice didn’t sound as cheerful as it should have been. She closed Raven’s Mac and stood up. Raven couldn’t help but admire Abby’s body as she stood before her looking miles out of her league.

The mechanic bit her lower lip and inhaled gently trying to calm the ache between her legs. “You don’t?”

Both women collected their purses and made their way to the door. Abby seeming a little tenser than she should have done considering the occasion so Raven, on impulse, laced their hands together hoping that it would ease some of the tension around the older woman’s shoulders. It worked. “She didn’t seem surprised.” Abby shrugged. “It was strange.”

Raven could tell that the thought made her girlfriend uncomfortable. “You think she knows.” It was a statement rather than a question.

Abby could only nod. “It wouldn’t be a bad thing if she did, don’t get me wrong, I just hope she doesn’t _yet_ , so we can explain it to her properly.”

“It’ll be okay.” And the stroke of Raven’s thumb against the back of Abby’s knuckles settled it. It was comforting to both women, being able to just be together the way they were right now. “We don’t have to worry about anything until we’re home.”

“Home.” Abby smiled with a shine in her eyes that reach straight through Raven’s chest and wrapped around her heart.

“Home.” She gave a squeeze to Abby’s hand and continued down the hallway towards Sinclair’s room.

**Clarke [17:54 PM]** We all should, I can’t wait x

Sinclair was already very tipsy. With his rosy cheeks and half lidded eyes, bouncing on his toes and raring to go. It was nice. Seeing everyone so comfortable and happy. “Lets go celebrate!” he cheered, wrapping his arm around Raven’s shoulders and tugging her off towards the elevator.

Raven waved down a cab and they all piled in, three women in the back of the car while Sinclair talked to drivers ear off. Raven would have felt sorry for him if it hadn’t been so funny and by the time they reached the restaurant they were all in stitches with laughing, aching chests and close to peeing.

It was easy to settle into such an amazingly care free mood when everything was looking up. They ate food and talked about everything and anything. Raven couldn’t help but laugh about the events of the day. “Honestly, I thought that was it.”

Sinclair rolled his eyes. “Never, you’re a genius, even if they hadn’t offered us the jobs, you would have found something amazing.”

“It was a bit of a kick to the teeth, though, being told they didn’t want me being an intern and wandering off the way he did.” She took a sip of wine. “Crazy guy.”

“What was it like waiting for him to come back once he’d taken you up to the conference room?” Melissa asked, starting on her desert.

“I thought Raven was going to throw a chair out the window and follow it.” Sinclair’s bubbly laughter filled the restaurant, it was contagious and a few of the other patrons around them joined in.

“Me? What about _you_? The way you were pulling at your hair, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you had balled patches.” She made a show of reaching over to inspect his head but he swatted her hand away like a fly.

“Don’t touch me.” Sinclair warned. “My arm still hurts from where you pinched me.”

“You pinched him?” Abby placed her hand on Raven’s thigh beneath the table. The gentle touch sent heatwaves rocketing through the younger woman’s body.

“I thought I was dreaming.” If she could have, she would have rolled her eyes but the contact between her and Abby was doing things to her body. The pressure had been building up all night with each tiny touch they shared.

Melissa pushed her plate away from her space, half of her desert still untouched. “Are you excited to start your new job then?” Sinclair took her plate and began to took in, his own plate already wiped clean.

“I haven’t even signed the contract yet.” Raven laughed but nodded nonetheless. “But yeah, it’s going to be amazing, the work load will be massive but it’s what I love.”

“Mhm.” Sinclair nodded around a mouthful of food. “I agree. We make a good team, you and me.”

“That you do.” Abby approved. “You two have this… bond. You work so well together, like a house on fire.” She thought aloud.

“She’s been my best student ever.” The professor pointed his fork at Raven with a smirk. “I see her as a daughter.” If he wasn’t so drunk he maybe wouldn’t have been so quick to say those words but he did, and they had more of an impact than anyone could ever know.

“You’ve been the only father figure I’ve had since my dad left.” She tried to shrug it off as though it wasn’t such a big deal, but Abby’s hand on her thigh gave a gentle stroke to the soft skin in the inside if her leg.

“We’ve never been able to have children of our own,” Melissa started with a sad smile that has long since been used to finding its way to her lips. “But since Raven came into our lives, he’s been so much happier.” She dropped her hand to her husband’s arm and the smile changed to one of pure adoration. “Since then, she’s been more like family to us than a student.” Melissa explained to Abby.

“I always wondered how you two became so close.” Abby chuckled.

“It was after that Finn boy left, right?” Sinclair asked Raven who nodded. “She turned up to one of my lectures wasted so I bought her a burger and we talked after class. I told Melissa that night when I got home and she was adamant that we invite her round for dinner.” He gave a shrug and a cool smile, holding his fist out for Raven to nudge with her own.

“Monday’s are SVU nights.” Raven explained. “Its tradition now.”

“Apart from the past couple of months, when you do nothing but work on the ARK project.” Melissa rolled her eyes and finished up her glass of wine.

Sinclair scoffed. “It’s always on in the background.”

Abby couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Her cheeks were rosy with the one glass of wine she’d drank, accentuating her cheek bones. Raven leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on the woman’s jaw.

“How did you two meet?” Melissa asked with a thoughtful smile.

Raven sputtered around her own wine before she managed a cocky smile. “I’m her daughters best friend.” But of course, Sinclair already knew that, having seen Clarke and Raven together on campus.

Melissa seemed surprised by that, amused, but not disgusted. “I’ve always thought of finding myself a younger man.” She tapped at her chin playfully.

“Hey, I’m not that old.” He pouted.

Melissa only reached up and plucked a grey hair from his head. “If you say so.” The laughter that filled the room continued late into the evening.

\----

Raven had pulled on some old shorts and a baggy Arkadia U t-shirt when they’d gotten back to their room. She was happily buzzed both on alcohol and life and from where she stood, looking out over the edge of the balcony at the busy street below her, it felt relaxing. The glass of wine in her hand kept her body warm despite the freezing night air.

It was only a little after ten but she was just about ready to curl up in bed and sleep until late tomorrow morning. She was supposed to be flying home tomorrow, but with the flights having been cancelled they wouldn’t be returning home until the Wednesday afternoon.

She was relieved if she was being quite honest. It meant that for now, she didn’t have to go back to hiding. She could just be madly in love with Abby and not have to worry.

Wait.

Raven looked down into her glass of wine as if it had put the thought into her head.

She hadn’t admitted those words even to herself, though she knew it was true, they still startled her. She hadn’t used the words romantically since Finn but then it had felt heavy and weighted, suffocating.

Now, now it felt like freedom.

She could jump off this balcony and fly off towards the skyline.

“It’s freezing.” Came Abby’s voice from the glass doors behind her. “You okay?” Raven turned around to look at the doctor. To Raven’s own amusement, the older woman had pulled on one of her long flannels, only buttoning the top three buttons, showing off her white lace panties beneath. Raven gulped at the sight.

“It’s refreshing.” Raven placed her glass down on the railing and held her arms open for Abby to step within them.

Tentatively, Abby stepped out onto the cold glass flooring and wandered over to Raven. She brushed the stray pieces of hair from the mechanic’s face, locking eyes with her as she did. “I’m just thinking.”

“Care to share?” she asked softly, grazing her lips against Raven’s through a ghost of a kiss.

“Are you going to take the job?” her voice was hesitant as she spoke.

“Are you going to take yours?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Me too.” Abby nodded along to her own answer.

They were both quiet for a moment, both waiting for the other to talk first. “So, we’ll be here, in DC,” she paused. “Together.”

“Raven,” Abby pulled her closer to her body, wrapping her arms securely around her waist. “Talk to me.”

she didn't know how to start, where to start. Words had never come easy to the mechanic, machines and building things were second nature to her, talking about feelings, however, was a foreign concept all together. “I want to be with you Abby, you make me feel so happy in myself, so free and,” Raven sighed, frustrated that she couldn’t word her own feelings. She pulled away from Abby and turned to face the street again, taking a sip from her glass. “I love you, Abby.” She heard the older woman gasp from behind her. “I love you so much and the thought of not being with you is soul destroying. That’s why I hadn’t told you about the interview. I didn’t want it to be real, I didn’t want to _get it_ and then move away from you because you know what everyone says about long distance relationships.” She could feel the hot sting of tears in her eyes and when she turned back to face Abby, their faces mirrored. “I want to be with you forever, okay?”

The silence that followed extended time, it dragged on and the traffic below seemed to slow too. Her breath came out in shallow puffs. She’d said the wrong thing, she’d scared Abby off and any second now Abby was about to walk away from her.

But then Abby’s body was pressing against hers, Raven’s back slammed almost painfully into railings as Abby’s lips came crashing against her own. “Wha-” the mechanic was silenced when Abby’s tongue swiped against her lips. She didn’t need to be asked twice and granted the older woman access. It was a relief, her heart exploding in the chest the way it did.

“I love you, too.” Abby mumbled against her mouth. The explosion in Raven’s chest caused her to surge forward with hope and realisation that everything she ever needed was right here. Abby was home. Raven hoisted the doctor up off the ground, strong thighs circled her waist with a squeak of excitement. Giggles of laughter and promises and ‘I love you’s’ meld together in the minuscule space between their lips.  She walked them through the living area and towards the bed.

The few clothes they had been wearing were shed and dropped to the bedroom floor in crumpled heaps. She worshiped every inch of Abby’s body for hours and Abby worshiped Raven’s right back. Sharing confessions of love until the early hours of the morning.

\----

They were curled up against the foot of the bed gazing out at the sunrise when Abby asked her to move in. It had taken her by surprise at first but Abby’s lips against her collar bone eased the racing of her heart. “Not straight away but when we move here.” She whispered. “We could get a house together.”

“Okay.” Raven whispered back, trying so hard to keep the excitement from her face. Of course, she failed. She beamed at Abby with everything she had. “Okay.”

“The next three months can be our trial run.” Abby teased playfully, holding onto Raven tighter as she spoke. “Stay with me for a while and then if you want to you can go home.”

It was a reasonable idea, it made sense and if she was being honest, Raven thought it was a good idea. “You’re my home.” She said instead. “I’d never want to go back to the flat.”

“Then don’t.” Abby dropped her lips to the crook of Raven’s neck and began to kiss her way up towards her jaw. The younger woman shuddered at the sensation. Raven wound her fingers deep into Abby’s mused hair.

“I don’t think I will.” For just a moment, Raven broke their contact to reach up onto the nightstand to pull down the contract and a pen. She settled back down into Abby’s front with the paper on the doctor’s thigh. “Shall we?” she asked, gesturing for Abby to flick to the last page where she needed to sign.

“I think so.” Abby smiled and turned the pages. She kissed the back of the mechanic’s head when the scribbling of the pen against the paper broke the moment of silence.

And in that moment, they were free.

Happy.

They could be themselves without worrying.

Raven was in love with Abby Griffin and she couldn’t be any prouder.

\----

There was no snow in DC. It was cold and a fine layer of frost had gathered on windows, but there was no snow. That made life so much easier for Raven. Walking through snow that was ankle deep caused a lot of trouble with her brace. For starters, it wasn’t water proof, and the freezing snow would cause it to jam. She couldn't life her leg that high anyway, more often than not she'd stumble her way through the winter streets of New York.

Walking through DC, however, was a lot more enjoyable. But maybe that was more so due to the company than the weather itself. Abby and Raven wandered down a busy street towards the hospital, hands locked, swaying between them. “So how do you know Jackson?”

They’d just finished up on a short shopping trip with Sinclair and Melissa when Abby had suggested showing them the hospital before she went to have that all-important conversation with Jackson. Abby’s bags in Raven’s hand and the small carton of fires that Raven had persuaded them to share in Abby’s. The doctor popped one into her mouth, chewed, then swallowed before replying. “He was my surgical intern ten years ago,” She started. “I was hard on him and he nearly broke but he powered through.” Abby laughed at the memory. “He ended up switching to medicine instead after a year or so. That's what he does here.”

Raven nodded in understanding. “He must have a bit of influence getting you a job so quickly.”

“Mhm.” Abby nodded. “He’s up for board member by the end of this year.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Raven followed Abby into the hospital, Sinclair and Melissa close behind. “Were you close?”

“Yeah, he was one of my best friends.” Abby smiled while her eyes wandered excitedly around the atrium. “He had a thing with Cece for a while.”

That elicited a gasp of pure joy from Raven. “I have ammo!” she teased with a fist bump. “She can’t murder me when she finds out we’re running away together.”

“Oh shush.” Abby rolled her eyes. “She wouldn’t dare.”

“That’s easy for you to say, she loves you.” Raven mumbled. “She’ll use my blood for war paint.”

Playfully swatting at Raven’s shoulder as they sat around a small table outside a café, Abby couldn’t help the teasing eyeroll. “She’s not that bad.” Raven could only stare disbelievingly at Abby until a yawn she failed to stifle broke through her facade. “Coffee?” Raven gave a small embarrassed smile and a nod.

“I’ll come with you.” Melissa offered as they both wandered into the small shop, leaving Raven and Sinclair alone. The silence was nice, it was comfortable and Raven’s mind began to wander to the future. She thought of all the future possibilities of the four of them going on shopping trips together, getting coffee together. Yeah, she thought she could get used to this. Raven popped one of the warm fries into her mouth and smiled smugly to herself.

Sinclair let out a quiet, breathy laugh. “You look how I feel.” With her mouth full of food, Raven could only manage a questioning arch of her eyebrow. “Exhausted but blissfully aware of everything.”

“You didn’t get much sleep either then?” The mechanic teased her professor knowingly.

“Something like that.” They both found that hilarious, it was probably due to the lack of sleep. That thought only caused Raven to laugh harder and when Abby and Melissa returned to their table, the professor and his student were gasping for air around pained, squeaking laughs.

“Which poor soul tripped and fell down the escalator?” Abby approached the table with mock caution.

“Oh shush.” Raven breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath with a wipe to her tear tracked cheeks. “We were just bonding over common…” she paused for dramatic effect and a knowing look to Sinclair. “Interests.”

Abby shot Raven a deadpan glare. “For crying out loud.” She tossed a fry in the younger woman’s direction. “You’re a child.”

“You love it.” Raven smirked before she pulled Abby into a heart stopping kiss, uncaring of their two friends or the patients that wandered around them. “Admit it.” She mumbled hotly against Abby’s mouth.

Flustered and burning a deep crimson, the doctor managed to pull away, just in time for a man’s voice to call her name out from the other side of the atrium. He came bounding over like a lanky puppy as soon as she spotted Jackson. “Please tell me you’re here for why I think you’re here.”

Abby could only smirk in response. “Hi, Jackson.” She welcomed him into an embrace only ever shared by long term friends.

“I’m so glad you came, I’ve been telling everyone all about the Amazing Abby Griffin from New York City.” The man gushed with excitement. Then, his eyes fell on Raven. His eyes skimmed over her body, taking in her appearance inch by inch, his brain trying to decipher her. It wasn’t an unsure kind of look but it set Raven on edge. He was one of Abby’s oldest friends. It was kind of important that he liked her. Maybe that’s why she didn’t snap when his eyes lingered a little too long on her leg and then her face. “Raven, right?” Jackson finally asked with a glance back to Abby for confirmation. The older woman nodded.

“Jackson, this is Raven Reyes. Soon to be the co-director of the ARK Project for NASA under the Human Exploration beyond low Earth orbit department.” It sure was a mouthful, but Abby managed it with ease, impressing Jackson by a long shot, if the wide eyes that formed on his face was anything to go by. It took a moment for the information to settle in Jackson’s brain before he extended his hand out to the shorter woman.

“Impressive, nice to meet you, Raven.” The mechanic, or soon to be NASA employee, took the hand offered to her gratefully and shook it.

“Like wise.” Raven was usually a good judge of character, often she could figure out what someone thought of her straight away. However, as she exchanged greetings with Jackson, she wasn’t quite sure whether he approved of her or not. Perhaps it was the age thing, did he even know that Abby and she were together? Possibly it could be her leg. He could just feel threatened by the job status, that had never happened before so Raven had no experience with that. Or maybe, maybe, he just didn’t like her. “These are our friends, Sinclair and his wife Melissa.” Raven gestured to the couple stood slightly to the left behind her.

“Co-director.” Sinclair shook Jackson’s hand with a soft smile followed by Melissa.

They managed to exchange small talk for a short while, Raven struggled to keep her brain from panicking at the thought of her girlfriend’s oldest friend disliking her. Sinclair must have felt the same, too, he gave her an uncomfortable side glance. “Anyway,” Jackson spoke up during a lull of silence. “You want to head up to my office and we can discuss this job? The board members are all waiting.”

“Of course!” Abby perked up excitedly, turning to face Raven. “I’ll see you soon okay, why don’t you three have a wander around?” She placed a gentle kiss onto Raven’s lips before Jackson and she wandered off back up the stairs he’d come from. They both stalked off with a sophisticated air, one that probably would have scared the hell out of Raven if she hadn’t been so turned on at the sight of her girlfriend.

“He hates us.” Raven blurted out when the pair were far enough away.

“Yup.” Sinclair agreed surely. “He must feel threatened.”

“Just jealous you both have a better job than he does.” Melissa reassured, though it did nothing to calm Raven’s brain,

\----

Raven woke up fifteen minute before Abby’s alarm was set to go off. The warm body that lay beside her in bed was far too comforting to make the younger woman want to leave and she found herself burrowing further into the doctor’s back.  Raven gently traced her index finger down the red, but slowly fading scratches that marred Abby’s skin, just below her shoulder blades. They were memories from the night before, marks of passion drawn in the heat of the moment.

Gently, Raven placed a soft, lingering kiss to Abby’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. She pulled the older woman against her chest and allowed her eyes to flutter closed. Hoping she could fall into a deep enough sleep that she’d miss the alarm and they’d be too late to catch their flight home. Their room smelled of sex and sleep, the morning sun only beginning to touch the edge of the windows opposite the bed. “I love you.” Raven whispered softly before sleep came back to claim her body.

She didn't feel Abby tugging her her hand up the valley between her breasts to settle against her heart and its erratic beating. 

It felt like hours had gone by when Raven finally awake again, but a glance at the watch on her wrist told her that it had only been fifteen minutes. The alarm beside Abby had begun to chime and groggily, the older woman reached over to turn it off. “Do we have to get up?” The doctor asked, her voice drowning in sleep.

“We can stay here forever if you like.” Raven whispered into the back of Abby’s neck, the ghost of her breath caused goose bumps to erupt over the woman’s skin. Raven meant it. Soon they’d have to catch their flight back home to reality and she wasn’t sure how ready she was to go back to hiding their relationship from the people closest to them. Sure, they’d decided to tell Clarke as soon as their trip had come to an end, but even Raven wasn’t sure how they were going to get up the courage to do so. After all, Clarke would be sure to make their lives hell for the next couple of weeks once they had told her.

“I suppose we’ll get our chance with forever soon.” Abby whispered. She turned in Raven’s arms to face the younger woman and kissed her gently. “We just have to get through the next three months alive and we’ll be back to us, back to our normal.”

That thought settled in Raven’s heart with a light flutter as she kissed Abby back. It was going to take a lot for the mechanic to be pulled from their position in the safety of their shared bed.

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style

The second they had stepped off the plane in JFK it was as though a wave of foreboding had washed over them. They’d all said their goodbyes, promising to meet up again for dinner soon and then they were on their separate ways. Abby and Raven wandered out towards Abby’s car, looking undeniably depressed in baggy sweats and shared t-shirts.

“I hate this city.” Raven muttered under her breath once they were finally tucked away into the warmth of the doctor’s car. It smelled clean and unused. Raven hooked up her phone to the AUX and _Hamilton_ began to play through the sound system.

“You’re just saying that, you’re going to miss it when we move.” Abby placed her hand gently on Raven’s thigh and gave it a soft squeeze.

Abby’s words had an immediate impact upon her mood. ‘We’. This was real and it felt official. As though nothing in the world, including Clarke, could take that away from them. It was nice. “You’re probably right. I just don’t want to go back to _this_ life.” Raven sighed. “Not after being so care free and real.”

Abby turned onto the highway as they made the hour or so journey back to the doctor’s house. “We don’t have to go back to hiding, Raven.” Abby reassured the mechanic. “We’ve got our whole lives together just waiting to be lived.”

“Your daughter may beg to differ.” Raven laughed sourly. “She’s going to kill us.”

“I’m meeting her for dinner tomorrow evening, I’ll tell her straight out how things are going to be from now and if she has a problem with it then we’ll deal with it when it comes around to it. But nothing’s going to change the way I feel about you, okay?” Abby was so sure in the way she spoke that it left no room for doubt in Raven’s mind.

“You know,” Raven started, tilting her head against the head rest so that she could stare at the woman driving. “I really do love you.”

“I love you too, Raven.” The older woman smiled softly, genuinely, and she allowed Raven to lace their fingers together.

Between the busy New York traffic and the good foot of snow that was still coating the ground, it took them a little over an hour to get home to Abby’s house. The house is quiet and feels unlived in since they were last here but when they finally managed to lug both of their suitcases up to the master bedroom, the bedsheets were still muses and messed from their last time in the room.

They made quick work of unpacking, much to Raven’s dismay. She just wanted to curl up on the couch with Abby, throw on a movie and take a nap. But Abby was adamant on putting their things away first. She even cleared out a draw and a space in her wardrobe for Raven to put her own clothes. That cheered her up.

Their dirty clothes were thrown into the laundry basket before they made their way down stairs to settle down onto the couch. Abby put on ‘Die Hard’ and they began to drift off to sleep peacefully. That was until the doctor’s stomach growled hungrily. “Want me to make you some food, babe?” Raven offered, already climbing up off the couch and wandering through to the kitchen. She’d made herself well enough at home to know where to find all the food in the house. “Abby, we got a problem.” Raven chuckled to herself, throwing open the fridge door and then the cupboards to find them empty. “Looks like we used the last of the food before we left.”

“Grocery shop?” the older woman called from the couch.

“Looks that way.” Raven nodded despite Abby being in the other room. “You want me to head out and pick some stuff up?”

“I’ll come with you.” Abby picked up her purse and followed Raven out the door and to the mechanic’s jeep. The air was cold and the welcomed warmth of the car felt comforting as the headed off towards the store in search food.

\----

“These ones!” Raven called down the aisle holding up a pack of tampons.

 

“No, the other’s.” Raven picked up the other pack beside them and threw them in Abby’s direction. She crossed over to the other side of the aisle and began loading her arms full of different items.

It went on like this for a while, Raven picking out random items for the sake of buying something and Abby telling her to put them back. She didn’t realise that Raven had been slipping in snacks until they got to the check out.

“You’re insufferable.” Abby rolled her eyes when Raven slipped her a fifty and pushed the cart off to the car while Abby paid.

“Get used to it.” The mechanic smirked as she sauntered off, swinging her hips and even through her sweats, she still made it look good. When the younger woman was out of shot, Abby smiled to herself, because yes, she would get used to it. And just the idea of that, despite how domestic it all really was, was thrilling to both women. Abby was at her happiest, she hadn’t felt that way in a long time.

Raven let out a wolf whistle from where she was leaning casually up against the side of her jeep, her brace clad leg places firmly against the vehicle. She drew the attention of a few passers-by but she couldn’t care to give them a second glance because Abby was walking towards her looking beautiful as hell with the wind whipping around her and the rain beginning to fall, turning the snow to slush. Maybe she was wrong about hating New York, maybe she just hated the idea of being without Abby because right now, in that second, New York was pretty damn beautiful.

“How did I get so lucky?” Raven continued to admire the other woman’s body, allowing her eyes to unashamedly wander.

“Shut up.” Abby muttered around a blush but she meandered into the open arms that Raven held out for her to step into. The doctor sank comfortably into a smouldering kiss that had heat and electricity raging between their connected bodies. “You need to stop before someone reports us for public indecency.” Abby chuckled against Raven’s mouth but made no move to pull away.

“Let them.” A tingle emanating between Raven’s legs, however, told her that Abby was probably right and so, despite her own bodies protests, she stood up straight and stepped around her girlfriend. “Come on, let’s go make some food.” She kissed Abby one more time before she opened the door for her to climb in and then walked around to the driver’s side, the groceries packed away into the back of the car and the cart wheeled back to the bay. Just as Raven was driving out of the lot, her phone vibrated in her pocket. “See who’s texting me, babe?” she tilted her hips so that Abby could pull out her phone.

**Clarke [today: 16:12 PM]** are you coming home tonight?

“It’s Clarke.” Abby whispered as though her daughter would be able to hear her somehow. “Should I reply?” She asked when she read the text for Raven.

“Erm.” Raven considered that for a moment. She had considered going home for the night, however, spending so much time with Abby had become somewhat of an addiction. “Let her know that I’ll stop by after dinner but I won’t be sleeping there.”

**Raven [16:15 PM]** I’ll be back for a little while once I’ve eaten to see you guys, but I’m not staying home tonight

“How’s that?” At Raven’s nod, Abby sent the text and they both waited in anticipation for Clarke’s reply.

**Clarke [16:16 PM]** Cool.

Raven groaned. “She’s pissed with me.”

Abby could only glance between the response and back to her girlfriend in confusion. “What?” she frowned. “How can you tell?”

Raven chuckled. “One word reply. Just as bad as ‘k’.” Abby seemed blissfully unaware, however, so she settled the phone into the centre console and turned up one of the _Hamilton_ songs playing. “She’s going to have it out with me tonight for some reason.” The mechanic rolled her eyes as she picture being cornered on the couch and the blonde reigning hell down on her.

“Why do you think she’ll do that?” Abby asked cautiously.

“It’s Clarke, no offence but she has your temper.” Raven couldn’t help but chuckle as Abby scrunched her face into a frown. “You’re cute when you do that.” The younger woman stroked the frown lines between Abby’s eyebrows with her thumb.

They pulled into Abby’s driveway, Raven taking the space beside the doctor’s car. “Pasta for dinner?” Abby called as she grabbed a few bags from the car and walked up the steps to unlock the front door, Raven followed behind with the last of them.

“Sounds amazing.” She called and closed the front door. “You want me to do anything?” Raven began unpacking all the groceries while Abby started preparing pots and pans on the hob.

“Set the table?” Abby asked gently, placing a gentle kiss to Raven’s temple.

“’Course, babe.” Raven made quick work of the small task before she returned to the kitchen and finished off unpacking the groceries, munching on a little piece of everything as she did so.

Abby eyed her. “You’re going to ruin your dinner.”

“I am a bottomless pit, Abby, no food is ever ruined.” She teased, popping a chip into her mouth. “You want one?” she presented the bag to her girlfriend expectantly but frowned when the woman shook her head. “Your loss.” She blew a kiss to Abby before she folded up the bag and put it away in the cupboard. Instead of eating anything else, she resorted to leaning against the fridge and watching her girlfriend as she worked. “You’re hot.”

Abby blushed, shaking her head. “Stop flirting with me, you already won the girl.”

“That I did, but that doesn’t mean I can’t compliment her.” Raven stalked over to the older woman and circled her arms around her waist. “Doesn’t mean I can’t make her feel good.” Her voice dropped a few octaves as she whispered, her hands dipping just below the hem of Abby’s jeans.

“You’re such an ass.” Abby chuckled, despite her actions. She turned the source down to a simmer and spun around in Raven’s arms, pressing her up against the fridge with a little force. Their lips crashed together, all the pent-up energy that had been accumulating between them throughout the day, suddenly burst through their barriers. Raven slid her thigh between Abby’s legs, pressing firmly into her heated core. The doctor gasped at the contact and began to rock her hips against the friction at a relentless pace. The sight before Raven caused her to forget about her own need to get off and instead, she just watched, drooling over Abby as her head tipped backwards, granting Raven access to the smooth skin of her throat.

The mechanic didn’t care about leaving marks, she sucked and nibbled her way up the column of Abby’s neck until she reached the sensitive spot below her jaw and grabbed the older woman’s ass. Helping the woman along her way to an orgasm. The moans that emanated from the older woman were enough to get Raven off on their own but as a hand tugged at the hem of her sweats and plunged into her own burning heat, Raven gasped out a yelp and began to cant her own hips in time with Abby’s thrust.

However, when the friction between Abby’s thighs became evident that it wasn’t enough, she stepped away from the older woman and dropped to her knees. The doctor’s pupils blew in size, pitch black orbs stared down at Raven who had slowly began to push Abby back towards the fridge and undo the buttons on her jeans. “Fuck, Raven.” She gasped out as her leg was thrown over the Mechanic’s shoulder and a hot mouth trailed its way up her thigh.

It didn’t take them long to orgasm, once and then twice, each. And by then, they were both hot messes, panting and gasping for breath butt naked on Abby’s kitchen floor.

“We need to do that more often.” Abby muttered out, a lazy arm thrown across her face.

Raven straddled the woman’s hips once again and whispered deftly into her ear. “That can be arranged.”

\---- 

**Octavia [today, 18:40 PM]** Where are you right now?

All Raven wanted to do was nap. She was curled up on the couch watching the end of ‘Die Hard’ when a text caused her phone to vibrate. At first, she thought about ignoring it, Abby was warm and comfortable lying on her chest, but when she saw the name flash on her screen, she reached out to read it.

**Raven [18:41 PM]** Abby’s place, why?

She was sure that Abby was asleep, her breath came out even and gentle. The thought made her smile. It was so easy to feel comfortable and at ease. She was so in love with the other woman that the rest of her life could be spent in this exact position and she wouldn’t mind one bit. Raven gently combed her fingers through Abby’s hair, revelling in the moment while she still could.

They’d decided that Raven would go home for an hour or so once the movie had finished to pick up some more clothes and see her friends before she would return to Abby’s, likely for some more amazing sex and some more casual movie watching.

**Octavia [18:45 PM]** Get out. Clarke’s on the war path.

The cold jolt that fired through Raven’s body caused her to spring into an upright position.

**Octavia [18:45 PM]** she just texted me, she’s on her way over now. She knows.

“Oh fuck.” Raven threw herself from the couch, Abby awake and very alert as she watched in complete confusion as the younger woman stumbled around the couch, searching for her brace. “Clarke knows.” She gasped out, horror written across her face.

“ _What_?” Abby jumped with such a speed it nearly gave Raven whip lash. “What are you talking about?”

“Clarke’s on her way over now.” Raven yanked her brace into place and clumsily fastened it up. “What do we do?” she pleaded with Abby, because all she could think of was diving in her car and racing away from Abby’s house in a last ditched attempt to keep their secret. Her stomach twisted and dropped, this way and that, a sickly wave of sickening dread swiftly spread through her body.  

“She’s going to murder us.” Abby’s face was deathly pale as she thought of all the solutions. Zero. Zero solutions.

“Should I get in my car? Drive round the block and pull up after she gets here?” It made sense in her head but as the words left her mouth she realised how stupid the idea itself was. “Might be less of a shock for her if I’m not here straight away.” She tried to add.

Abby could only nod in response for a solid ten seconds. “Yes, if she knows we’re screwed either way, at least we can soften the blow.” She was still nodding as she spoke.

“Okay.” Raven scrambled for her keys on the coffee table and made her way for the front door. She came to a sliding halt to Abby’s surprise and rounded on the older woman. Planting a heated kiss against her lips. “I love you.” She added for good measure.

“I love you, now go!” Abby ushered her towards the front door and watched Raven as she stumbled down the steps.

It was too late.

Clarke’s car came to a skidding break just outside the driveway. The blonde dived out, leaving the vehicle at a jaunty angle before she stormed up the garden in a hurricane of fury. Raven could only wait for the clap of thunder as they made eye contact. The mechanic froze, stuck in her position like a deer caught in headlights. “Raven fucking Reyes.” Clarke sped up. “You’ve been screwing my _mom_?!” Clarke’s voice sounded murderous.

“Hey, Clarkey, best buddie, best pal.” Raven held her hands up in defence but when Clarke showed no signs of slowing down with clenched fists, all she could do was back away. Slowly at first and then she broke out into a sprint.

“Don’t you ‘best buddie’ me.” Clarke threw her purse in Raven’s direction, missing by mere inches. “You’ve been having sex with my mom, behind my back!” she screamed again.

“Hey, hey, let me explain.” Raven didn’t dare stop as she ran in the opposite direction across the huge lawn. Somewhere in the distance she could hear Abby calling for Clarke to stop but the blonde was relentless.

“Explain? _Explain_?” She tugged off one of her Converse and lobbed it at Raven, catching the back of her thigh.

“Ow!” Raven dared to look shocked for a split second. “That hurt.”

Clarke scoffed bitterly. “I’ll fucking hurt you in a minute.” She lunged for her friend, missing just slightly. “How could you do this to me?”

Raven’s brain was screaming at her to stop so that should could explain but her feet had other ideas and they kept her moving, her brace desperately trying to keep up. “How did you find out?” Raven called loud enough for, probably, the whole street to hear her.

“Is that all you can say?!” Clarke pulled off her other shoe and this time managed to catch Raven square in the back of the head, sending her flying to the ground with a thud. Abby let out a terrified yelp from the porch. Clarke lunged, diving straight into Raven’s back. “You’ve been sleeping with my mom, you betrayed our friendship and all you care about is how I found out?” Clarke barked disbelievingly.

“Hey, hey!” Raven was flipped onto her back and all she could do was shield her face with her forearms. “I’m sorry okay! I didn’t mean to keep it from you.”

“You still slept with her.” Clarke growled out, her face twisted in fury. “You went behind my back and did the worst thing imaginable.”

“Now I think that’s taking things a bit far…”

_Slap_.

Clarke’s hand made contact with Raven’s face. “ _You_ took it too far Raven.”

“Clarke!” Abby yelled from the top of the garden where she’d been keeping her distance until things got overly physical. “Stop it.”

“Stay out of this, mom.” Clarke warned. “I’ll get to you next.” The blonde whirled back around on her best friend. “How could you do this to me, Raven?” If Raven wasn’t still spinning from the slap she would have noticed the hurt tone to Clarke’s voice. “How could you ruin our friendship just for a quick fuck?”

“Because I love her!” Raven finally grew a pair and yelled back. Her response seemed to silence Clarke for a moment.

“Don’t be so stupid.” The blonde scoffed disbelievingly, ready to start yelling once again.

“It’s true.” Abby said, only above a whisper. “I love her too.”

Dumbfounded by their responses, Clarke clambered to her feet. “You’re joking, right?” Abby shook her head, her eyes finding her feet more interesting than her daughter in that second.

“Please, can you let us explain?” Abby pleaded, pointing to the house.

“Get my things, Raven.” Clarke ordered as she stalked up the garden towards the house. The front door slammed leaving Abby and Raven alone on the grass, a woman stood on her own porch across the street and to the left was watching on.

“Kids, right?” Raven chuckled dryly, embarrassed that there’d been an on looker this whole time. She gathered Clarke’s things and hurried up the driveway and entered the house cautiously behind Abby.

The blonde was in the kitchen pouring herself a generous helping of wine. She wouldn’t be driving home tonight. “Oh my god, you’re even sharing clothes.” She downed the glass. Raven and Abby did a once over of one another. Sure, to Clarke’s words, they were. Raven in an old hospital softball shirt of Abby’s and the doctor in her Arkadia U shirt.

“Clarke-”

“How long?” she snapped. Abby and Raven stayed quiet, too afraid to speak. “How long have you both been fucking behind my back?!”

The two women flinched away at the words. “A couple of months.” Raven whispered.

“Jesus.” Clarke slapped the glass down and began pouring herself another. Abby wanted to stop her but thought better off it. She’d rather Clarke drink herself under the table than any of the other hideous outcomes that she was picturing. “So, all this time? The girlfriend,” she pointed at her mom. “The sneaking around.” Raven. “You’ve both been sleeping together?” they could only nod. “This is wrong, it’s weird.” She was grasping for reasons as to why she was so angry now.

“Clarke, I’m-”

“You let me say all those things about hating whoever my mom was with!” Clarke turned on Raven, causing the brunette to stumble backwards in a panic to get away again. “And all this time it’s been _you_.”

“Surprise…” Raven offered weakly.

The blonde gulped at her wine. “Are you, like, are you together?” she waved dismissively between them both. “Actually, no, don’t answer that. You know, I heard you that night after we went out. When mom came back to our place. I heard you both talking and I just thought you were fucking. I was so angry but I thought I’d give you both the chance to tell me. But then you both fucked off to DC, _together_ , and that just made me angrier.” She placed the glass down on the counter again.

It looked as though Clarke was about to start speaking again but Raven, bravely, managed to cut in. “Look, I wouldn’t have kept it from you, we wouldn’t have kept it from you, if we didn’t think it was real, okay? I love you mom, Clarke and nothing’s going to change that.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Bullshit.”

“No, it’s not.” Abby interjected sternly. “We’re moving to DC together, Clarke. Raven and I, we’re going to have a life together.”

That caught the blonde off guard. She tried to take a step back but the counter stopped her. “I don’t know how to even respond to that.” Clarke shook her head as though she was listening to a crazy woman tell her that pigs could fly and that the sky was red.

“Hey.” Raven stepped forward looking pissed off. “You don’t get to just dismiss our relationship like it’s nothing.” She snapped. “I never did when you and Lexa started out. Nor did your mom. Grow up and see the wider picture, Clarke. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you!” It was harsher than Raven had intended but she meant every word. “You can be pissed all you like, but that won’t stop me from being in love with her.”

Abby reached out and took Raven’s hand, proud and probably very thankful for the woman defending their relationship. She felt her heart grow just that little bit more in love with Raven.

The only show of acceptance that Clarke gave of Raven’s statement was the passive sip of her wine. But then something flickered across her face as though her anger had faded away and something else took its place. “What about dad?”

The silence that followed was painful. Raven would be lying if she said she didn’t think that that would be the one thing to flip this whole situation. That what Clarke had just said wouldn’t be enough to have Abby take every word back. So, Raven took a step back and allowed Abby to move forward to talk to her daughter alone, the both of them took a seat around the island while Raven pulled a bag of ice out of the freezer and wandered into the living room alone.

She was panicking. God, was she panicking but she had to trust that Abby would do what was right for everyone. Maybe that didn’t mean that they could be together anymore. But in the end, if Abby thought that that was right then she’d comply. Not happily, but she’d let it be.

**Raven [today 19:20 PM]** She’s got quite the slap in her

She was tempted to turn on the TV but thought better of it for the lack of sensitivities sake. She held the freezing ice against her burning cheek and heaved in a shuddering breath to calm her beating heart.

**Octavia [19:21 PM]** How’s she taking it?

**Raven [19:21 PM]** Other than slapping me? She’s taking it as to be expected. Two glasses of wine down already. I left so Abby and her could talk it out. She brought Jake up.

Raven tipped her head back against the couch and closed her eyes, willing her brain to chill the hell out and just have faith in Abby. She couldn’t imagine ever losing the older woman, not after the long weekend they’d spent together. She was just completely in love with the doctor that her heart felt as though it would explode given the right ignition.

**Octavia [19:25 PM]** She’ll come around to the idea of you two. Do you want me to head over?

**Raven [19:30 PM]** It’s okay, I’ll drive Clarke home later

The voices from the kitchen became quieter, hushed almost and then there was footsteps and Abby and Clarke walked into the living room. Raven’s heart stopped awaiting those dreaded words to leave Abby’s lips.

But they never came.

Instead, the older woman dropped to the couch beside Raven and laced their fingers together. The mechanic gripped harder than she should have but the relief she felt was overwhelming.

“Right.” Clarke stood in front of them, her shoulders squared and a look of pure discomfort plastered to her face. “I’ve made it obvious that this doesn’t make me happy, and I do not think it was cool how you guys kept it from me.” The blonde ignored the whispered ‘no shit’ from Raven. “But it’s cool. I don’t want to see it, or hear it and I’m going to be _really_ bitter about this for a long time. But yeah, I’ll be okay with it eventually. If you’re _‘in love’_ , then that’s cool too.” It sounded as though the words were painful for Clarke to voice but if it was all that she was willing to give then Raven would take it.

“Thank you.” Raven conceded with a curt nod.

“You’re welcome.” Clarke plopped herself down on the arm chair opposite them and knocked on the TV. “What’re we watching?”

\----

“Are you good?” Raven asked, checking that Clarke’s seatbelt was firmly in place before she left the blonde alone in the front of her Jeep. The blonde managed a heavy nod, sleep already willing her eyes to close as the alcohol settled in her brain. She’d had two more glasses of wine with Abby while some film that Raven didn’t much care for played on the TV before she’d asked the mechanic to take her home. “I’m just going to say goodbye to your mom.”

Abby, now changed into her pyjamas, was stood in the porch watching on affectionately. “You’re coming back tonight, aren’t you?” Raven allowed the doctor to pull her in against her body.

“Of course,” she kissed Abby gently. “I love you.”

“I love it when you say that.” The older woman chuckled. “I love you, too.”

“See you soon, babe.” Raven waved, walking down the driveway to jump into her car. Clarke was fast asleep. The silence was nice, it gave Raven the chance to calm her racing mind, to relax before Clarke woke up, sober and out for blood once again. She wouldn’t lie and say that the wine that the blonde had been drinking was a savour. It likely numbed the raging inferno inside the blonde’s brain. However, the whole night, after the three of them had settled down to watch a film, Clarke had been sending them glares or scoffing in disapproval each time Abby and Raven’s hands found their way together. She all but stormed out of the room when the doctor crossed her legs up over Raven’s thighs. Sure, it was going to take a long time for Clarke to come around to the idea, but at least she hadn’t disowned them all together.

“You’re not replacing my dad.”

Raven jumped at the sound of Clarke talking. Her hands gripped at the wheel tight enough that her knuckles turned white. “I’m not going to try to.” She shook her head disbelievingly.

“Good.”

The silence continued for too long for Raven to handle. “Your mom still loves him. She still keeps that piece of her open for him.” She explained, a deep frown tugging at her brow as she spoke because she couldn’t ever imagine losing someone the way Abby had lost Jake. “There’s just a new space for me and her now, I’d never try and take that away from her.” Clarke remained quiet but Raven could practically feel the concentration radiating from the blonde. “Do you hate me?” she hated the way her voice cracked.

“No.” Clarke snapped sharply. “Hating people takes up too much of my time.” She held her nose drunkenly in the air. “I’m angry at you for fucking my mom and for lying to me, but if you really do care about her then-” Clarke hiccupped. “Then okay. Be happy with her but if you hurt her, I really will hate you, Raven.” They pulled up outside of their apartment, Raven didn’t bother parking in the garage beneath the building.

“That’s good.” Raven nodded more to herself than to Clarke. “I’d never hurt her.” She followed up, helping Clarke from the passenger seat of her car. They struggled their way up the stairs, the elevator being out of order again, and Raven unlocked the door to her apartment. It felt odd being back there, now that she knew she’d be moving out soon. It didn’t feel like home anymore but instead as though she was only visiting her best friends.

“You’re alive then?” Octavia sat up on the couch, glancing over the back of it to make sure that Raven hadn’t been mortally injured. Bar for the burning red handprint on her cheek, she seemed well.

“Just.” Raven rolled her eyes and sat Clarke down on the chair. She retreated to the kitchen to make the blonde some coffee before she left to go back to Abby’s. “I’m gonna pick up some clothes and head back out, is that cool?”

Octavia could only smirk. “You’ve barely been home and now you’re leaving again.” she laughed teasingly. “Nah, it’s cool.” The brunette joined Raven in the kitchen.

Raven went about her business for a few minutes before she turned silently to face Octavia. “I’ll be moving out soon.” the mechanic whispered as though it could break the easy air between the two friends.

“I figured as much.” Octavia nodded. “Didn’t think you’d be up for the commute.” While her tone was light, Raven could see the knowing look in Octavia’s eyes, the one that told her she knew where Raven was going with this.

“Clarke tell you about Abby?”

“About the job? Yeah.” Octavia pulled a cookie from the jar sat beside the coffee pot and began to eat it.

“We’re going to get a place together.” Raven sipped on Clarke’s coffee, it was sweet the way the blonde liked it, wasn’t strong enough for the way the mechanic liked it.

Octavia didn’t seem surprised by that and instead she said, “I’m glad you’ve found something real, Rae.” She followed Raven into the living room. Clarke was playing a game on her phone, frowning hard at the screen as she tried to concentrate.

“Yeah, me too.”

\----

When Raven pulled back up into the driveway outside of Abby’s house, feeling a hell of a lot lighter than she did when leaving, she noticed another car parked outside of the house. It was Cece’s and her good mood, or somewhat of a good mood, evaporated. She slugged her way up to the front porch and paused outside of the door, she didn’t knock when she entered and made her way through to the kitchen where she could hear the voices.

Raven saw Abby first, glass of wine in hand, laughing and smiling, then she spotted Cece. The mechanic leaned against the door frame.

“Hey.” Abby’s smile softened sweetly into one of adoration and it made Raven’s heart skip a beat.

“Hey.” The younger woman returned.

“What? No ‘honey, I’m home’?” Cece mocked around the rim of her wine glass. “Nice bruise by the way.” She gestured to the purpling park on Raven’s cheek.

“Thanks.” Raven mocked right back as she stood away from the door and made her way over to Abby. She placed a gentle kiss on her cheek before she poured herself her own glass of wine. She had to force herself not to gulp down the liquid. “Been here long, have you?”

Abby eyed the pair warily, prepared to jump in just in case another fight broke out.

“Long enough for your girlfriend to fill me in.” Cece took another sip of her wine, trying to be as elegant as possible.

Raven nodded. “Hope you’re not going to drive home after that.” She gestured with a tilt of her head to the half empty glass.

“It’s just one.” The woman rolled her eyes but at the pointed glare that both Abby and Raven shot her she put it down. “Here,” Cece stood and pointed to the stool. “Take it, have me seat too, have my best friend while you’re at it.”

“Awe, come _on_.” Raven threw up her arms in exasperation. “I’m not taking her away from you!”

Disbelievingly, Cece crossed her arms and cocked her hip. “And what would you call running off to DC with her, then?”

The mechanic starred at Abby pleadingly but the older woman could only smirk. “What do you want me to say to that?” Raven stomped her foot. “That yes, I am running away with Abby, that I’m ruining your life because for some reason everyone seems to think that they can control what she does with her life and who she spends it with?” she cocked her eyebrow expectantly. “She got an amazing job offer, _Callie_. You know better than most that she wasn’t happy and that this is a once in a life time opportunity. So, I’m sorry that I’m in love with her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but you don’t get to decide how Abby feels about me.” She sat down with finality and chugged the rest of Cece’s wine before looking up at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue the argument.

“I was only joking.” Cece muttered.

“Jesus.” Raven sighed out, rubbing her face tiredly into her hands. Abby could only laugh silently as she came to sit beside Raven. She placed her hand on the doctor’s thigh.

“Go be happy in DC.” Cece smiled. “Anyway, I best be off, places to be, people to do.” She collected her things off the kitchen island.

Despite all of Raven’s internal protests, Raven stood in protest. “Stay for dinner, we have left overs.” She gestured to a glass dish covered with tin foil on the side counter.

Unsurprisingly, Cece regarded Raven with an expression of shock and mild amusement. And then she nodded. “Okay.”

She made quick work of plating herself up some food before she retreated into the living room, Raven and Abby followed in tow. For the third time that night, a movie began to play on the TV. However, this time, apparently, was different as the intro began to play, the atmosphere changed in the room. Raven turned to Abby with an arched brow, taking their places beside one another on the couch. “It’s our movie.” The doctor explained.

“ _The First Wives Club_ is your movie…” She deadpanned. “Are you for real?”

“Hey,” Abby pushed Raven into the corner of the couch and settled into her front. “Don’t knock it until you’ve watched it.” She wrapped the mechanic’s arms around her waist and let out a comfortable sigh.

Raven let out an incredulous scoff. “I can’t believe the rubbish you subject me to.”

“This ‘rubbish’, thanks to your girlfriend, got me through my divorce.” Cece muttered around a mouthful of pasta. She paid no attention to the couple on the couch as she ate away, every now and then she yanked her eyes away from the TV to look down at her plate and then back to Bette Midler.

“She’s in _Hocus Pocus_ , right?” she pointed at the screen. Abby chuckled with a nod. Raven wouldn’t lie, Goldie Hawn held her attention for a couple seconds when she wandered onto the TV before the woman in her arms shifted ever so slightly and the film was forgotten. The younger woman nuzzled into the back of Abby’s neck and allowed her eyes to flutter closed. It had been a long day and for some reason flying just knocked the energy straight out of her body.  

Raven didn’t know how long she’d been asleep for only that she was suddenly wide awake, startled into consciousness by the sound of singing. At first, she’d assumed it was from the TV, a familiar song she’d often heard on the radio and in clubs for the past couple of months, however, this version sounded softer, closer even, and then she realised it wasn’t in fact just the TV. Raven cracked open her right eye to peak out at the scene in front of her.

The mechanic wasn’t quite sure how to describe the scene in front of her, only that it was as though the characters from the movie had spilled out from the TV and into Abby’s living room. The two older women were up dancing in the middle of the room, the coffee table had been pushed to the side while they copied the routine move for move of ‘you don’t own me’. The actresses on the TV had nothing on Abby and Cece, their hips and arms swinging in circular motions as they sang along.

Raven tried desperately to suppress her giggles at the show the two women were putting on, she didn’t want to ruin their moment. The younger woman resorted to biting down on her lip in an attempt to stifle the sound of her chuckles. It was clear that within the time Raven had drifted off to sleep and now, that Abby had an extra glass of wine and was thoroughly enjoying herself, while Callie seemed to just relish in the other woman’s company.

Raven smiled to herself and allowed her eyes to drift close once again, revelling in the sound of Abby Griffin singing to her hearts content. It caused a familiar pang of heat surge down to the space between her legs and a deep burning flush to find its way to her cheeks. God, this woman was going to kill her. Raven risked another peak at the two women, only to notice that Abby’s hips had begun to roll in time with the music and then suddenly they made eye contact.

It was as if time had stopped, everything around them seemed to fade away but Abby’s body kept moving to the song and she continued to sing. Raven’s heart rate doubled and her breathing became heavy and laboured. She was sure she could hear the words of the song being spilled from Abby’s lips but the static in her brain was making everything fuzzy.

She wasn’t sure when the movie came to an end, or when Callie had excused herself and left to go home, only that Abby’s mouth was suddenly on hers, her thighs gripping tightly around Raven’s hips as she ground her core down hard against the younger woman’s stomach. The doctor’s head dropped back in a silent gasp and Raven let out an involuntary moan of pleasure at the sight above her.

“Holy, shit, Abby.” Raven’s hands clutched at Abby’s hips, helping her with her movements. But then Abby slowed down and dropped her hands to either side of Raven’s head.

“Kiss me.” She whispered in a sultry low tone.

Raven did just that, hungry and desperate and so in love, she held Abby close to her, wrapped her arms around the woman’s back and pulled her flush against her body. “I love you.” Raven whispered against Abby’s lips.

“I love you, too, Raven.”

 

 

 

 


	16. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, only a few chapters left now. Thank you all for following this work and thank you for the support and comments from all of you. I appreciate you all a hell of a lot. Its good to have this escape from real life.

Chapter 16

Home

“How do you think she’s really taking it?” Abby asked as she pulled on one of Raven’s hoodies. She emerged from the ensuite and perched herself down onto the bed beside Raven. It was still early; the sun had only just begun to rise and Raven had all intentions of going straight back to sleep once Abby had left for work.

“I don’t know,” Raven rubbed at her sleep filled eyes. “I think she got most of her anger out last night but…” she trailed off. “I don’t think she hates us.” Even she wasn’t sure of how much of what she had just said was true. Abby could only manage a weak nod. “Hey,” Raven reached out gently. “She’s still going out for dinner with you tonight, that’s a good sign.”

“You’re right.” Abby leaned over and kissed Raven sweetly on the lips. “What’re you doing today?”

Raven tapped her chin mockingly in thought. “I might save the planet and rescue a few princesses.” She shrugged and burst into heart filled laughter at the playful slap that Abby planted against her stomach. “Nah, I’m going to hang out with Octavia for a while, I think.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Mhm.” Raven nodded, cuddling into Abby’s side. “I think she wants to talk about DC.”

“Oh?” Abby raised a curious eyebrow in question. 

“She’s a bit OCD.” Raven explained. “Octavia wants us to start looking for a house and all that stuff.” She rolled her eyes playfully.

Abby chuckled at that. “She’s not wrong, we’ve got less than three months to find a home, babe.”

She groaned as she said, “But think of all the paperwork.” She dropped her head back down onto the pillow. “We could always just live in a hotel.”

“Raven.” Abby warned around her own laughter. “There won’t be that much to take care of.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Raven shrugged thoughtfully. “I mean my new bosses are taking care of most of it.” She smirked teasingly. The mechanic pulled Abby into her side and closed her eyes.

“Don’t go back to sleep.” Abby chuckled but made no move to pull away or wake the other woman.

“What’re you doing today?” Raven asked sleepily. “I mean, other than working.” She began to lazily trail her finger up and down the length of Abby’s arm that was tossed across her waste.

Abby sighed out gently, revelling in the feeling and seriously beginning to debate whether she could just call in sick and they could stay like that for the rest of the day. “Discussing my leaving with Marcus.”

Raven snorted. “Oh, he’s not going to like that.” Abby couldn’t hold back her laughter at that. “How much do you want to bet that he confesses his undying love for you?”

“Oh shush.” The doctor slapped at Raven playfully as she finally pushed herself up off the bed and began to pull on her shoes for work. “I’m going to be late.”

“Call in sick.” Raven whined, repeating Abby’s own thoughts from a second ago.

Abby groaned. “Babe, don’t tempt me because I will.” She stood in the doorway waiting for the mechanic to try again but the younger woman could only stare up at her with a dazed expression on her face. “What?” Abby asked with a lopsided smile.

“I love you.” Raven burrowed further into the comfort of their shared bed shyly.

“You’re a dork.” Abby’s bubbly laughter filled the room. “I love you, too, Raven. I’ll see you tonight.”

\----

The houses were enormous, or so it seemed to Raven.

All her life she’d lived in small dingy apartments that had smelled of alcohol, cigarettes, weed and then one that had smelled of motor oil and grease, and now her place with Octavia and Clarke smelled like perfume but was still small and cramped. The first time she’d stepped foot inside of Abby’s place she had been taken aback by the sheer size of it. She’d never had the chance to get used to it until now, but of course that had been short lived because soon enough the pair would be moving away from the comfort of the doctor’s house and into a much, _much_ bigger one.

Raven wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

As Octavia typed the zip code into the realter site, her jaw had dropped. These houses, they were like mansions. With their three stories and mile long rooms, it occurred to Raven that Abby could be on the other side of the building and it wouldn’t feel any different to them living on different ends of the city.

“I don’t like it.” Raven shook her head and skipped onto the next house.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Come on.” She clicked through the images. “You need to at least be willing to consider.”

While all the places she’d lived in had been pretty small, they’d always been _home_. They’d kept her close to the people she loved most, helped her feel secure in who she was.

“Hey.” Octavia snapped her fingers in front of Raven’s eyes. “Do you want to do something else instead?” the brunette frowned as she regarded Raven’s blank expression. “Or we could talk about it…?” Octavia took a shot in the dark.

“Nope.” Raven shook her head stubbornly. “No talking.” She stated with finality. “I think Finn left some video games, I’m sure I saw them lying around.”

“He brought some round while you were in DC.” Octavia gestured to the TV stand where the green cases were lying. “Took us ages to finally kick him out, Lexa had to threaten him.”

Raven snorted at that. “Why didn’t he want to leave?” she asked, putting one of the games into her Xbox.

“Prolonging his time with us before he had to go back to his ‘other half.’” Octavia rolled her eyes and took the second controller from Raven. “He’s a sad git, really.”

“I know.” Raven deadpanned, the game began to load on the screen and she dropped herself backwards comfortably into the cushions of the couch. “I had to put up with him being a whiny dick for a long time.”

“You didn’t _have_ to.” Octavia said as she picked out a weapon and the team death match started up. “There’s someone behind that car.”

“Thanks.” Raven took a shot and earned the team a kill. “I know but we were together so I kind of did.”

“So,” Octavia decided to change to subject. “You and Abby, it’s pretty serious, huh?”

“Fuck.” Raven cursed and punched her controller up into the air.

“I got him.” Octavia threw a grenade and blew Raven’s killer into pieces.

“I feel like we’ve already had this conversation before.” She said and placed her feet up onto the coffee table. “But yeah, I mean we’re moving in together, that’s pretty serious.”

Octavia hummed in thought. The game came to an end and she jumped up to head over to the kitchen, she returned a second later with a bowl filled with chips and two bottles of beer. “I guess I just didn’t think it would last…”

Raven tried not to be offended by that because of course, Octavia didn’t mean it in any other way than a simple observation. But still, it touched at a nerve. The mechanic, now, couldn’t ever imagine a life without Abby in it. Maybe there had been something within Raven that had always thought they’d last.

She took a sip of her beer.

“Will you just be living together, or…?” Octavia asked tentatively, chomping away on a mouthful of chips.

“What do you mean?” Raven asked, loading a new game.

“Well…” Octavia paused for a moment to concentrate on another kill. “Is it just going to be the two of you?”

Raven remained quiet as she tried to work out where her friend was taking this. “What? Like a dog?” she shrugged. “I don’t know, we haven’t talked about pets yet.”

Octavia could only huff out a disbelieving sigh at her apparently dim-witted but equally as intelligent best friend. She wasn’t sure if the mechanic was just diverting or being completely oblivious. “I don’t mean _pets_ , Raven. I mean _kids_.” Raven spluttered violently on her drink. “Hell, are you going to marry her?”

Raven’s face was thoroughly burning, purple and blotchy, streaming eyes. “What-” she tried to gasp out around a strangled choke. “We- we haven’t-”

“For crying out loud, Raven.”

“I _know_.” The mechanic sighed out in annoyance. “You’re gonna start having a go at me, aren’t you? Look, I know, but it’s just never seemed like something important to us okay? Abby has Clarke, I never entertained the idea of kids so it’s just never… I… I just don’t think that _that_ would matter.”

“That’s something you need to talk about with her.”

“I know.” Raven rubbed at her face.

“What about marriage?” Raven fell back into another coughing fit but this time managed to compose herself enough to swat at Octavia’s chest.

“I’m leaving now.” She made to stand but the other woman tugged her back down onto the couch.

“No, you’re not, finish your beer and play a few more games with me.” She instructed with a stern voice. Raven relented with a roll of her eyes and a sip of her beer.

“Fine.”

However, before they could start their next game, the front door to the apartment swung open and Clarke and Lexa strode into the living room. “Oh.” The blonde muttered as she observed the two forms sat on the couch. “Where’s my mom?” she asked, a slight hint of bitterness in her tone.

“She’s at work.” Raven replied and took an unnecessary gulp of her beer. “How was school?” she hadn’t meant for it to sound so domestic and weird… it was just a common question that they’d often ask one another with being on different schedules.

“Fine.” Clarke dumped her things on the bar top and wandered into the kitchen. Lexa stood awkwardly beside the couch.

“Hey, Lex.” Raven mumbled just as awkwardly. She sunk back into the couch and began to play the game again.

“Hi, Rae, you good?”

“I’m good, you?”

“Good.”

They fell into a deeply uncomfortable silence, the only sound coming from Clarke banging too hard on the cupboard and refrigerator doors in the kitchen and the sound of gun fire on the TV. Without another word, Clarke emerged and dragged Lexa wordlessly into her room. The door slammed with finality causing both women on the couch to jump.

They didn’t say anything.

And then Clarke’s door swung open again. “I’m still pissed at you.”

Raven stood. “No shit.” She spat a little too harshly, of course, Clarke had every right to be pissed but Raven could be pissed at her for being pissed.

“Why are you even here, Raven?” Clarke asked, food still tugged under her arm.

Raven mockingly began to search around the apartment. “Last I checked, I still live here.”

“But why, you’re moving away with _my mom_ , so why don’t you just live with her?” the blonde was beginning to advance on Raven with unshed anger, but this time, unlike the night before, Raven stood her ground. She had no reason now to defend herself now and she wouldn’t feel guilty about tackling Clarke with Abby not watching. The mechanic squared her shoulders and took a step forward.

“Are you kicking me out of my own place now? I’d like to see you try.” Raven and Clarke stared each other down with burning glares. Somewhere behind them both Lexa and Octavia had inched forward ready to step in.

Clarke stepped closer. Toe to toe with Raven, now. “Are you going to call my mom for back up?” she smirked and that caused something to snap inside of Raven.

“That’s it.” The mechanic lunged forward, fists clenched and teeth bared as she threw herself at the blonde.

Raven didn’t reach Clarke.

Octavia had yanked her back just in time for Lexa to yank Clarke back behind her. “Let go, I’m going to beat the stick right out of her ass!” Raven screamed, pulling against Octavia’s strong grasp.

“I’m sure my mom would love to hear about that!” Clarke screamed just as loudly.

“You’re just pissed you were the last to know.” Raven spat, yanking her arms free of Octavia. A flicker of hurt rippled across Clarke’s face at her friends words, realisation kicking in, that yes, just as she thought everyone else around her was aware of the secrets and lies going on behind her back. “God, your life must be so sad that you can’t be happy for your mom finding a reason to smile again.”

Clarke stopped struggling. “Fuck you.”

Raven didn’t stick around to hear anything else. She stormed off in the direction of her room and slammed the door shut behind her. The poster on the back of the door fell from the wood and landed silently on the floor.

\----

Raven was perched on the end of her bed, agitated and still boiling over her argument with Clarke when Abby walked into her bedroom. It took the mechanic by surprise at first before she remembered that she was here to take Clarke out for their dinner. Raven put that toaster – a coping mechanism she now realised she used to stop herself from strangling those closest to her – down on the floor and looked up at Abby.

The older woman had a blank expression plastered to her face and it made Raven nervous.

“Hey.” Raven barely spoke above a whisper. She moved her way back up the bed so that she was leaning against the head board.

Abby silently sat down beside her and laced their fingers together, reassuring Raven that shit wasn’t about to hit the fan. “What happened?” the doctor asked.

“You heard, then?” Raven couldn’t make eye contact.

“I didn’t have to, I could feel the anger radiating off you all the way down the block.” Abby tried to laugh but it came out flat and trailed off. “Lexa told me when I got here.”

“Oh.” Raven nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry I blew up at her.” She rubbed at the back of her neck uncomfortably when she finally made eye contact with Abby.

Abby nodded. “She has a bit of a temper on her.”

“Yeah… a bit.” Raven replied sarcastically. Abby didn’t say anything. “I didn’t mean to nearly deck your daughter.”

“You didn’t get into a fist fight with her did you?” Abby chuckled, already knowing the answer.

“No,” Raven dropped her head backwards. “Just a screaming death match.”

“I see.” The doctor nodded and pulled Raven’s hand into her lap. “Did you do anything productive?”

“Apart from not really working on my self-restraint? O and I checked out a few houses online.” Raven shrugged but sat up so that she could turn and face Abby. “I didn’t like them, they were too big.”

Abby seemed to think about that for a moment. “Too big?” she asked but didn’t wait for an answer, somehow managing to read Raven’s mind before she even spoke the words on the tip of her tongue. “We can look at a different area, smaller houses and closer to both our works if you like?”

The smile that tugged at the corners of Raven’s lips was so impossibly gentle and sweet that Abby barely noticed it until it reached the mechanic’s eyes. The younger woman couldn’t help the flutter of her heart as she took in the doctor’s willingness to compromise and it caused a thought to ripple through her mind, something that her and Octavia had talked about earlier that afternoon. “Can we do that tonight?” Raven asked hopefully. “After you’ve had dinner with Clarke?”

“Of course, I can meet you back home and we can have a look together.” Raven couldn’t deny that those words still sent a thrill racing down her spine. Calling Abby’s place their ‘home’ still felt surreal and amazing. Abby leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to the younger woman’s temple and smiled against her skin. “But I better get going, Clarke’s waiting.”

Raven really wanted to say that she tried to suppress the impressive eye role but she couldn’t even manage that as Abby’s amused scowl caused her to tilt her head back and chuckle. “Does that mean I have to hide out in here for a little longer then?”

The doctor pulled Raven up off her bed and dragged her towards the door. Raven tried to protest but Abby ignored her, keeping their hands tied and led their way back into the living room.

The air was as tense and charged as Raven had left it with Clarke waiting impatiently by the hallway that led to the front door with a sour expression on her face. The mechanic wasn’t sure whether she should take a step away from Abby as they walked, wanting more than anything to just take the older woman’s hand to calm the sudden burn of anger in her chest, to just feel better about everything that had happened and to just _hold_ Abby in some sort of way.

But she didn’t.

She didn’t reach out for Abby.

She didn’t take a step back either, however. The thought that they were out in the open with their relationship now and that once the day was over, she’d be the one to hold Abby in her bed in the comfort of the doctor’s home, was enough.

And while the situation with Clarke was difficult and resulted in them both having to lessen the PDA, Raven was happy.

“Ready to go?” The blonde didn’t look up from her bag where she was fiddling with something inside.

“Ready when you are.” Abby smiled, her voice filled with happiness despite the tense air.

“Let’s go.” Clarke headed straight for the door, not waiting for her mom to join her before Raven heard the front door click open.

But before Abby joined Clarke, she turned to face Raven. “I’ll see you at home?” There was that word again, the word that caused a rush of excitement to race down the mechanic’s spine and explode and settle in her stomach all at the same time. It was thrilling, really, the way it insinuated more than what it really was.

“I’ll see you at home.” Raven didn’t wait to make sure that Clarke had exited the apartment, she pulled Abby towards her, hands on the older woman’s hips and kissed her softly and sweetly, hot and hungry, all in one. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Raven.”

\----

It was a breath of fresh air when Raven closed the door behind her to Abby’s home and switched on the lights. It was empty and quiet but still smelled strongly of Abby’s shampoo and perfume. The sun was setting outside and a warm orange glow lit up the room like a fire storm.

Raven dropped down onto the couch in the living room, the same spot she had sat that Christmas morning with Clarke and Abby. Her head dropped to the back of the couch and she closed her eyes, releasing a slow breath. The comforting silence washed over her.

She wasn’t sure when she’d fallen asleep or how long she’d been out for, but she was startled awake when the front door clicked closed behind Abby. The older woman chuckled at the sight of Raven with her head tipped back and eyes filled with sleep. “You’re drooling.” She mused, dropping her purse to the coffee table.

“Sorry.” Raven mumbled sleepily as she wiped her chin. “Confrontation makes me tired.”

Abby hummed in amusement with a smirk. She sat down beside Raven and began to carefully undo the straps on the mechanic’s brace. “I’m going to order takeout.” She began, “I thought we could eat and do a bit of house hunting?”

“Sounds perfect.” Raven leaned across the small space between them and kissed the corner of Abby’s mouth gently. “How was your evening with Clarke?”

The doctor’s brows pinched together. “Awkward.” For a moment, it didn’t sound as though she was going to elaborate. “She’s still mad.”

“Yeah, I’d say that’s an understatement.” Raven scoffed. “She’ll come around to it.” She reassured Abby a second later when her face dropped.

The older woman stood. “I’ll go order us food, you can choose a movie for us to watch if you want?”

Raven nodded and turned on the TV, _Harry Potter_   was already loading in the DVD player so she left it on the options screen before she opened her laptop and opened some of the pages Octavia and she had been scrolling through earlier that day. Abby walked back in a moment later. “I’m sorry.” Raven spoke, barely above a whisper.

“Raven…” Abby sighed out, pulling her hand gently into her own.

“No,” she shook her head, willing Abby just to listen for a moment. “I’m sorry you lost Jake,” she pulled in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose someone you love so much.” Abby remained silent. “I’m sorry that Clarke is mad and that her feelings are making things hard for you.”

“Don’t say it,” Abby finally butts in. “Don’t say what I know you’re about to say, because no, this doesn’t change anything.” If Raven was about to say that she’d step back if it meant that Clarke would be happy, then she wouldn’t listen to it. “Like you said, Clarke will come around to the idea, and that’s okay. You make me happy, I love you and nothing will step in the way of that. I’m allowing myself to be selfish for once, as a mother, I never really had that option, but Clarke’s an adult now and she’s free to make her own decisions as she pleases.” She kissed Raven with finality and then turned to the laptop screen before pressing play on the TV remote.

Raven jumped straight into it, accepting Abby’s words as truth. “So, these are the places O and I checked out.” She waited a minute or so as Abby flicked through the house.

“They’re nice.” She nodded. “But I can see what you mean about them being too big, they don’t really feel ‘homey’.” She clicked off the page and began to open a new one, typing in a different zip code. “These ones are smaller.” Abby gestured to the screen. “And closer to work for both of us.”

The following hour and twenty minutes were spent eating piles of takeout food, watching _Harry Potter_ and looking between hundreds of possible homes. In the end, they managed to settle on a handful, some more appealing than others but still, Raven was yet to feel like they were _home_. But Abby had made so many compromises for her over the past couple of months, Raven knew that wherever they ended up, she’d be happy, she’d be happy for Abby and she’d be home knowing the older woman was by her side.

Within that hour and twenty minutes, they arranged some house viewings for the following month, allowing them both time to confirm a few things with their respected bosses and time to talk a few things through with Clarke.

And while Raven may not have been excited about the houses they’d found so far, she was excited to start her new life with the women lounging lazily beside her.

“So, O and I were talking earlier today…” Raven started nervously, she rubbed at the back of her neck. “Well, I have sort of been thinking about it for a while and-” she sighed out in frustration at her inability to for a coherent sentence without sounding like a complete fool. “I-”

“Raven,” Abby sat up to face Raven fully. “Breathe.”

“Right.” She nodded. “Breathe.” She did as she was told. “I was just wondering what your thoughts were on marriage and babies and stuff?”

Abby’s face dropped. She’d had this conversation with Cece already and each time she’d tried to ignore her or brush her off. “Raven, I-”

“Wait, before you freak out or anything maybe I should just tell you where I stand and then you don’t have to say anything and I won’t be embarrassed and want to step in front of a car or something.”

Abby silently nodded.

“I’ve never really entertained the idea of kids; my mom and dad weren’t all that good at the whole parenting thing so I guess I’ve never been keen on the idea either? I’m honestly not too sure, maybe I could, maybe I’d be a good parent but yeah, I’m not too sure. And as for the whole marriage thing, it’s just a piece of paper, right? I mean I’d love to marry you because who wouldn’t?” Raven groaned at her own messy ramblings. “I’m not good at this stuff, huh?” she laughed.

“No, no, you’re good, this is good, the talking and stuff.” Abby reassured her. “Jake only ever wanted one child, he had the surgery just after Clarke’s first birthday and then it was too late. So yeah, more kids would have been nice but it’s no secret that I’m a bit late for that now. And as for marriage, I agree, who wouldn’t want to marry me?” she teased with a light nudge to the younger woman’s shoulder. “But I’d like to marry you too.” She finished with a gentle smile and a kiss that perhaps lingered a little too long for it to mean anything but a promise for the future.

“Was he a good dad?” Raven whispered. “Jake, I mean?”

“He was the best.” Abby nodded to herself.

“Huh.” Raven thought. “See, I never once had a role model like you and Jake. I guess that’s why I sometimes screw up more than other people. I admire Clarke for the way she is, you know?” she rubbed her chin nervously because she’d never been good at talking about stuff.

“People learn from other’s mistakes. You know how not to act with your kids and that’s enough for anyone to be a good parent.”

“What were your parents like?” Raven asked out of curiosity because all the months they had been together, Abby hadn’t once mentioned her family past her brother who she met at Clarke’s birthday, albeit briefly.  

Abby scoffed. “They cut me off a long time ago.”

“Wait, what?”

“They didn’t approve of Jake, when we got married after college they cut all ties with me.” Abby laughed dryly. “That was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I’m sorry, Abby.” Raven tangled their fingers together and kissed the back of the doctor’s hand.

Abby leaned into Raven’s side. “It’s okay, they were never good to me and my brother growing up, _republicans_.” She chuckled at her own joke, a teasing smile spread across her lips. “See, we’re not all like our parents, Raven.”

“Thank god for that, I could never marry a republican.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Wait For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter guys! I'm going to post an epilogue too, so I'm hoping to have that up soon. I just wanted to thank you all again for supporting me on this. I love you guys!

Chapter 17

Wait For It

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.” Raven hobbled up the small pathway to the front door, her arms piled high with boxes filled with kitchen appliances. She stumbled through the house and let them crash to the floor with a loud racket. “Why… do… we have… so much _crap_ , Abby?” she managed to wheeze out with her hands on her knees in a buckled over position as she tried to catch her breath. “Christ, I can’t breathe.”

Abby chuckled, she was dressed in a pair of old sweats and one of Raven’s t-shirts, sorting items into cupboards. “Here.” She handed Raven her bottle of water. “That crap, I’ll have you know, is what helps us to put decent food on our table. Without it we’d be eating out of plastic takeout containers.”

“Hey.” Raven held her hands up in defence. “I have no issues with takeout.”

“I’m a doctor.” Abby chuckled. “I’m afraid I can’t allow you to eat it every night of the week.”

Raven strode over to Abby and wrapped her arms around her waist. “You’re not just a doctor, you’re head of surgery, babe.” She smirked and pressed her lips firmly to Abby’s, solid, soft, sure and excited.

“You can stop saying that now.” Abby giggled against Raven’s mouth.

“Why? I’m proud of you.” Abby could only roll her eyes at Raven as she turned back to unpacking the boxes.

“Knock, knock.” Both women turned to see Cece and Indra hovering in the doorway to the kitchen. “Hope we’re not intruding?” Cece smirked knowingly.

Abby let out, what could only be described as a girly squeal – something that reminded her of that one scene in _Mama Mia_ that Clarke had made her watch about forty times – as she raced towards her two friends. “You’re here!”

“That we are.” Indra chimed up patting her friend on her back.

“House tour!” Cece cheered with her fists in the air.

“This way.” Abby bowed and gestured with her hand towards the living room. They disappeared into their home leaving Raven alone in the kitchen.

“Oh,” she said loud enough for the other women to hear her. “I’ll just finish this by myself then?”

It was a second before anyone replied. “Octavia is out front!” Cece called back to her. Raven rolled her eyes but made her way through the kitchen and hallway towards the front door of her new home. It was left open for the rest of their guests to join and out on the sidewalk, Octavia and Lincoln were climbing off their bikes. The other woman waved, pulling off her helmet and tucked it under her arm.

“Nice place.” She called, leading Lincoln up the driveway to park their bikes.

Raven scoffed. “You’ve already seen the pictures.”

“They definitely don’t do it justice.” Lincoln said with that familiar half smile.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice, isn’t it?” Raven grinned because out of all the houses that Abby and she had checked out two months ago, none of them had ever felt right to them both. Abby had been about ready to give up and was close to accepting Raven’s suggestion of just living out of hotels for the remainder of their future, however, a last-minute attempt to find themselves a home, they’d struck gold.

It wasn’t huge, wasn’t small, it was a three bears home, really. It was warm and well lived in, made for a family, it felt. Raven would have said it was no bigger than the house that Abby had previously owned and that suited them both perfectly.

Though, Raven knew she’d struggle to adjust to the extra space, her life was good, amazing in fact and now she was set to live out the rest of her life happily with the woman showing their guests around their home.

“Oh yeah, _nice_.” Octavia smirked, her eyes roaming over every inch of Raven’s home, mesmerized.

“You haven’t missed the tour yet, go catch up with them.” Raven tilted her head in the direction of the living room, chuckling as Octavia sprinted off.

Raven half expected Lincoln to follow, but instead he remained standing in the hallway, left hand shoved in his pocket and the other clutching the chin of his helmet. “Need a hand with that?” he gestured with the bike helmet towards the pile of boxes in the kitchen.

“That would be great.” Raven smiled genuinely and lead the man out of the hallway and into the kitchen. “You heard from Lexa and Clarke recently?” she asked five or so minutes into their attempt at sorting through the many boxes that cluttered her kitchen space. The mechanic didn’t lift her eyes from the spatula she was twirling in her hands.

“Lexa called the other week.” Lincoln reached up on the tips of his toes to place some mugs onto the top shelf of the cupboard. “They were somewhere in India, I think.” Lincoln scrunched his face up in thought. Clarke and Lexa had decided to go travelling for a month around Asia, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone as to why they had decided to go when they had but Abby and Raven had been supportive of their choice when they’d heard the news just four weeks ago. After all, it was hard for Clarke to be in the same room as Raven anymore.

The distance and time would do everyone good.

“When are they planning on coming home?” Raven asked, still trying to act nonchalant.

Lincoln shrugged. He wasn’t much of a talker unless Octavia was around, even then she did most of the talking for him. Just as she was about to speak up, her phone chimed in her pocket and she pulled it out. It was a FaceTime call from Sinclair.

“Would you excuse me for a moment, its work.” Raven gestured to her phone and waited for Lincoln to nod before she made her way out onto the decking in the back yard for some privacy, through the French doors that opened from the back end of the kitchen. “Yo, man, what’s up?” she greeted Sinclair who tried to imitate a gang sign from his end of the call.

The decking was warm beneath her sock clad feet and she walked over to the railing that overlooked the two levels of the back yard. The farthest end dropped down a gentle slope and was surrounded by tall oak tress, giving her the perfect view from the balcony like decking she stood on. She loved this yard. “Just work stuff,” he smirked, loving the whole idea of his new job. “Hurry up and get sorted there so you can come and help me hold down the fort, I feel like the new kid.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “You are the new kid.” She couldn’t hold back the laugh. “But I’ll be in on Monday, don’t worry.” Raven paused a moment. “Wait, we aren’t supposed to start until Monday anyway. You’ll have been the only one in.” she couldn’t help but laugh as the man on the other end pouted. “Anyway, what did you want to talk about?” Sinclair and Melissa had moved the second he’d handed in his resignation at the college and the school term had ended. He’d had a month to get himself acquainted with their employees and the area, all that was left to do was to have Raven join them once the move was finalised and then the ball would begin rolling.

“I’ve just been in touch with the computer systems specialist. She didn’t want to bother you because of the move and all but I’ve got her waiting on the other line.”

“Put her through.” Raven nodded before her call went dead with Sinclair and another chimed in. “Hey, Becca.” Raven smiled but straightened from her casual slouch into an upright position. She didn’t want her employees thinking she was soft after all.

“Hello, Ms Reyes.” Becca kept a straight face though there was a smile in her eyes somewhere, Raven was sure of it. “I just wanted to let you know that the A.L.I.E research paperwork is all sorted, I just need you to read and approve it and then we can get started on the A.I system for the ARK.”

From behind her, Raven could hear some sort of commotion sounding from inside the house. She took a step away from the house, trying to hear Becca on the phone. “That’s awesome, either email them to Sinclair or myself and we’ll have it sorted.” A frown tugged at Raven’s brow as the noise only grew from within the house.

The rave haired woman on the other end rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “Actually, I was hoping you could check it yourself? I know Sinclair knows what he’s doing and all, but you kind of started this project…” she trailed off, hoping not to have offended her new boss.

“Yeah,” Raven waved her hand, her attention completely on the house now. “I’ve actually got a few concerns about the A.I I’d like to run by you in person, so how about you email the papers to me and then come to my office ten AM on Monday morning and we’ll go over it?”

“That sounds good.” The line went dead then an email dropped a notification on the screen.  

Raven walked speedily through the French doors, her brace holding her left side back ever so slightly as she walked. It had been getting stiffer and stiffer, the wearing frame wasn’t managing to quite reach its requirements anymore and she’d made a note to start work on a new one once she got settled. The noise seemed to have died down somewhat but Raven soon realised that that was because the commotion had been taken straight into the living room.

“Jesus, what’s going-” she slid to a halt on the hardwood floors. “Oh, hi.” Clarke and Lexa stood in the living room, beautifully tanned skin, Clarke pinker than brown, but sun kissed regardless. They had their own bags mixed in with the boxes that had been brought in that still needed to be unpacked.

“Hey, Rae.” Lexa smiled and waved bashfully, toeing at the corner of the rug with her converse. “Nice place.” She gestured.

“Thanks,” Raven nodded but smiled earnestly. “How was the trip, we didn’t know you’d be back so soon.”

“It was amazing, but someone got home sick.” Lexa mused and she pointed over her shoulder at Clarke who had yet to say a word.

Raven tried to open her mouth to say something but before she could even pull in a breath, what little air that had been in her lungs was swiftly knocked out of her as a whirl of blonde barrelled hard into her chest. Strong arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders and the smell of sun cream and aeroplane invaded her senses. Raven could hardly pull in a breath as her brain processed the assault. “Ugh…” she huffed out.

And then Clarke pulled away, her arms loosening their grip around her body but she didn’t step away. “I’m sorry I’ve been an ass, I’ve missed you.” The genuine smile that the blonde shot Raven was enough to dissipate all tension and anger that had been boiling and stagnating between them.

“Yeah, you were an ass.” Raven joked but yanked Clarke back into a tight hug. Over her friend’s shoulder, Raven caught Abby’s eye as she grinned furiously at the pair hugging. The mechanic held up a thumb with a wink.

“I was.” Clarke nodded, finally pulling away and moving to stand beside Lexa.

“But it’s okay.” Raven reassured her, shoving her hands into her back pockets. “You guys staying?” she asked, gesturing down to their bags.

Clarke nodded once. “If that’s cool with you guys, of course? We were just going to head straight home from the airport but we wanted to drop by and check out your new place.”

“I’ll show you to the guest room.” Raven began walking towards the hallway, only waiting by the door for the two other women to gather up their things to follow the mechanic up the stairs.

She could feel Clarke and Lexa watching her and then staring at everything else around them. “This is a cool house.” Clarke whispered to Lexa, trying to keep her voice low enough so that Raven couldn’t hear.

“Wait until you see the garden.” Raven turned and wiggled her eyebrows with excitement. “And the garage is to die for.”

“Mom let you have the garage?” Clarke asked, surprised.

“Well, sort of, it’s a basement conversion.” Raven started. “You noticed the house is built on a slope, right?” The two other women nodded. “Well the basement is huge, big enough to fit both of our cars in and then some. So, I’ve got some work space to do the odd bit of work if I get bored and the front opens up out onto the driveway.” She grinned. “I’ll give you a house tour after dinner.”

“That would be great.” Lexa says but Raven knew she only wanted to go and see the garden with her weird obsession for the outdoors.

“Okay, so, that’s the bathroom there,” Raven pointed at a closed door, “That’s mine and your mom’s room there.” Clarke’s left eye twitched the tiniest bit but she managed to keep her mouth shut. “And these three doors here are guest rooms, I think Linc and O have already claimed one but Cece and Indra haven’t called dibs yet, they should be cool with sharing so just go ahead and pick one and come back downstairs when you’re ready.” She was about to head back down the stairs when she paused, glancing out of the circular window above the landing. “It’s nice out, how about I set the grill up outside?”

“Awesome!”

“Yes please!”

Lexa and Clarke both cheered in unison at the suggestion. “Great, I’ll go double check with Abby and I’ll get it set up once we’ve packed the rest of the boxes away.”

\----

Raven had long since removed her brace from her leg, it had been bothering her for most of the day and once everyone had been fed and gathered around the fire pit in the middle of the back yard – some sat on chairs, others on blankets on the grass – she’d removed the brace and collapsed down into a deck chair with Abby firmly in her lap with a blanket thrown across them. Sinclair and Melissa had turned up just before the food was cooked with two crates of beer and a bottle of wine. The atmosphere was nice, comfortable and happy. The smell of the barbeque that was still smoking up on the decking filled the air around them as everyone gathered began to slowly slip into food induced comas. 

Raven smiled dopily into the crook of Abby’s neck and kissed her skin softly. The older woman burrowed further into Raven and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Clarke and Lexa were telling the others about stories from their spur of the moment trip around Asia, everyone seemed to be engrossed in their words as they spoke.

“I’m really happy, right now.” Raven spoke barely above a whisper so that no one else could hear her.

“Me too.” Abby replied, smiling down at Raven before she placed an impossibly soft kiss against her lips.

“Alright you two.” Cece teased across the fire, “Get a room.”

Raven blushed profusely and couldn’t hold back her embarrassed grin, because hell, was she happy and being able to act natural around these people felt amazing. She didn’t have to hide her feelings or relationship, Abby and she could be themselves. She chanced a look in Clarke’s direction, hoping to find anything but a look of disgust.

Clarke smiled at her softly and gave her a small nod.

\----

It wasn’t long after that when Sinclair and Melissa decided to head home, offering to help wash up the dishes before they left. Abby, Cece and Indra had retreated off to the living room with a bottle of wine or two while Lexa, Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln and Raven had all gathered on the floor of Raven’s unmade office space, surrounded by boxes and a crate of beers.

“Wick couldn’t make it then?” Octavia asked, slouched against Lincolns side.

Raven shook her head before she took a sip of her beer. “He’s running the shop on his own now, he couldn’t get away.” She replied feeling slightly guilty for dropping Wick in the deep end all of a sudden.

“He’ll be fine, won’t be too hard to find your replacement.” Octavia teased.

“Thanks, O.” Raven rolled her eyes and took another longer sip of her beer. Deciding on changing the subject, Raven cleared her throat. “So, how’s the wedding planning going?” she asked Clarke and Lexa, realising it was something they’d never really gotten around to talking about much with everything that had happened between the proposal and then.

Lexa and Clarke shared a swift and fleeting smile. “It’s going really well.” Lexa stated surely. “We’ve set the date for next summer, found the perfect location, table displays…” the brunette listed off one by one.

“We’ve found this really nice hotel just outside of the city, about a half hour drive from mom’s old house.” Clarke interrupted Lexa’s excited rambling. “They’ve given us full access to the grounds around the building and, here’s the best part, they’ve supplied a tent for the wedding and the reception so that we can have it all outside.”

That made Raven smile. The blonde had always wanted an outdoor wedding, the flower crown type in a knee-high field of grass and flowers. A real life fairy-tale, and the mechanic could see that in the way both women gushed about the ceremony that that’s how they both felt.

“There’s actually one last thing we need to organise.” Clarke said nervously, her fingers fiddling with the ring on her left hand. “Lexa has decided on Lincoln being her best man, but obviously with you both being my best friends, I couldn’t decide out of the two of you.” Clarke had begun to ramble. It was almost adorable. “so, I guess, I was wondering if you both,” the blonde gestured between Raven and Octavia, “would like to be my maids of honour?”

The collective squeal, embarrassing or not, that came from both Octavia and Raven was ear piercing as they launched their bodies on top of the blonde. Lexa and Lincoln both clapped their hands over their ears, trying to drown out the sound.

\----

Raven finished the last of her Starbucks before she placed the plastic cup in the holder in the center console. “We’ve got this.” She turned into the hospital parking lot and jumped out before Abby could open her door. “My lady.” Raven held out her hand for Abby to take with a cocky smile plastered to her face.

“You’re such a dork.” Abby chuckled, grabbing her bag and coffee in one hand while the other took Raven’s outstretched one.

“You love it.” Raven led Abby into the lobby of the hospital.

“I do.” Abby leaned in and kissed the corner of her girlfriend’s mouth. “And we do have this.” She said, referring to Raven’s earlier statement in the car. “Good luck at work, you’ll be great.”

Raven visibly paled at the mention. “I’m really freaking nervous.”

“Don’t be.” Abby tugged Raven towards her. “You’ll be amazing, show ‘em who’s boss.” She winked playfully at the mechanic.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Raven smirked shyly down at her feet. “We can grab takeout on the way home.”

“Sounds great, sweetie.” Abby took a step away from Raven but not before she smacked her lightly on the ass. “Go be Space Noah and save the world.”

“Now who’s the dork?” Raven laughed whole heartedly as she watched her girlfriend take the stairs up to the first floor. She couldn’t help but stare at the woman’s retreating form, majestic and beautiful and wow, Raven was crazy in love with Abby. “I love you!” Raven called out at the top of her lungs, drawing the attention and silencing everyone on the ground floor. Abby winked and blew Raven a kiss before she disappeared through a set of doors.

After the sunny weekend they’d spent with their friends and family, turning up to work on a rainy Monday morning should have set a pit of dread in her chest. However, as Raven made a dash back to her car and knocked up the heat and turned on the window wipers, the excitement and nerves that piqued in her gut were thrilling and new and Raven couldn’t wait to get to the NASA building.

The drive only took her twenty minutes and even then, she was half an hour early. She pulled up at the barrier and got her name badge ready to show the security guard.

“Morning.” he smiled gently at her. “Ah, Director Reyes.” His eye flickered up to her face, checking that he was correct. The use of her new title took her slightly by surprise but she hoped her smile hid it well enough. “First day.” When Sinclair and herself were told they’d be managing the ARK project here, they’d felt daunted and to be honest, a little startled by the title.

“Yup.” She smiled. Raven took back her badge before she glanced at the security guard's. “James?” she figured she might as well learn his name now since she’d be here every day.

“That’s me.” He leaned against the wall of his small cubicle like building. His uniform was already soaking wet from the rain and it made Raven wonder why he wasn’t sat on his chair in his box. “Today, yesterday and every day.” His smile was contagious.

“Good to know.” She laughed out gently.

“You’ve been assigned your own space with the rest of the management teams, just take a left down there and you’re…” he paused to check his clip board. “Third from the right.”

“Thanks.” And then as a second thought, she held out her hand for James to shake. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Director Reyes.” He shook her hand with a firm grip.

“Please.” Raven rolled her eyes. “Call me Raven, that’s my name, yesterday, today and every day.” She teaseed light heartedly.

“Raven.” James apologised with a light blush to his face. “I’ll see you later.”

She waved him off, following his instructions to find her designated space. As to be expected, down on the left and third from the right, there was an empty space with a post that held a small plaque which read ‘Dir. Raven Reyes’. Raven made quick work of parking and texted Sinclair to let him know that she was here, his space was still empty beside her and she figured instead of waiting she could get a feel for the building and her department.

She let herself into the building, scanning her name badge on a small panel beside the huge doors. The light turned green and the doors clicked open.

Doctor Henman was waiting for her in the lobby of the building, discussing some paperwork with another college when he spotted her. “Ah, Raven!” he cheered gleefully. Excusing himself from the other man, he approached Raven and clapped her firmly on the back. “It’s good to finally have you joining us.”

“I can’t wait to get started.” Raven followed Doctor Henman towards an escalator and then into an elevator.

“Well you’ve got full rein of your department and a full team working beneath you.” He smiled. “Just keep either myself or another member of the board up to date with your weekly budgets and results and everything will run smoothly.” She nodded along as he spoke, taking mental notes as they walked towards Raven’s department along glass window lined corridors that, even with the grey weather outside, let in maximum light. “And here you are.” They stopped in what seemed to be another large lobby area that was surrounded by glass walls. A single desk was situated in the middle with a middle-aged woman who typed away quietly at her keyboard. “This is where I leave you, your assistant will show you around.”

Doctor Henman swiftly left through the set of glass doors that they’d entered, leaving Raven alone in the lobby. “Director Reyes?” The mechanic, well director, turned to face the middle-aged woman who had addressed her. “You’re early.” It was an observation rather than a question, but she smiled at Raven, reassuring the younger woman that they’d get along well together.

“I wanted to get a head start.” She smiled once again. It felt as though her face was twisted into a constant state of happiness and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet. She held out her hand to shake the woman’s hand. “Please call me Raven.”

“Raven,” she repeated, testing the name out on her tongue. “I’m Jenny.”

“Nice to meet you, Jenny.” Raven followed her assistant over to her desk to pick up any paperwork and the diary that had scheduled calls and meetings for the day. “What time did you come in today?” she asked as a sudden after thought.

“Oh.” Jenny seemed shocked that Raven was willing to carry on the conversation. “I came in at seven.”

Raven’s jaw dropped as she spluttered to find words. “What?” she shook her head in confusion. “Why?”

Jenny looked as equally as confused by Raven’s own question. “My old boss liked me in at least two hours before himself so that I could prepare his office and take care of any urgent matters before he arrived.”

The younger woman frowned at that. “Well I don’t expect you to do the same.” She reassured Jenny. “You can start with the rest of us, have a few hours of extra sleep.” She chuckled.

Jenny smiled thankfully at that. “I appreciate it, Dir- Raven.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Raven rearranged the papers beneath her arm to a more comfortable position. “Which department did you work for before you were assigned to mine?”

“Exploration of Low Earth Orbit.” Jenny supplied.

Raven thought for a moment, something about that sounded familiar. Then it clicked. “Henman?”

Jenny nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, he was kind and lenient when he wanted to be, but he didn’t want to be very often.” She smirked at her own words.

“I see.” Raven toed her converse against the floor. Her outfit wasn’t quite office appropriate but considering she couldn’t walk in heels with her brace she settled for some comfortable shoes, a nice pair of skinny jeans and a blows accompanied with a tight fitting blazer. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that with me. You can take your breaks whenever you like and you don’t have to stay any later than five.”

To say Jenny looked surprised by that would have been an understatement. “Th- Thank you, Raven.”

“You’re welcome.” Raven smiled before she sobered up her features. “Right, I’m going to go and find my office and explore before Sinclair and the rest of the team gets here.”

Her assistant settled back down behind her desk. “Through the doors, up the stairs and it’s the big office right in the middle, overlooking the stations.” Jenny supplied without looking up from her computer. “If you need anything, my line is one.”

Through the doors lead Raven into a huge dome like room onto a platform that circled the area below that was filled with computer stations and transparent boards that were hooked up to the same computers. It reminded Raven of the Starship Enterprise. She glanced to her left and then to her right, deciding to turn left to explore the rest of the space before heading up to her office. Other labs that were connected to the main dome with a conjoining glass door and a wide window that allowed Raven to see in even from her office.  Along the wall facing the windows there was what seemed to be LED lights flashing and flickering away, however, at further inspection, Raven noticed that the wall itself was one huge screen depicting Sinclair’s and her own work with equations and graphs to match. It made her smile.

By the time Raven reached her office, one lap of her department completed, it was only quarter to nine so she settled into her office which was bigger than the apartment she had shared with Octavia and Clarke. She was almost unsettled by the amount of space but she figured that was due to the run of glass walls that surrounded her. She could look out onto every inch of the department from her desk, she could even see the Oval Office out of the window behind her if she looked hard enough.

It was suddenly that a wave of excitement burst through her body, erupting from deep within her chest and pushed out a bubbly squeal straight from her mouth. She was glad no one had started yet, or at least no one had come into the office yet, because they would have witnessed their new boss attempting to do some sort of thrilled dance with her arms thrusting in all directions and one leg swinging out. “Oh, my god.” She breathed out, trying to calm herself down. “This is real.” Her eyes were wide and animated. “This is my office.”

“You’ve got that right.”

Raven spun round to meet Sinclair who was leaning against the door to her office. “Jesus.”

“Sorry.” Sinclair chuckled whole heartedly. “I did the same.” He gestured to the office directly beside Raven’s. She’d assumed that was his, considering it already looked settled in.

“You ready to meet the team?” she asked, grinning as her excitement had refused to dwindle.

“ _So_ ready.” He gave her two thumbs up. “It’ll be nice not to be the only one here.”

Raven rolled her eyes at him as she walked over to her phone and dialled one. “Hi Jenny, would you let people know as they arrive that there will be a short meeting in the computer lab before we start the day?”

“Of course, Raven.”

“Thanks, Jenny.”

\----

The forty or so scientists that were gathered in the computer lab all stared up at Raven and Sinclair with pure amazement in their eyes. It was a little unsettling to say the least but Raven kept her face calm and collected as she spoke. The pair were stood on the platform looking down at their team as they spoke and explained a few last-minute things.

“I know we’re all knew here today,” she began to finish up. “And while some of you may know each other from previous projects, Sinclair and I would appreciate it if you could all spare some time to get to know one another just as we shall be doing, too.” Raven gestured between herself and the man leaning against the railing beside her. When she’d watched her team begin to slowly trickle in, the majority, sadly being middle aged white men, she couldn’t help but feel slightly more nervous and threatened. There was no question as to whether they’d doubt her authority for the age difference, however, with Sinclair by her side they’d treat her with the correct amount of respect. She’d given them the same back.

“You’ve all had the opportunity to research Raven’s work,” Sinclair started, making it clear to them all who the brains behind the operations was. “But if any of you have any questions then don’t hesitate to come and ask either of us.”

“We’ll no doubt be wandering around for the first couple of hours just to get ourselves acquainted with you all.” Raven finished and jerked her head to dismiss them all. They scuttled off in all directions to their designated stations. The mechanic released a relieved breath and allowed her shoulders to slouch.

“We did good.” Sinclair clapped her on the back and they walked into Raven’s office. “What do you want to focus on today?” he asked flicking threw some files in his lap.

“Well, Becca is going to come up at ten with her work on A.L.I.E, so, if you want, I can do computer systems and programming and you can do engineering? We can switch later.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He patted his hands down on the desk then stood. “I’m going to go ask Jenny to go on a coffee run for the two of us, do you want anything in particular?”

“Just a black coffee will do.” Sinclair nodded and made his way over to his own office. He grinned cheekily through the glass wall and waved playfully at Raven who could only roll her eyes.

While she waited for her computer to boot up and log her in, she pulled out her phone and read a few texts that she’d received that morning.

**Clarke [today, 08:23 AM]**

Good luck today, Nerd. Kick some ass for me.

Raven smiled at the message and the small thumbs up emoji on the end.

**Octavia [today, 08:48 AM]**

Are you awake? First day of work, you can’t be late.

**Octavia [08:49 AM]**

Oh wait, its nearly nine… I’M LATE

Raven snorted at the second message and shot off a quick reply. She closed her chat with her friends and then opened her messages with Abby.

**Raven [today, 09:39 AM]**

Good luck with your first day today, I love you so much and I know you’ll knock 'em all dead. Tell Jackson I say hi.

“Ms Reyes?” There was a knock on the open glass door and Raven recognised Becca standing in the doorway from the few times they’d skyped about the A.I. Raven had been impressed with the other woman’s keen interest to get started as soon as possible, even before any of the other team members had read the emails that herself and Sinclair had sent out.

“Hi, Becca.” Raven gestured to the chair opposite her desk. “And what did I say about calling me Raven?”

“Sorry.” Becca blushed and ducked her head slightly to compose herself. “Did you get a chance to look over my email? I know you’ll have been swamped with everything else-”

“I read it,” Raven cut in, smiling softly. She figured if she respected those she’d be working with and treat them with the polite gestures of reading their work or even just making the effort to learn their names, then she’d receive the same respect back. “It’s really impressive, you can’t be much older than me, right?”

“I’m twenty-four.” Becca replied grinning at Raven with a wide toothy smile.

“Twenty-two.” Raven poked herself in the chest. “You’re a genius.” She teased with a wink, holding her hand out for Becca to share her files.

“Thank you.” The raven-haired woman looked a little taken aback by her boss’ words. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“You’re quite welcome.” Raven didn’t look up from the papers in her hands. “Though, I do have a few concerns.”

Becca sat up straight at that. “I’d love to hear them.” She pulled out a pen and notepad and began to make notes as Raven spoke.

“My main concern is that it is difficult to teach an A.I right from wrong.” Raven settled back into her chair casually, trying to lose all formality for the moment. “I’m just worried that due to the nature of the project that things could go drastically wrong. I’m just wary about the loss of control on our part in terms of human safety.” Raven explained.

“I understand.” Becca nodded though there was a crease forming between her eyes. Raven wasn’t sure if that was because the woman was thinking or because she was disappointed. “You’re saying that we need to teach A.L.I.E that it’s how we reach the goal that matters, not that the goal is everything?” Becca scribbled away on her notepad.

Raven perked up at that, this woman was smart. Crazy smart. “I couldn’t have put it better myself.” She crossed her good leg over the brace clad one and smiled. “If you can come up with a research report A.L.I.E 2.0 within the week, Sinclair and I can forward on the funding for you to start the frame works and we’ll continue from there?”

\----

Raven had had to put her foot down on more than one occasion when it came to some of the men on her team messing her around with some unneeded comments and remarks either about her age or her gender. Though, it was nothing a few stern words and glare that would put Octavia to shame, to let them know she wouldn’t stand for their sexist behaviour and bias.

She’s smirked to herself when one by one they’d come grovelling to her office to apologise but she’d brushed their apologies off in favour of learning their names and what role they’d be playing within her team. It was fair to say that everyone had earned their place fairly. Everyone’s first day went smoothly and it was a surprise to her when it reached five pm.

She glanced out at the dome and noticed that her team were still working away. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, making her way out to the railing. “You guys can all head home now, you did amazing today.” They all stared up at her in slight confusion and then down at the watches and screens, their own surprise flashing across their faces. “Nine o’clock sharp.” She taps her watch-less arm and smiled, waving at Becca and a few other scientists as they left.

“That means us, too.” Sinclair emerged from his own office looking suitably tired after their day of work. “Grab your things, I’ll grab us a coffee on the way out.”

Raven nodded. “Just give me five minutes to pack up and I’ll meet you downstairs.” Sinclair left a moment later and Raven swiftly packed away her files that she wanted to work on at home. She made sure that everyone had updated their work logs so she could add that to the list of things to add to her own work once she’d eaten and relaxed for a little while with Abby that evening.

She double checked that everything was turned off and flicked off the power to the dome before she closed the door behind her. Jenny was still sat at her desk. “Thank you for today, Jenny.” Raven stood in front of the older woman’s desk.

“You’re welcome.” Jenny gave her a small smile. “Is that everything sorted in there?” she asked, pointing towards the doors.

“Yup,” Raven gave her a curt not. “Everyone’s left for the night and you should, too.”

“Right.” Jenny began to pack up. “I’m always used to staying late.” She looked rather flustered as she stood and double checked to make sure she’d finished everything for the day. “Are you sure you don’t want me to start early tomorrow, really, it’s no trouble.”

“Not at all, I don’t expect you to be here before me.”

“Well, at least let me get you and Director Sinclair coffee for when you start?” Jenny offered.

Raven could only smile and nod, allowing the woman to have her own way on one offer.

\----

Raven pulled up outside the hospital just as Abby was leaving. She couldn’t help but beam at her girlfriend as she waved and made a mad dash through the rain to get to the car. Before either of them could say anything, the doctor crashed her lips down hard against Raven’s and tugged her closer to her by the lapels of her blazer.

“Mm.” Raven moaned out, guttural and low. She yanked Abby impossibly closer by the back of her neck and if her eyes had been open, they would have rolled right into the back of her skull as she felt Abby’s tongue swipe out across her bottom lip. “I take it…” Raven panted out against the other woman’s mouth, “you had a good day?”

“Amazing.” Abby smiled, barely pulling away. “You?”

“Amazing.” She chuckled softly. “Even better now, though.”

They finally broke apart and Abby settled back into her seat, strapping herself in and dropped her head back against the head rest contently. “I’m glad.”

“So, I didn’t pick up any takeout,” Raven started as she pulled out of the hospital carpark and began the drive home. “I went and bought some bits for us to cook together, I thought it could be nice?” her statement turned into more of a question as she spoke.

“That sounds lovely.” Abby picked up Raven’s hand from the centre console and kissed the back of it gently. The action itself sent a bolt of electricity down her spine and it occurred to Raven that she might not be able to make it to dinner at this rate.

Even with the five o’clock rush, it took them little over fifteen minutes to make it home. Abby helped carry in the groceries and placed the bags down on the counter in their new kitchen. It felt nice, having a place to call theirs, somewhere shared instead of just Abby’s or just Raven’s. The thought alone had Raven grinning from ear to ear again.

Before Abby could say anything, however, Raven pressed the older woman up hard against the counter and kissed her. Abby gasped, takin the hint that the groceries could wait for now. She pushed Raven’s blazer roughly down her shoulders and let it drop to the floor with a quiet thumb. “Bedroom.” Raven whispered horridly.

The doctor shook her head and began unbuttoning the buttons on her own blows. “No time.” The deep rasp to her voice had a pool of heat forming between Raven’s legs and she tore the older woman’s blouse off in one hurried motion. The remaining buttons scattered across the tiled floor.

“Jesus, Abby.” Raven groaned out, kissing her way down Abby’s neck and into the valley between her breasts.

Abby bucked her hips in response and shoved Raven down onto the floor. Their eyes were pitch black as they gaped at each other. The mechanic needed more contact, she couldn’t keep her hands still so she hooked them round the back of Abby’s thighs and tugged her down on top of her.

\----

“What’re you smiling at?” Abby chuckled as she flopped back down onto the tiled floor and revelled in the freezing surface against her burning skin.

Their chests heaved in pleasurable pain, gasping for air to fill their lungs. “I’m just happy.” Ravem said, shaking her head in disbelief because all through her life she’d worked so hard to make herself happy, faking it and putting on a mask for those around her. Raven had always hoped that if she’d pretended long enough then maybe one day it would become true. Life unquestionably dealt her an unfair hand but now that she was here, with a woman who loved her and cared for her, working for NASA and directing her own team of scientists with the support from her friends, Raven knew that faking it and trying to make happiness happen wasn’t the way things were meant to work for her.

“I love you, Raven.” Abby tangled their fingers together in the none existent space between their bodies.

“I love you, too, Abby.”

All she had to do was wait for it.

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven enjoys seeing people drunk - especially when she's sober... for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! sorry for the long wait but here it is, the final chapter... I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me through out this past year and a bit. its been rough but here we are. 
> 
> anyway... I'll stop talking and let you guys enjoy this.

 

Epilogue

 

_David Reyes hurryingly shoved anything he could into his bag. He swung open the doors to his shared wardrobe and hiked out his shirts, tossing them on top of the bag without removing the hangers. He grabbed his underwear and trousers and hurled them on top of the pile before jamming them roughly into the small space._

_“Fuck.” He muttered, hoisting the bag on his shoulder and rubbing his face. All he had to do was grab his wallet and keys and get the hell out._

_Two minutes tops._

_He held the door knob in his hand, breathing in steadily. This was for the best. He’d tried to convince himself of that for weeks. He needed to do this. Needed to leave while he still could._

_David opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. “Daddy?” he froze, is blood going cold._

_He didn’t want this._

_Didn’t need this._

_He needed to leave._

_“Are you going to work?” Raven was stood in her pyjamas, staring up at him with sleep filled eyes, a small rocket tucked beneath her arm. “Mommy isn’t home yet.”_

_David dropped his bag and turned to face his daughter. So much loved filled his heart at the sight of her. She looked just like his mother. “Hey, sweetie.” He crouched down and held open his arms for her to climb into. As she did so, he slouched against the wall of the hallway. “No, I’m not going to work, Daddy has to go away for a while.” He explained as simply as he could because what four years old child could ever understand? His wife even didn’t understand._

_“Are you going on holiday?” she asked, sleepily rubbing at her eyes as she slouched against his chest, one hand going around his neck to hold onto._

_“Something like that.” He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair away from her face. The truth was, he would be going away for a while, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to come back._

_“Will it be sunny?”_

_David chuckled, deep and low in his chest. He pulled Raven closer to him. “Actually,” he said with mock excitement in his tone. “It’s going to be really cold and really dark.”_

_Raven gasped loudly. “Are you going into space?”_

_David was taken aback by her words. “How- how did you know?” he asked, genuinely curious, because maybe his daughter was just a genius – he was sure of that anyway – or maybe she’d heard something she wasn’t supposed to. He chuckled nervously, passing it of as excitement._

_“Mommy said to grandma that you were going into space, she said that you were being a dic-”_

_“Whoah.” David placed his hand gently over his daughter’s mouth. “What did I tell you about naughty words?”_

_“Sorry daddy.” Raven whispered, clasping her hands on top of her fathers. She held his hand close to her body as she lay against his chest. “Will you send me a post card?”_

_David could feel his heart breaking but this was his career on the line. It was what he had wanted his whole life. To go up into space and see the world as it should be. “Every day.”_

_“Good.” Raven nodded, her eyes began to droop as a sleepy trance dripped through her veins. “I love you daddy.”_

_A chocked sob sounded down the hallway and David angrily whipped away his tears. “I love you too, sweetheart.”_

_\----_

_David Reyes died the following week during a launch test that went wrong._

_Raven’s mother was notified but never told her daughter the truth._

_Unsent post cards that her father had bought the day after he left, all written and addressed to Raven herself, were never sent._

_\----_

Raven swore she had never seen Abby cry so hard in her life. The second-hand embarrassment she felt, stood at the front of the tent, probably would have killed her if the hilarity of the situation wasn’t causing ripples of uncontrollable laughter to shake her body. “Stop it.” Octavia nudged Raven with her elbow while her own chuckles shook her shoulders. The mechanic quietly cleared her throat, trying desperately to keep her face straight. Instead, her lips quivered and her eyes twitched.

As the ceremony trailed slowly to an end, Raven wasn’t sure anymore as to why she was even laughing. Abby’s sobbing in the front row, or Clarke’s and Lexa’s sickly sweet vows, it was hard to tell. However, as their vows came to a close, and the vicar pronounced them married, Raven couldn’t help but smile proudly at her two friends. Her heart swelled and climbed up her throat and her eyes stung sharply. “You’re getting soft.” Octavia smirked around a raspy voice, it had been a late night for most of Clarke’s bridal party, and a particularly rough morning for them, too.

“Am not.” Raven swiped at her cheeks, flustered and hot. “It must be the heat or something.” She tried denying despite the obvious.

“Or something.” Her friend gave her a knowing stare as she looked Raven up and down. “Definitely something.”

“Oh, shut up.” Raven followed the rest of the guests outside the tent where they gathered under the shade of one of the hundreds of oak trees that the hotel grounds owned. The summer sun was swelteringly hot and Raven’s one size too small dress was only making it feel hotter. She’d been lucky to even fit herself into the dress that morning.

The slight panic that Octavia and herself had shared was funny now, but when Clarke had heard the muffled grunts as the yanked this way and that on the dress to pull it down over Raven’s frame, the blonde had nearly had a stroke.

“My feet are killing me, O.” Raven grit through clenched teeth, smiling for the photographer taking the pairs photos before he gathered the brides and their parties together, just in front of the low wooden fence that cordoned off the grounds. A small stream tricked down the slope behind them and into the river beside the oak tree, cutting through the grounds. “God he’s going to make us stand on the bridge, isn’t he?” she whined, watching the photographer eye up the fairy tale style bridge that connected one end of the vast garden to the other. “Oh, god he’s going to say it. Don’t do it, please-”

“How about we get some pictures on the bridge?” Raven whined audibly as though she were in real physical pain, which she would argue she was.

“Five more minutes and then you can take your heels off and stuff your face to your hearts content.” Octavia laughed. Raven was sure she looked beautiful in the photos while her own face was twisted sourly.

\----

Jenny replied to Raven’s texts within seconds and that was one of the things the mechanic appreciated most about her assistant. Jenny had reassured her that everything had been taken care of and that all her meetings were rescheduled for the following Monday. It had nearly killed Raven to take a whole weekend off but Abby had told her to get used to it and to just enjoy her time away from the office. That morning had been hard, not rushing around for files, instead rushing for her makeup, not rushing for coffee, instead the champagne and orange juice… her dress, hair. It didn’t feel normal not racing to work because of course Abby had convinced her to stay in bed those extra five minutes to cuddle or to do _other_ stuff.

But yes, it was something she’d have to get used to.

For the next couple of months anyway.

“Put your phone away.” Abby scolded. Perching herself down beside Raven with a hefty plate of food and a glass of orange juice. “You’re supposed to be having fun.”

Raven placed her phone face down in her clutch and dropped it to her feet before she smugly tilted to the side as best she could and placed a gentle kiss on the side of Abby’s mouth. The doctor leaned into the action with a soft smile and dropped her hand to Raven’s stomach, running her thumb across the fabric of her dress with such a gentle touch that Raven could barely feel it. “I was just checking in with Jenny. But you have my attention now.” She teasingly peppering kisses along Abby’s jaw and stopped at her ear, allowing her own breath to ghost warmly across the older woman’s skin. “You could have all of my attention if we head up to our room for a few minutes, I’m sure no one would notice us missing.” She was only trying to tease the woman but Raven felt a flush of heat even at her own words and as she pulled away to stare into Abby’s pitch black eyes, she knew she’d had the same effect on her.

“Stop it.” Abby breathed out through her laughter, wafting a napkin at her face to cool the flush. “Drink your juice and eat your food before you get us into trouble.”

“Trouble?” A voice behind them made both women jump with a quiet yelp. “What trouble?” Clarke asked with an oblivious expression on her face.

“Oh,” Raven stuttered. “No- nothing.”

“Hmm.” The blonde stared between them sceptically before a face splitting grin formed on her face. “Enjoying yourself?” Clarke asked, hiking up her dress slightly so that she could crouch down between Raven and her mom.

“I am now that those speeches are out of the way.” Raven mumbled, though her voice was playful. “Everyone was staring.”

“That’s the whole point sweetheart.” Abby chuckled, keeping her hand on Raven’s stomach. “You did great.” She kissed Raven’s temple softly, Clarke didn’t even bat an eyelid. The blonde had grown used to the physical affection shared between the doctor and the mechanic. She was happy for her mom after all, seeing her happy again, sharing that happiness with someone else, after seeing the older woman alone for so long.

“I mean, you didn’t have to mention that bit about us trying to start that girl band…” Clarke mumbled under her breath.

“Oh, yes we did.” Octavia has sauntered over to the group, whisky in hand, her hips swaying surely of herself. “Just be thankful we didn’t mention bathroom incident.” As Clarke’s face twisted in horror the three other women laughed loudly, heads tilted back as the sound echoed around the tent.

“I hate you both.” Clarke stomped off, ignoring their cheers.

Octavia settled back into her chair on the other side of Raven. She knocked back her whisky and shuddered when the liquid burned down her throat. “That’s good stuff.” She ignored Raven’s glare. The tent was bustling with friends and family, some sitting down at their tables, enjoying the free alcohol and food and others were dancing on the makeshift dancefloor to the band playing music in the corner. It was nice.

Everyone looked so happy and free, not holding back.

“How’re your feet?”

Raven waved her heels in the air cockily. “Free.” Before turning back to the plate of food sat in front of her. Raven hungrily stuffed the mini cocktail sausages into her mouth, fitting in five before she began struggling to breathe. She chomped down on them, barely breaking them up before she swallowed. Octavia and Abby could only stare, still not used to Raven’s eating habits. The mechanic demolished her plate of food within the minute, her eyes flickering over to the food table over the top of her champagne flute of orange juice. “I’ve got it.” Octavia huffed out, taking Raven’s plate back to refill it.

Raven’s lips stretched into a pout, her eyes going wide as she stared between Abby and Octavia on the other side of the tent. Her lips began to quiver, her eyes filling and turned glassy. “Oh, no, no, sweetie.” Abby jumped to comfort her girlfriend, her free hand reaching up to wipe gently at the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks. “It’s okay, don’t cry.” She used one of the napkins to carefully dab beneath Raven’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Raven buried her face into her hands as the sobs wracked her body, shaking her. “I’m sorry I’m such a burden to you both.”

“Baby,” Abby cooed softly. She kissed Raven’s temple and held her close. “You’re pregnant, you’re not a burden.” She stroked her hand over Raven’s massively swollen stomach as she tried to calm the bawling mechanic.

“Oh, Jesus.” Octavia moaned as she sat back down. “You’re not crying again, are you?”

Abby glared at the other woman, Raven’s crying only grew louder at the question. “Not helping.” The doctor grit out.

“Here.” Octavia held up a pork pie.

Raven’s sobbing immediately subsided and she grinned at Octavia with a toothy smile. “I love you.” She yanked the food from Octavia’s hands and began stuffing her mouth once again.

“The sad thing is,” Octavia started, “I’m not sure if she’s talking to me or the pie…”

Raven threw a handful of cocktail sausages at the two women and their sniggering.

\----

The giddy laughter that erupted from within Raven’s chest filled the cool night air, her hand clasped tightly in Abby’s, the older woman leading them to the bridge and over to the oak trees where the wedding party had been gathered earlier that day. Abby’s own laughter muffled her shushing, “You’re going to have to be quiet or someone will come looking.” The doctor smirked, turning to face the other woman and laced both of their hands together.

They didn’t quite make it over the bridge before Raven pushed Abby back against the railing, kissing her soundly as her hands tugged at the hem of the older woman’s dress, hiking it further and further up her thighs. She delicately trailed her finger tips across her skin as she moved.

Abby’s brain was fried by their kiss. Her mind fuzzy and buzzing, the eyes in her head kept rolling back of their own accord.

But then Abby’s heart was exploding in her chest, bounding erratically, the moment Raven stepped impossibly closer to her, her swollen belly pressed fully against Abby.

Raven’s baby.

Their baby.

The child they had decided to have together after many, many late-night conversations.

Drunken, sleep deprived, excited and wide-awake moments filled with love and hope.

It had been hard.

Hard to decide whether they wanted this or not.

Abby was in her early forties after all, and for the older woman, that was a little daunting to her. Raven had argued that many women had children later in life, women who were older than Abby herself.

Once Abby had come around to the idea, the realisation that they both had successful careers hit them like a ton of bricks.

However, to both of their surprise, their employers had offered them both maternity leave and then suggested working part time until the baby was old enough to go to day-care. “The baby can come to work with me.” Abby had suggested one rainy morning at the beginning of winter.

After that, everything fell perfectly into place.

Effortlessly so.

Abby moaned into Raven’s mouth, pulling her closer with one hand to the back of her neck while the other smacked at Raven’s roaming fingers against her thigh. “Not here.”

“You’re no fun.” Raven feigned a pout but allowed Abby to lead her over to the tree line. In the distance, they could still hear the wedding party, the music playing loudly and the laughter filling the wide-open space. The fairy lights that had been used to decorate the tent, inside and out, danced reflections on the river beside them, lighting up the small stream that ran down to their left.

“Are you sure about that?” Abby asked, an entertained expression, dark and flirtatious, flickered across her face. She pressed Raven back against the tree with one hand, forceful but gentle at the same time.

Raven gulped, her pupils turning dark at the sight. She pulled the doctor against her and kissed her, biting softly on her bottom lip, tugging it into her mouth. She couldn’t help but moan as Abby pulled away and began to trail lingering kisses down her throat, nibbling and sucking as she trailed her way into Raven’s cleavage. Her head tipped back, silent gasps echoed between the trees.

But then Abby pulled away completely. Raven’s body went cold at the loss of contact.

“Wha-”

The doctor dropped to her knees before Raven, onto the cool grass, silencing her as she delicately trailed her fingers up the woman’s legs, lifting the hem of her dress as she went.

“Oh god.” Raven panted out when Abby’s hands settled just above her bump, the dress gathered there. The mechanic grabbed Abby’s hand, pushing it an inch lower to settle against the baby, her other hand flew out to Abby’s neatly curled hair when she felt the other woman’s mouth against the inside of her thigh. “Fuck, Abby.”

Abby delicately pulled down Raven’s underwear, the cold air make the wetness between her legs more prominent. Abby didn’t waist a second, her mouth latched on to Raven’s core and the resulting yelp of ecstasy that came as a consequence, was loud enough that Abby was sure that the wedding party would hear. Though, she couldn’t bring herself to shush Raven, the sounds she was making was causing her own heart rate to palpitate and race, heat rushed down between her thighs.

Raven ground her hips down against Abby’s tongue. Desperately searching for more friction. She chances a glance down, trying to find Abby’s eyes but all she could see was the bump protruding from beneath her dress. “Abby.” She moaned, tugging at the older woman’s hair. “I need to see your eyes.”

She took the hint, replacing her mouth with her fingers. She stood and their mouth crashed together in a frantic kiss. Abby pumped her fingers in and out in quick succession, her thumb rubbing tight circles against Raven’s clit. The mechanic’s mouth dropped open, panting and moaning, heaving in deep breaths. Abby’s forehead dropped against the younger woman’s, their eyes connecting and the coil within Raven’s gut grew tighter and tighter, sending burning hot shivers rippling down her spine, all the way to her toes.

Raven could feel her body radiating inhuman amounts of heat, her hips rocking desperately, her hands clutched at Abby anywhere they could, feeling everything and anything, but all she could see was those dark eyes staring back at her. She could see the way Abby felt, as though the doctor’s eyes were silently communicating to her. Whispering secrets the pair shared, senseless conversations, memories and, Raven felt her heart skip, promises of what was to come, firsts and lasts and shared moments that no one else would ever share with them.

“I love you.” Raven felt Abby’s words rather than heard them, she felt the vibrations against her own mouth as they kissed.

Abby hooked her fingers inside of her and dragged them out painfully slow, pressing her thumb and flicking it solidly repeatedly against her clit. She came hard and fast, white spots exploded behind Raven’s eyes and she screamed out Abby’s name as a feeling of euphoria engulfed her senses. Her legs gave way, shuddering under her weight but Abby held her steady, pressing their bodies together against the tree.

Raven rode out the last of her orgasm against Abby’s hand, panting hard. “I… love you… too.”

\----

Of course, Clarke had invited Marcus Kane to her wedding. Raven was sure she’d only done it to piss her off, knowing fine well that he still had feelings for Abby. But to be fair on him, he’d kept his distance, not just that day but ever since Abby had moved to DC. They’d stayed in touch but Abby had said conversation were becoming far and few between and revolved strictly around medical topics.

In the end, however, Raven had never had a problem with Kane. Sure, they’d gotten off to a bit of a rocky start but she trusted both Abby and Kane. After all, she was the one who got to go home to Abby every night, she was the one the woman whispered a soft ‘I love you’ before she fell asleep and the second she woke up.

However, as Raven silently sipped on her orange juice while Jaha and Sinclair excitedly talked about something Raven didn’t quite care for, she caught something out the corner of her eye.

Marcus Kane.

And Abby.

Well, it was really just Marcus Kane. Abby was facing the makeshift, sipping steadily at a glass of wine. It was clear that whatever Kane was talking about, Abby didn’t find it all that interesting. The other woman smiled and nodded when it seemed appropriate but she didn’t choice to have a word in edgewise. Abby leaned away from the bar, her eyes scanning the room.

Raven was about to turn back to her own conversation when Kane made a bad decision. A very bad decision. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” she asked, not waiting for a response from the two men. Abby had caught her eye and shot her an almost pleading look.

Kane had placed his hand on Abby’s lower back to bring her back to his conversation and something about that didn’t sit well with Raven. Within seconds, she was storming across the dance floor, the guests parting like the red sea as she raged towards them like a hurricane. She could probably blame her outburst on hormones. The same with a lot of her behaviour that day.

Abby looked relieved when she finally registered Raven approaching, that was until she saw the twisted expression of anger on her face. Abby’s eyes blew wild and she stepped in front of Kane before Raven could lunge at him, more for her girlfriend’s safety than for Kane’s.

“Hey, pal.” Raven grit out. “Keep your hands to yourself.” She snatched up Kane’s from where it was still resting on Abby’s hip and threw it down to his side.

“Wha-” he looked flustered as he tried to register what was going on but Raven held her finger up to her mouth to silence him before he could say another word.

“I’m seven months pregnant. That doesn’t mean you can go putting your hands all over my child’s mother.” She warned him below her breath, her words flowing out dark and threating. “Talk to her and bug her all you want, that’s fine, because you’re her friend and for some reason she likes you, but touch her again, those hands won’t see the light of day.”

“I-” Raven snapped her finger back up to her mouth.

“Sorry, love.” Raven looked to Abby apologetically. “I didn’t mean to go all hurricane Raven…”

Abby’s worried expression softened and she smiled gently at the other woman. “It’s okay.” She kissed her gently on her temple and held a hand to her belly. “Hormones make you hot.” She smirked, knowing Kane hadn’t heard that last part.

“Congratulations.” Kane muttered from behind Abby. “I’m honestly really happy for you both.”

Raven scowled at him but nodded. “Thank you, Marcus.” Abby relented gently, finally softening her features towards him. “We’re very happy.” The mechanic ran her thumb over Abby’s hip as though making a point.

“How have you been finding being pregnant?” he asked, seeming genuinely curious.

Raven frowned, debating whether she should continue with the cold responses and stay silent or answer the man. For Abby’s sake, she decided on the latter. “I feel fat and sweaty all of the time and I have a new-found love for tomato ketchup on chocolate.” She deadpanned. “But my sex drive has skyrocketed and between that and crying twenty-four seven, I sleep a lot.” Her face remained stoic and emotionless.

Abby spluttered on her drink around a surprised laugh. “God, I love you.” She leaned into Raven’s side and allowed the mechanic to wrap and arm delicately around her middle. It never mattered, when it came to Abby, how angry Raven was with her or someone around them, the other woman had always been soft and gentle, constantly careful of how she held the older woman. It made Abby love the mechanic that much more.

“Do you know the sex?” Kane asked.

“Do we know sex?” Raven asked with a gravely serious face. “Of course we know sex, we had sex like an hour ago by the trees.” She gestured behind her in the general direction of the tree line.

Kane’s face dropped and paled.

“I’m just fucking with you.” Raven cackled as she laughed, ordering herself another orange juice while she stood by the bar. “Yeah, we know the sex, we’re having a boy.”

Abby had her mouth clamped shut, her shoulders shuddering as her laughter wracked her body. She knew she’d never be able to unsee the expression on Marcus’ face. She smacked at Raven’s shoulder playfully. “Be nice.” She whispered.

“That’s amazing,” Marcus, to Raven’s surprise, actually looked happy for them, not like he was forcing it for the sake of Abby. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to keep asking questions, but Callie and I always wanted kids, we just never reached that point.”

That took Raven by surprise. So much so that she stopped smirking into her glass and placed it down on the bar top. The music was getting louder and it was hard to hear. “Babe, would you go check on Octavia for me, last I saw her she was doing the worm on the table for free shots.”

“It’s an open bar…?” Abby replied, confused.

“Exactly.” Abby nodded, taking the hint but also worried for the girls welfare so she wandered off.

Both Raven and Marcus watched as Abby disappeared into the crowed before the mechanic gestured to the door to the tent. Kane nodded, leading Raven over to the bridge where they settled against the railing. “Sorry about before.” He mumbled, embarrassed.

“It’s cool, she’s beautiful, I don’t blame you for being in love with her.” Raven shrugged.

Marcus snapped his head to the side. “Is that what you think?” the only response the woman could supply him was an indifferent shrug because _of course_ , that’s what she thought. “Oh, no. God no. I mean, she’s an amazing woman and maybe there are some feelings there but, if I’m being honest with you, Raven, it has always been Callie.” Raven’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ as she took in his words. It made sense, it did, but she couldn’t help but think that he’d gone about his feelings the wrong way. “I love Callie.” The way he said the words and the woman’s name, it sounded as though he was only just coming to terms with the reality. His shoulder dropped and a dark shadow within his eyes disappeared.

“Does she know?”

Kane shrugged and then stood, dismissing Raven’s question because clearly it was a touchy subject for him. “So, when’s the due date?”

“September twenty-ninth.” Raven smiled with a slight nod to her head. The date was growing closer and closer and her excitement and worry had begun to twist and cause butterflies to form inside her stomach.

“Are you excited?” it was a stupid question for him to ask and they both knew it. But Raven felt something twinge in her chest. A distant memory flashing before her eyes.

Raven hummed in thought. “I am.” She decided, because the thought of starting a family with Abby was thrilling, it was amazing and Raven, despite herself, couldn’t really find a word worthy enough. She could see pictures in her mind of her and Abby stood round the Christmas tree, holding a tiny baby boy in their arms. She could see them waking up in the morning to a toddler bouncing on their bed, begging them to get up and play at five in the morning. She could see herself showing him space rockets and Abby showing him her stethoscope. “I’m so excited to raise this baby with, Abby.”

“You’ll both be amazing parents.” Marcus said, he hesitated a moment before he dropped his hand to her back and shot her a genuine smile. It only lasted for a second or so. There was too much tension between them for it to be comfortable but Raven smiled nonetheless.

“Thank you.” She said. She nodded in finality because really there was nothing else for her to say on the matter.

“No problem.” They settled into an awkward silence, both thinking of completely different things.

Raven internally groaned at her thoughts. “Hey, so I erm…” she paused. She was doing this for Abby, she told herself, but really, she felt as though Marcus deserves as much. “I’m sorry for being a bit of a dick over the past year.” She rubbed awkwardly at the back of her neck, nervous, she didn’t talk about feelings much, that wasn’t here thing. It annoyed Abby a lot.

Marcus huffed out a breath and shrugged. “You thought I was in love with Abby. It’s okay.”

“No.” Raven stated surely. “It’s not okay, because you’re a good guy and I see that now. I was just too blinded by my own feelings or something.” She scoffed at herself. “I’m just sorry, okay.”

“I forgive you.” Marcus replied without wasting a second. “But really, it’s cool. That first day we met I wasn’t exactly subtle. I didn’t mean to look at your leg the way I did. It was stupid of me, I was just surprised.”

Raven felt her heart clench. Maybe she had been too quick to judge Marcus. Maybe she’d felt threatened by him… “Tell you what, man.” Raven stood straight, her hands falling to her bump. “We start over, forget all the shit in the past and just start fresh. I’ll get to know you as Marcus, Abby’s cool doctor friend.”

Marcus grinned. “Raven, Abby’s badass and slightly scary girlfriend.” They both chuckled at that, not enough to laugh but it was definitely worth something. Kane held out his hand for Raven to shake and she did, without a second thought because despite her own pride, Abby liked this guy and maybe Raven was beginning to see why.

\---- 

It was getting late now, it was only around eleven but Raven’s feet were beginning to hurt again and she’d chosen to stay sat in her seat as her lower back had begun to ache. She nibbled on the slice of cake she’d been handed from a drunk Octavia and watched as most of the other guests drank alcohol and danced.

Raven didn’t want to mope around and ruin Abby’s night so she’d convinced the other woman to go dance with Cece and Indra. Eventually, however, Raven had begun to feel lonely, bored even. That was when the chair beside her was pulled out and Clarke plopped down beside her.

“How’re you feeling preggers?” she teased. She was drunk. Drunk enough that she could barely focus on Raven sat inches away from her.

“I’m ready for a nap.” Raven chuckled, not used to being sober while her friends were pouring alcohol down their throats as though it were liquid gold. “And a bath.”

“You’re such a mom.” Clarke had only meant it teasingly but a second after they both registered her words, the blonde teared up. Her eyes became glassy and her face flushed red. “You’re going to be a _mom_.” She wailed at the top of her lungs, flinging herself forward into Raven’s arms. “God, you’re going to be a mom, my best friend is going to be a _mom_!” this time she climbed to her feet, gesturing wildly at Raven so that everyone went silent on the dance floor, cheering at Clarke’s words. Raven, however, wasn’t sure whether people knew as to why they were yelling but she appreciated the sentiment.

“You’re drunk.” She stated.

“I am.”

“Very drunk.”

“Very.”

Raven wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders. “You want to help me finish this cake?” she asked, gesturing to the cake on her plate. The blonde nodded eagerly and dived in using Raven’s fork.

“So,” Clarke started, continuing to munch on a mouthful of cake. “He’s going to be like my half-brother.” The blonde gestured with her fork towards Raven’s bump. They’d already had this conversation before, a few times, the first being a month or so before Raven and Abby had decided to try and get pregnant. However, the blonde bringing it up again now, whilst drunk, was causing alarm bells to sound somewhere in Raven’s head.

“He will be.” Raven nodded, her hand coming up to rub at her bump affectionately. “That’s still okay with you, right?” She added.

Around a bulging mouthful of food, with wide eyes that looked almost surprised at Raven’s question, Clarke nodded and made a gleeful humming noise that sounded from her nose. She gulped down the food audibly. “ _So_ , totally, okay.” She waved her fork, again, in Raven’s general direction, with her eyes slightly glazed over. “I can’t wait to have a little brother.” The cheesy smile that spread across the woman’s lips was contagious as Raven’s own lips tugged up into a grin. “I always wanted a brother.”

“Is that so?” Raven chuckled, leaning back into her chair and stretched out her feet in front of her. Clarke hummed, shovelling in the last of the cake into her mouth. “Well you’re on babysitting duty while your mom and I go back to work.”

 “How’s work going?” The blonde asked after a beat of silence, long enough that she’d scraped her plate clean and pushed it away from herself, downing a glass of champagne. “I mean with you being all,” she waved her hand at Raven’s stomach. “Pregnant and shit.”

Raven could only shrug in response. “It’s going better than we expected.” She swirled the orange juice in her glass. “Ahead of schedule and all that.” She paused. “My feet hurt a lot and I keep having these crazy mood swings.”

“Bet your employees love you.” Clarke snorted.

Raven rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Gives the old guys another reason to think I’m incompetent.”

“They’d be stupid to think that.” Clarke grumbled knowingly. “Anyway, who cares about men? Us. We don’t need them.”

Raven scoffed with an amused pitch to the noise. “I don’t know about that, your dad seemed to be a pretty cool guy.”

That caused the alcohol fuelled bubbliness to seep out of Clarke’s blood. Her face sobered up instantly and she squared her shoulders, allowing a gentle nod to rock her head once. “He was.” She whispered. The blonde doesn’t look as though she’s about to say anything else so raven opens her mouth to change the subject when, “I wish he’d been here today.”

“I know.” Raven didn’t know what to do. What to say. So, she reached over and placed her hand on top of Clarke’s. “But like you said, we don’t need men.”

Clarke smiled sadly, squeezing Raven’s hand. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Your dad.”

Raven spluttered around a breath. “What about him?” She hadn’t talked to anyone about her dad, not even Abby, in a long time.

Again, Clarke doesn’t look as though she were about to say anything at all. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “We’ve never really talked about dad stuff before.” Raven didn’t say anything, letting Clarke take the lead in unfamiliar territory. “Do you miss him?

The director shrugged. Mulling over the words in her mind. She could lie, and they’d move on like nothing had been said on the matter or she could tell the truth and spend the rest of the night thinking about it. She figured it was too late for the former and she’d likely have the subject stuck in her head for the rest of the evening anyway. “Sometime. I don’t really think about him much anymore.”

The truth was, however, that somewhere, constantly in the back of her mind, she thought of David Reyes. How he’d set her off in this path of life, heading straight for the stars but somewhere along the way he’d let go of her hand and left her veering off in too many different directions for her to keep track of. In the end, though, she’d managed to find her footing without him, she’d found Wick, and Clarke and Octavia, she’d found Abby… She hadn’t needed him in the long run, but that’s just how life works isn’t it? Kids grow up and find themselves.

That didn’t mean that sometimes it was nice, easier, to have a parent there to find support, help you through your sixth-grade science fair or when you’re discovering your sexuality.

She’d needed him then and it became apparent to Raven at a very early age that her mother wasn’t going to be any kind of support network that she’d need.

Clarke hadn’t said anything in the past minute or so that Raven had drifted away into her own thoughts so, Raven, with a sudden urge to talk, spoke up. “You know, I kind of feel like I should be having one of those clichéd panic attacks.” The blonde looked confused. “Like in those films where the guy loses his shit because he’s not ready for a kid because of his parents getting a divorce, or whatever? I mean, my dad left and then my mom became a junky and died in a car accident that fucked my leg up. Out of anyone I should be panicking, right?”

Clarke, squeezing Raven’s hand, smiled gently. “You’re too badass for that shit, Rae.”

Raven snorted at that. “I must be, huh, because I’m not the least bit worried about being a parent, I mean, sure, I’m nervous, but not for the reasons I maybe should be.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a great mom.”

That did trigger something inside raven, despite not holding her parent’s mistakes against herself, it was one thing telling yourself that you’ll be fine and your best friend telling you the same. “Thanks, Clarke.”

\----

The wedding party had mostly trickled down to a remaining fifty close friends and family members after other guests had retreated home or to their hotel rooms for the remainder of the night. It was nearing midnight when the rain began to pour and despite what Clarke and Lexa had been informed, the flimsy material of the tent lining, couldn’t hold back the vast amount of water that that had begun to spill from the heavens.

Raven thanked the lord for umbrellas as everyone raced in two’s back up to the hotel where they swamped the bar, pulling tables together as though they were in a scene from ‘RENT’ and huddled together in the cramped space. 

It was warmer inside anyway, and Raven was thankful to take her shoes off and not have her toes feel like they were about to drop off. However, despite the warm temperature of the room a shiver still managed to run down Raven’s spine as Abby pulled a chair alongside her own and settled her hand on her thigh gently. “Hey, sweetie.” The doctor whispered softly into her ear, her hand giving a squeeze to her thigh.

Raven wasn’t sure whether her hormones were messing with her or if it was somehow possible for her to fall in love with this woman all over again, every day, over and over. But as the director turned to face her girlfriend, it was as though an explosion of colour rippled across her vision, filled her chest with glowing heat and sent a flutter down to her stomach. “God, I’m so in love with you.”

Abby tried to let out a chuckle but before the sound could leave her lips, raven was slamming their mouths together in a heated kiss that was probably a little bit too intimate for Clarke’s family to witness. They pulled away too soon for either of their liking but as the night drew on, they kept permanent contact, with Abby’s hands on her thigh or stomach and with Raven every now and the drifting off in her chair and toppling to the side, landing on Abby’s shoulder without so much as a flutter of her eyelids.

Abby held Raven close, draped her jacket over her bare knees to keep them warm, and kissed her temple. The doctor’s brother quietly approached them, despite the rest of the table being rowdy enough to have sent the other hotel guests fleeing. The woman smiled at him warmly, haven’t been given the chance to talk to him today, she gestured to the empty chair beside her. 

“Crazy day, huh?” he chuckled in a way that reminded her of her father. She scoffed and nodded, trying to stay quiet for the sleeping woman beside her. “Congratulations, again. I know we already spoke on the phone but I just wanted to tell you in person.” 

“Thank you.” Abby rubbed his arm, holding it there for a moment before she dropped it back to Raven’s stomach. Her brother followed the action subtly with his eyes, the corners creasing the way Abby’s own eyes did when she smiled.

“I promise I’ll come and visit you more.” While Abby’s smile reached her eyes, it was still laced with sadness that had so often haunted her there after her parents cut her off. Sure, her brother had always been there for her, from a distance at least, but it had never been the same. She believed him, though, and the though caused her heart to grow. 

“That would be great.” She took a sip of her wine. “We were actually talking the other day about godparents and obviously we want you to be one.”

His jaw dropped, a bright gleam in his watery eyes. “Abb-” he choked back the broken edge to his voice. “I’d love that.”

They settled into comfortable conversation, laughing loud enough that it drew the attention of Jaha who shuffled his chair over to join them. Of course, her brother being a past ‘party animal’ – the title he’d given himself while he was in college – ordered the three of them shots and by one o’clock came around, the three of them were peacefully buzzed, the room spinning with radiant colours. They weren’t as young as they used to be, their bodies lacking the ability to burn of the alcohol like they once had.

Raven snorted, her head flying from Abby’s shoulder as she woke herself up. Her bleary eyes scanned the room, processing her surroundings until they settled on Abby with a slight glimmer of confusion. “Did I fall asleep again?” she asked, rubbing her eyes, smudging at her eyeliner slightly.

Abby could only chuckle as she drunkenly swiped at the black smudge. “Just for a little while.” The doctor leaned into kiss her sweetly and for a moment, Raven allowed the kiss to go on, until the taste of alcohol filled her senses and she pulled away with a grimace.

“How much have you had to drink?” Raven mused, nudging the empty glasses on the table with her finger.

“Just a few, not enough to...” she searched for words but couldn’t find any, instead she settled on gesturing to Octavia who was face down on the three chairs she collapsed into.

 The director chocked on her laughter, shaking her head exasperatedly. “And you all used to say I was the bad influence.” This time, she leaned into Abby and kissed her, allowing the older woman to wrap her arms around her mid-section and tug her closer.

“Are you ready to head up to our room?” Abby asked, barely pulling away as she whispered the words. The rest of the room and its occupants forgotten about. Raven could only manage a tired nod of her head in response, lacing her fingers with Abby’s gingerly. “I think we’re going to call it a night.” Abby turned to face the two men sat on her other side. “We’ll see you in the morning?”

They both nodded. Her brother holding his drink up in answer. “Good night, it was nice seeing you, Raven.” 

“You too.” The director smiled politely and allowed the older woman to lead her out of the bar and towards the elevator on the other side of the lobby. They slumped against one another once inside, the weight of the day finally settling, exhaustingly, into their bones, heavy and drowning.

The elevator doors open with an obnoxious ding, announcing the arrival at their floor and they get off together, hand in hand as they walk down the hallway to their room.

The maid must have been in to clean at some point during the day, their clothes from the evening before were neatly folding on top of the clean sheets, new packets of tea and coffee on the tray on the table and crisp towels in the bathroom. It made Raven smile for some reason, having not have had to have worried about tidying up after themselves, coming back to an almost new room.

She collapsed down onto the bed, back first, her heels flicked off of her feet through the motion. “Roll over.” Abby rounded the bed, gesturing with her hand for Raven to move onto her side. The younger woman sleepily did as she was told, already beginning to drift off when Abby carefully unzipped the back of her dress and pulled it from her body. The doctor pulled Raven’s sleep shirt from the neatly folded pile of clothes and gently pulled the younger woman up into a sitting position. “Arms up.” Raven, again, did as she was told, eyes still closed and arms drooping ever so slightly to the left and forward, Abby pulled the shirt over her body and tucked her into the bed. 

Smiling to herself, Abby stroked a hand down the side of Raven’s face, the director nuzzling into the touch with her own dazed smile. “Are you coming to bed?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m just going to wash up and I’ll be right there.” Abby called from the bathroom. By the time she returned with a makeup wipe, however, Raven was already fast asleep, the bedsheets framing her baby bump as she lay on her back, one hand tucked behind her head, the other outstretched onto Abby’s half of the bed.

The older woman climbed into bed, brushing Raven’s hair away from her face and began to slowly remove the days makeup from the woman’s face, admiring each inch as she went. From the delicate arch of her eyebrow at the contact, to the twitch of her upper lip. Abby kissed Raven’s nose sweetly before she climbed under the covers herself, tossing the wipe into the trash can under the bedside table and pulled the tablet into her lap.

She’d woken up that morning to a few emails from Jackson about one of their patients. Raven being Raven, however, had kept them both under the sheets far longer than they should have been, thus rendering them late for the wedding breakfast down in the restaurant.

One hand typing away at the screen, the other playing idly with the fingers of Raven’s hand, she replied to the emails and began scrolling through a few medical journals, searching for some answers for a particularly unusual case. 

“You work too much.” Raven mumbled, rousing from her sleep. She burrowed into Abby’s hip and tugged her closer.

“Don’t act like you haven’t been dying to call Jenny and Sinclair all weekend.” The doctor chuckled. 

Raven scoffed. “I didn’t, though.” The smirk in her voice was audible and Abby chuckled at the response. 

“I’m just checking over a few more things for Jackson, I’ll be done soon. I promise.” Abby reassured the exhausted woman beside her. “Go back to sleep.” She kissed Raven’s palm, placing their joined hand over the bump beneath the covers. 

“Tell him to go away.” Raven muttered, ignoring Abby’s request of her to go back to sleep. The older woman snorted at that and shook her head. “Ugh, I’ll do it, he doesn’t like me anyway.”

Raven made to grab for the tablet but Abby held it out of reach, grinning down at the other woman. “That’s not true.” Abby chuckled, turning of the device and placing it back down on the table. She slouched beneath the covers and wrapped her arms around Raven’s middle. The younger woman scoffed. “It’s not.” She protested but Raven could only roll her eyes, burrowing into Abby’s chest. 

“He thinks I’m too young for you.” Raven muttered.

Abby didn’t know what to say, could only hold Raven tighter in her arms. 

“You know, no one really had a serious god forbidden problem with the age gap. I mean Clarke threw a hissy fit but I’m sure that was only because I was banging her mom.” Raven’s burst of laughter filled the room when Abby slapped at her shoulder in mock horror at her choice of words. “And Cece wanted to beat me up but she was just being protective. Jackson is the only one who seems to have had a problem with me, with the age gap, I mean.” 

Abby’s voice was quiet as she spoke. “Some people just can’t see past that. It doesn’t matter, though, because I love you and you love me and we both love this little baby growing inside of you.”

At that, as if hearing the sounds of his mother’s talking about him, the baby growing inside of Raven, kicked, once twice and then from another angle – Raven would swear he was head banging later when they told the story to their friends – against the inside of her stomach. Both women had felt it. 

And for the first time since Raven had felt the fluttering of a baby moving inside of her, she swore this time he really was kicking.

“Oh my god. Did you feel that?” she really didn’t need to ask Abby, she was pressed flush against Raven’s stomach and her own head had shot down to stare at the bump between them.

Abby quickly glanced up, nodded and then returned her attention to Raven’s stomach. “Yeah.” She whispered in amazement. Her voice was wistfully in awe of the occurrence.

When baby Griffin-Reyes kicked again, both women yelped with excitement, their hands shooting out to feel the feet kicking inside.

All either of the women could do for a solid five minutes straight was clutch at one another, feeling the fluttering of tony baby feet against both of their bodies, eyes locked in a heated yet silent conversation of confessions. And then Raven let out a chocked sob, it echoed around the room and broke Abby’s heart. The older woman pulled away ever so slightly to stare into Raven’s eyes, keeping one hand on the bump while the other swiped at trailing tears. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Does it hurt?” The panic was evident in Abby’s tone.

Raven squeezed her eyes closed tightly and shook her head quickly. “No, no..” her left hand circled around Abby’s neck and she yanked the woman closer to her, diving into a desperate and heated kiss. Love spilling and blooming vibrantly through the contact, erupting in a way neither woman had ever felt before. “I’m just so happy.” She gaped for a moment, a realisation hitting her like it hadn’t already done for the past seven months. “I’m going to love this baby so much, I’m not going to be my parents, I won’t leave him.” 

“Neither of us will, Raven. We’ll love him like nothing else has ever existed. We’ll love each other the same way. We won’t let anything change that.” Abby kissed her fiercely and surely. “We’ll make mistakes, a million of them, but we’ll never give up loving and making him as happy as we possibly can.”

“God, he’s going to be so loved.” Raven laughed through wet tears.

Abby chuckled at that, her love spilling out through tears of her own now. “Between you and me and the rest of those crazy idiots down there,” Abby pointed in the general direct of the bar they had just left, “he’s not going to know what hit him.”

 

_.FIN._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! I hope it wasn't too boring or disappointing. I really feel like this was one of my favourite chapters to write. I'm so sad its ending but maybe, if you guys liked the AU I could do some one shots in the same universe? if so give me a message on Tumblr - KnightInRainbowArmour - and I'll see what I can do. 
> 
> also, if you ever get bored and wonder what I've been up to in between writing chapters (brace yourself for some shameless self promo) check out my youtube channel. I've got a few short films I've made and some vlogs.https://youtu.be/qj6R8GNA91E this one is my personal favourite. 
> 
> Again, thank you all for sticking with me, it really means a lot to me.


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